The rainbow section of San Diego known as Hillcrest has been flooded with hordes of well dressed cats and celebrities today, coming in from all over the country. Tonight the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace will be holding their New Years Eve gala at Mo's, (formerly known as Hamburger Mary's).
Miss Lucy Fur and Miss Boo who still live in Hillcrest coordinated the last minute party details. Extra tequila has been brought up from Mexico for the party. Unconfirmed sources report that George Clooney may be escorting Miss Boo to the party. Donatella Versace flew in this morning with couture for the cats to wear this evening.
Miss Lucy Fur, BFF with Oprah has brought in Racheal Ray to cook for the evening. Many are concerned that Miss Lucy Fur is once again off her medication. The last time the cats had a party at MO's the San Diego swat team was called in for a cat fight started by Lucy Fur. Dr Phil filed a restraining order against Miss Fur two years ago.
Members of the Bite & Run, Poot and Run and Poop and Run brigades have been invited. There are too many to name. (We apologize for not providing links to all the cats attending or invited since we are typing on an iBook that has been feuding with blogger.com)
Paparazzi are hoping ex presidential canditate Cheysuli will be attending the party this year. Her former bodyguard, Nubi wan Kenobi arrived with roomie Zevo Calamari this morning and prima ballerina Luna diPoosalita aka Twinkle Toes. Monkay the thumbed cat along with Che Nikki the rebel schnauzer is also rumoured to be attending.
Another rumour floating through the poose world is that Zevo's pet human may be getting a newer ibook and will actually be able to visit more cat blogs in the new year.
Wishing all pooses and their loved ones a Happy Healthy Prosperous and Pooserific New Year!
I hear that another snow storm will be hitting your area tomorrow. Let's move the New Years Party from Casino Calamari to Mo's in San Diego...then afterwards we can have a house-trashing party at my place.
Miss Lucy Fur and i will take care of all the details. Bring your tiara and flip flops! I guess you can bring Nubi and Luna diPoosalita too!!
See you later.
Just one day after a man attempted to blow up a plane, Ivana Trump blew up at passengers before take-off, launching obscenities at cats wearing tiaras aboard the flight to New York.
The former wife of Donald Trump apparently got angry about her seat assignment in first class when she boarded the Delta-Northwest flight. Trump began screaming "I will not sit near those f--king cats. They are nothing but trouble. I know what they did to Lindsey Lohan." Flight attendants offered her a different seat in first class. But she quickly became infuriated at the cats on the plane who began to taunt her about wearing fur and tacky leather pants.
The tabloid THE POST also spoke with a 10-year-old witness, Vincent Cone, who claims that the 60-year-old woman flipped out at the cute cats. "The reason she got so upset was the cats were laughing at her and she started screaming, 'I want my earrings and iPod back now or you will be made into my next coat,'" said Cone. "I liked the cats. They were very funny and they all looked so cute wearing those tiaras. I wish my cat at home dressed nice too."
When flight attendants told Ivana that she was getting kicked off the plane, Trump rushed toward the cockpit, according to Cone. Pilots told her to leave, but she refused to disembark from the plane and the cats helped to move her out of the plane by biting her ankles and knees. After she was off the plane the cats ordered a bottle of champagne and watched the movie That Darn Cat.
No charges have been filed against Mz Trump. She claims that her iPod, earrings and diamond rings and watch are missing.
Unconfirmed sources report that Jimmy Buffett is snowed in..again... at the Casino Calamari in Salem, MA. Even though the mandatory No Parking
Mayor Kimberley Driscoll is not happy that the Salem Police have been called in..again.. due to the loud singing and noise coming from the Casino on Christmas night. A birthday party honoring Mr Buffett was given by his close friends, The Pooses for Peace.
The celebrity cats have been nothing but a thorn in her side since she became the mayor of Salem. (Unconfirmed sources say the Mayor is miffed she was not invited to the party due to her poor fashion sense and her refusal to wear a coconut bra with the mandatory parrot head grass skirt instead of her black suit.)
Cats wearing coconut bras, grass skirts and leis invited the police to join the party. Several of the cats had parrots perched on their tiaras. Mayor Kimberly Driscoll denies all reports of Salem Police drinking margaritas and sporting grass skirts. (The mayor is concerned that the Salem Police have already had enough bad press due to the You-Tube incidents that happened near Halloween a year ago.)
At this time the music and noise continues at the Casino Calamari. Un-manned police cars are still parked outside the Casino. The neighbors who filed the complaint have since been seen wearing orchid leis over their parkas, while drinking margaritas and dancing in the snow,
We invite everyone to our Festivus Celebration at the Casino Calamari tonight. We will be putting up our pole at 5:00 pm followed by the reciting of the List of Grievances and then the Strengths of Feat.
The cast of Seinfeld will be there to party with us! We will be serving a Festivus holiday meal of tuna, ham and turkey with Nip-tinis and margaritas for all,
Wishing everyone a Festivus Miracle!
the pooses for peace
Tomorrow is Festivus, which means it is time for me to compose my list of grievances for the Festivus celebration. They are pretty much the same as last years with a few more additions. Obviously the pet humans did not pay attention to them again.
So far this is my list:
Where is the dog you promised me? Luna is not a dog. You were supposed to adopt a dog for me...not another cat who has large feet. I want a dog and i want it now.
I do not like that the female pet human leaves for several hours each day. She should stay home and nap with me.
The male pet human should feed me more and allow me to go outside without supervision.
I do not think it is fair that Zevo has seniority over me. Just because she has been with them for 16.5 years and i have only been with them for 3 is just not right. And it is totally unfair they adopted Luna diPoosalita with out my permission. Oh and her feet are enormous.
Luna should not be allowed near my crunchies. And she needs to stay away from the female pet human. She is mine. I do not like the pet human telling her how poosie she is or complimenting her "twinkle toes", My feet are really cute too.
I think they should buy me some real birds to chase around the house this Christmas instead of the fake birdie toys.
I should be paid $5 every time they scream "Nubi get down off of that_________!"(fill in the blank) Then i could retire and buy my own dog.
I do NOT appreciate the female pet human's singing ...especially when she sings that "Smelly Cat" song while cleaning the cat box. Nor do i appreciate her calling me a "poose-head" when i am causing trouble.
I have many more complaints...but it is my nap time.
Wishing everyone a Happy Festivus for the rest of us.
nubi wan kenobi, Jedi poose
p.s. Join us tomorrow for our annual Festivus party at the Casino Calamari.
Other Pooses for Peace members will also be dancing in the ballet tonight. Nubi wan Kenobi will play the part of the mean mouse. The Meezer boys will be dancing as toy soldiers. No word yet if Zevo Calamari, Miss Boo or Miss Lucy Fur will be dancing with the ballet. Rumor has it they are still celebrating Zappadan at the Casino Calamari.
Tickets are still available for tonight's performance.
Madam Zevo Calamari, unconfirmed owner of the Brothel Calamari has released a statement today: "This is the picture of Tiger that i keep in my locket, with a strand of his fur. We spent time together when his mate was not in their den. I did not know he had cubs. I am not a hooker. It was true love. My heart is broken........ and um like.. ...does this lycra tiger print make me look fat?.... Pass me a shot of tequila please......"
The paparazzi has been camped outside the infamous Casino Calamari since Friday. Camera crews and news hounds have been hoping to catch a glimpse of Madam Zevo Calamari and her friends, Miss Boo and a Miss Lucy Fur after rumors spread about Tiger Woods leaving their so called house of ill repute known as the Brothel Calamari. The domestic terrorist cats have not been seen since the Zappadan party last Friday night.
Authorities are still searching the entire city of Salem for the brothel and have yet to find its location. Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has called for back up detectives and the FBI to help locate the illegal "cat house". "These cats are a menace to society. This is NOT the kind of tourist attraction we want Salem to be known for! ,.... Um.....Where is my iPhone and what is that smell?"
As of tonight at least 8 possibly 10 women have claimed to have had affairs with Tiger Woods. One can only imagine what the number is if it is true he visited the Brothel Calamari.
Unconfirmed sources claim to have seen Tiger Woods leaving the famed Brothel Calamari on several occasions this year. No photos have surfaced yet of these claims.The infamous brothel is allegedly run by the domestic terrorist feline Zevo hussein Calamari and her cohorts, the Pooses for Peace. Authorities in Salem have not been able to locate the brothel. Salem's mayor, Kim Driscoll has called for undercover police to search for the house of ill repute and arrest those running it. "Those wretched cats will be prosecuted as soon as we have evidence."
Madam Calamari refused to give an interview on Larry King or to make an appearance on The View. She released a statement this morning: "What brothel? What tigers? Do these golf shoes make me look fat? Pass me a martini please."
Zappadan December 4th through December 21
Frank Zappa was born in the very same hospital as our pet human ...and passed away on her birthday in 1993. (She took it personal...and needless to say she was very excited to hear that others dedicated a season to him that starts on her birthday)
The festival of Zappadan runs from the date of Frank's death, 12/4, through the date of his birth, 12/21.
We would like to invite everyone to celebrate Zappadan at the Casino Calamari for the entire season.
Bring your own dental floss, and we will provide entertainment, munchies and of course tequila.
Oh... and a happy birthday to our pet human. (We think she would like this quote too!)
Music by the Cantina Band
Star Wars attire is required.
Bring your own light saber.
Space shuttle leaves from the Salem Ferry lot at noon.
May the Force be with you!
Unlike their human counterparts, the English pooses remained friends with their new Indian friends and respected their customs and their land.
Today pooses in America celebrate this day with a feast, rum and an occasional toke on the catnip peace-pipe while watching the Macy's Day parade in hopes of seeing the Cat in the Hat balloon.
We apologize for not being able to visit all the wonderful cat blogs and leave comments.
If you are on facebook please let us know so we can comment there!
Miss Lucy Fur, celebrity cat and BFF with Oprah will share her Thanksgiving recipes for turkey stuffed with tuna, shrimp and ham and her famous tuna flavored nip-tinis
Will Miss Lucy Fur give us the scoop on Miss Boo and George Clooney's pending nuptials?
Is she still taking her medication? And is she romantically involved with the Queen's Royal Corgi again?
Stay tuned .........
The Friendship, Salem’s beloved tall ship, is finally home. Crowds cheered and waved hankies as the Friendship sailed into Salem's Derby Wharf today. Aboard the ship was Captain Jack Sparrow and the celebrity cats The Pooses for Peace in full pirate regalia and very inebriated.
A modern replica of the 1797 East Indiaman, the ship is normally docked at the Salem Maritime National Historic Site at Derby Wharf, where it’s open for tours throughout the week.
Since May, however, The National Park Service claims that the ship has been in Boothbay Harbor, Maine, for repairs. Unconfirmed sources revealed that the ship was actually hijacked earlier this year by the domestic pirate group known as the Pooses for Peace and Captain Jack Sparrow. To save face the City of Salem agreed to play along with the ship needs repair story. The cats and the Mayor of Salem have had tumultuous relationship the past several years. And it has not improved recently.
Mayor Kimberley Driscoll attended the ceremony wearing ankle guards under her only black drab suit for fear of another Bite and Run attack by the cats. As the ship pulled in, her nemesis, Zevo hussein Calamari waved and called out "Hi Kimmie.... is that a new iPhone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" The mayor, believing Zevo to be in Italy was surprised and reached for her new iPhone to call the Salem PD, ....when it was instantly snatched from her hands by what appeared to be a black cat wearing a Jedi robe. (The Salem PD was too busy guarding the construction near the Tavern on the Square to respond anyway.)
Zevo Calamari also issued a statement "What iPhone? Does this pirate hat make me look fat? Jack darlin' pass me the rum. "
I was having such a lovely time with Donatella and her closet. Miss Boo and Lucy Fur are still in Italy with George Clooney and those Royal Corgies. So unfair... and the V-E-T did not even notice ii was wearing Versace. Really! At least she gave me some good nip. And she said i was quite the beauty for my age. But did she have to poke me and take blood? Am i in some Twilight movie? There were werewolves at the V-E-Ts. I heard them howling in the other room. It did not seem to phase the pet human. Then again she has a thing for wolves.
I am now home and protesting on the pile of laundry that needs to be folded. I think cat hair on all her black clothes is a nice way to show my appreciation. I just peed outside the box again too.
Can someone bring me a magazine and a Nip-tini?
Benvenuti cari amici!
Farò un bel vestito per tutti voi. Mi dispiace tanto su quegli elettori stupidi a Salem.
Si prega di portare questi gatti poveri del prosciutto e del vino e Manolos.
translation for the mangia cakes:
Welcome my dear friends!
I make-a a nice pretty dress for all of you....no? I'm-a so sorry about those stupidido voters in Salem. Please bring-a these poor cats some-a ham and-a wine and Manolos
Per la mangia cakes...."We go to italy to rest. Goodbye you stupid people of Salem. You should have voted for me. Good fortune with the woman in black!"
John Prine fans were ecstatic this evening when the infamous Pooses for Peace joined him on stage mid-concert to sing back up vocals to Illegal Smile, That's the Way that the World Goes Round and Your Flag Decal Won't Get you into Heaven Anymore. The celebrity cats stayed for the entire concert and back stage party. The audience was filled with cats, dogs and a few raccoons. Prine fans did not seem to care.
Unconfirmed sources report that the cats are on their way to Italy to stay with Miss Boo's fiance, George Clooney. On Tuesday Zevo Calamari lost the Salem election for mayor to her nemesis Kimberly Driscoll. Her efforts for a recount were ignored. Her cohorts decided it was best to wisk her away to Italy for some rest after the trauma.
Zevo's pet human here to tell you that Zevo and her friends are on their way to Italy with George Clooney to recover from the halloween madness and of course the election drama. We are sorry we cannot visit many of your blogs since they seem to crash our old iMac.
Here are a few pics from Halloween night. We hope to post more soon when we can figure out how to get them off of this
Zevo hussein Calamari the write in candidate running for Mayor of Salem is demanding a recount of yesterday's vote.
According to Miss Calamari thousands of cats, dogs and skunks came out to vote and were turned away at the polls.
"This is exactly the same thing that happened to presidential candidate Cheysuli . This is discrimination. We are being treated like...like.. animals! The nerve. Oh do i look fat holding this blackberry? Pass me some of that tequila please. "
In other Salem news, Mayor Kimberley Driscoll and her $20,000 raise held a victory party at the Hawthorne Hotel. Extra security was posted around the premises to protect the mayor and her black suit from another Bite & Run attack. Unconfirmed sources claim the mayor wore ankle and knee guards under her suit. Her new blackberry is reported missing.
Unconfirmed sources believe that Zevo hussein Calamari may be the write in choice for Mayor of Salem this election day. Right now the current mayor, Kimberley Driscoll is running unopposed. The Mayor and the Pooses for Peace have a long history of conflict.
Zevo Calamari is one of the owners of the Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari, Holy Spaghetti House of Salem,
In a statement given at the Pooses for Peace Witch Ball Zevo Calamari promised the following,
" If elected mayor of Salem i promise the following:
* I will not even think about wearing a black suit unless it is Versace and is accessorized with strappy Jimmy Choos or Manolos.
* I promise free valet parking for all residents of Salem who do not have driveways.
* I will not take the $20,000 raise nor will i ask for a salary.
* All laid off teachers will be rehired. All teachers and firemen will receive a raise.
* NO more tacky carnivals in Salem! Fiesta Shows can set up in Lynn.
* As mayor i will wear a costume at the Haunted Happenings Parade and everyday in October.
* No more tacky fireworks on Halloween night.
* I will replace the trees that were cut down in front of Tavern in the Square aka TITS.
* Scales will be placed in front of all Dunkin Donuts and ice cream parlors.
* The Salem Power Plant will be closed and replaced with a solar power station.
* Tourists who dare to park in the Resident Only Parking zones will be towed, fined and their cars will be donated to charity.
* Those who litter will be chained to trash trucks for a week and forced to pick up trash for free.
* The city of Salem will employ the homeless by giving them paint guns and water balloons. They will be trained to shoot the paint guns at all those who go through the four way stop without following 4 way stop sign ruleson New Congress & Derby Street. Police will be required to ticket all those with paint on their cars.
The homeless will also be posted at every cross-walk and will be paint gunning those who do not stop for pedestrians.
* City Hall will be the new home for the homeless shelter. Since it seems to always be closed there should be no conflict having the homeless sleep there.
* Every restaurant will be required to give free chicken, tuna and tequila shots to all cats."
This just in from Salem MA! The celebrity cat known as Zevo Hussein Calamari has announced she will run for mayor of Salem tomorrow against Mayor Kimberly Driscoll. Driscoll is running unopposed and Miss Calamari will only win if enough voters write her in on the ballot. Mayor Driscoll and Miss Calamari have had several run ins in the past. (too numerous to name!)
Zevo Hussein Calamari and her cohorts Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur are the liberal founders of the domestic terrorist organization known as the Pooses for Peace. This so called peaceful operation has legions of Bite & Run brigades who have bit several right wing politicians, celebrities who wear fur and political pundints in the past. Among those who have been bit are Dick Cheney, Ann Coulter, Karl Rove, Lindsey Lohan, P.Diddy, most of the Bush administration as well as Sarah Palin. The list of those attacked is too long for our FOX news crew to remember.
The cats also own several businesses that bring revenue into the city of Salem as well as San Diego where Miss Calamari was born. Unconfirmed sources believe they own Brothel Calamari, Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari and will be opening an all you can eat spaghetti bar soon. They are also devout Pastafarians, heathens who worship the deity know as The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
It is our belief that these terrorist cats are working undercover for the Obama administration. They were part of the grass roots organization to help get him elected. They are also friends with several liberal Hollywood stars such as Oprah, George Clooney, Jon Stewart and David Letterman. The cats were also very close to the late Ted Kennedy who bailed them out of Gitmo a few years ago for partying with Fidel Castro.
We at FOX News will keep you posted as the situation develops.
Next up.... Sarah Palin takes on socialist cats in America!
The ghost of Frida Kahlo and her ghost cat were seen dancing all over Salem MA yesterday. The ghosts visit Salem every year to celebrate the Mexican holiday, the Day of the Dead which is November first and second.
Other ghost sightings have been reported since midnight Halloween night.. The ghost of Lucille Ball's cat resembling the celebrity Miss Lucy Fur was seen running through the streets of Salem. The ghost of Mae West, looking identical to Zevo Calamari was seen dancing with the ghost of Marilynn Monroe, who was the mirror image of Miss Boo.
In other Salem news.... several hung over cats, skunks, dogs and celebrities were seen roaming the streets Sunday morning. The annual Poose Witch Ball ended Saturday night at 2:00 am. Celebrity cats and movie stars attended the ball in costume. The Pooses for Peace and their renegade Bite & Run, Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades attended.
Salem authorities were too busy with the 100,000 rowdy tourists roaming the Witch City to pay much attention to the happenings at the Ball. No cats were arrested.
Unconfirmed sources claim that Mayor Kimberly Driscoll crashed the ball uninvited and wore a red suit instead of her usual black one thinking it would fool the cats. At this time she has reported that her earrings, watch and new blackberry are missing and several holes in the red suit. The mayor was heard screaming "Where are my earrings and Oh my gawd... what is that smell... I hope I have an extra can of Frebreeze in my caaaaawh........"
There will be a Day of the Dead party held at Casino Calamari tonight with a tequila, margarita bar and tuna nachos. Wear your sombreros! Paint on a uni-brow.
Nubi wan Kenobi pictured above conducting the Great Pumpkin Band.
Thousands of tourists, hordes of cats and celebrities have been flooding into Salem the past few days to celebrate Halloween in the Witch City.
Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has called for police reinforcements from surrounding cities for Halloween this Saturday night. Extra security has also been brought in for the Annual Poose Witch Ball. This event is invitation only. Invitees are picked by the celebrity cats known as the Gatti della Strega (the Witch Cats).
This year the mayor was said to have fainted at the sight of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and claims her earrings were stolen by the cats. She was not invited to the ball. When asked why the mayor was snubbed, Spokes-poose Zevo Calamari replied "She can go hang out at that tacky carnival with those carnies that she forced on the city of Salem. Afterwards she can watch the fireworks over the wrecking yard." Rumors are flying through the small city of Salem that Zevo Calamari will be running against Driscoll in the upcoming mayoral election as a write in candidate.
Unconfirmed sources have reported seeing George Clooney , Julia Roberts and the cast of the Rocky Horror Show dining at The Lobster Shanty. Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock were spotted shopping at The Cat, The Crow, and The Crown, run by the official witch of Salem, Laurie Cabot . Oprah and her entourage bought several bottles of Castano wine at Pamplemouse. The remaining cast of Bewitched, led by Doctor Bombay was seen in a chartered Salem Red Trolley Tour Bus on the way to the House of Seven Gables.
Poose-cam live from Salem is brought to you by The Planet Calamari on-line store.
The Cinema Calamari
Party afterwards at the Casino Calamari
cast of the RHPS will be there
Time Warp Dance lessons start at 7:00pm
Wear Rocky Horror attire!
All you can eat buffett and margaritas
nip-tinis and cat nip
See you ....
at the late night
ahhhhohhhhh oh oh
The Ghost Buster team was called in from Salem MA to investigate this para-normal poose event.
The Ghost Buster team was sent into Salem last evening to investigate ghost cat sightings at the House of the Seven Gables. Details of this para-normal event are still sketchy at this hour.
Madame Zevo Calamari of the Poose Ghost Tours of Salem claim these ghosts seen are the pooses of Nathaniel Hawthorne.
In other Salem news the House of the Seven Gables has reported several antiques and costumes missing from their storage area. Authorities are not sure how thieves were able get into the small unit.
Madam Booooooooooo will be conducted ghost tours through out Salem each evening at 9pm. Only the brave of heart should dare to walk with her as she takes you through the graveyards, haunted houses and the finale.... the House of the Seven Gables to meet the ghost of Nathaniel Hawthorne.
Nubi Wan Kenobi, The official Black Cat of Salem will be signing autographs at the Witch Museum daily. He is also the body guard of ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli. We hope that she makes a guest appearance during this holiday season.
Join The Countess Lucy Fur On the dock of haunted tall ship
The Friendship for an evening of spook-tac-ular ghost stories. The ship is so haunted that it is not even visible to the human eye this Halloween season.
Visit Tao and Sarge's Natty Boh and Tuna cake stand in The Salem Commons for a tasty treat. Luna di Poosalita and Monkay the thumbed cats will be working the beer keg at the Octoberfest.
Other celebrity Pooses for Peace cats will be in Salem the rest of the month. It will be a spooktacular event for all!
will be held at The Casino Calamari
on Halloween Night from 10pm- ?
Costumes are mandatory. Call 1-800-boo-zevo for tickets.
Come join the Pooses for Peace tonight at the Prine Sing-Along.
Illegal smile catnip with an all you can eat tuna & turkey buffet will provided. Tequila for all!
Less than a week ago the small city of Salem MA experienced what is believed to be a UFO close encounter over the Haunted Happenings Parade. Several witnesses believe it was the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Salem has a few devotees of this so called pasta God. They are known as pastafarians. The infamous Pooses for Peace are believed to be part of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and were in the parade when the FSM appeared.
Mayor Driscoll blames the celebrity cats for inviting the FSM to the event and upsetting the warm fuzzy family atmosphere of the parade. CIA, FBI and NASA agents are still investigating the event. Agents have been seen dining at In A Pig's Eye and the Lobster Shanty all week. Others have been spotted having tarot readings at the Oracle Chamber and Laurie Cabot's shop. Mayor Driscoll has been seen every night at Cafe Verona ordering pasta dishes. We can only hope she has an extra black suit in a larger size if this continues.
The US government has issued a statement. "There is no such thing as UFOs or a Flying Spaghetti Monster. We are certain it was a weather balloon passing over the parade.
Fox Mulder and partner Dana Scully refused to comment on the possibility that Salem has been over run by aliens. Fox was over heard saying "I want to believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Where can we get a good plate of pasta in this town?"
The so called culprits, the Pooses for Peace have not been seen since Thursday night's parade. Several celebrities and other famous cats were also in the parade. All seem to have vanished over the weekend.
Unconfirmed sources believe the cats are searching for a place in Salem to open a Spaghetti Bar. Mayor Driscoll has announced that all food or liquor permits for any establishment run by the cats will be denied.
An emergency meeting of the Salem City Council has been called to discuss the possibility that Salem has been invaded by aliens.
Last night at the Haunted Happenings parade, the deity known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared over the parade, mostly hovering over Captain Jack Sparrow and the infamous Pooses for Peace. The crowds watching the parade, thought it was part of the Pooses for Peace display as most were dressed as pirates, (Pastafarians dress as pirates on all Holy Days and parades!)
Mayor Driscoll fainted when the FSM flew above her, touching her with one of his Noodly Appendages and staining her black suit with red pasta sauce. Her earrings and blackberry are still missing.
The Mayor issued a statement " Citizens of Salem... Do not panic! We will protect you and your families from this alien. I blame those wretched celebrity cats who conjured up this monster to appear at our family oriented parade. I also blame them for stealing my blackberry and earrings. Justice will be served."
The FBI, CIA and NASA have been called in to attend this emergency meeting, Cafe Verona has been requested to cater this meeting, by the mayor who has been craving pasta since last night's parade.
Pooses for Peace spokes-poose Zevo Calamari issued a statement this morning "Aarrrrrhhhh oh my poor head...passs me some ginger ale and asprin. Do you think a plate of pasta would absorb a hang over? Hmmm some cool phone numbers in this blackberry. Too bad it is covered in pasta sauce. RAmen. May you be touched by His Noodly Goodness. "
Captain Jack Sparrow rode into Salem on a jet black Vespa, with the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, aka the celebrity Pooses for Peace on vespas at the Haunted Happenings Parade this evening. Along with Captain Jack Sparrow was his entourage of pirates and pastafarians. His swagger and the glint in his eyes caused women to swoon and faint all over the parade route, creating a stress on Salem's underpaid EMT system.
Other celebrities rode with the the cats known as the Pooses for Peace as a sign of solidarity for their cause. George Clooney rode along side Miss Boo on his Harley hog. Oprah, BFF of Miss Lucy Fur rode on a special orange Vespa with her name etched in gold. Zevo Calamari led the cast from the Rocky Horror Show on her blue Vespa. Brad Pitt sans wretched children and Angelina Jolie was seen on a Harley hog too. Ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli, rode along with her former bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi. The Meezers led the the Whap & Run brigades along with the Poop & Run Patrols. Hundreds of cats dressed in black witch hats and capes or pirate regalia rode Vespas, Scooters and Skateboards too.
The crowds cheered for Al Gore and Bo Obama in the green electric car. Other celebrities who played witches in movies, such as Nicole Kidman, Sandra Bullock, Cher, Bette Midler, rode Vespas and Scooters along with the infamous Bite & Run, Whap and Run Brigades. All wore black witch hats and capes and carried brooms. Cameron Diaz, in town making a movie also rode a vespa with the cats. Tom Cruise costaring with Diaz refused to ride in the parade along with the pastafarians and pirates saying that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a fictional religion, unlike the credible religion of Scientology.
In a repeat of last year Mayor Kimberley Driscoll called for an emergency back-up from the Boston Fire Department to handle the overload. At that very moment the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared over the parade touching all with his Noodly Goodness. The mayor fainted and once again lost a pair of earrings and her blackberry. As predicted, the mayor wore her black suit to march in the parade. The "What Not to Wear" crew were anxiously waiting a chance to surprise the mayor with a make over again. However, since the mayor was rushed to the hospital screaming "Aliens are invading Salem. I blame those wretched cats!" the make over has been postponed until next season. This is the second time this year the What Not to Wear crew were in Salem.
The Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades were forced to march after the Boston Police Equestrian Patrol. EMT Units had to be called back in to assist all those who were gagging and puking. The City of Salem sent in a Biohazard team to rid the streets of the stench. Incense has been lit all over Salem.
As of 11:00 pm tonight, all the bars, clubs and restaurants in Salem are filled with drunk cats, dogs, pirates, pastafarians and celebrities.
Mayor Kimberly Driscoll is in stable condition and it is rumored she asked for a plate of pasta when she awoke from her incident. Unfortunately her black suit was covered in pasta sauce after being touched by His Noodly Appendage.
No sign of Captain Jack Sparrow yet. Word on the street is he is staying at the Casino Calamari, owned by the cats and will be riding in the parade tomorrow night with them.
Paparazzi swarmed the streets of Salem this afternoon in search of George Clooney. Unconfirmed sources have seen him riding up and down Derby Street with two cats wearing tiaras. George outwitted the press with the help of these clever pooses and is now at a secret location,
007 Daniel Craig was seen again having dinner and drinks with Miss LucyFur at the local hang out, The Lobster Shanty, Oprah and BFF Lucy Fur were also spotted shopping at Pamplemouse earlier this afternoon. Each bought several cases of wine and cool kitchen accessories.
Meanwhile hordes of cats wearing pirate outfits or witch hats have been seen roaming the streets of Salem and running up tabs at the local pubs.
The mayor of Salem is concerned that there is not enough law enforcement for the parade tomorrow night. Boston police on horses will be brought in if needed.
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Cats and celebrities from around the world have been flocking to Salem , MA during the past few days to participate in the annual Haunted Happenings parade this Thursday night. This is the official kick off to the Halloween Season.
Breaking from a Pooses for Peace tradition, the Strega Queen, Zevo Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur and the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, (witch cats on vespas) will not be leading the parade. Instead the celebrity cats have decided to ride their vespas along with Captain Jack Sparrow and his entourage of marching pirates and pastafarians. The cats are devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and will be wearing their pirate attire for the event.
Other celebrity cats will be riding vespas along with the Pooses for Peace cats. The Bite & Run, Poop & Run and Whap & Run Brigades will also be riding or marching along this year. Ex-pesidential candidate Cheysuli and her entourage will be riding in a solar powered Smart convertible with her former bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi. Luna diPoosalita and Monkay the thumbed cats will be riding together on an electric vespa. Other members of the Pooses for Peace too numerous to name will be driven in rickshaws in the parade. The Poop & Run Brigades will be marching at the end of the parade.
Extra security have been brought in to prevent a repeat of past few years of cat fights between Zevo Calamari and Mayor Driscoll and her black suit. At last year's parade, The commotion began when Mayor Kimberly Driscoll tried to upstage the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas by proclaiming she would lead the parade instead of the cats on vespas.
In last year's parade the mayor dressed in her one and only black suit had not bothered to even wear a costume for the kick off parade. Unconfirmed sources report that she was given a choice by Strega Queen Zevo Calamari, of either wearing a costume and riding with the cats on a vespa or walking behind them in her only suit. A cat fight broke out when the mayor refused.
No charges were filed as there were no witnesses. However the mayor's black suit had several tears in it after the parade. This year the mayor and the former Salem police chief will be leading the parade. The cats did not want to
Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has issued warnings to the locals of wearing any valuable jewelry to the parade. She still claims that her earrings were stolen by cats at last year's event. An anonymous aid to the mayor said that this year, the mayor will be wearing ankle and knee guards under her black suit at the parade.
Unconfirmed sources report that the cast of the Rocky Horror Show, Bewitched and Practical Magic will also be riding vespas along with the cats. Rumor has it Miss Boo's paramour George Clooney will be riding in the parade this year. Last year Captain Jack Sparrow rode with the cats on a Harley Hog. Al Gore will be riding in his green electric car along with Bo Obama. No word yet if Brad Pitt will ride along with the cats.
A private party for the cats and celebrities will be held after the parade in Salem's famed Casino Calamari.
This just in from Anaheim, CA...... The celebrity cats known as Pooses for Peace, led by Lucy the cat who is once again off her meds have taken over The Pirates of the Caribbean Ride and have taken the Johnny Depp statue hostage until their demands are met.
Hundreds of cats rode the Pirates of the Caribbean ride yesterday while doing shots of rum. A drinking game called Shot O' Rum was played all day by the cats. The rules of the game required the cats to do a shot of rum every me they rode the Pirate ride.
One demand of these domestic terrorist cats is that the words to the Pirate ride song be changed to the words "Yo ho Yo Ho a Pooses' Life for me" The other demand is that pirate cats must be added to the decor of the ride, since there is a dog in it. Unconfirmed sources believe that the cats plan to take It's A Small World hostage later today.
Swat teams and riot police have been called in... we will keep you posted.
Now back to more propaganda about socialist and communist plots to talk over white America.