FBI SEARCHES FOR WANTED CHEYSULI
FBI agents were called into Salem MA in hopes of finding ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli who is wanted by authorities for a myriad of charges. She has been last seen partying with the domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace.
The celebrity liberal felines own several businesses in Salem, MA such as Casino Calamari, Hamburger Mary's, Cinema Calamari and the rumored Brothel Calamari. Unfortunately the authorities have not been able to locate any of the so called establishments, nor have they seen any of the cats associated with them in the past week. Unconfirmed sources believe the cats are in Monico.
Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement via video leaked to the internet "Chey who? What casino? Fetch me a martini, love. Do these dice make me look fat? ......."