Planet Calamari Zazzle shop

2010-03-14

Salem Welcomes the
Flying Spaghetti Monster

Associated Press
Salem MA

Salem residents woke up to a visit from the Flying Spaghetti Monster this morning. The infamous domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace unveiled the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster along with its restaurant The Holy Spaghetti Factory and its famed Volcanic Beer Bar. A pirate themed boutique along with free underground parking for patrons is also one of the luxuries of this latest establishment.

Jimmy Buffett and the Coral Reefers joined the celebrity cats in the Grand Opening of the Volcanic Beer Bar.

The cats are devout Pastafarians who believe in the deity the Flying Spaghetti Monster . Pastafarians dress as pirates on Holy Days and quote from the Gospel of the Holy Spaghetti Monster. Friday is a Holy Day.

Because the celebrity cats have the business listed as a nonprofit religious organization there will be no tax on the meals, drinks, nor will they be paying any taxes to the city of Salem.

The cats have been a thorn in the mayor of Salem's side ever since she was elected. .. and the last election results are still being questioned by

The cats have been blamed on several occasions for crimes such as stealing the tall ship known as the Friendship . It is rumored that the cats also own several other businesses in Salem such as the Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari and a so called Brothel Calamari

Not to be undone by her nemisis, Salem Mayor Kimberley Driscoll had a Spaghetti dinner in her honor at the Moose Lodge today. As advertised on facebook- anyone who showed up and mentioned they saw it on the social networking site could eat for free. Unconfirmed authorities are not sure how hundreds of homeless vagrants showed up for the feast.


Driscoll, fearing the cats would attempt another Bite and Run wore ankle and knee guards under her predictable black suit. Although she will not admit it- Kimberley Driscoll was touched by the Flying Spaghetti Monster at the Haunted Happenings Parade this past October. Click here if you don't remember that!

Extra security was called in as well, however no cats were seen at the Mayor's Spaghetti dinner. However the Mayor reports that her iphone and earrings are once again missing and blames the cats. "Those cats are a menace to Salem. I cannot tell you how many iPhones and earrings i have lost due to them. I will fight to charge tax on their meals and beverages. How dare they put an underground parking facility in without my permission. Now I will have to hire a consultant, lay off more teachers and firemen and raise taxes. Why is there red sauce on my suit and oh my gawd....what is that smell? Anyone have a can of Frebreeze? ack. .. ack...."

Spokes-poose Zevo Calamari issued a statment: " Salem residents.... May the Flying Spaghetti Monster touch you with his Noodly Goodness! RAmen!"

2 comments:

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Well you all know how to party...so why is your captcha saying noweeked--I thought it said noweekend...

zevo hussein calamari said...

ARRRRGhhhhh arrra this spaghetti is mighty fine... arrr pass me that iPhone matey..... arrrrrrrr