New at the GAP....Distressed Jeans by zevo calamari!

The Gap welcomes fashionista Zevo hussein Calamari and her line of distressed jeans.

Zevo personally scratches each pair of jeans, then naps on them to insure a fresh coat of fur. Only $500 a pair while supplies last!

Mardi Gras!

Associated Press
New Orleans

Hordes of cats from all over the country are pouring into New Orleans today in hopes of catching a glimpse of the Pooses for Peace Float and their marching Bite & Run bands in the Bacchus Parade on Fat Tuesday.

Extra security has been brought in from around the state. The celebrity cats have a cult following and have been blamed for several Bite & Run attacks on republican officials and celebrity stick insects in the past. Authorities have warned tourists not to wear expensive jewelry or bring valuables to the events.

The Pooses for Peace will hold a Mardi Gras Party on Tuesday 2/16/10 along with Harry Connick Jr and other musicians. Details of the party will be announced shortly.

Miss Zevo Calamari spokes-poose for the cats issued a statement today. " We are so excited about riding in this years parade. Do you think these beads make me look fat? Oh and i encourage everyone to wear their very best jewelry.. after all you want to look good for the party. Could you pass me a hit off that flask ... thanks.

Happy Year of the Tiger!

Gung Hay Fat Choy

Wishing you love, peace, prosperity and all the tuna, ham and cat nip you desire!

The Pooses for Peace

Year of the Tiger Celebration!

Come celebrate the Chinese New Year of the Tiger with us.

Confucius say "It is good fortune to dance with cat"

Casino Calamari

Sunday February 14

3:00 pm- 3:00 am

Open bar includes Ginseng Nip-tini's, Mai Tais, Corona and Jose Cuervo Red.

Cat nip fortune cookies! Plenty of good take out Chinese Food!

The Lion Dance will be performed by The Kung Poose Dancing Troupe, mostly made up of Pooses for Peace members.

Special Guest

Toni the Tiger

Please wear red for good fortune! Bring your own chop sticks.


Gung Hay Fat Choy

Pooses for Peace to Buy Salem Church

SALEM — The former St. Mary's Italian Church is for sale.

The executive director of the Salem Mission, now known as Lifebridge, made the surprise announcement yesterday, saying the nonprofit organization has hired commercial real estate appraisers to set a price on the 1925 church building. The property will go on the market "as soon as we determine a value," Cote said.

Unconfirmed sources report that the infamous group of cats known as the Pooses for Peace have already made an offer and are in negotiations to buy the church. The members of the so called liberal domestic terrorist organization are devout Pastafarians, (followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster ). The celebrity cats plan to refurbish the building into the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Rumors are also flying that the cats intend to also add a restaurant adjacent to the building and call it The Holy Spaghetti Factory. The facility will include underground parking for its patrons, a beer volcano and a pirate theme boutique.

This is not the first appearance of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in Salem. Unconfirmed sources say that the FSM appeared at the Haunted Happenings parade last October causing chaos in the small city. click here if you forgot!

Mayor Kimberley Driscoll is opposed to her nemesis's plan. She released the following statement: "We will need to hire a consultant and hold meetings to discuss the impact of this. That could take years and several thousands of dollars. Then we will have to lay off more teachers and firemen. Those cats are a menace to society. The city of Salem has had enough of this Flying Pasta nonsense ........ could you have my secretary make a reservation at Bella Verona for tonight? I lost my iPhone again."

Spokes-poose, Zevo Hussein Calamari issued a statement this morning as well: "For all those concerned about where the homeless shelter will be placed, we have decided to use City Hall since nobody ever seems to be there anyway. May the Flying Spaghetti Monster touch the city of Salem with his Noodly goodness. RAmen! ... does this iPhone make me look fat? ..........."

Quick....hide the evidence!

Ohhhhhhhhhhh my head..... turn that light off.........ack anyone have some ginger ale?

That was some house trashing party last night. We just inducted our new friends and downstair neighbors Oliver and Jake into the Pooses for Peace. One of the requirements for all inductees is to throw a house trashing party.... and those boys really know how to throw one!

um like please pass the aspirin and you guys have fun cleaning this mess........ i need to go lay down

ciao ciao

zevo

Oh waiter ... this is Not what i ordered

The service here at Rancho Calamari has been pretty bad lately. The pet humans are working a lot and none of us are happy about it. Why just today i was served this measly bowl of crunchies instead of the tuna souffle with mouse sauce that i ordered.

I am not leaving a tip. And later someone may get bit.

i am Luna hear me roar!

xoxoxo

luna diPoosalita

Happy GroundHog Day!

We will be showing the movie GroundHog Day today at the Cinema Calamari

over and over and over.

All are invited!

Join the Bite & Run Patrol!

Graduates of the Calamari Institute for Professional Biting

Looking for a a new career? The Calamari Institute for Professional Biting is now accepting applications for the Winter 2010 semester.

Learn how to bite ankles, knees and other fun human parts. Study the art of covert biting. Our graduates have gone on to bite celebrities and many politicians, such as Ann Coulter, Dick Cheney, Nicole Richie, P Diddy, Karl Rove, Paris Hilton and others we are not permitted to mention (or admit to, such as the Supreme Court!)

Be a part of the prestigious Bite & Run Patrol which has been making headline news. This winter semester our list of professors include Covert Operations Biter, Lucy Fur, best known for her biting debut with Dick Cheney and Dr Phil.

Also teaching celebrity biting will be Zevo Calamari and Miss Boo. Both are famous for biting Paris Hilton, Vanessa Paradis (wife of Johnny Depp), Toby Keith and that whiney country chick with the red hair.

Other professors include Martial arts instructor Tao and her sidekick Sarge. Nubi wan Kenobi will be teaching Jedi theory on how to use the force during a bite attack.

Our guest professors for this semester, Monkay and Luna diPoosalita, the thumbed cat duo will be teaching the fine art of picking locks and opening doors for speedy get-aways.

Earn your required Continuing Education Units by attending the Poot & Run Intensive taught by Billy Sweetfeets or the ever popular Whap & Run technique by his brothers, the Meezers .

The art of negotiation will be offered by the esteemed ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli along with fashion advice from Daisy the Curlycat and how to wear a proper Che beret by Miss Nikki.

Hurry... operators are standing by. Call now to sign up before classes are filled.

In a few short months you too will be a part of THE BITE & RUN PATROL!

1-800-CAT-BITE

se hablamos espanol

BREAKING NEWS..... BITE & RUN SUPREME COURT HOUSE

THIS JUST IN.......

During a top secret party held by the US Supreme Court justices who ruled that there would not be any campaign finance limits so that big corporations can take over the planet, a horde of cats , dogs, skunks, polar bears and a lone wolf all wearing Che hats, appeared out of nowhere and proceeded to attack all those who voted for this far-ranging decision that insures the already broken and corrupt American political system will become even more so almost immediately, barring the unlikely passage of new laws by the current spineless Congress.

Security officers in the building heard screams coming from the room but thought the judges had hired hookers to celebrate. By the time security guards decided to check on the judges, the animals had already disappeared from the building.

All justices suffered severe bite injuries. and scratches. A few had allergy attacks. One fainted at the sight of the polar bears while another screamed "Where is Sarah Palin and her rifle?... There is a wolf in here!" All were taken to an undisclosed hospital and given pain medication and antihistamines and are in stable condition. All who attended the party are missing their iphones and watches.

A biohazard unit was brought in to remove the peculiar odor and puddles on the floor. All robes were burned as no stain remover on the planet could possible save them.

Authorities have not named any suspects however it is believed this is the work of the liberal terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace and their loyal legions of Bite & Run patrols.

Miss Zevo hussein Calamari, spokes-poose for the Pooses for Peace releases a statement" Well that is justice for you and instant karma! What iphones. Does this robe make me look fat? Ack pas the tequila.. the after -taste of greed is so hard to get out of my mouth...ack ack............."

Stay tuned to CNN for more news .....

Pooses for Peace Join Telethon For Haiti

NEW YORK TIMES

The celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace are among the latest stars to take part in George Clooney's “Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief,” a two-hour telethon on Friday night to be broadcast around the world on television and online. The show, which in the United States will begin at 8 p.m.

Clooney begged the infamous cats and their entourage to leave Salem MA and join him in LA so they can be on stage beside him. However, the cats will be performing live at their Casino Calamari along with Jimmy Buffett and Capt Jack Sparrow instead.

Rumors are still flying that Clooney's fiance Miss Boo is more than just miffed that he was seen snogging with a stick insect underwear model. Miss Boo has not been wearing the so called engagement ring either. No word if the couple have split or if this is just a lover's tiff. Unconfirmed sources believe this is the real reason the cats will not be in LA.

TMZ claims it is because the cats have several restraining orders against them. In the past they were known to bite any celebrity seen wearing fur such as Beyonce, P.Diddy, Lindsay Lohan, JLo and the Olsen twins. Bono has lost several pairs of glasses whenever he performed with the cats. A few pair were illegally sold on eBay.

We Tried and Lost

Dear Papa Lion,

We tried to keep your legacy going. Unfortunately the people of Massachusetts have become complacent, greedy and have been listening to way too much rabid talk radio. We now have a Ken doll as our new senator. Perhaps some just took it for granted that a democrat would win... how could they lose in a secure blue state? The lesson- never take anything for granted.

We the Pooses for Peace promise to be the pooses for the people. Our Bite and Run brigades will once again return to Washington and remind those who have been elected that they were elected for the people. Look out Wall Street...if this administration does not take you on...we will.

Never underestimate the wrath of pack of angry cats.

Viva La Revolucion

The Pooses for Peace

Bite & Run Patrols on Red Alert in MA

Associated Press

Commonwealth of Massachusetts 

Unconfirmed sources believe that the liberal domestic feline terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace has returned to Massachusetts. 

The celebrity founders of the organization were in France staying with Johnny Depp and his family. Rumors are flying that the cats bit Vanessa Paradis, wife of the famed star who then threw the cats out (literally). This may have been what prompted the cats to return back to the USA to help elect a democrat to fill the late Ted Kennedy's place. The cats were friends with Kennedy and his dogs and promised to do whatever they could to make sure his legacy lived on in Congress. Right wing conspiracy pundits such as nutjob Glen Beck, believe that the cats are responsible for Obama's victory in the presidential election. "These heathen liberal cats are a menace to society and should be put in Gitmo for life."

Hordes of cats, dogs, skunks and a peacock have been pouring into MA to stand guard at the polls tomorrow.  Bite and Run Brigades are on red alert. 

Unfortunately the Commonwealth does not recognize an animal's right to vote. (evidence of this was seen in Salem's mayoral election when Zevo hussein Calamari had a sweeping victory over Kimberly Driscoll and yet Driscoll is now the current mayor.)

A statement was released today by spokes-poose Zevo Calamari: "People of the Commonwealth.. do you really want to repeat the GW Chimp years by allowing Brown to win? Have you lost your memory? Would a good bite on the ankle restore it? Like DAH!..... Do you remember how we got in this mess?  Iraq, Election Fraud, Iran,  Plame-gate, Blackwater, Haliburton, Bank Bailouts, Recession, Depression, Obsessions, Torture, Wiretaps, Corruption, Wars for OIL, Rush, O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, Hate, Discrimination, Lies, FOX NEWS, Katrina and a trillion dollar debt, .......

We want YOU to get your lazy butts out there tomorrow and vote like your life depends on it. ..... or else.....Vote for Martha Coakley!"

This message has been approved by Pooses for Coakley

French Press Quotes Depp's Wife

"J'ai fait ces chats méchants partir de ce matin. Mes chevilles saignent. Les enfants pleurent. Ils ne sont plus bienvenus ici. "Vanessa Paradise

Translation: I made those nasty cats leave this morning. My ankles are bleeding. The children are crying. They are no longer welcome here.

NBC Execs Latest Targets of Bite & Run

Associated Press

NBC Studios

An  NBC  secret meeting for   greedy bastards  executives only, was interrupted unexpectedly today.  Hordes of cats, dogs, a few skunks and a peacock wearing SAVE COCO  shirts stormed into  the room from the windows, beneath tables and out of ceiling ducts to launch the first  Bite & Run attack of 2010. 

NBC executive Dick Ebersol, who trashed Conan O'Brien in an interview with the New York Times, calling Conan an "astounding failure" was heard screaming WHAT THE F&%K is on my leg.... Aaaaaachooooooooooooo.... HELP! Ouch........ 

While Jeff Tucker who threatened Conan "I will keep you off the air for 3.5 years" was bit, scratched by cats, pecked by the peacock and sprayed by a skunk for 3.5 minutes. 

Both men were taken to an undisclosed hospital and reported in stable condition. Unconfirmed sources report that a cat wearing scrubs ran off with their pain medication and antihistamines. All executives in the room have reported missing iPhones, Rolexes, credit cards. A biohazard team was called in to rid the room of the noxious odor left.

Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace. The group, is led by celebrity cats Zevo hussein Calamari, Boo and Miss Lucy Fur along with their cohorts, too numerous to name. Calamari and her best friends were seen yesterday sipping Pastis with Johnny Depp in the south of France. However the cats command legions of Bite & Run brigades and could have easily ordered an attack from anywhere in the world.

Miss Zevo Calamari released a statement:"Bon Jour! NB see ya!  Do you think these scrubs make me look fat? Could we have another bottle of Pastis... see if this credit cards works....."

Wine and Cheese with Johnny Depp

The photo shoot went well with Donatella. We were able to shoot Boo for the Italian Vogue, Miss Lucy Fur for the British Vogue and myself for the French Vogue. Those issues do not come out until September. I do hope they air brush those extra pounds we put on over the holidays.

We are now staying with Johnny in Southern France. Such a lovely man...but alas

 his cranky wife and horrid children are also here so it will be a short visit. His wife does not like us. I have no idea why. Um like i  didn't mean to um bite her ankle at the Oscars a few years back...... Those French can not take a joke. Dah! 

Oh...Johnny be a dear and pour us all more wine... and that cheese is to die for!

Meanwhile at the Casino Calamari

Zevo left me and Luna in charge of running Casino Calamari while she is in Europe with her BFFs Boo and Miss Lucy Fur. 

Kind of rude of her to leave Luna and i behind. Though- who cares about fashion? As a Jedi, i only need a few good robes and a working light saber. And Donatella Versace scares me. 

I think it is time to shake things up a bit. We need a few new acts at the Casino, so i called my friend Charo and invited her to perform for a week.  By the time Zevo finds out Charo will be gone. (Luna does not care what i do... all she cares about is her mousie laser and her ballet lessons.) 

So join us this week at the Casino Calamari for a Cuchi Chuchi time with Charo! Our margarita fountain will be overflowing with  Jose Cuervo and there will be an all you can eat tuna taco buffet, along with some great catnip brownies!

May the Force be with you

nubi wan kenobi, jedi poose

p.s. please don't tell Zevo

House of Versace Live Fur Collection

Benvenuti cari gatti!  Come sta il mio caro amico George? Ti ho fatto uno bei vestiti! Si prega di portare il vino più caro per questi gatti!

ohhh aaaa Welcome dear-ay catses! How'sa my dear-a friend-a Georgie? I-a made-a you soma-a nice-a clothes!  Pleaseeeaaa bring-a da wine for dese catses!

Clooney Gives Miss Boo Pearls?

TMZ

CELEBRITY UPDATES

Celebrity feline, Miss Boo of the Pooses for Peace was seen wearing a new strand of pearls rumored to be a gift from George Clooney today. Last week Clooney invited the cats to be guests at his villa in Italy. 

No word yet if Clooney has actually committed to a wedding date with Miss Boo. Unconfirmed sources believe he postponed planning a wedding until his latest movie is completed later this year. Clooney is back on location today filming and the cats were seen leaving his villa via a solar powered limo.

Boo and her cohorts, Zevo Calamari and Miss Lucy Fur took a day to ski the Italian Alps before they leave for Versace headquaters in Milan tomorrow. The cats will be modeling Donatella Versace's spring line in the March issue of Vogue. The theme will be Live Fur... How to Wear It. 

Jedi Cat Helps Wolf Escape

By Associated Press
Tuesday, January 5, 2010

IPSWICH — Police say a wolf that escaped from a Massachusetts wolf sanctuary has returned home on its own and was inebriated.

The 5-year-old female named Nina escaped Wolf Hollow sometime between 6:30 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. on Monday.

Police Lt. Daniel Moriarty says the animal returned to the sanctuary at about 11 p.m. Moriarty said the wolf apparently climbed up a snowdrift in its pen to get out and was unable to get back inside on its own.

Unconfirmed sources believe that this was the work Jedi cat, Nubi wan Kenobi a member of the infamous Pooses for Peace. Nubi wan wanting to surprise his pet human with a gift for Little Christmas, lured the wolf from the Ipswich sanctuary and rode back to Salem on her back last night. Homeland Security believes that Nina the wolf has joined the Pooses for Peace and was somehow involved in the outburst during Mayor Driscoll's inauguration yesterday.

According to Salem locals, hordes of cats, dogs and skunks held protest signs outside the inauguration ceremony yesterday morning demanding a recount. Pooses for Peace Zevo Calamari was the write in choice for the mayoral election in November. Salem authorities did not count the votes cast by the thousands of cats, dogs, skunks and a few raccoons for Miss Calamari, thus declaring Driscoll the winner. Tensions between Driscoll and Mz Calamari have escalated to a new level.

Extra security was brought in for the ceremony and sources believe the mayor once again wore ankle and knee guards under her only black suit for fear of another Bite & Run incident. However, much to the surprise of everyone the attack did not take place. For some odd reason Mayor Driscoll's black suit was covered in a large amount of fur after the ceremony. She was seen febreezing her pants and taking an antihistamine.

A strange odor did permeate the ceremony and several of those who attended reported their iPhones and earrings to be missing. Others began sneezing and gagging. EMT and Biohazard units were sent in.

Zevo hussein Calamari has been spotted dining with her cohorts in Italy last evening.

Miss Calamari released a statement this morning " Ciao Bella! What wolf? What earrings? George, please pour us another glass of the please."