Planet Calamari Zazzle shop

2009-09-29

Cats, Celebrities and Vespas Invade Salem Again!




AP
Salem, MA

Cats and celebrities from around the world have been flocking to Salem , MA during the past few days to participate in the annual Haunted Happenings parade this Thursday night. This is the official kick off to the Halloween Season.

Breaking from a Pooses for Peace tradition, the Strega Queen, Zevo Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur and the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, (witch cats on vespas) will not be leading the parade. Instead the celebrity cats have decided to ride their vespas along with Captain Jack Sparrow and his entourage of marching pirates and pastafarians. The cats are devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and will be wearing their pirate attire for the event.

Other celebrity cats will be riding vespas along with the Pooses for Peace cats. The Bite & Run, Poop & Run and Whap & Run Brigades will also be riding or marching along this year. Ex-pesidential candidate Cheysuli and her entourage will be riding in a solar powered Smart convertible with her former bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi. Luna diPoosalita and Monkay the thumbed cats will be riding together on an electric vespa. Other members of the Pooses for Peace too numerous to name will be driven in rickshaws in the parade. The Poop & Run Brigades will be marching at the end of the parade.

Extra security have been brought in to prevent a repeat of past few years of cat fights between Zevo Calamari and Mayor Driscoll and her black suit. At last year's parade, The commotion began when Mayor Kimberly Driscoll tried to upstage the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas by proclaiming she would lead the parade instead of the cats on vespas.

In last year's parade the mayor dressed in her one and only black suit had not bothered to even wear a costume for the kick off parade. Unconfirmed sources report that she was given a choice by Strega Queen Zevo Calamari, of either wearing a costume and riding with the cats on a vespa or walking behind them in her only suit. A cat fight broke out when the mayor refused.

No charges were filed as there were no witnesses. However the mayor's black suit had several tears in it after the parade. This year the mayor and the former Salem police chief will be leading the parade. The cats did not want to piss off show any disrespect to the police department.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has issued warnings to the locals of wearing any valuable jewelry to the parade. She still claims that her earrings were stolen by cats at last year's event. An anonymous aid to the mayor said that this year, the mayor will be wearing ankle and knee guards under her black suit at the parade.

Unconfirmed sources report that the cast of the Rocky Horror Show, Bewitched and Practical Magic will also be riding vespas along with the cats. Rumor has it Miss Boo's paramour George Clooney will be riding in the parade this year. Last year Captain Jack Sparrow rode with the cats on a Harley Hog. Al Gore will be riding in his green electric car along with Bo Obama. No word yet if Brad Pitt will ride along with the cats.

A private party for the cats and celebrities will be held after the parade in Salem's famed Casino Calamari.

3 comments:

zevo hussein calamari said...

should i announce i am running for mayor of salem that night?
kiss kiss arrrrrrrr

Cheysuli and gemini said...

I hope the feds aren't waiting for me. There will be a lot of cats right? They can't tell one from another!

The Meezers said...

awesome! The Poop and Run Brigade will be wearing their pants-less pirate outfits.

The Whap and Run Brigade will be riding their Vespas next to Chey so that she cannot be seen by the feds or the crowd.