Planet Calamari Zazzle shop

2009-10-01

Flying Spaghetti Monster Appears
at Salem Parade





BREAKING NEWS
Salem MASS

Captain Jack Sparrow rode into Salem on a jet black Vespa, with the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, aka the celebrity Pooses for Peace on vespas at the Haunted Happenings Parade this evening. Along with Captain Jack Sparrow was his entourage of pirates and pastafarians. His swagger and the glint in his eyes caused women to swoon and faint all over the parade route, creating a stress on Salem's underpaid EMT system.

Other celebrities rode with the the cats known as the Pooses for Peace as a sign of solidarity for their cause. George Clooney rode along side Miss Boo on his Harley hog. Oprah, BFF of Miss Lucy Fur rode on a special orange Vespa with her name etched in gold. Zevo Calamari led the cast from the Rocky Horror Show on her blue Vespa. Brad Pitt sans wretched children and Angelina Jolie was seen on a Harley hog too. Ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli, rode along with her former bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi. The Meezers led the the Whap & Run brigades along with the Poop & Run Patrols. Hundreds of cats dressed in black witch hats and capes or pirate regalia rode Vespas, Scooters and Skateboards too.

The crowds cheered for Al Gore and Bo Obama in the green electric car. Other celebrities who played witches in movies, such as Nicole Kidman, Sandra Bullock, Cher, Bette Midler, rode Vespas and Scooters along with the infamous Bite & Run, Whap and Run Brigades. All wore black witch hats and capes and carried brooms. Cameron Diaz, in town making a movie also rode a vespa with the cats. Tom Cruise costaring with Diaz refused to ride in the parade along with the pastafarians and pirates saying that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a fictional religion, unlike the credible religion of Scientology.

In a repeat of last year Mayor Kimberley Driscoll called for an emergency back-up from the Boston Fire Department to handle the overload. At that very moment the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared over the parade touching all with his Noodly Goodness. The mayor fainted and once again lost a pair of earrings and her blackberry. As predicted, the mayor wore her black suit to march in the parade. The "What Not to Wear" crew were anxiously waiting a chance to surprise the mayor with a make over again. However, since the mayor was rushed to the hospital screaming "Aliens are invading Salem. I blame those wretched cats!" the make over has been postponed until next season. This is the second time this year the What Not to Wear crew were in Salem.


The Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades were forced to march after the Boston Police Equestrian Patrol. EMT Units had to be called back in to assist all those who were gagging and puking. The City of Salem sent in a Biohazard team to rid the streets of the stench. Incense has been lit all over Salem.

As of 11:00 pm tonight, all the bars, clubs and restaurants in Salem are filled with drunk cats, dogs, pirates, pastafarians and celebrities.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll is in stable condition and it is rumored she asked for a plate of pasta when she awoke from her incident. Unfortunately her black suit was covered in pasta sauce after being touched by His Noodly Appendage.

2 comments:

Cheysuli and gemini said...

It is so sad about the EMTs. Imagine how much easier it would have been had we had single payer...

zevo hussein calamari said...

alas... so true... hmmm so interesting the numbers in this blackberry i found..........oh jack dear pass me another shot of strega..