Ghost Cats Spotted in Salem

AP
SALEM, MA

The Ghost Buster team was sent into Salem last evening to investigate ghost cat sightings at the House of the Seven Gables. Details of this para-normal event are still sketchy at this hour.

Madame Zevo Calamari of the Poose Ghost Tours of Salem claim these ghosts seen are the pooses of Nathaniel Hawthorne.

In other Salem news the House of the Seven Gables has reported several antiques and costumes missing from their storage area. Authorities are not sure how thieves were able get into the small unit.

Strega Calamari Reads the Cards

Strega Zevo Calamari will be reading paws and the tarot every night at the Hawthorne Hotel in the haunted room. Please call for reservations. Strega Zevo Calamari is known as the psychic to the stars and has consulted with celebrities, diplomats and royalty. (Unfortunately some of those such as Britney Spears, Kate & Jon plus Wretched 8, the Balloon people, and the mayor of Salem have not heeded her warnings of crash and burn syndrome).

Madam Booooooooooo will be conducted ghost tours through out Salem each evening at 9pm. Only the brave of heart should dare to walk with her as she takes you through the graveyards, haunted houses and the finale.... the House of the Seven Gables to meet the ghost of Nathaniel Hawthorne.

Nubi Wan Kenobi, The official Black Cat of Salem will be signing autographs at the Witch Museum daily. He is also the body guard of ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli. We hope that she makes a guest appearance during this holiday season.

Join The Countess Lucy Fur On the dock of haunted tall ship
The Friendship for an evening of spook-tac-ular ghost stories. The ship is so haunted that it is not even visible to the human eye this Halloween season.

Visit Tao and Sarge's Natty Boh and Tuna cake stand in The Salem Commons for a tasty treat. Luna di Poosalita and Monkay the thumbed cats will be working the beer keg at the Octoberfest.

Other celebrity Pooses for Peace cats will be in Salem the rest of the month. It will be a spooktacular event for all!

The Annual Poose Witch Ball
will be held at The Casino Calamari
on Halloween Night from 10pm- ?
Costumes are mandatory. Call 1-800-boo-zevo for tickets.

Happy Birthday John Prine!

John Prine will be our guest tonight at the Casino Calamari to celebrate his birthday. The founders of Pooses for Peace, Zevo Calamari, Miss Lucy Fur and Miss Boo will be singing back-up vocals. Unconfirmed soures report that Nubi Wan Kenobi will be playing drums and Bubba will be playing bass. (We can only hope that Zevo's pet human does not attempt to play banjo with the group.)

Come join the Pooses for Peace tonight at the Prine Sing-Along.

Illegal smile catnip with an all you can eat tuna & turkey buffet will provided. Tequila for all!

Happy Birthday John Lennon

All we are saying
is give Peace a chance!

The Pooses for Peace will be napping for Peace today.

City of Salem Calls X-Files Agents For Expert Opinion

Associated Press
Salem MA

Less than a week ago the small city of Salem MA experienced what is believed to be a UFO close encounter over the Haunted Happenings Parade. Several witnesses believe it was the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Salem has a few devotees of this so called pasta God. They are known as pastafarians. The infamous Pooses for Peace are believed to be part of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and were in the parade when the FSM appeared.

Mayor Driscoll blames the celebrity cats for inviting the FSM to the event and upsetting the warm fuzzy family atmosphere of the parade. CIA, FBI and NASA agents are still investigating the event. Agents have been seen dining at In A Pig's Eye and the Lobster Shanty all week. Others have been spotted having tarot readings at the Oracle Chamber and Laurie Cabot's shop. Mayor Driscoll has been seen every night at Cafe Verona ordering pasta dishes. We can only hope she has an extra black suit in a larger size if this continues.

The US government has issued a statement. "There is no such thing as UFOs or a Flying Spaghetti Monster. We are certain it was a weather balloon passing over the parade.

Fox Mulder and partner Dana Scully refused to comment on the possibility that Salem has been over run by aliens. Fox was over heard saying "I want to believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Where can we get a good plate of pasta in this town?"

The so called culprits, the Pooses for Peace have not been seen since Thursday night's parade. Several celebrities and other famous cats were also in the parade. All seem to have vanished over the weekend.

Unconfirmed sources believe the cats are searching for a place in Salem to open a Spaghetti Bar. Mayor Driscoll has announced that all food or liquor permits for any establishment run by the cats will be denied.

Salem Mayor Driscoll Calls Emergency Meeting

s
Associated Press
Salem MA

An emergency meeting of the Salem City Council has been called to discuss the possibility that Salem has been invaded by aliens.

Last night at the Haunted Happenings parade, the deity known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared over the parade, mostly hovering over Captain Jack Sparrow and the infamous Pooses for Peace. The crowds watching the parade, thought it was part of the Pooses for Peace display as most were dressed as pirates, (Pastafarians dress as pirates on all Holy Days and parades!)

Mayor Driscoll fainted when the FSM flew above her, touching her with one of his Noodly Appendages and staining her black suit with red pasta sauce. Her earrings and blackberry are still missing.
The Mayor issued a statement " Citizens of Salem... Do not panic! We will protect you and your families from this alien. I blame those wretched celebrity cats who conjured up this monster to appear at our family oriented parade. I also blame them for stealing my blackberry and earrings. Justice will be served."

The FBI, CIA and NASA have been called in to attend this emergency meeting, Cafe Verona has been requested to cater this meeting, by the mayor who has been craving pasta since last night's parade.

Pooses for Peace spokes-poose Zevo Calamari issued a statement this morning "Aarrrrrhhhh oh my poor head...passs me some ginger ale and asprin. Do you think a plate of pasta would absorb a hang over? Hmmm some cool phone numbers in this blackberry. Too bad it is covered in pasta sauce. RAmen. May you be touched by His Noodly Goodness. "

Flying Spaghetti Monster Appears at Salem Parade

BREAKING NEWS
Salem MASS

Captain Jack Sparrow rode into Salem on a jet black Vespa, with the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, aka the celebrity Pooses for Peace on vespas at the Haunted Happenings Parade this evening. Along with Captain Jack Sparrow was his entourage of pirates and pastafarians. His swagger and the glint in his eyes caused women to swoon and faint all over the parade route, creating a stress on Salem's underpaid EMT system.

Other celebrities rode with the the cats known as the Pooses for Peace as a sign of solidarity for their cause. George Clooney rode along side Miss Boo on his Harley hog. Oprah, BFF of Miss Lucy Fur rode on a special orange Vespa with her name etched in gold. Zevo Calamari led the cast from the Rocky Horror Show on her blue Vespa. Brad Pitt sans wretched children and Angelina Jolie was seen on a Harley hog too. Ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli, rode along with her former bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi. The Meezers led the the Whap & Run brigades along with the Poop & Run Patrols. Hundreds of cats dressed in black witch hats and capes or pirate regalia rode Vespas, Scooters and Skateboards too.

The crowds cheered for Al Gore and Bo Obama in the green electric car. Other celebrities who played witches in movies, such as Nicole Kidman, Sandra Bullock, Cher, Bette Midler, rode Vespas and Scooters along with the infamous Bite & Run, Whap and Run Brigades. All wore black witch hats and capes and carried brooms. Cameron Diaz, in town making a movie also rode a vespa with the cats. Tom Cruise costaring with Diaz refused to ride in the parade along with the pastafarians and pirates saying that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a fictional religion, unlike the credible religion of Scientology.

In a repeat of last year Mayor Kimberley Driscoll called for an emergency back-up from the Boston Fire Department to handle the overload. At that very moment the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared over the parade touching all with his Noodly Goodness. The mayor fainted and once again lost a pair of earrings and her blackberry. As predicted, the mayor wore her black suit to march in the parade. The "What Not to Wear" crew were anxiously waiting a chance to surprise the mayor with a make over again. However, since the mayor was rushed to the hospital screaming "Aliens are invading Salem. I blame those wretched cats!" the make over has been postponed until next season. This is the second time this year the What Not to Wear crew were in Salem.


The Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades were forced to march after the Boston Police Equestrian Patrol. EMT Units had to be called back in to assist all those who were gagging and puking. The City of Salem sent in a Biohazard team to rid the streets of the stench. Incense has been lit all over Salem.

As of 11:00 pm tonight, all the bars, clubs and restaurants in Salem are filled with drunk cats, dogs, pirates, pastafarians and celebrities.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll is in stable condition and it is rumored she asked for a plate of pasta when she awoke from her incident. Unfortunately her black suit was covered in pasta sauce after being touched by His Noodly Appendage.

Nicole Kidman Seen Riding Vespa in Salem

Unconfirmed sources have seen Nicole Kidman riding a vespa this morning in Salem. Rumors are that she is riding in the parade with the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas (witch cats on vespas) along with a few other Bewitched cast members. Dr Bombay is getting an acupuncture treatment at the Acupuncture Center of Salem this evening.

No sign of Captain Jack Sparrow yet. Word on the street is he is staying at the Casino Calamari, owned by the cats and will be riding in the parade tomorrow night with them.

Paparazzi swarmed the streets of Salem this afternoon in search of George Clooney. Unconfirmed sources have seen him riding up and down Derby Street with two cats wearing tiaras. George outwitted the press with the help of these clever pooses and is now at a secret location,

007 Daniel Craig was seen again having dinner and drinks with Miss LucyFur at the local hang out, The Lobster Shanty, Oprah and BFF Lucy Fur were also spotted shopping at Pamplemouse earlier this afternoon. Each bought several cases of wine and cool kitchen accessories.

Meanwhile hordes of cats wearing pirate outfits or witch hats have been seen roaming the streets of Salem and running up tabs at the local pubs.

The mayor of Salem is concerned that there is not enough law enforcement for the parade tomorrow night. Boston police on horses will be brought in if needed.

Poose-cam live from Salem brought to you by
Visit Planet Calamari

Cats, Celebrities and Vespas Invade Salem Again!

AP
Salem, MA

Cats and celebrities from around the world have been flocking to Salem , MA during the past few days to participate in the annual Haunted Happenings parade this Thursday night. This is the official kick off to the Halloween Season.

Breaking from a Pooses for Peace tradition, the Strega Queen, Zevo Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur and the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, (witch cats on vespas) will not be leading the parade. Instead the celebrity cats have decided to ride their vespas along with Captain Jack Sparrow and his entourage of marching pirates and pastafarians. The cats are devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and will be wearing their pirate attire for the event.

Other celebrity cats will be riding vespas along with the Pooses for Peace cats. The Bite & Run, Poop & Run and Whap & Run Brigades will also be riding or marching along this year. Ex-pesidential candidate Cheysuli and her entourage will be riding in a solar powered Smart convertible with her former bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi. Luna diPoosalita and Monkay the thumbed cats will be riding together on an electric vespa. Other members of the Pooses for Peace too numerous to name will be driven in rickshaws in the parade. The Poop & Run Brigades will be marching at the end of the parade.

Extra security have been brought in to prevent a repeat of past few years of cat fights between Zevo Calamari and Mayor Driscoll and her black suit. At last year's parade, The commotion began when Mayor Kimberly Driscoll tried to upstage the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas by proclaiming she would lead the parade instead of the cats on vespas.

In last year's parade the mayor dressed in her one and only black suit had not bothered to even wear a costume for the kick off parade. Unconfirmed sources report that she was given a choice by Strega Queen Zevo Calamari, of either wearing a costume and riding with the cats on a vespa or walking behind them in her only suit. A cat fight broke out when the mayor refused.

No charges were filed as there were no witnesses. However the mayor's black suit had several tears in it after the parade. This year the mayor and the former Salem police chief will be leading the parade. The cats did not want to piss off show any disrespect to the police department.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has issued warnings to the locals of wearing any valuable jewelry to the parade. She still claims that her earrings were stolen by cats at last year's event. An anonymous aid to the mayor said that this year, the mayor will be wearing ankle and knee guards under her black suit at the parade.

Unconfirmed sources report that the cast of the Rocky Horror Show, Bewitched and Practical Magic will also be riding vespas along with the cats. Rumor has it Miss Boo's paramour George Clooney will be riding in the parade this year. Last year Captain Jack Sparrow rode with the cats on a Harley Hog. Al Gore will be riding in his green electric car along with Bo Obama. No word yet if Brad Pitt will ride along with the cats.

A private party for the cats and celebrities will be held after the parade in Salem's famed Casino Calamari.

House Trashing Party at Boo's!

This should teach my pet human to leave me to go watch buffalo roam................

Party is still on until next Thursday.......... more booze, tuna and ham is being delivered!

Pass me a jello shot
ciao ciao

Boo

Happy 60th to the Boss!

Tonight at
Casino Calamari

Birthday Bruce and the E Street Band!

Nip-tini's and all you can eat Thunder Road Buffet

Wear your dancing shoes!

Drunk Cats Cause Trouble in Disneyland

AP NEWS ALERT

This just in from Anaheim, CA...... The celebrity cats known as Pooses for Peace, led by Lucy the cat who is once again off her meds have taken over The Pirates of the Caribbean Ride and have taken the Johnny Depp statue hostage until their demands are met.

Hundreds of cats rode the Pirates of the Caribbean ride yesterday while doing shots of rum. A drinking game called Shot O' Rum was played all day by the cats. The rules of the game required the cats to do a shot of rum every me they rode the Pirate ride.

One demand of these domestic terrorist cats is that the words to the Pirate ride song be changed to the words "Yo ho Yo Ho a Pooses' Life for me" The other demand is that pirate cats must be added to the decor of the ride, since there is a dog in it. Unconfirmed sources believe that the cats plan to take It's A Small World hostage later today.

Swat teams and riot police have been called in... we will keep you posted.

Now back to more propaganda about socialist and communist plots to talk over white America.

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!

It is a Holy Day for all Pastafarians ( devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) today. May you be blessed by his Noodly Appendage. Ramen!

All pooses are invited to our private party at Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Special guest...... Captain Jack Sparrow! Be ready to swoon.

Please wear your patch and pirate attire.

Arrrrrrrrrr Arrrrrrrrrr shiver me timbers.. there will be plenty rum for all.. arrrrrrrrr

Sing along with us!
YO HO (A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME)
Lyrics by Xavier Atencio and music by George Bruns

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot,
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We extort, we pilfer, we filch, and sack,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Maraud and embezzle, and even high-jack,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We burn up the city, we're really a fright,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We burn up the city, we're really a fright,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We're beggars and blighters, ne'er-do-well cads,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Feline Pirates Invade Anaheim CA

Associated Press
Anaheim CA

Droves of cats wearing pirate costumes have been seen flocking towards Disneyland today to celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day. Their intention is to take over the famed Pirates of the Caribbean Ride on Saturday..Unconfirmed sources believe that Captain Jack Sparrow is with the cats.

Disney officials are concerned about the safety of the treasure chests filled with fake jewels in the ride, as well as jewelry worn by tourists attempting to get on the ride. Last year the cats took the ride hostage and demanded that Disney officials change the theme song's words to "Yo Ho Yo Ho a Poose's Life for me........"

Countdown to Talk Like A Pirate Day

Ay Matey! It is almost Talk Like A Pirate Day! arrr arrr arrr

To celebrate one of our favorite holidays we invite you to join us this Saturday at the Pirates of the Caribbean Ride in Disneyland...with Captain Jack Sparrow! Ay ....... eye candy..arr arrarrr

Rum and Cat nip from the Caribbean will be served! Pirate attire is mandatory. Be there mateys! Shiver me timbers!

For all those pooses coming from out of town, there is plenty of room for everyone to stay at Boo's house. We will be throwing a house-trashing party all weekend.

yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me!

P.S. For all those Pastafarians who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster this is a Holy day of obligation. May you all be touched by his Noodley Appendage.

Preparing for Talk Like A Pirate Day

This Saturday is "talk like a pirate day"......i must prepare at least a few phrases for the day...... arrr arrrrr... We will all be going to Disneyland for this special holiday and ride the Pirates of the Carribean a few times. I do hope Captain Jack Sparrow will join us again this year.

Now back to my studies. Arrh arrh arrrh

yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me!
shiver me timbers,
love
boo

What Paintings?

CNN

Described by Los Angeles police as one of the city's biggest home robberies in more than a decade, thieves made off with millions of dollars worth of Andy Warhol paintings depicting some of the greatest athletes of the 1970s. The one-of-a-kind paintings included Muhammad Ali, O.J. Simpson and Chris Evert. The thieves also drank every bottle of tequila in the home and raided the refrigerator taking all the tuna and ham.

It's one of the largest residential burglaries that has occurred in L.A.," said Los Angeles Police Department detective Don Hrycyk. "Maybe the biggest one in the last 15 years. We don't have a clue how these paintings disappeared. And the mouse and rat population in the neighborhood has been decreased significantly."

Joe Wilson Ambushed By Terrorist Cats

FOX NEWS
FAIR AND BALANCED

Representative Joe Wilson, the South Carolina Republican who yelled “You lie” to President Obama last night during a joint session of Congress, was ambushed late last night by a horde of cats wearing tiaras and a few dogs wearing Che berets. One cat was wearing a Jedi robe and swinging a light saber.

Joe Wilson was rushed to an undisclosed hospital but was refused treatment as his ID stated his name was Jose El Bigot with a Mexican address. Wilson suffered from bites, scratches and an allergy attack.

Aides to the congressman believe this is the work of the domestic terrorist liberal communist group known as The Pooses for Peace. The celebrity cats were last seen by the FBI hiding out in a casino in Monaco with ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli who seems to be wanted by almost everyone these days.

Stay tuned for more on these dangerous cats and their liberal commie facist antics................

CATS SPOTTED IN MONACO

Poose-cam Live from Monaco....stay tuned.................

FBI SEARCHES FOR WANTED CHEYSULI

Associated Press
Salem MA

FBI agents were called into Salem MA in hopes of finding ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli who is wanted by authorities for a myriad of charges. She has been last seen partying with the domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace.

The celebrity liberal felines own several businesses in Salem, MA such as Casino Calamari, Hamburger Mary's, Cinema Calamari and the rumored Brothel Calamari. Unfortunately the authorities have not been able to locate any of the so called establishments, nor have they seen any of the cats associated with them in the past week. Unconfirmed sources believe the cats are in Monico.

Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement via video leaked to the internet "Chey who? What casino? Fetch me a martini, love. Do these dice make me look fat? ......."