Does the Discovery Channel Need a Bite & Run Reminder?

It is hard to believe that the Discovery Channel, those folks who bring us Animal Planet would consider giving Sarah Palin her own reality show about Alaska. This woman is responsible for the hunting of wolves and making it a sport. Killing wolves via helicopter. Maybe Animal Planet should show that!

We are not fans of Sarah Palin. No shock there... but politics aside, this woman should not be allowed on the Discovery Channel. She belongs on the FOX news network making up stories about communists being facists, etc....! (wink wink you betcha!)

We know that wolves would eat us if we were roaming the streets of Alaska. But this is not the point. We would eat mice if we saw them roaming! Help us keep Sarah Palin off of the Discovery Channel.

Here is a petition to the Discovery Channel for all those who are shocked by this news.

From the Defenders of Wildlife:

" This is unbelievable.

Discovery Communications has just announced that they’ll be producing a “reality TV” series starring Sarah Palin.

Yes — the same Sarah Palin who escalated Alaska’s war on wolves and offered a $150 bounty for the severed front-forelegs of dead wolves. The same Sarah Palin who fought against increased protections for America’s struggling polar bear populations. And the same Palin who fought against the increased protections for the dwindling Cook Inlet beluga whales.

I’m troubled that Discovery Communications — known for their stunning wildlife-focused productions — would choose to embrace such a controversial and anti-wildlife person as Sarah Palin to represent Alaska and the wildlife that lives there.

That’s why I’ve joined Defenders of Wildlife’s fight to get Discovery Communications to drop Sarah Palin’s new show, and I am hoping you will too.

Please sign the petition online at CLICK here!

Thanks for helping…

Pooses for Peace Issue Warning to US Idiots

Associated Press
Pooses for Peace Secret Headquarters

Unconfirmed sources believe that the infamous domestic terrorist liberal feline group known as the Pooses for Peace have put their legions of Bite & Run Brigades on RED ALERT.

Spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari along with Miss Boo, Miss Lucy Fur and their entourage, legions of Bite & Run Brigades held a press conference from their undisclosed Pooses for Peace Headquarters. The cats have issued a terse warning today to those who have been fueling the fire of anger and violence since the signing of the Health Reform bill this week.

"KNOCK it off you idiots! Where were all of you when an illegal war was started 8 years ago by a chimp that put this country in debt? We are talking about health care here. ... keeping people healthy. Not weapons of mass destruction. Not tapping your phone lines, emails, and torture camps. Not running the national debt up every day to pay for Iraq, bailing out corrupt bankers, big business, tax breaks for those who don't pay taxes cause they are so rich they can afford teams of accountants! Breaks for BIG OIL........

Do you tea party people even know the difference between Marxist and Facist? Do you understand that they are not the same thing? Like dah! Even cats know the difference. Can you really be a communist and a facist at the same time? (Would Che Guevara be caught dead hanging out with Hitler or Mussolini?)

This is 2010 people. Grow up. Treat others as you would want to be treated- with respect. You can agree to disagree. Sit down and discuss it. But lying, name calling, spitting, shooting out windows, death threats and violence will only lead to more. Please Act like civilized humans. Even we animals know better.

DON'T MAKE US COME TO WASHINGTON!!!!!!!
The Pooses for Peace
Bite & Run Brigades
Poop & Run Brigades
Poot & Run Brigades
Whap & Run Brigades
Scratch & Run Brigades

Party O'Pooses

Come join us at Hamburger O' Marys (located inside Casino O'Calamari's)
in Salem for a St Patty's Day party.
5:00 pm-?
wear green

Tickets are still available for this event.

Call 1-800-Boo-Zevo. Have your credit card ready!

May the Tuna dish rise up to meet you,
Zevo O' Calamari and the Pooses O'Peace

Salem Welcomes the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Associated Press

Salem MA

Salem residents woke up to a visit from the Flying Spaghetti Monster this morning. The infamous domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace unveiled the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster along with its restaurant The Holy Spaghetti Factory and its famed Volcanic Beer Bar. A pirate themed boutique along with free underground parking for patrons is also one of the luxuries of this latest establishment.

Jimmy Buffett and the Coral Reefers joined the celebrity cats in the Grand Opening of the Volcanic Beer Bar.

The cats are devout Pastafarians who believe in the deity the Flying Spaghetti Monster . Pastafarians dress as pirates on Holy Days and quote from the Gospel of the Holy Spaghetti Monster. Friday is a Holy Day.

Because the celebrity cats have the business listed as a nonprofit religious organization there will be no tax on the meals, drinks, nor will they be paying any taxes to the city of Salem.

The cats have been a thorn in the mayor of Salem's side ever since she was elected. .. and the last election results are still being questioned by

Zevo hussein Calamari who claims she won.

The cats have been blamed on several occasions for crimes such as stealing the tall ship known as the Friendship . It is rumored that the cats also own several other businesses in Salem such as the Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari and a so called Brothel Calamari

Not to be undone by her nemisis, Salem Mayor Kimberley Driscoll had a Spaghetti dinner in her honor at the Moose Lodge today. As advertised on facebook- anyone who showed up and mentioned they saw it on the social networking site could eat for free. Unconfirmed authorities are not sure how hundreds of homeless vagrants showed up for the feast.

Driscoll, fearing the cats would attempt another Bite and Run wore ankle and knee guards under her predictable black suit. Although she will not admit it- Kimberley Driscoll was touched by the Flying Spaghetti Monster at the Haunted Happenings Parade this past October. Click here if you don't remember that!

Extra security was called in as well, however no cats were seen at the Mayor's Spaghetti dinner. However the Mayor reports that her iphone and earrings are once again missing and blames the cats. "Those cats are a menace to Salem. I cannot tell you how many iPhones and earrings i have lost due to them. I will fight to charge tax on their meals and beverages. How dare they put an underground parking facility in without my permission. Now I will have to hire a consultant, lay off more teachers and firemen and raise taxes. Why is there red sauce on my suit and oh my gawd....what is that smell? Anyone have a can of Frebreeze? ack. .. ack...."

Spokes-poose Zevo Calamari issued a statment: " Salem residents.... May the Flying Spaghetti Monster touch you with his Noodly Goodness! RAmen!"

Cat Fight at the Oscars?

Associated Press

Hollywood CA

Unconfirmed rumors are circulating through Tinsel Town today on why George Clooney looked so angry last night at the Oscars. Is George Clooney feuding with Alec Baldwin or did something else take place before the show began?

Clooney was thought to be engaged to celebrity feline Miss Boo, of the Pooses for Peace last year, however no one has confirmed if the couple had a tiff or separated. Last night Clooney showed up at the Oscars with Elilsabetta Canalis.

The Pooses for Peace Celebrity cats co-hosted the event along with Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. Sources to terrified to be identified claim that when the cats realized Clooney was shunning Miss Boo by bringing a stink insect as a date, a cat fight ensued between Canalis and the Miss Lucy Fur, BFF to Miss Boo and Zevo Calamari. (Miss Lucy Fur is infamous for her temper. In the past restraining orders were filed against her by Dr Phil and a few republican pundits. She is said to be taking medication that is not effective when mixed with alcohol.)

Fortunately for Canalis, security (accustomed to celebrity fighting on the red carpet) broke up the fight and she had a spare gown in Clooney's limo. Her make up and hair was redone before the show. Her earrings are reported to be missing. Reports are being filed that celebrities who wore fur to the show were bit or scratched last night. No charges have been filed.

Last night Sandra Bullock lost her earrings. Other starlets are reporting lost bracelets, earrings and watches. Authorities are not concerned as most of the celebrities were drunk and dancing the night away. Anyone could have lost what they were wearing reported a security guard wearing what seemed to be a Jedi robe.

Pooses for Peace spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari was overheard this morning saying "Ooh my head..... ack ack the taste of stick insect is still in my mouth. um like.... What earrings? Pass that ginger ale please......... oh and watch where you step......... turn out the light too. Does this bracelet make me look fat?"

Pooses for Peace Co-Host Oscars

Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin will be hosting the Oscars Sunday night

with their friends the Pooses for Peace

Don't miss the Barbara Walters last interview with celebrity cats Zevo hussein Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur on the Red Carpet. It is going to be an exciting night for all.

Join guest pooses, Tao and Sarge, Luna miso Poosie and M hussein Monkay, and Che Nikki for the Pre-Oscar Fashion show on the Red Carpet.

What will fashionista Daisy the CurlyCat wear? Will Cheysuli and Gemini attend? Will George Clooney dare to show up with his new girlfriend and risk the wrath of Miss Boo? And will Steve Martin play the banjo.......

Warning: Attendees have been warned not to wear fur. All violators will be bit.

The Bite Patrol tonight will be led by Nubi Wan Kenobi and the Jedi Poose Force, along with the infamous Meezer Whap & Run, Poot and Run patrols.

Join the Pooses for Peace at their party right after the Oscars. Nip-tinis, Champagne fountain, ham and tuna buffet and a night of dancing. Bring your own tiara and top hat!

BREAKING NEWS..... BITE & RUN BREAKS BUNNINGS FILIBUSTER

BREAKING NEWS...... Sen Bunning latest victim of a Bite & Run as he blocked a measure that would extend cash and health insurance benefits for the unemployed.

Throughout the day Tuesday, Democrats had been threatening to keep the Senate open all night, a move that would have forced Bunning to remain on the floor if he wanted to continue to block the measure.

With hundreds of thousands of people expected to lose benefits this week, Democrats have spent the past several days holding up the impasse as an example of Republican attempts to block Democratic legislation. The Democratic National Committee blasted 16 e-mails to reporters on Tuesday decrying Bunning's blockade.

In an unexpected turn of events, a horde of cats wearing tiaras, one donning a Jedi robe and swinging a light saber and a dog wearing a Che beret rushed on to the Senate floor. Screams and sneezes filled the room. Hair pieces flew through the air. Within minutes the cats had vanished without a trace and Senator Bunning and a few other senators were immediately rushed to an undisclosed hospital. All remain in stable condition. However it is reported that a cat wearing scrubs ran off with their pain medication. Many senators are now reporting that their iPhones, credit cards and watches are missing.

Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous domestic liberal terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace.

No charges have been filed as of this time. There will be a press conference at 11:00 pm.

New at the GAP....Distressed Jeans by zevo calamari!

The Gap welcomes fashionista Zevo hussein Calamari and her line of distressed jeans.

Zevo personally scratches each pair of jeans, then naps on them to insure a fresh coat of fur. Only $500 a pair while supplies last!

Mardi Gras!

Associated Press
New Orleans

Hordes of cats from all over the country are pouring into New Orleans today in hopes of catching a glimpse of the Pooses for Peace Float and their marching Bite & Run bands in the Bacchus Parade on Fat Tuesday.

Extra security has been brought in from around the state. The celebrity cats have a cult following and have been blamed for several Bite & Run attacks on republican officials and celebrity stick insects in the past. Authorities have warned tourists not to wear expensive jewelry or bring valuables to the events.

The Pooses for Peace will hold a Mardi Gras Party on Tuesday 2/16/10 along with Harry Connick Jr and other musicians. Details of the party will be announced shortly.

Miss Zevo Calamari spokes-poose for the cats issued a statement today. " We are so excited about riding in this years parade. Do you think these beads make me look fat? Oh and i encourage everyone to wear their very best jewelry.. after all you want to look good for the party. Could you pass me a hit off that flask ... thanks.

Happy Year of the Tiger!

Gung Hay Fat Choy

Wishing you love, peace, prosperity and all the tuna, ham and cat nip you desire!

The Pooses for Peace

Year of the Tiger Celebration!

Come celebrate the Chinese New Year of the Tiger with us.

Confucius say "It is good fortune to dance with cat"

Casino Calamari

Sunday February 14

3:00 pm- 3:00 am

Open bar includes Ginseng Nip-tini's, Mai Tais, Corona and Jose Cuervo Red.

Cat nip fortune cookies! Plenty of good take out Chinese Food!

The Lion Dance will be performed by The Kung Poose Dancing Troupe, mostly made up of Pooses for Peace members.

Special Guest

Toni the Tiger

Please wear red for good fortune! Bring your own chop sticks.


Gung Hay Fat Choy

Pooses for Peace to Buy Salem Church

SALEM — The former St. Mary's Italian Church is for sale.

The executive director of the Salem Mission, now known as Lifebridge, made the surprise announcement yesterday, saying the nonprofit organization has hired commercial real estate appraisers to set a price on the 1925 church building. The property will go on the market "as soon as we determine a value," Cote said.

Unconfirmed sources report that the infamous group of cats known as the Pooses for Peace have already made an offer and are in negotiations to buy the church. The members of the so called liberal domestic terrorist organization are devout Pastafarians, (followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster ). The celebrity cats plan to refurbish the building into the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Rumors are also flying that the cats intend to also add a restaurant adjacent to the building and call it The Holy Spaghetti Factory. The facility will include underground parking for its patrons, a beer volcano and a pirate theme boutique.

This is not the first appearance of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in Salem. Unconfirmed sources say that the FSM appeared at the Haunted Happenings parade last October causing chaos in the small city. click here if you forgot!

Mayor Kimberley Driscoll is opposed to her nemesis's plan. She released the following statement: "We will need to hire a consultant and hold meetings to discuss the impact of this. That could take years and several thousands of dollars. Then we will have to lay off more teachers and firemen. Those cats are a menace to society. The city of Salem has had enough of this Flying Pasta nonsense ........ could you have my secretary make a reservation at Bella Verona for tonight? I lost my iPhone again."

Spokes-poose, Zevo Hussein Calamari issued a statement this morning as well: "For all those concerned about where the homeless shelter will be placed, we have decided to use City Hall since nobody ever seems to be there anyway. May the Flying Spaghetti Monster touch the city of Salem with his Noodly goodness. RAmen! ... does this iPhone make me look fat? ..........."

Quick....hide the evidence!

Ohhhhhhhhhhh my head..... turn that light off.........ack anyone have some ginger ale?

That was some house trashing party last night. We just inducted our new friends and downstair neighbors Oliver and Jake into the Pooses for Peace. One of the requirements for all inductees is to throw a house trashing party.... and those boys really know how to throw one!

um like please pass the aspirin and you guys have fun cleaning this mess........ i need to go lay down

ciao ciao

zevo

Oh waiter ... this is Not what i ordered

The service here at Rancho Calamari has been pretty bad lately. The pet humans are working a lot and none of us are happy about it. Why just today i was served this measly bowl of crunchies instead of the tuna souffle with mouse sauce that i ordered.

I am not leaving a tip. And later someone may get bit.

i am Luna hear me roar!

xoxoxo

luna diPoosalita

Happy GroundHog Day!

We will be showing the movie GroundHog Day today at the Cinema Calamari

over and over and over.

All are invited!

Join the Bite & Run Patrol!

Graduates of the Calamari Institute for Professional Biting

Looking for a a new career? The Calamari Institute for Professional Biting is now accepting applications for the Winter 2010 semester.

Learn how to bite ankles, knees and other fun human parts. Study the art of covert biting. Our graduates have gone on to bite celebrities and many politicians, such as Ann Coulter, Dick Cheney, Nicole Richie, P Diddy, Karl Rove, Paris Hilton and others we are not permitted to mention (or admit to, such as the Supreme Court!)

Be a part of the prestigious Bite & Run Patrol which has been making headline news. This winter semester our list of professors include Covert Operations Biter, Lucy Fur, best known for her biting debut with Dick Cheney and Dr Phil.

Also teaching celebrity biting will be Zevo Calamari and Miss Boo. Both are famous for biting Paris Hilton, Vanessa Paradis (wife of Johnny Depp), Toby Keith and that whiney country chick with the red hair.

Other professors include Martial arts instructor Tao and her sidekick Sarge. Nubi wan Kenobi will be teaching Jedi theory on how to use the force during a bite attack.

Our guest professors for this semester, Monkay and Luna diPoosalita, the thumbed cat duo will be teaching the fine art of picking locks and opening doors for speedy get-aways.

Earn your required Continuing Education Units by attending the Poot & Run Intensive taught by Billy Sweetfeets or the ever popular Whap & Run technique by his brothers, the Meezers .

The art of negotiation will be offered by the esteemed ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli along with fashion advice from Daisy the Curlycat and how to wear a proper Che beret by Miss Nikki.

Hurry... operators are standing by. Call now to sign up before classes are filled.

In a few short months you too will be a part of THE BITE & RUN PATROL!

1-800-CAT-BITE

se hablamos espanol

BREAKING NEWS..... BITE & RUN SUPREME COURT HOUSE

THIS JUST IN.......

During a top secret party held by the US Supreme Court justices who ruled that there would not be any campaign finance limits so that big corporations can take over the planet, a horde of cats , dogs, skunks, polar bears and a lone wolf all wearing Che hats, appeared out of nowhere and proceeded to attack all those who voted for this far-ranging decision that insures the already broken and corrupt American political system will become even more so almost immediately, barring the unlikely passage of new laws by the current spineless Congress.

Security officers in the building heard screams coming from the room but thought the judges had hired hookers to celebrate. By the time security guards decided to check on the judges, the animals had already disappeared from the building.

All justices suffered severe bite injuries. and scratches. A few had allergy attacks. One fainted at the sight of the polar bears while another screamed "Where is Sarah Palin and her rifle?... There is a wolf in here!" All were taken to an undisclosed hospital and given pain medication and antihistamines and are in stable condition. All who attended the party are missing their iphones and watches.

A biohazard unit was brought in to remove the peculiar odor and puddles on the floor. All robes were burned as no stain remover on the planet could possible save them.

Authorities have not named any suspects however it is believed this is the work of the liberal terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace and their loyal legions of Bite & Run patrols.

Miss Zevo hussein Calamari, spokes-poose for the Pooses for Peace releases a statement" Well that is justice for you and instant karma! What iphones. Does this robe make me look fat? Ack pas the tequila.. the after -taste of greed is so hard to get out of my mouth...ack ack............."

Stay tuned to CNN for more news .....

Pooses for Peace Join Telethon For Haiti

NEW YORK TIMES

The celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace are among the latest stars to take part in George Clooney's “Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief,” a two-hour telethon on Friday night to be broadcast around the world on television and online. The show, which in the United States will begin at 8 p.m.

Clooney begged the infamous cats and their entourage to leave Salem MA and join him in LA so they can be on stage beside him. However, the cats will be performing live at their Casino Calamari along with Jimmy Buffett and Capt Jack Sparrow instead.

Rumors are still flying that Clooney's fiance Miss Boo is more than just miffed that he was seen snogging with a stick insect underwear model. Miss Boo has not been wearing the so called engagement ring either. No word if the couple have split or if this is just a lover's tiff. Unconfirmed sources believe this is the real reason the cats will not be in LA.

TMZ claims it is because the cats have several restraining orders against them. In the past they were known to bite any celebrity seen wearing fur such as Beyonce, P.Diddy, Lindsay Lohan, JLo and the Olsen twins. Bono has lost several pairs of glasses whenever he performed with the cats. A few pair were illegally sold on eBay.

We Tried and Lost

Dear Papa Lion,

We tried to keep your legacy going. Unfortunately the people of Massachusetts have become complacent, greedy and have been listening to way too much rabid talk radio. We now have a Ken doll as our new senator. Perhaps some just took it for granted that a democrat would win... how could they lose in a secure blue state? The lesson- never take anything for granted.

We the Pooses for Peace promise to be the pooses for the people. Our Bite and Run brigades will once again return to Washington and remind those who have been elected that they were elected for the people. Look out Wall Street...if this administration does not take you on...we will.

Never underestimate the wrath of pack of angry cats.

Viva La Revolucion

The Pooses for Peace

Bite & Run Patrols on Red Alert in MA

Associated Press

Commonwealth of Massachusetts 

Unconfirmed sources believe that the liberal domestic feline terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace has returned to Massachusetts. 

The celebrity founders of the organization were in France staying with Johnny Depp and his family. Rumors are flying that the cats bit Vanessa Paradis, wife of the famed star who then threw the cats out (literally). This may have been what prompted the cats to return back to the USA to help elect a democrat to fill the late Ted Kennedy's place. The cats were friends with Kennedy and his dogs and promised to do whatever they could to make sure his legacy lived on in Congress. Right wing conspiracy pundits such as nutjob Glen Beck, believe that the cats are responsible for Obama's victory in the presidential election. "These heathen liberal cats are a menace to society and should be put in Gitmo for life."

Hordes of cats, dogs, skunks and a peacock have been pouring into MA to stand guard at the polls tomorrow.  Bite and Run Brigades are on red alert. 

Unfortunately the Commonwealth does not recognize an animal's right to vote. (evidence of this was seen in Salem's mayoral election when Zevo hussein Calamari had a sweeping victory over Kimberly Driscoll and yet Driscoll is now the current mayor.)

A statement was released today by spokes-poose Zevo Calamari: "People of the Commonwealth.. do you really want to repeat the GW Chimp years by allowing Brown to win? Have you lost your memory? Would a good bite on the ankle restore it? Like DAH!..... Do you remember how we got in this mess?  Iraq, Election Fraud, Iran,  Plame-gate, Blackwater, Haliburton, Bank Bailouts, Recession, Depression, Obsessions, Torture, Wiretaps, Corruption, Wars for OIL, Rush, O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, Hate, Discrimination, Lies, FOX NEWS, Katrina and a trillion dollar debt, .......

We want YOU to get your lazy butts out there tomorrow and vote like your life depends on it. ..... or else.....Vote for Martha Coakley!"

This message has been approved by Pooses for Coakley