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Nicole Kidman Seen Riding Vespa in Salem

Unconfirmed sources have seen Nicole Kidman riding a vespa this morning in Salem. Rumors are that she is riding in the parade with the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas (witch cats on vespas) along with a few other Bewitched cast members. Dr Bombay is getting an acupuncture treatment at the Acupuncture Center of Salem this evening.

No sign of Captain Jack Sparrow yet. Word on the street is he is staying at the Casino Calamari, owned by the cats and will be riding in the parade tomorrow night with them.

Paparazzi swarmed the streets of Salem this afternoon in search of George Clooney. Unconfirmed sources have seen him riding up and down Derby Street with two cats wearing tiaras. George outwitted the press with the help of these clever pooses and is now at a secret location,

007 Daniel Craig was seen again having dinner and drinks with Miss LucyFur at the local hang out, The Lobster Shanty, Oprah and BFF Lucy Fur were also spotted shopping at Pamplemouse earlier this afternoon. Each bought several cases of wine and cool kitchen accessories.

Meanwhile hordes of cats wearing pirate outfits or witch hats have been seen roaming the streets of Salem and running up tabs at the local pubs.

The mayor of Salem is concerned that there is not enough law enforcement for the parade tomorrow night. Boston police on horses will be brought in if needed.

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Cats, Celebrities and Vespas Invade Salem Again!

Salem, MA

Cats and celebrities from around the world have been flocking to Salem , MA during the past few days to participate in the annual Haunted Happenings parade this Thursday night. This is the official kick off to the Halloween Season.

Breaking from a Pooses for Peace tradition, the Strega Queen, Zevo Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur and the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, (witch cats on vespas) will not be leading the parade. Instead the celebrity cats have decided to ride their vespas along with Captain Jack Sparrow and his entourage of marching pirates and pastafarians. The cats are devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and will be wearing their pirate attire for the event.

Other celebrity cats will be riding vespas along with the Pooses for Peace cats. The Bite & Run, Poop & Run and Whap & Run Brigades will also be riding or marching along this year. Ex-pesidential candidate Cheysuli and her entourage will be riding in a solar powered Smart convertible with her former bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi. Luna diPoosalita and Monkay the thumbed cats will be riding together on an electric vespa. Other members of the Pooses for Peace too numerous to name will be driven in rickshaws in the parade. The Poop & Run Brigades will be marching at the end of the parade.

Extra security have been brought in to prevent a repeat of past few years of cat fights between Zevo Calamari and Mayor Driscoll and her black suit. At last year's parade, The commotion began when Mayor Kimberly Driscoll tried to upstage the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas by proclaiming she would lead the parade instead of the cats on vespas.

In last year's parade the mayor dressed in her one and only black suit had not bothered to even wear a costume for the kick off parade. Unconfirmed sources report that she was given a choice by Strega Queen Zevo Calamari, of either wearing a costume and riding with the cats on a vespa or walking behind them in her only suit. A cat fight broke out when the mayor refused.

No charges were filed as there were no witnesses. However the mayor's black suit had several tears in it after the parade. This year the mayor and the former Salem police chief will be leading the parade. The cats did not want to piss off show any disrespect to the police department.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has issued warnings to the locals of wearing any valuable jewelry to the parade. She still claims that her earrings were stolen by cats at last year's event. An anonymous aid to the mayor said that this year, the mayor will be wearing ankle and knee guards under her black suit at the parade.

Unconfirmed sources report that the cast of the Rocky Horror Show, Bewitched and Practical Magic will also be riding vespas along with the cats. Rumor has it Miss Boo's paramour George Clooney will be riding in the parade this year. Last year Captain Jack Sparrow rode with the cats on a Harley Hog. Al Gore will be riding in his green electric car along with Bo Obama. No word yet if Brad Pitt will ride along with the cats.

A private party for the cats and celebrities will be held after the parade in Salem's famed Casino Calamari.


House Trashing Party at Boo's!

This should teach my pet human to leave me to go watch buffalo roam................

Party is still on until next Thursday.......... more booze, tuna and ham is being delivered!

Pass me a jello shot
ciao ciao



Happy 60th to the Boss!

Tonight at
Casino Calamari

Birthday Bruce and the E Street Band!

Nip-tini's and all you can eat Thunder Road Buffet

Wear your dancing shoes!


Drunk Cats Cause Trouble in Disneyland


This just in from Anaheim, CA...... The celebrity cats known as Pooses for Peace, led by Lucy the cat who is once again off her meds have taken over The Pirates of the Caribbean Ride and have taken the Johnny Depp statue hostage until their demands are met.

Hundreds of cats rode the Pirates of the Caribbean ride yesterday while doing shots of rum. A drinking game called Shot O' Rum was played all day by the cats. The rules of the game required the cats to do a shot of rum every me they rode the Pirate ride.

One demand of these domestic terrorist cats is that the words to the Pirate ride song be changed to the words "Yo ho Yo Ho a Pooses' Life for me" The other demand is that pirate cats must be added to the decor of the ride, since there is a dog in it. Unconfirmed sources believe that the cats plan to take It's A Small World hostage later today.

Swat teams and riot police have been called in... we will keep you posted.

Now back to more propaganda about socialist and communist plots to talk over white America.


Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!

It is a Holy Day for all Pastafarians ( devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
) today. May you be blessed by his Noodly Appendage. Ramen!

All pooses are invited to our private party at Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Special guest...... Captain Jack Sparrow! Be ready to swoon.

Please wear your patch and pirate attire.

Arrrrrrrrrr Arrrrrrrrrr shiver me timbers.. there will be plenty rum for all.. arrrrrrrrr

Sing along with us!
Lyrics by Xavier Atencio and music by George Bruns

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot,
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We extort, we pilfer, we filch, and sack,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Maraud and embezzle, and even high-jack,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We burn up the city, we're really a fright,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We burn up the city, we're really a fright,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We're beggars and blighters, ne'er-do-well cads,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.


Feline Pirates Invade Anaheim CA

Associated Press
Anaheim CA

Droves of cats wearing pirate costumes have been seen flocking towards Disneyland today to celebrate
Talk Like A Pirate Day. Their intention is to take over the famed Pirates of the Caribbean Ride on Saturday..Unconfirmed sources believe that Captain Jack Sparrow is with the cats.

Disney officials are concerned about the safety of the treasure chests filled with fake jewels in the ride, as well as jewelry worn by tourists attempting to get on the ride. Last year the cats took the ride hostage and demanded that Disney officials change the theme song's words to
"Yo Ho Yo Ho a Poose's Life for me........"


Countdown to Talk Like A Pirate Day

Ay Matey! It is almost Talk Like A Pirate Day! arrr arrr arrr

To celebrate one of our favorite holidays we invite you to join us this Saturday at the Pirates of the Caribbean Ride in Disneyland...with Captain Jack Sparrow! Ay ....... eye candy..arr arrarrr

Rum and Cat nip from the Caribbean will be served! Pirate attire is mandatory. Be there mateys! Shiver me timbers!

For all those pooses coming from out of town, there is plenty of room for everyone to stay at Boo's house. We will be throwing a house-trashing party all weekend.

yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me!

P.S. For all those Pastafarians who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster this is a Holy day of obligation. May you all be touched by his Noodley Appendage.

Preparing for Talk Like A Pirate Day

This Saturday is "talk like a pirate day"......i must prepare at least a few phrases for the day...... arrr arrrrr... We will all be going to Disneyland for this special holiday and ride the Pirates of the Carribean a few times. I do hope Captain Jack Sparrow will join us again this year.

Now back to my studies. Arrh arrh arrrh

yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me!
shiver me timbers,


What Paintings?


Described by Los Angeles police as one of the city's biggest home robberies in more than a decade, thieves made off with millions of dollars worth of Andy Warhol paintings depicting some of the greatest athletes of the 1970s. The one-of-a-kind paintings included Muhammad Ali, O.J. Simpson and Chris Evert. The thieves also drank every bottle of tequila in the home and raided the refrigerator taking all the tuna and ham.

It's one of the largest residential burglaries that has occurred in L.A.," said Los Angeles Police Department detective Don Hrycyk. "Maybe the biggest one in the last 15 years. We don't have a clue how these paintings disappeared. And the mouse and rat population in the neighborhood has been decreased significantly."


Joe Wilson Ambushed By Terrorist Cats


Representative Joe Wilson, the South Carolina Republican who yelled “You lie” to President Obama last night during a joint session of Congress, was ambushed late last night by a horde of cats wearing tiaras and a few dogs wearing Che berets. One cat was wearing a Jedi robe and swinging a light saber.

Joe Wilson was rushed to an undisclosed hospital but was refused treatment as his ID stated his name was Jose El Bigot with a Mexican address. Wilson suffered from bites, scratches and an allergy attack.

Aides to the congressman believe this is the work of the domestic terrorist liberal communist group known as The Pooses for Peace.
The celebrity cats were last seen by the FBI hiding out in a casino in Monaco with ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli who seems to be wanted by almost everyone these days.

Stay tuned for more on these dangerous cats and their liberal commie facist antics................



Associated Press
Salem MA

FBI agents were called into Salem MA in hopes of finding ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli who is wanted by authorities for a myriad of charges. She has been last seen partying with the domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace.

The celebrity liberal felines own several businesses in Salem, MA such as Casino Calamari, Hamburger Mary's, Cinema Calamari and the rumored Brothel Calamari. Unfortunately the authorities have not been able to locate any of the so called establishments, nor have they seen any of the cats associated with them in the past week. Unconfirmed sources believe the cats are in Monico.

Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement via video leaked to the internet "Chey who? What casino? Fetch me a martini, love. Do these dice make me look fat? ......."