Planet Calamari Zazzle shop


Madam Calamari Denies Involvement
in Secret Service Scandal

WASHINGTON -An unfolding investigation shows that 21 Americans representing the U.S. Secret Service and four branches of the military went drinking last Wednesday night and brought prostitutes wearing cat ears and leopard print costumes back to their hotel in Colombia. They were part of a team that was preparing security for President Obama, who attended the Summit of the Americas this past weekend in Cartagena.

FOX News has learned that members of the President's security team in Colombia were partying at a Cartagena strip club less than 48 hours before the President's arrival last Friday.

Unconfirmed sources believe that Pooses for Peace celebrity feline Zevo hussein Calamari and her cohorts own the brothel in Colombia along with several other houses of ill repute known as Brothel Calamari. Although it has never been proven, it is said that the most famous of these brothels was once located in Salem MA. Rumors are still circulating that the brothel in Salem is now being run by a coven of witch felines. The Pooses for Peace have recently moved their operation last fall and set up headquarters for the Pooses for Peace in Washington DC. No proof of a brothel owned by the heathen cats in the DC area has surfaced yet. We at FOX NEWS believe these cats will stop at nothing to cause trouble.

The Pooses for Peace were in Paris over the weekend celebrating Zevo hussein Calamari's birthday. Authorities in Paris are in the process of investigating the recent burglary of art, sculptures and the Medici collection of jewelry from the Louvre. They believe it is not a coincidence that the same type of crime was committed last year during Zevomas.

Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement from her room at the Ritz Carlton in Switzerland " Um like ... what brothel? Whose Secret Service? but um...unlike the United States, prostitution is legal in Columbia. Boys will be boys and boys just wanna have fun ...Does this old Italian jewelry make me look fat? Please pour me another glass of that wine into this rare Medici glass..."

Celebrate Zevo's 19th birthday! Receive 19% off all items at the Planet Calamari Etsy Shop until April 19th with Code ZEVO19.


Deja Vu! Socre Blu!

Paris, France

French Officials report that several pieces of art, sculpture and jewelry from the Medici collection is now missing from the Louvre. No details of the theft have been released as of this hour. Sources believe that the infamous Pooses for Peace are responsible once again for the theft. A gala for Zevo hussein Calamari and her cohorts was held at the Louvre last night to celebrate the celebrity feline's 19th birthday causing chaos in Paris all week.

On Thursday and Friday evening, Paris Police were called into Montmartre where the Moulin Rouge is located. The police reported that hordes of drunken cats, dogs and a few wolves wearing top hats and tiaras were seen roaming the streets those nights after 3:00 AM singing show tunes from the movie Moulin Rouge. No arrests were made. Rumors that Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor were seen singing and dancing with the cats earlier that evening at the club.

In Britian HRM Queen Elizabeth's corgis are still missing. The Queen blames the Pooses for Peace for flirting with her dogs. Authorities believe the dogs are in Paris and are conspiring to run off to the United States... again.

THIS JUST IN: Statement from Zevo hussein Calamari: "Ugh.. I am so hung over.. hand me that basket... ackkkkkk oh so sorry about your shoes..... ....Um... ok.... Oh... yeah... Um...Does this Medici necklace make me look fat? aaaaack ginger ale please... turn those camera lights off paaalease! "


Happy 19th Birthday Zevo hussein Calamari!

Queen of Snark, founder of the Pooses for Peace, CEO of Planet Calamari and infamous cat burglar.... we love you!

Save 19% off all items at the Planet Calamari Etsy Shop by using the code ZEVO19 when checking out.


Zevomas in Paris!

Hordes of cats, dogs, skunks and celebrities have been pouring into Paris over the past few days to celebrate Zevomas. Most of the guest are staying at the Ritz Carlton.

Paparazzi have been hoping for glimpses of Sandra Bullock who is rumored to be staying with the celebrity cats. Johnny Depp sans wife Vanessa Paradis has also been seen drinking wine at a local cafe near the Louvre. The Ex Mrs Depp refused to be a part of the celebration. She claims the cats bit her again while they were staying with the Depps in their French villa.

Other celebrities seen walking the streets of Paris today were Donatella Versace and Gwyenth Paltrow. Versace will be providing the cats with couture to wear at both the Moulin Rouge and Louvre parties.

Feline celebrities have been seen shopping and dining on cheese and tuna pate. Mizz Lucy Fur, Nubi wan Kenobi, Smudgie de San Diego and the infamous Mizz Boo are planning the party details for this Saturday night's celebration. Other famous pooses will be attending such as,
Cheysuli and Gemini, The infamous Meezers and Daisy the Curly cat are just a few. (please forgive us for not html-ing tonight). Rumors are flying that Jewelry designer M hussein Monkay will be arriving with prima ballerina Luna miso Poosie. Rumors that the feisty beret donning Che Nikki will be making a guest appearance as well.

Celebrations will be held the entire week in Paris.

Inviting all Pooses to join us Monday and march in the Zevomas Parade at Arc de Triomphe.

Tuesday join us for fireworks and a gathering at the Eiffel Tower.

Wednesday we will be celebrating at the Latin Quarter with fine cheese, wine and music.

Thursday and Friday we will be partying at the Moulin Rouge! Bring your own Top Hats and Tiaras!

Saturday - Birthday Extravaganza at the Louvre!

Today at a Zevomas Press conference Jimmy Buffett issued this statement: "I am honored to be invited to Zevo's birthday gala. I had so much fun at the Casino Calamari in the past few years. And I am so happy that we will not be stranded in the Salem Ferry Parking Lot during another winter blizzard for this celebration. Fortunately Paris has a very strict fashion code which discourages its government officials to parade in ill fitting black suits!

It will be a pleasure to be with all her friends, too numerous to name and to once again be with those who support the Pooses for Peace Foundation. I have chosen a very special gift for Zevo. The Coral Reefers and I will be playing at her party. Margarita fountains will be provided for all!

The Zevo hussein Calamari Birthday Gala
Saturday 4/14/12
7:00 pm- ?
Louvre Paris France

Please bring your own top hats, tiaras and parrothead regalia!