George Clooney & Pooses for Peace Felines Arrested...

George Clooney and the Pooses for Peace Spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari were arrested today outside of the Sudanese embassy in Washington D.C.

Reports just came in that several Pooses for Peace members, Miss Lucy Fur, Nubi wan Kenobi, Mz Smudge, M. hussein Monkay, Prima Ballerina Luna Miso Poosie and at least 200 other felines along with Rep. Jim Moran (D-Va.), Rep. Jim McGovern (D-Mass.), former Rep. Tom Andrews (D-Maine), Nick Clooney (the actor's father), NAACP President Ben Jealous and Martin Luther King III were also taken into custody at the scene. Reports that a Schuanzer wearing a Che Guevara beret along with a newfie mix with the code name Poopalina were also seen being paw-cuffed.

The arrests were anticipated and part of the actor's effort to draw attention to the humanitarian crisis in Sudan. The actor, his father and politicians were protesting the country's blockade of supplies and humanitarian aide. Clooney was reportedly handcuffed and placed in the back of a police cab. Several cats sat on their laps while others were tossed in a paddy wagon. Later the paddy wagon had to be fumigated and a bio-hazard team brought in to attempt to remove the horrid stench.

"They were protesting the violence committed by the government of Sudan on its own innocent men, women and children," Clooney's publicist said in a statement published by TMZ. "They were demanding they allow humanitarian aid into the country before it becomes the largest humanitarian crisis in the world."

Clooney and the founders of the Pooses for Peace have been friends for years. Rumor has it he dated the infamous Miss Boo and broke her heart. This is said to be the reason why she ran off with Captain Jack Sparrow and now lives on a remote island.

Clooney is in Washington DC to celebrate the season of Zevomas, a month long tribute to Zevo hussein Calamari's birthday. The Pooses for Peace relocated their headquarters to Washington DC this fall from Salem MA which is said to have a dictator mayor who wears an ill-fitting black suit.

No word if Clooney and the cats have been released yet from jail. However an unconfirmed source reports seeing a catering truck with bottles of limoncello, large cans of tuna and salmon being carried into the prison.

This news has been brought to you by Planet Calamari your source for art to wear and unique gifts.

Pooses for Peace Yacht Spotted in DC

Associated Press
Washington DC

Unconfirmed sources have reported seeing a yacht commandeered by the infamous Pooses for Peace docked in the DC waters near Alexandria Virginia over the weekend. Rumors are flying that the feline celebrities have moved their headquarters from Salem MA to the DC to monitor upcoming elections and to keep close tabs on the dim-witted congress now in session.

DC Authorities and Homeland Security have been alerted. No one has spotted the cats since they left Salem over a month ago. It has been reported that Mayor Kim Driscoll and her ill fitting black suit threw a party at City Hall when hearing the cats had vacated Salem for good. The mayor's iPhone and watch have been missing since the event. However Salem police believe the goods were stolen by the carnies who worked the tacky Halloween carnival.

Spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement from what appeared to be a cabin down below in a yacht: "Kim who? What iPhone? Does this watch make me look fat? Pass me the wine please. Oh and could someone get Bo Obama on this iphone for me? "

Tarot Readings by Madam Zevo Calamari

Grand Opening of Madam Zevo Calamari's Psychic Center of DC

Tarot Readings
Palm and Paw Readings
Magic Spells and Potions

Party with the Mistress of Magic & the Pooses for Peace
to celebrate their new headquarters!

Halloween Night
7:00 pm - ?

The Casino Calamari of DC
(we moved out of salem for good!)

Costumes mandatory
Margarita Fountain
All you can eat tuna, chicken and ham buffett
cat nip brownies

Music Guest
Jimmy Buffet and the Coral Poose Reefer Band

Adios Salem Fiesta

You are invited to the party of the decade!

Say Good Bye to Salem
with the Pooses for Peace

Adios Salem Fiesta
Casino Calamari
wee Salem
Friday 9/23- Friday 9/30

Special Guests
Jimmy Buffett and the Coral Reefer Band

Margarita Fountain
All you can eat chicken, tuna and ham buffet
Nip brownies

Dress code:
Parrothead attire
Bring your own coconut bra & grass skirt
no black suits allowed!

We are going to party like its 1999!

Pooses for Peace Moving Headquarters to.... DC area?

BREAKING NEWS!

Unconfirmed sources report that the celebrity feline group known as the Pooses for Peace will be moving their headquarters close to the DC area at the end of this month.

Known as a domestic liberal terrorist group the cats have been laying low for the past year since one of their leaders Miss Boo went into hiding from Homeland Security. Authorities believe she is living on a private island with her lover Captain Jack Sparrow. Their only activities lately seem to be commandeering the tall ship in Salem known as the Friendship and tormenting Mayor Kim Driscoll and her ill fitting black suit whenever possible.

With the 2012 election approaching and the useless members of Congress (greedy bastards and morons on both sides) the cats feel it is necessary to step up Bite & Run activities and play an active role in getting things done.

Moving boxes, vans and limos have been seen frequenting the Casino Calamari this past week located in wee Salem. The cats claimed this territory a self proclaimed country which seceded from the city of Salem and Commonwealth of MA over a dispute during the last mayorial election when Zevo hussein Calamari won over Mayor Kim Driscoll. However the city did not recognize the votes by the animal citizens of Salem and Driscoll declared herself a victorious winner. (Even though the only other candidate was a homeless man who recieved 20% of the votes!)

The citizens of Salem are distraught that the celebrity cats are not only leaving, but will be closing many of their businesses in the area such as the Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari, The Holy Spaghetti Factory, The church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, A Costume shop, Ice rink , Tarot & Paw reading place and a few other questionable operations such as the rumored Brothel Calamari.

In the past years celebrities and hordes of cats poured into Salem the first week of October for the Haunted Happenings parade to march along side the celebrity cats. This boosted business for every cafe, bar and restaurant in the area and Salem's economy. Celebrities such as Nicole Kidman, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Oprah, Cher and countless others marched in the parade with the cats and their BFF Captain Jack Sparrow. Later paparazzi and celebrities were seen at local hotspots, shops and having their palms read.

This year there will be no celebrities or Pooses for Peace fans to contribute to the newly raised hotel and restaurant taxes along with the hiked parking rates thus adding more stress to the City of Salem's debt.



The cats were also blamed for the appearance of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the past few parades and the mayor's craving for pasta since... click here if you don't remember!



Mayor Kim Driscoll and her black suit released a statement this morning: "These cats and their cohorts are a menace to society. The city of Salem will survive without the millions of dollars they bring in each year. I have hired a consultant to research the impact of this situation and taxes will only need to be raised a little bit (50%) more to compensate for this loss. We will be putting an Uber Walmart with a Fiesta Show Carnival in the so called wee Salem territory which will attract the type of citizens we really want living here in this maritime tourist destination. And as I have said in the past, I can only hope that it starts to rain around 8:30 pm on Halloween night. These damn witches are a pain in the ....Ouch....... oh MY gawd what is that smell? OOOOOOOOOO my ankles, my new black suit.. aaaaaah...."

Paris Prepares for Zevomas

Associated Press
Paris France

Celebrities and hordes of cats, dogs, skunks and other creatures have been streaming into Paris this week for the extravaganza of the year, Zevo hussein Calamari's 18th birthday.

Celebrations have already begun as the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace rented the entire Ritz Carlton Hotel of Paris for their entourage and friends. Mizz Lucy Fur, Miss Smudge, Nubi wan Kenobi, Luna miso Poosie and Monkay Hussein have been in Paris since the weekend planning the festivities. Other famous felines such as Cheysuli, the Meezers, Miss Daisy along with the infamous Che Nikki the schnauzer (and oh so many more that we just don't have the time or chi to mention or do the html needed) have been spotted sipping wine at cafes along the streets of Paris. Unconfirmed sources have reported seeing the Zevos BFF, Miss Boo snogging with Captain Jack Sparrow at the Ritz. Miss Boo is still wanted by Homeland Security and has been staying in Switzerland for the past year.

The birthday celebration will be held at the Moulin Rouge on Thursday evening. Rumors are flying about that Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor will be performing a few musical numbers from the movie that evening.

A pre-birthday party will be held at the Louvre on Wednesday evening by invitation only for all members, legions and friends of the Pooses for Peace. Live coverage of this event will take place with Oprah hosting.

All attendees are asked to wear tiaras and top hats.

Bite & Run Attack in Wisconsin in Progress...

BREAKING NEWS..... Bite & Run Attack In Progress .... Scott Walker & GOP Senators Bit...... Terrorist Liberal Cats Blamed....... Pooses for Peace seen in Wisconsin with Michael Moore..... details to follow................

Wee Salem Secedes from City of Salem

Associated Press
Salem MA

A new state on the North Shore of MA?

Authorities of the city of Salem and the Common Wealth of Massachusetts have been hit with disturbing news. A small portion of Salem, MA has seceded from the city and state and declared itself the 51st state of the United States of America. (However sources claim this is depending on the next election in which the rebel state may then secede altogether and form its own country!)

Wee Salem, the name of this new state is located very close to the historical House of the Seven Gables. Authorities are not quite sure how many homes in the neighborhood have seceded.
The new mayor, Zevo hussein Calamari and her advisors, all members of the infamous Pooses for Peace declared their independence on Cinco de Mayo.

Mayor Zevo Calamari issued a statement: "We the citizens of Wee Salem are tired of the greed, back room politics and stupidity of Mayor Kimberley Driscoll and her troupe of minons. We have decided to secede. No more taxes on food, entertainment and cupcakes! We will not cut down a forest for an Uber Wal-Mart-Lowes in Wee Salem. We promise not to hire over priced consultants and fake traffic studies. No more tacky carnivals! Come to Wee Salem and stay at the Casino Calamari. Enjoy a tax free meal at the Holy Spaghetti Factory! Witches, pirates and pastafarians are welcome! Free parking.. and um .. like there is plenty of parking too! ....and um... i promise never ever to wear an ill fitting black suit."

There has been no response yet from Mayor Driscoll or the Common Wealth of MA. Governor Patrick Deval claims to have never heard of the Pooses for Peace.

Boston Tea Party Bite & Run Attack

BREAKING NEWS

Boston MA..............Home of the Original Tea Party!

Former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and wolf murderer criticized the Obama administration and the liberal Snootie pants Congress today at a Tea Party rally on Boston Common, saying the government had been on a "spending spree" and warning of future tax increases.

During Palin's 21-minute you betcha ramblings about the facist, marxist take over by the communist liberals and their muslim leader President Obama, patriotic music played in the background. SUVs with yellow Support our Troops magnets surrounded the area. Flag pins were worn by all in a sea of those wearing red, white and blue.

As Palin was giving her final remarks, a horde of cats, dogs, skunks and possibly a wolf dressed in pirate regalia jumped on stage and into the crowd. Palin was heard screaming as far as the North End of Boston. "What the F*@K? Get off me you varmits. AHhhhhhhhh OUCH that hurts.. you betcha... TODD where the hell ar' ya?
AAAAAAAAAAAchoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....Oh Lordy is that a wolf there yonder? Where the hell is my rifle?????? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Boston Police rushed to the scene but were not able to capture any of the so called perpetrators. Palin and several of her Tea Party devotees were rushed to a nearby hospital for bites, cuts, scratches and alleries. All are in stable condition but a few cats wearing nurses uniforms were seen running off with the patients' pain medication. Several of those at the rally have made reports about missing watches, iPhones and credit cards. Sarah Palin's glasses are also reported missing.

Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous liberal domestic terrorist known as the Pooses for Peace. Their headquarters are north of Boston in Salem, MA.

It is not the first time the cats and Sarah Palin have violent encounters. The cats have been accused of attacking Palin a few times while she was on the campaign with John McCain. The Pooses for Peace are also involved in protecting the wolves and keeping Palin off the Discovery Channel. (The cats also have an on going feud with Mayor Kim Driscoll of Salem.)

As of this time the Boston PD has not named the celebrity cats as suspects. Interpol claims that the cats are still in Paris, France celebrating Zevo hussein Calamari's birthday today at a party in the Louvre Museum.

There is speculation the cats involved in today's event could have been those who did not attend the party - or perhaps even a fringe group hired by the Pooses for Peace. Several people attending the event also claim to have seen a wolf roaming through the Boston Commons, however police believe it was possibly just a lost husky.

In other Boston and local news the wolf known as Osa a resident of the Ipswich Wolf Hollow reserve has been reported missing since this morning.

Pooses for Peace Issue Warning to US Idiots

Associated Press
Pooses for Peace Secret Headquarters

Unconfirmed sources believe that the infamous domestic terrorist liberal feline group known as the Pooses for Peace have put their legions of Bite & Run Brigades on RED ALERT.

Spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari along with Miss Boo, Miss Lucy Fur and their entourage, legions of Bite & Run Brigades held a press conference from their undisclosed Pooses for Peace Headquarters. The cats have issued a terse warning today to those who have been fueling the fire of anger and violence since the signing of the Health Reform bill this week.

"KNOCK it off you idiots! Where were all of you when an illegal war was started 8 years ago by a chimp that put this country in debt? We are talking about health care here. ... keeping people healthy. Not weapons of mass destruction. Not tapping your phone lines, emails, and torture camps. Not running the national debt up every day to pay for Iraq, bailing out corrupt bankers, big business, tax breaks for those who don't pay taxes cause they are so rich they can afford teams of accountants! Breaks for BIG OIL........

Do you tea party people even know the difference between Marxist and Facist? Do you understand that they are not the same thing? Like dah! Even cats know the difference. Can you really be a communist and a facist at the same time? (Would Che Guevara be caught dead hanging out with Hitler or Mussolini?)

This is 2010 people. Grow up. Treat others as you would want to be treated- with respect. You can agree to disagree. Sit down and discuss it. But lying, name calling, spitting, shooting out windows, death threats and violence will only lead to more. Please Act like civilized humans. Even we animals know better.

DON'T MAKE US COME TO WASHINGTON!!!!!!!
The Pooses for Peace
Bite & Run Brigades
Poop & Run Brigades
Poot & Run Brigades
Whap & Run Brigades
Scratch & Run Brigades

Salem Welcomes the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Associated Press

Salem MA

Salem residents woke up to a visit from the Flying Spaghetti Monster this morning. The infamous domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace unveiled the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster along with its restaurant The Holy Spaghetti Factory and its famed Volcanic Beer Bar. A pirate themed boutique along with free underground parking for patrons is also one of the luxuries of this latest establishment.

Jimmy Buffett and the Coral Reefers joined the celebrity cats in the Grand Opening of the Volcanic Beer Bar.

The cats are devout Pastafarians who believe in the deity the Flying Spaghetti Monster . Pastafarians dress as pirates on Holy Days and quote from the Gospel of the Holy Spaghetti Monster. Friday is a Holy Day.

Because the celebrity cats have the business listed as a nonprofit religious organization there will be no tax on the meals, drinks, nor will they be paying any taxes to the city of Salem.

The cats have been a thorn in the mayor of Salem's side ever since she was elected. .. and the last election results are still being questioned by

Zevo hussein Calamari who claims she won.

The cats have been blamed on several occasions for crimes such as stealing the tall ship known as the Friendship . It is rumored that the cats also own several other businesses in Salem such as the Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari and a so called Brothel Calamari

Not to be undone by her nemisis, Salem Mayor Kimberley Driscoll had a Spaghetti dinner in her honor at the Moose Lodge today. As advertised on facebook- anyone who showed up and mentioned they saw it on the social networking site could eat for free. Unconfirmed authorities are not sure how hundreds of homeless vagrants showed up for the feast.

Driscoll, fearing the cats would attempt another Bite and Run wore ankle and knee guards under her predictable black suit. Although she will not admit it- Kimberley Driscoll was touched by the Flying Spaghetti Monster at the Haunted Happenings Parade this past October. Click here if you don't remember that!

Extra security was called in as well, however no cats were seen at the Mayor's Spaghetti dinner. However the Mayor reports that her iphone and earrings are once again missing and blames the cats. "Those cats are a menace to Salem. I cannot tell you how many iPhones and earrings i have lost due to them. I will fight to charge tax on their meals and beverages. How dare they put an underground parking facility in without my permission. Now I will have to hire a consultant, lay off more teachers and firemen and raise taxes. Why is there red sauce on my suit and oh my gawd....what is that smell? Anyone have a can of Frebreeze? ack. .. ack...."

Spokes-poose Zevo Calamari issued a statment: " Salem residents.... May the Flying Spaghetti Monster touch you with his Noodly Goodness! RAmen!"

BREAKING NEWS..... BITE & RUN BREAKS BUNNINGS FILIBUSTER

BREAKING NEWS...... Sen Bunning latest victim of a Bite & Run as he blocked a measure that would extend cash and health insurance benefits for the unemployed.

Throughout the day Tuesday, Democrats had been threatening to keep the Senate open all night, a move that would have forced Bunning to remain on the floor if he wanted to continue to block the measure.

With hundreds of thousands of people expected to lose benefits this week, Democrats have spent the past several days holding up the impasse as an example of Republican attempts to block Democratic legislation. The Democratic National Committee blasted 16 e-mails to reporters on Tuesday decrying Bunning's blockade.

In an unexpected turn of events, a horde of cats wearing tiaras, one donning a Jedi robe and swinging a light saber and a dog wearing a Che beret rushed on to the Senate floor. Screams and sneezes filled the room. Hair pieces flew through the air. Within minutes the cats had vanished without a trace and Senator Bunning and a few other senators were immediately rushed to an undisclosed hospital. All remain in stable condition. However it is reported that a cat wearing scrubs ran off with their pain medication. Many senators are now reporting that their iPhones, credit cards and watches are missing.

Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous domestic liberal terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace.

No charges have been filed as of this time. There will be a press conference at 11:00 pm.

Pirate Cats Return Missing Tall Ship

Salem MA


The Friendship, Salem’s beloved tall ship, is finally home. Crowds cheered and waved hankies as the Friendship sailed into Salem's Derby Wharf today. Aboard the ship was Captain Jack Sparrow and the celebrity cats The Pooses for Peace in full pirate regalia and very inebriated.

A modern replica of the 1797 East Indiaman, the ship is normally docked at the Salem Maritime National Historic Site at Derby Wharf, where it’s open for tours throughout the week.

Since May, however, The National Park Service claims that the ship has been in Boothbay Harbor, Maine, for repairs. Unconfirmed sources revealed that the ship was actually hijacked earlier this year by the domestic pirate group known as the Pooses for Peace and Captain Jack Sparrow. To save face the City of Salem agreed to play along with the ship needs repair story. The cats and the Mayor of Salem have had tumultuous relationship the past several years. And it has not improved recently.

Mayor Kimberley Driscoll attended the ceremony wearing ankle guards under her only black drab suit for fear of another Bite and Run attack by the cats. As the ship pulled in, her nemesis, Zevo hussein Calamari waved and called out "Hi Kimmie.... is that a new iPhone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" The mayor, believing Zevo to be in Italy was surprised and reached for her new iPhone to call the Salem PD, ....when it was instantly snatched from her hands by what appeared to be a black cat wearing a Jedi robe. (The Salem PD was too busy guarding the construction near the Tavern on the Square to respond anyway.)

Mayor Drisoll made the statement" We are so happy to have the Friendship back in our city. Those responsible for this travesty will be punished. And where is my iPhone? OH my.....is that Captain Jack Sparrow?"


Zevo Calamari also issued a statement "What iPhone? Does this pirate hat make me look fat? Jack darlin' pass me the rum. "

Cats Cause Disturbance at Salem's Tavern in the Square (TITS)

Associated Press
Salem MA

The latest Salem scandal reached a peak tonight when hordes of cats stormed into the Tavern on the Square, also known as TITS to the locals, The cats ordered rounds of tequila for all and had it put on the Mayor Kimberley Driscoll's tab. After several rounds the cats began dancing on the table tops and biting patrons on the ankles.

Other cats began changing the channels on all the TVs playing the Red Sox game in the Tavern to the Animal Planet channel which caused another fight to ensue between Sox fans and the cats. Most of the jocks are in stable condition at Salem Hospital.

Salem Police were called in to stop the disturbance, but none were available as they were all on street duty for Verizon and Comcast. Several patrons left sneezing and gagging. Others reported lost jewelry and blackberries.

Authorities believe that the cats are the infamous celebrity cats known as The Pooses for Peace. However the Pooses for Peace were last seen in Switzerland hiding out from Homeland Security with the Sisters of Perpetual Holy Cheese. It is rumored that the cats are really a covert agency approved by Obama and they are in Europe for an undisclosed reason. No comment has been made by the White House on the cats.

The cats causing the disturbance at the TITS were in disguise, wearing black suits and black wigs resembling Salem's Mayor Kimberley Driscoll. None were wearing the signature tiaras that the celebrity cats usually don.

Rumors on Facebook have been surfacing all weekend that TITS was given a free liquor license and a free pass from the Salem Health Dept courtesy of the mayor. TITS was also given permission to cut down trees and remove the grass on city property to make room for more outdoor dining. As one cat said "In this town, one paw washes the other. Those with money make their own rules here."

Mayor Driscoll issued a statement. "These cats are a menace to this community. They have caused nothing but trouble since I have been elected. And stop mocking my black suit. I only make $80,000 a year. Do you expect me to wear Versace?" The celebrity cats and the mayor have had an on going feud for the past few years. It began at one of the Haunted Happenings Parade and has escalated since.

Zevo Calamari issued a statement via blackberry "Please pass the cheese and more of that wine. What TITS? Mine are real and spectacular. Mayor Who?