Planet Calamari Zazzle shop


Madam Calamari Denies Involvement
in Secret Service Scandal

WASHINGTON -An unfolding investigation shows that 21 Americans representing the U.S. Secret Service and four branches of the military went drinking last Wednesday night and brought prostitutes wearing cat ears and leopard print costumes back to their hotel in Colombia. They were part of a team that was preparing security for President Obama, who attended the Summit of the Americas this past weekend in Cartagena.

FOX News has learned that members of the President's security team in Colombia were partying at a Cartagena strip club less than 48 hours before the President's arrival last Friday.

Unconfirmed sources believe that Pooses for Peace celebrity feline Zevo hussein Calamari and her cohorts own the brothel in Colombia along with several other houses of ill repute known as Brothel Calamari. Although it has never been proven, it is said that the most famous of these brothels was once located in Salem MA. Rumors are still circulating that the brothel in Salem is now being run by a coven of witch felines. The Pooses for Peace have recently moved their operation last fall and set up headquarters for the Pooses for Peace in Washington DC. No proof of a brothel owned by the heathen cats in the DC area has surfaced yet. We at FOX NEWS believe these cats will stop at nothing to cause trouble.

The Pooses for Peace were in Paris over the weekend celebrating Zevo hussein Calamari's birthday. Authorities in Paris are in the process of investigating the recent burglary of art, sculptures and the Medici collection of jewelry from the Louvre. They believe it is not a coincidence that the same type of crime was committed last year during Zevomas.

Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement from her room at the Ritz Carlton in Switzerland " Um like ... what brothel? Whose Secret Service? but um...unlike the United States, prostitution is legal in Columbia. Boys will be boys and boys just wanna have fun ...Does this old Italian jewelry make me look fat? Please pour me another glass of that wine into this rare Medici glass..."

Celebrate Zevo's 19th birthday! Receive 19% off all items at the Planet Calamari Etsy Shop until April 19th with Code ZEVO19.


Cheysuli and gemini said...

So like why would you want to be involved with the Secret Service. We just do the big guys right?

Smudge said...

Yuck! Who would want those Secret Service guys anyway? They don't make enough money to keep us in Crystale!

Boo said...

Secret Service? The Captain and I have our own, thank you very much. I'm loving this new necklace, though!