Planet Calamari Zazzle shop


Does the Discovery Channel
Need a Bite & Run Reminder?

It is hard to believe that the Discovery Channel, those folks who bring us Animal Planet would consider giving Sarah Palin her own reality show about Alaska. This woman is responsible for the hunting of wolves and making it a sport. Killing wolves via helicopter. Maybe Animal Planet should show that!

We are not fans of Sarah Palin. No shock there... but politics aside, this woman should not be allowed on the Discovery Channel. She belongs on the FOX news network making up stories about communists being facists, etc....! (wink wink you betcha!)

We know that wolves would eat us if we were roaming the streets of Alaska. But this is not the point. We would eat mice if we saw them roaming! Help us keep Sarah Palin off of the Discovery Channel.

Here is a petition to the Discovery Channel for all those who are shocked by this news.

From the Defenders of Wildlife:

" This is unbelievable.

Discovery Communications has just announced that they’ll be producing a “reality TV” series starring Sarah Palin.

Yes — the same Sarah Palin who escalated Alaska’s war on wolves and offered a $150 bounty for the severed front-forelegs of dead wolves. The same Sarah Palin who fought against increased protections for America’s struggling polar bear populations. And the same Palin who fought against the increased protections for the dwindling Cook Inlet beluga whales.

I’m troubled that Discovery Communications — known for their stunning wildlife-focused productions — would choose to embrace such a controversial and anti-wildlife person as Sarah Palin to represent Alaska and the wildlife that lives there.

That’s why I’ve joined Defenders of Wildlife’s fight to get Discovery Communications to drop Sarah Palin’s new show, and I am hoping you will too.

Please sign the petition online at CLICK here!

Thanks for helping…


Pooses for Peace Issue Warning to US Idiots

Associated Press
Pooses for Peace Secret Headquarters

Unconfirmed sources believe that the infamous domestic terrorist liberal feline group known as the Pooses for Peace have put their legions of Bite & Run Brigades on RED ALERT.

Spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari along with Miss Boo, Miss Lucy Fur and their entourage, legions of Bite & Run Brigades held a press conference from their undisclosed Pooses for Peace Headquarters. The cats have issued a terse warning today to those who have been fueling the fire of anger and violence since the signing of the Health Reform bill this week.

"KNOCK it off you idiots! Where were all of you when an illegal war was started 8 years ago by a chimp that put this country in debt? We are talking about health care here. ... keeping people healthy. Not weapons of mass destruction. Not tapping your phone lines, emails, and torture camps. Not running the national debt up every day to pay for Iraq, bailing out corrupt bankers, big business, tax breaks for those who don't pay taxes cause they are so rich they can afford teams of accountants! Breaks for BIG OIL........

Do you tea party people even know the difference between Marxist and Facist? Do you understand that they are not the same thing? Like dah! Even cats know the difference. Can you really be a communist and a facist at the same time? (Would Che Guevara be caught dead hanging out with Hitler or Mussolini?)

This is 2010 people. Grow up. Treat others as you would want to be treated- with respect. You can agree to disagree. Sit down and discuss it. But lying, name calling, spitting, shooting out windows, death threats and violence will only lead to more. Please Act like civilized humans. Even we animals know better.

The Pooses for Peace
Bite & Run Brigades
Poop & Run Brigades
Poot & Run Brigades
Whap & Run Brigades
Scratch & Run Brigades


Party O'Pooses

Come join us at Hamburger O' Marys (located inside Casino O'Calamari's)
in Salem for a St Patty's Day party.
5:00 pm-?
wear green

Tickets are still available for this event.

Call 1-800-Boo-Zevo. Have your credit card ready!

May the Tuna dish rise up to meet you,
Zevo O' Calamari and the Pooses O'Peace


Salem Welcomes the
Flying Spaghetti Monster

Associated Press
Salem MA

Salem residents woke up to a visit from the Flying Spaghetti Monster this morning. The infamous domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace unveiled the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster along with its restaurant The Holy Spaghetti Factory and its famed Volcanic Beer Bar. A pirate themed boutique along with free underground parking for patrons is also one of the luxuries of this latest establishment.

Jimmy Buffett and the Coral Reefers joined the celebrity cats in the Grand Opening of the Volcanic Beer Bar.

The cats are devout Pastafarians who believe in the deity the Flying Spaghetti Monster . Pastafarians dress as pirates on Holy Days and quote from the Gospel of the Holy Spaghetti Monster. Friday is a Holy Day.

Because the celebrity cats have the business listed as a nonprofit religious organization there will be no tax on the meals, drinks, nor will they be paying any taxes to the city of Salem.

The cats have been a thorn in the mayor of Salem's side ever since she was elected. .. and the last election results are still being questioned by

The cats have been blamed on several occasions for crimes such as stealing the tall ship known as the Friendship . It is rumored that the cats also own several other businesses in Salem such as the Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari and a so called Brothel Calamari

Not to be undone by her nemisis, Salem Mayor Kimberley Driscoll had a Spaghetti dinner in her honor at the Moose Lodge today. As advertised on facebook- anyone who showed up and mentioned they saw it on the social networking site could eat for free. Unconfirmed authorities are not sure how hundreds of homeless vagrants showed up for the feast.

Driscoll, fearing the cats would attempt another Bite and Run wore ankle and knee guards under her predictable black suit. Although she will not admit it- Kimberley Driscoll was touched by the Flying Spaghetti Monster at the Haunted Happenings Parade this past October. Click here if you don't remember that!

Extra security was called in as well, however no cats were seen at the Mayor's Spaghetti dinner. However the Mayor reports that her iphone and earrings are once again missing and blames the cats. "Those cats are a menace to Salem. I cannot tell you how many iPhones and earrings i have lost due to them. I will fight to charge tax on their meals and beverages. How dare they put an underground parking facility in without my permission. Now I will have to hire a consultant, lay off more teachers and firemen and raise taxes. Why is there red sauce on my suit and oh my gawd....what is that smell? Anyone have a can of Frebreeze? ack. .. ack...."

Spokes-poose Zevo Calamari issued a statment: " Salem residents.... May the Flying Spaghetti Monster touch you with his Noodly Goodness! RAmen!"


Cat Fight at the Oscars?

Associated Press
Hollywood CA

Unconfirmed rumors are circulating through Tinsel Town today on why George Clooney looked so angry last night at the Oscars. Is George Clooney feuding with Alec Baldwin or did something else take place before the show began?

Clooney was thought to be engaged to celebrity feline Miss Boo, of the Pooses for Peace last year, however no one has confirmed if the couple had a tiff or separated. Last night Clooney showed up at the Oscars with Elilsabetta Canalis.

The Pooses for Peace Celebrity cats co-hosted the event along with Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. Sources to terrified to be identified claim that when the cats realized Clooney was shunning Miss Boo by bringing a stink insect as a date, a cat fight ensued between Canalis and the Miss Lucy Fur, BFF to Miss Boo and Zevo Calamari. (Miss Lucy Fur is infamous for her temper. In the past restraining orders were filed against her by Dr Phil and a few republican pundits. She is said to be taking medication that is not effective when mixed with alcohol.)

Fortunately for Canalis, security (accustomed to celebrity fighting on the red carpet) broke up the fight and she had a spare gown in Clooney's limo. Her make up and hair was redone before the show. Her earrings are reported to be missing. Reports are being filed that celebrities who wore fur to the show were bit or scratched last night. No charges have been filed.

Last night Sandra Bullock lost her earrings. Other starlets are reporting lost bracelets, earrings and watches. Authorities are not concerned as most of the celebrities were drunk and dancing the night away. Anyone could have lost what they were wearing reported a security guard wearing what seemed to be a Jedi robe.

Pooses for Peace spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari was overheard this morning saying "Ooh my head..... ack ack the taste of stick insect is still in my mouth. um like.... What earrings? Pass that ginger ale please......... oh and watch where you step......... turn out the light too. Does this bracelet make me look fat?"


Pooses for Peace Co-Host Oscars

Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin will be hosting the Oscars Sunday night
with their friends the Pooses for Peace

Don't miss the Barbara Walters last interview with celebrity cats Zevo hussein Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur on the Red Carpet. It is going to be an exciting night for all.

Join guest pooses, Tao and Sarge, Luna miso Poosie and M hussein Monkay, and Che Nikki
for the Pre-Oscar Fashion show on the Red Carpet.

What will fashionista Daisy the CurlyCat wear? Will Cheysuli and Gemini attend? Will George Clooney dare to show up with his new girlfriend and risk the wrath of Miss Boo? And will Steve Martin play the banjo.......

Warning: Attendees have been warned not to wear fur. All violators will be bit.

The Bite Patrol tonight will be led by Nubi Wan Kenobi and the Jedi Poose Force, along with the infamous Meezer Whap & Run, Poot and Run patrols.

Join the Pooses for Peace at their party right after the Oscars. Nip-tinis, Champagne fountain, ham and tuna buffet and a night of dancing. Bring your own tiara and top hat!



BREAKING NEWS...... Sen Bunning latest victim of a Bite & Run as he blocked a measure that would extend cash and health insurance benefits for the unemployed.

Throughout the day Tuesday, Democrats had been threatening to keep the Senate open all night, a move that would have forced Bunning to remain on the floor if he wanted to continue to block the measure.

With hundreds of thousands of people expected to lose benefits this week, Democrats have spent the past several days holding up the impasse as an example of Republican attempts to block Democratic legislation. The Democratic National Committee blasted 16 e-mails to reporters on Tuesday decrying Bunning's blockade.

In an unexpected turn of events, a horde of cats wearing tiaras, one donning a Jedi robe and swinging a light saber and a dog wearing a Che beret rushed on to the Senate floor. Screams and sneezes filled the room. Hair pieces flew through the air. Within minutes the cats had vanished without a trace and Senator Bunning and a few other senators were immediately rushed to an undisclosed hospital. All remain in stable condition. However it is reported that a cat wearing scrubs ran off with their pain medication. Many senators are now reporting that their iPhones, credit cards and watches are missing.

Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous domestic liberal terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace.

No charges have been filed as of this time. There will be a press conference at 11:00 pm.