Planet Calamari Zazzle shop




THIS JUST IN..... Miss California, the spokes stick insect person for anti-gay rights is recovering at an undisclosed hospital tonight after a surprise Bite & Run attack. Witnesses report seeing a horde of cats wearing rainbow attire, tiaras and one cat seen wearing a jedi costume running from the screaming diva. Unconfirmed sources report seeing Dude, the ex-bird dog of Mike Huckabee also who was wearing fish-net stockings and a sequined rainbow t-shrt running from the scene.

Authorities are now looking at the evidence before announcing the culprits. Some suspect this is the work of the infamous Pooses for Peace. Others claim it is the work of an unknown gang of illegal Mexican cats known as La Mala Gatos.

Miss California is also missing her diamond tennis bracelet and matching earrings.

Stay tuned for more news............


Sarge Prepares for Cinco de Mayo Party


I am stealing one Corona at a time for our Cinco de Mayo party.....They will never notice.. .the baby has helping us distract the pet humans by eating ibuprofen.......Wonder where they are hiding the tequila?

See you all at the Casino Calamari for the Pooses for Peace Cinco de Mayo party.......



Nubi catches up on reading....

Today is JJ Audubon's birthday. I thought i would catch up on my reading to celebrate all the birds in our yard today...............hmmmmmmmmm that red one looks delicious.........


happy earth day

"The earth does not belong to us. We belong to the earth." - Chief Seattle ...


thank you !

I would like to thank everyone who made my birthday celebration special! Thank you for the lovely gifts, parties, parades and all the fun we had. You are all such good friends.



Is Bo Obama a Covert Bite & Run Agent?


Unconfirmed sources are reporting that Bo Obama, the new dog given to the Obamas by liberal lion Ted Kennedy is really an undercover agent working for the Pooses for Peace.

Senator Kennedy and the infamous celebrity cats have been friends for years. He has bailed them out of jail on several occasions and once had them released from Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp after they were arrested by Homeland Security in 2007. The cats visit Kennedy at his home on Cape Cod and in Florida on a regular basis. It is no secret the cats helped President Obama in his election campaign with their Bite & Run attacks aimed at John McCain, Sarah Palin, Karl Rove and several other republican dignitaries and even our own news anchor team at FOX NEWS.

Our sources have information that Kennedy and the cats planted one of their covert agents, Bo the Portuguese Water Dog in the White House for easy access to Republican ankles. Bo is an illegal alien from Portugual. a socialist country. Once again... proof that Obama's secret plan is to turn the good ole' USA into a Socialist country. We blame those wretched liberal cats and hope that they are deported back to Gitmo where they belong.

Rush Limbaugh released a statment this morning: "It is no coincidence that this black dog was given to the Obamas on the same day as terrorist cat Zevo HUSSEIN Calamari's birthday. This was a present from Ted Kennedy to Zevo, not the Obamas. It is only a matter of time that this country will be taken over by illegal alien pets and turned into a Socialist country. OUCH what the F#@K!!!!!!!!!! What the achooooooooooooooo achooooooooooooooooooooooo peeeuuuuuuuuuuuuu."

In other news
France.... (another socialist country) has reported art and jewelry from the Medici collection missing from the Louvre. No details of the theft have been released as of this hour.

In Britian HRM Queen Elizabeth's corgis are still missing. The Queen blames the Pooses for Peace for flirting with her dogs.

THIS JUST IN: Statement from Zevo hussein Calamari: "Ugh.. I am so hung over.. hand me that basket... ackkkkkk oh so sorry about your shoes..... ....Um... ok.... Oh... yeah... It is total fabrication that Bo Obama is one of our covert agents. If your ankles get in his way of his mouth, then it is your own fault. Portuguese Water dogs are very mouthy. Um...Does this Medici necklace make me look fat? aaaaack ginger ale please... turn those camera lights off paaalease! "


Associated Press
Montemarte, France

French police were called in to subdue a large crowd of drunken cats claiming to be friends of Nicole Kidman, wearing tiaras and top hats this evening at the Moulin Rouge. Authorities said the cats continued to sing "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" over and over until patrons of the Moulin Rouge handed over their jewelry.

Many cats were arrested, but all escaped in the middle of the night. No one is sure how they pulled off such a stunt. Authorities are certain that there must be a cat with thumbs involved. None of the jewelry has been recovered.


les chats ont défilé pour la paix

Associated Press
Paris France

Les Chats ont Défilé Pour la Paix
(The Pooses for Peace Parade)

Countless cats wearing Easter bonnets, tiaras and berets paraded down the Avenue des Champs Elysee at dusk today. The eco-friendly parade was hosted by the Pooses for Peace to celebrate Zevomas. Carla Bruni led the parade along with the celebrity cats on solar powered Vespas.

The Pooses for Peace have led other parades on Vespas. In Salem MA it is tradition that the cats lead the Haunted Happenings Parade to kick off the Halloween Season. In Salem they are known as the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas,

Celebrities, George Clooney, Audrey Tautou, Nicole Kidman, Bette Midler were seen riding in hybrid cars in the parade. Johnny Depp made a grand appearance on a pirate themed float along with Pastafarians (devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster ) dressed in pirate attire.

Ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli along with Al Gore waved from a solor powered Smart. The Bite & Run Brigades, (to numerous to name) marched in the parade wearing their formal uniforms. Unconfirmed sources reported seeing 2 corgis on the Give Ireland Back to the Irish float. Paul Mcarthey was also spotted on the float.

Thousands of Parisians watched the parade screaming "Vive les chats!" and throwing biodegradable confetti. The parade ended with a fireworks display over the famed La Grande Roue (Ferris Wheel).


Donatella !

Ciao bella gatti!

Potrai così guardare piuttosto indossando Versace couture.
You will look so pretty wearing Versace couture.

A te darò e tutti i tuoi amici vestiti per la festa di compleanno
I will give you and all your friends clothes for the birthday party.

Si prega di portare questi alcuni gatti dolce prosciutto e del vino
Please bring these sweet cats some ham and wine.

Baci per tutti !
Ciao ciao


Celebrities arrive in Paris for Zevomas

Hordes of cats, dogs, skunks and celebrities have been pouring into Paris over the past few days to celebrate Zevomas.
Most of the guest are staying at the Ritz Carlton.

Paparazzi have been thrilled to see George Clooney arrive in his solar powered Smart this morning. It is rumored that he is still secretly dating Miss Boo. Johnny Depp sans wife Vanessa Paradis has also been seen drinking wine at a local cafe near the Louvre. Mrs Depp refused to be a part of the celebration. She claims the cats bit her a few years ago while they were staying with the Depps in their French villa.

Other celebrities seen walking the streets of Paris today were Donatella Versace and Gwyenth Paltrow. Versace will be providing the cats with couture to wear at both the Moulin Rouge abd Louvre parties.

Today at a Zevomas Press conference Gwyenth Paltow issued this statement: "I am honored to be invited to Zevo's birthday gala. I had so much fun at Boo's birthday party last year. (Though I still cannot find my favorite pair of earrings I wore that night.)

It will be a pleasure to meet all her new poose friends and to once again be with those who support the Pooses for Peace Foundation. I have chosen a very special gift for Zevo.Chris and his band will be playing at the party. Of course we will leave the children at home. "

No word on the latest whereabouts of the Queen's Corgis.


Zevomas Tradition

It's Thursday and here we are at the Ritz Carlton! We are still waiting for more of our guests to arrive all week The real fun happens next week. I am sure we will find plenty to occupy our time for the next seven days. So many tourist attractions, shows and ankles to bite.

Since this is the second day of Zevomas i thought i would share how Zevo and i became best friends. I am sure many of you have heard this story... but it is tradition to tell it every year while sipping on expensive Champagne.

About eleven um, a few years ago Zevo still lived in San Diego not to far from me. (Her pet human and mine are friends. They met in acupuncture school... anyway that is beside the point! Ha! No pun intended!)

Zevo and her sister Baby Pig were working at The Bread & Cie Bakery. They were driving the truck and delivering bread. They hired a big white dog to help push the pedals on the truck. The bread was never delivered. They were all fired the first week. They went on to try other retail jobs. The Pig worked at a Cheese Shop and was fired for eating the profits. Zevo worked at Starbucks in Hillcrest and was accused of stealing tips and was "let go". She tried cutting hair for awhile but it was not a smart career choice for someone with paws. I am not sure what ever happened to the white dog.

One night they went to Hamburger Mary's for a few margaritas. I was there drowning my sorrows over loosing my sequined flip flops at the beach that day. It was a warm summer night. Its a gay bar, so cats wearing tiaras drink for free. As fate would have it the magic of the margaritas took effect and by midnight we were all dancing on table tops and the bar. Of course, we immediately bonded under the influence of the Agave God and became the best of friends.

We also discovered that we were very good at "finding" expensive jewelry and other fine items that we were able to sell on the black market um, give away to charity. Thus began our reputation as cat burglars. Such an ugly phrase. We prefer to think of ourselves as modern day Robin Hoods... with tiaras.

I won't bore you with how we became celebrities, friends with Miss Lucy Fur, Madonna, Donatella, Johnny Depp, (bit his nasty French wife), arrested at the Vatican, dated George Clooney, met with Fidel Castro.... ... well i really don't want to brag so i will stop there.

Zevo and Baby Pig were forced moved to New England. Baby Pig who was the original founder for Pigs for Peace (now known as The Pooses for Peace) passed away a few years ago. We miss her dearly and her birthday would also be on Tuesday. Before her passing they opened Brothel Calamari , Casino Calamari and Cinema Calamari. All successful businesses! Zevo's pet humans thought she would be lonely so they adopted Nubi wan Kenobi. For the record she was not lonely and is still miffed they did not ask her permission. She tolerates him. They have since tricked Zevo and Nubi and adopted a kitty with thumbs and seven toes. She is much too young for us to bring along.

This week will be the best birthday celebration ever. All pooses are welcome to stay with us at the Ritz. We have the entire hotel to ourselves and a few celebrities. We have invited Nicole Kidman, Ewin McGregor, Audrey Tautou, Gwyneth Paltrow, Johnny Depp and of course my date, George Clooney.

A pre-party will be held at our favorite Paris spot, the Moulin Rouge on Monday night.

For all you who are attending the Birthday Gala at the The Louvre on Tuesday evening, Donatella Versace will be providing outfits for all. Shoes will be provided by Jimmy Choo, Prada and Manolo. You must bring your own tiaras and top hats.

Room service is here. Champagne anyone?
ciao for now
Miss Boo


you are invited

The season of Zevomas starts today Wednesday April 8, 2009 and ends with Zevo Calamari's birthday on Tuesday April 14, 2009. This is a very big birthday for Zevo. (She will be sixteen um 10 so we like to keep her age a secret from the paparazzi.)

This year Zevo has requested to return to Paris for her birthday. Last year her party was held in New York.

The Pooses for Peace have planned a very special week for her and her friends in Paris. Miss Boo has booked the entire Ritz Carlton in Paris. Nubi wan Kenobi is in the process of planning an eco-friendly ticker tape parade. Miss Lucy Fur and i are planning parties at the Louvre and the Moulin Rouge

Parties and activities will be announced during the week.

All pooses are invited to this once in a life time extravaganza. Bring your own tiaras and top hats. Plenty of organic ham, tuna and chicken for all. Donatella Versace will provide attire for all those who attend. A Nip-tini fountain has been placed in the Ritz Carlton for the entire week.

See you in Paris
Happy Zevomas!

miss boo
and the The Pooses for Peace




Unconfirmed sources have seen celebrity cat Miss Lucy Fur and Royal Corgi, Sir Monty snogging at a small cafe in Paris over the weekend. Monty was wearing a beret and smoking a Gauloises. A bottle of Pastis 51 was also on their table with a plate of cheese.

French authorities refuse to extradite the dog to England. No word on where the other corgi Sir Henry is hiding.


Back in Merry Ole England....


Associated Press
London GB

Scotland Yard officials have been called in again the week in hopes of finding two of Her Majesty's beloved corgis. The dogs were crated as a precaution when HRM lost her iPod, a gift from President Obama a few days ago. The iPod is still missing. In an unrelated story Carla Bruni is missing a pair of earrings.

Authorities believe all instances are related to the Pooses for Peace. They believe the latest member of the group, a white cat with thumbs who goes by the name of Monkay sprung the dogs loose. No evidence has been found. Security cameras were mysteriously turned off during the caper.

The missing corgis are the same two that escaped in 2007 and ran off with the celebrity cats known now as the Pooses for Peace. The Queen blamed the cats for the disappearance of her crown in 2007, however it was later learned that Barney Bush, dog of dimwit W had stolen it. The dogs were finally returned to HRM after they were captured by Homeland Security at a party in San Diego.

Miss Lucy Fur, one of the highest ranking members of the Pooses for Peace was rumored to be dating on of the dogs on and off in the past. The couple suddenly broke up. Miss Lucy had a breakdown and stopped taking her medication in 2007, which was said to be the cause of their break-up. Since then Miss Lucy Fur has gone into rehab, anger management therapy and and is back on her prescribed medication. She has since gone on to work with her BFF Oprah.

The Pooses for Peace are in Europe as part of the Obama entourage. They will be in France next week for the start of Zevomas. No statement has been released by the cats.


c'est la vie

.....mes boucles d'oreilles?
my earrings?

Pooses for Peace in France

Associated Press

Michele Obama and Carla Bruni invited Pooses for Peace celebrity cats, Zevo hussein Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur to join them this weekend during the Obamas' visit. Unconfirmed sources report that Oscar de la Renta was livid that Michele Obama asked the celebrity cats for fashion advice for her European visit instead of him.

The cats are part of the Obama entourage. President Obama feels an allegiance to the Pooses for Peace for their covert Bite & Run escapades during the Bush years. All members of the Pooses for Peace added Hussein to their name in solidarity with President Obama during the election.. They have been getting negative press from the Religious Right for being communist, muslim and heathens ever since.

The cats will stay in France to celebrate the seven days of Zevomas which begins next week. Zevomas is the season of Zevo Calamari's birthday.


BREAKING NEWS ...Royal iPod Missing......

Scotland Yard called in....... Press Conference at 9AM Friday
HRM Corgies Crated for protection.........
Queen heard screaming WHERE'S MY BLOODY iPOD all over Britain


april fools

dear zevo and nubi

april fools...... you have NOT been baby-sitting me for the past several weeks.... i am here to stay.

i do wish those pet humans of yours would stop changing my name.

My first pet human called me Nuit...after the Egyptian goddess of night and it is French for night. I liked it. I think i did. Then again... who can remember such things. I was living with many cats and not eating as well as i am now. Since i have been here i have gained at least a pound. But i am still a size 0. I was a negative 0 before. The Olsen twins have nothing on me.

After arriving here at Casa Calamari it was too confusing for Nubi for me to be called Nuit.. so the female began to call me Bleu Nuit. (she spent too much time in Bourges France, known for its blue nights)

The male could not accept that name so now i am Bleu Luna or sometimes Luna Bleu or.....Poosalita. (and when i am called Poosalita little mice from the Cinderella movie begin to sing.)

By tomorrow i am sure they will change my name once more. Perhaps it is their pass time.

I am not shocked. They call Nubi several names in one day.. Nubi, Poosehead, Mr Poosehead, Sheriff Poosehead, Sheriff Big Hat and POOSE.

Zevo is treated with more respect. (i think she is old - i am only one and a half.) Queen Zevo, Your Royal Snarkness, Queen of Snark and dearest Poose.

So...happy april would be nice if Zevo would stop hissing at me and if Nubi would stop following me around. the way, i do have thumbs..and 7 toes on my back feet. I wonder if Versace can make shoes for me?

the poose formally known as Nuit!