Planet Calamari Zazzle shop


Join the Bite & Run Patrol!

Graduates of the Calamari Institute for Professional Biting

Looking for a a new career? The Calamari Institute for Professional Biting is now accepting applications for the Winter 2010 semester.

Learn how to bite ankles, knees and other fun human parts. Study the art of covert biting. Our graduates have gone on to bite celebrities and many politicians, such as Ann Coulter, Dick Cheney, Nicole Richie, P Diddy, Karl Rove, Paris Hilton and others we are not permitted to mention (or admit to, such as the Supreme Court!)

Be a part of the prestigious Bite & Run Patrol which has been making headline news. This winter semester our list of professors include Covert Operations Biter, Lucy Fur, best known for her biting debut with Dick Cheney and Dr Phil.

Also teaching celebrity biting will be Zevo Calamari and Miss Boo. Both are famous for biting Paris Hilton, Vanessa Paradis (wife of Johnny Depp), Toby Keith and that whiney country chick with the red hair.

Other professors include Martial arts instructor Tao and her sidekick Sarge. Nubi wan Kenobi will be teaching Jedi theory on how to use the force during a bite attack.

Our guest professors for this semester, Monkay and Luna diPoosalita, the thumbed cat duo will be teaching the fine art of picking locks and opening doors for speedy get-aways.

Earn your required Continuing Education Units by attending the Poot & Run Intensive taught by Billy Sweetfeets or the ever popular Whap & Run technique by his brothers, the Meezers .

The art of negotiation will be offered by the esteemed ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli along with fashion advice from Daisy the Curlycat and how to wear a proper Che beret by Miss Nikki.

Hurry... operators are standing by. Call now to sign up before classes are filled.
In a few short months you too will be a part of THE BITE & RUN PATROL!

se hablamos espanol




During a top secret party held by the US Supreme Court justices who ruled that there would not be any campaign finance limits so that big corporations can take over the planet, a horde of cats , dogs, skunks, polar bears and a lone wolf all wearing Che hats, appeared out of nowhere and proceeded to attack all those who voted for this far-ranging decision that insures the already broken and corrupt American political system will become even more so almost immediately, barring the unlikely passage of new laws by the current spineless Congress.

Security officers in the building heard screams coming from the room but thought the judges had hired hookers to celebrate. By the time security guards decided to check on the judges, the animals had already disappeared from the building.

All justices suffered severe bite injuries. and scratches. A few had allergy attacks. One fainted at the sight of the polar bears while another screamed "Where is Sarah Palin and her rifle?... There is a wolf in here!" All were taken to an undisclosed hospital and given pain medication and antihistamines and are in stable condition. All who attended the party are missing their iphones and watches.

A biohazard unit was brought in to remove the peculiar odor and puddles on the floor. All robes were burned as no stain remover on the planet could possible save them.

Authorities have not named any suspects however it is believed this is the work of the liberal terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace and their loyal legions of Bite & Run patrols.

Miss Zevo hussein Calamari, spokes-poose for the Pooses for Peace releases a statement" Well that is justice for you and instant karma! What iphones. Does this robe make me look fat? Ack pas the tequila.. the after -taste of greed is so hard to get out of my mouth...ack ack............."

Stay tuned to CNN for more news .....


Pooses for Peace Join Telethon For Haiti


The celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace are among the latest stars to take part in George Clooney's “Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief,” a two-hour telethon on Friday night to be broadcast around the world on television and online. The show, which in the United States will begin at 8 p.m.

Clooney begged the infamous cats and their entourage to leave Salem MA and join him in LA so they can be on stage beside him. However, the cats will be performing live at their Casino Calamari along with Jimmy Buffett and Capt Jack Sparrow instead.

Rumors are still flying that Clooney's fiance Miss Boo is more than just miffed that he was seen snogging with a stick insect underwear model. Miss Boo has not been wearing the so called engagement ring either. No word if the couple have split or if this is just a lover's tiff. Unconfirmed sources believe this is the real reason the cats will not be in LA.

TMZ claims it is because the cats have several restraining orders against them. In the past they were known to bite any celebrity seen wearing fur such as Beyonce, P.Diddy, Lindsay Lohan, JLo and the Olsen twins. Bono has lost several pairs of glasses whenever he performed with the cats. A few pair were illegally sold on eBay.


We Tried and Lost

Dear Papa Lion,

We tried to keep your legacy going. Unfortunately the people of Massachusetts have become complacent, greedy and have been listening to way too much rabid talk radio. We now have a Ken doll as our new senator. Perhaps some just took it for granted that a democrat would win... how could they lose in a secure blue state? The lesson- never take anything for granted.

We the Pooses for Peace promise to be the pooses for the people. Our Bite and Run brigades will once again return to Washington and remind those who have been elected that they were elected for the people. Look out Wall Street...if this administration does not take you on...we will.

Never underestimate the wrath of pack of angry cats.
Viva La Revolucion
The Pooses for Peace


Bite & Run Patrols on Red Alert in MA

Associated Press
Commonwealth of Massachusetts 

Unconfirmed sources believe that the liberal domestic feline terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace has returned to Massachusetts. 

The celebrity founders of the organization were in France staying with Johnny Depp and his family. Rumors are flying that the cats bit Vanessa Paradis, wife of the famed star who then threw the cats out (literally). This may have been what prompted the cats to return back to the USA to help elect a democrat to fill the late Ted Kennedy's place. The cats were friends with Kennedy and his dogs and promised to do whatever they could to make sure his legacy lived on in Congress. Right wing conspiracy pundits such as nutjob Glen Beck, believe that the cats are responsible for Obama's victory in the presidential election. "These heathen liberal cats are a menace to society and should be put in Gitmo for life."

Hordes of cats, dogs, skunks and a peacock have been pouring into MA to stand guard at the polls tomorrow.  Bite and Run Brigades are on red alert

Unfortunately the Commonwealth does not recognize an animal's right to vote. (evidence of this was seen in Salem's mayoral election when Zevo hussein Calamari had a sweeping victory over Kimberly Driscoll and yet Driscoll is now the current mayor.)

A statement was released today by spokes-poose Zevo Calamari: "People of the Commonwealth.. do you really want to repeat the GW Chimp years by allowing Brown to win? Have you lost your memory? Would a good bite on the ankle restore it? Like DAH!..... Do you remember how we got in this mess?  Iraq, Election Fraud, Iran,  Plame-gate, Blackwater, Haliburton, Bank Bailouts, Recession, Depression, Obsessions, Torture, Wiretaps, Corruption, Wars for OIL, Rush, O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, Hate, Discrimination, Lies, FOX NEWS, Katrina and a trillion dollar debt, .......
We want YOU to get your lazy butts out there tomorrow and vote like your life depends on it. ..... or else.....Vote for Martha Coakley!"

This message has been approved by Pooses for Coakley


French Press Quotes Depp's Wife

"J'ai fait ces chats méchants partir de ce matin. Mes chevilles saignent. Les enfants pleurent. Ils ne sont plus bienvenus ici. "Vanessa Paradise

Translation: I made those nasty cats leave this morning. My ankles are bleeding. The children are crying. They are no longer welcome here.


NBC Execs Latest Targets of Bite & Run

Associated Press
NBC Studios

An  NBC  secret meeting for   greedy bastards  executives only, was interrupted unexpectedly today.  Hordes of cats, dogs, a few skunks and a peacock wearing SAVE COCO  shirts stormed into  the room from the windows, beneath tables and out of ceiling ducts to launch the first  Bite & Run attack of 2010. 

NBC executive Dick Ebersol, who trashed Conan O'Brien in an interview with the New York Times, calling Conan an "astounding failure" was heard screaming WHAT THE F&%K is on my leg.... Aaaaaachooooooooooooo.... HELP! Ouch........ 

While Jeff Tucker who threatened Conan "I will keep you off the air for 3.5 years" was bit, scratched by cats, pecked by the peacock and sprayed by a skunk for 3.5 minutes. 

Both men were taken to an undisclosed hospital and reported in stable condition. Unconfirmed sources report that a cat wearing scrubs ran off with their pain medication and antihistamines. All executives in the room have reported missing iPhones, Rolexes, credit cards. A biohazard team was called in to rid the room of the noxious odor left.

Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace. The group, is led by celebrity cats Zevo hussein Calamari, Boo and Miss Lucy Fur along with their cohorts, too numerous to name. Calamari and her best friends were seen yesterday sipping Pastis with Johnny Depp in the south of France. However the cats command legions of Bite & Run brigades and could have easily ordered an attack from anywhere in the world.

Miss Zevo Calamari released a statement:"Bon Jour! NB see ya!  Do you think these scrubs make me look fat? Could we have another bottle of Pastis... see if this credit cards works....."


Wine and Cheese with Johnny Depp

The photo shoot went well with Donatella. We were able to shoot Boo for the Italian Vogue, Miss Lucy Fur for the British Vogue and myself for the French Vogue. Those issues do not come out until September. I do hope they air brush those extra pounds we put on over the holidays.

We are now staying with Johnny in Southern France. Such a lovely man...but alas
 his cranky wife and horrid children are also here so it will be a short visit. His wife does not like us. I have no idea why. Um like i  didn't mean to um bite her ankle at the Oscars a few years back...... Those French can not take a joke. Dah! 

Oh...Johnny be a dear and pour us all more wine... and that cheese is to die for!


Meanwhile at the Casino Calamari

Zevo left me and Luna in charge of running Casino Calamari while she is in Europe with her BFFs Boo and Miss Lucy Fur. 

Kind of rude of her to leave Luna and i behind. Though- who cares about fashion? As a Jedi, i only need a few good robes and a working light saber. And Donatella Versace scares me. 

I think it is time to shake things up a bit. We need a few new acts at the Casino, so i called my friend Charo and invited her to perform for a week.  By the time Zevo finds out Charo will be gone. (Luna does not care what i do... all she cares about is her mousie laser and her ballet lessons.) 

So join us this week at the Casino Calamari for a Cuchi Chuchi time with Charo! Our margarita fountain will be overflowing with  Jose Cuervo and there will be an all you can eat tuna taco buffet, along with some great catnip brownies!

May the Force be with you
nubi wan kenobi, jedi poose
p.s. please don't tell Zevo


House of Versace Live Fur Collection

Benvenuti cari gatti!  Come sta il mio caro amico George? Ti ho fatto uno bei vestiti! Si prega di portare il vino più caro per questi gatti!

ohhh aaaa Welcome dear-ay catses! How'sa my dear-a friend-a Georgie? I-a made-a you soma-a nice-a clothes!  Pleaseeeaaa bring-a da wine for dese catses!


Clooney Gives Miss Boo Pearls?


Celebrity feline, Miss Boo of the Pooses for Peace was seen wearing a new strand of pearls rumored to be a gift from George Clooney today. Last week Clooney invited the cats to be guests at his villa in Italy. 

No word yet if Clooney has actually committed to a wedding date with Miss Boo. Unconfirmed sources believe he postponed planning a wedding until his latest movie is completed later this year. Clooney is back on location today filming and the cats were seen leaving his villa via a solar powered limo.

Boo and her cohorts, Zevo Calamari and Miss Lucy Fur took a day to ski the Italian Alps before they leave for Versace headquaters in Milan tomorrow. The cats will be modeling Donatella Versace's spring line in the March issue of Vogue. The theme will be Live Fur... How to Wear It. 


Jedi Cat Helps Wolf Escape

By Associated Press
Tuesday, January 5, 2010

IPSWICH — Police say a wolf that escaped from a Massachusetts wolf sanctuary has returned home on its own and was inebriated.

The 5-year-old female named Nina escaped Wolf Hollow sometime between 6:30 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. on Monday.

Police Lt. Daniel Moriarty says the animal returned to the sanctuary at about 11 p.m. Moriarty said the wolf apparently climbed up a snowdrift in its pen to get out and was unable to get back inside on its own.

Unconfirmed sources believe that this was the work Jedi cat, Nubi wan Kenobi a member of the infamous Pooses for Peace. Nubi wan wanting to surprise his pet human with a gift for Little Christmas, lured the wolf from the Ipswich sanctuary and rode back to Salem on her back last night. Homeland Security believes that Nina the wolf has joined the Pooses for Peace and was somehow involved in the outburst during Mayor Driscoll's inauguration yesterday.

According to Salem locals, hordes of cats, dogs and skunks held protest signs outside the inauguration ceremony yesterday morning demanding a recount. Pooses for Peace Zevo Calamari was the write in choice for the mayoral election in November. Salem authorities did not count the votes cast by the thousands of cats, dogs, skunks and a few raccoons for Miss Calamari, thus declaring Driscoll the winner. Tensions between Driscoll and Mz Calamari have escalated to a new level.

Extra security was brought in for the ceremony and sources believe the mayor once again wore ankle and knee guards under her only black suit for fear of another Bite & Run incident. However, much to the surprise of everyone the attack did not take place. For some odd reason Mayor Driscoll's black suit was covered in a large amount of fur after the ceremony. She was seen febreezing her pants and taking an antihistamine.

A strange odor did permeate the ceremony and several of those who attended reported their iPhones and earrings to be missing. Others began sneezing and gagging. EMT and Biohazard units were sent in.

Zevo hussein Calamari has been spotted dining with her cohorts in Italy last evening.

Miss Calamari released a statement this morning " Ciao Bella! What wolf? What earrings? George, please pour us another glass of the please."


Detoxing at the Golden Door

We had such a lovely time on New Years Eve.. it is too bad none of us can remember much. I do remember drinking lots of blue moont-inis, blue jello shots and dancing on table tops. Everything else is a blurr.

At least this year Miss Lucy Fur did not go off her meds like 2007's gala! Click here if you don't remember!

Miss Lucy Fur's house was so much fun to trash too after the party at Mo's. We hope those dogs get blamed for the mess!

Miss Boo thought it would be a good idea for us to detox for a few days at our favorite spa The Golden Door in Escondido before we leave for Europe. A few days of massages, yoga and organic bloody marys should do the trick. We need to lose a few pounds quickly.

We have been invited to stay at George Clooney's Italian Villa, Miss Boo misses George and maybe this time he will commit to a wedding date. There is a rumor he is cheating on her. We will take care of that!

Johnny Depp has been begging us to visit him in France, we can only hope his ill tempered wife will not be there this time. So many invites so little time. It is snowing in Salem so there is no need to hurry back. Nubi and Luna diPoosalita are returning to Salem and they can take care of running the casino and other "businesses".

Oh,,,,,our free range chicken platters have arrived. Pass me the catnip salad please.
ciao ciao for now
kiss kiss


Happy 2010

all we are saying .... is give peace a chance!
Wishing you and your loved ones a Happy New Decade filled with peace, love and catnip!

the pooses for peace

p.s. as you all know we have not been able to visit any cat blogs since we operate on an antique mac. We have a Pooses for Peace fan page on facebook and now Zevo hussein Calamari has her own friend page on facebook which will make it easier for her to comment on any of your facebook pages. Please do ask to be her friend!