Planet Calamari Zazzle shop

2010-11-29

Stolen Picasso Paintings ..or were they gifts?




Pierre Le Guerrec, who supposedly kept 271 previously unknown works by Pablo Picasso in his basement-garage for decades, is now under scrutiny from the artist's heirs. These unknown works by Pablo Picasso, perhaps the premier painter of the 20th century, have come to light after being stored 40 years in the Riviera garage of an electrician who worked at the artist’s villas in the early 1970s.



Le Guerrec has claimed he is innocent and never knew the paintings existed in his basement. He said that he has not been down the basement for years, but last week he heard music coming from the cellar and climbed down to investigate. "Der in de basement were many chats dancing and wearing de bery pretty tiaras. Socre blu! Pastis bottles everywhere too. I zink dat maybe I drank too much wine but NO den I see dat zee chats have many paintings hidden der. I am innoCent. Wei! oh la la"


The canvases date from 1900 to 1932, the artist’s earliest and most fertile period. They include portraits of Picasso’s first cat, Gato, a watercolor from Picasso’s famed “blue cat” period, nine inherently important Cubist collages worth tens of millions, as well as lithographs, drawings, and various studies.

The curator of the National Picasso Museum in Paris, Anne Baldassari, today described the find as “unprecedented.” Neighbors of Le Guerrec claim to have seen a horde of cats wearing berets and tiaras in and out of the home on several occasions in the past. They did not find it unusual. "Zee French cats de dress with style..no? Wei!"


Authorities are now investigating if the infamous cat burglars known as the Pooses for Peace were involved. Miss Boo, who has been awol for a few months now is the lead suspect.

Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement from what appeared to be a cave
"What paintings? Do you have any more of that pastis? Does this beret make me look fat? Oh la la! If you want to invest in some unique art please visit the Planet Calamari Etsy Shop Get 10% off if you use the code TH8NKYOU. Offer ends on December 4th.... another round of wine and cheese please!"

Cyber Monday & Birthday Week
10% Off Sale at Planet Calamari


It's my pet human's birthday week...
To celebrate we are having a 10% off sale
at the
Planet Calamari Etsy Shop


One of a kind art to wear for that boho cruchy chic look made with love and magic in our Salem MA studio.

Free shipping on most items too.
Sale ends on December 4th

Enter the code TH8NKYOU when checking out to receive your discount.
thank you!
zevo hussein calamari

2010-11-26

Black Friday Shopping Spree



As CEO of Planet Calamari i invite you and your friends (and if you know any celebrities) to visit the Planet Calamari Art Galleria and shop. Offering handcrafted one of a kind art to wear for those who dare to dance to the beat of a bohemian drummer. Recycled Prayer earrings made from vintage rosary beads and sacred baubles. Magical bracelets embellished with antique buttons from Strega Nonna's button tin. Happy Qi fiber art wrist cuffs. Organic t-shirts and more.

Warning! These pieces are not for those who choose to wear clothing or think like Just Say No Nancy Reagan or Wolf Murderer Sarah Palin.
Our unique baubles and arm candy and tees are worn by free thinkers who sometimes dress like Cyndi Lauper, Stevie Nicks, Bette Midler, and Sheryl Crowe.



We would be honored if Iris Apfel would wear some of our wide Happy Qi Cuffs too.


You can shop in your pajamas, your undies, your ratty sweats, wine stained party dress or even naked. We don't care because we can't see you. Nobody will see you. .. except your cat... or d-o-g.

So please don't go to the mall or worse evil and oh so tacky Wal-Mart. Everyone else will be there... buying the same stuff that everyone else is buying. Crowds of cranky people who ate way too much yesterday. No parking. Gum smacking snarky clerks too busy texting their friends to help you. No annoying Brenda Lee singing Rocking Around the Christmas Tree in the background. You can choose your own music to rock out too. Have a glass of wine or an expresso while you shop.

We invite you to shop on a different planet. And with your help i can buy a new tiara.


thank you
xoxoxoxo
zevo hussein calamari
CEO of Planet Calamari

2010-11-25

The First Thanksgiving

On the first Thanksgiving, the stow-away cats aboard the Mayflower held a feast with the Indian cats who befriended them when they entered this new land. Together they smoked the peace pipe, drank rum and danced to the beat of the native drums.

Unlike their human counterparts, the English pooses remained friends with their new Indian friends and respected their customs and their land.

Today pooses in America celebrate this day with a feast, rum and an occasional toke on the catnip peace-pipe while watching the Macy's Day parade in hopes of seeing the Cat in the Hat balloon.

We wish you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving!

We apologize for not being able to visit all the wonderful cat blogs and leave comments.
If you are on facebook please let us know so we can comment there!


Zevo hussein Calamari invites you to show until you drop at the Planet Calamari Art Galleria so that she can purchase a new pair of Jimmy Choo Shoes and matching Versace gown.

2010-11-22

BREAKING NEWS.... JUSTIN BIEBER BIT.......

CNN
LA CA

THIS JUST IN.....

Justin Bieber is the latest victim of a Bite & Run attack at the 2010 American Music Awards. Unconfirmed sources are also reporting that Miley Cyrus was also bit and is now missing her earrings. Screams were heard through out LA last night. Reports of celebrities and stick insects wearing fur were also victims of the attacks. All are in stable condition at an undisclosed hospitial. Many are claiming missing iphones, ipods, jewelry and credit cards.

A biohazard team has been brought into the area to help disperse the horrid stench that seemed to have appeared during the attacks.

No suspects are in custody at this time. However those standing by claim to have seen a horde of cats and a few dogs wearing berets running through the crowd right before the commotion began. Authorities believe this attack was perpetrated by the feline domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace. The celebrity cats are known for their covert Bite and Run tactics mainly targeting annoying celebrities and politicians. This has been the first Bite & Run attack since the disappearance of Miss Boo, one of the co-founders of the group. Many believe that this attack was a training operation for the newest members of the Pooses for Peace.

Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement from what seemed to be filmed in a cave "Justin Who? What is a Miley Cyrus? Is it a drink? Does this beret make me look fat? Pass me that flask of tequila, i have a horrible taste in my mouth."

This Breaking News has been brought to you by www.planetcalamari.com

2010-11-14

Bon Jour Mademoiselle Toi

Pooses for Peace Breaking News

Hillcrest San Diego, CA

We would like to introduce the newest member of the Pooses for Peace, Mademoiselle Toi, (pronounced twah). This French beauty is now living with Miss Boo's pet human who is still pining for the day when Boo returns home. (We have been assured that Boo's tiaras and clothing will not be given to Toi nor will it even be borrowed.)

Boo's pet human was overheard saying "Toi is French. No need for tiaras. She wears a pencil skirt and a beret and smokes Gauloise. I'd like her to quit, but she's French..... I do hope Boo forgives me when she returns home and must share space now another cat."

Toi has already had an influence on Miss Lucy Fur and Luna Miso Poosie who have been seen wearing a berets and smoking Gauloises at Mo's over the weekend. Vogue magazine is rumored to have the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace wearing berets on the January cover.

A Soiree will be held this coming weekend at the Casino Calamari.
Please bring your own berets.
(Smoking is prohibited at the Casino.)
French cheese, mice and wine will be served.

2010-11-07

Zevo Calamari Promoted to CEO
of Planet Calamari Art Galleria

Associated Press
Wee Salem MA

Unconfirmed rumors are circulating that Zevo hussein Calamari, celebrity jewel thief, and famed entrepreneur has taken over the position of CEO at thePlanet Calamari Art Galleria. Sources are not sure if it was a hostile take over or if her pet human, known as Beta-chic, the owner and artist of the business just handed it over peacefully to Zevo.

Miss Calamari owns several successful businesses with her cohorts, The Pooses for Peace. Among them are The Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari, The Holy Spaghetti Factory, A Costume shop and a few other questionable operations.

Zevo Calamari issued a statement this morning "As the new CEO of Planet Calamari Art Galleria, i intend to make this business a success. The more money my pet human makes, the more shoes i can buy. By my running this business she will have more time to create one of a kind jewelry and art. Does this bracelet make me look fat? Oh Keith dear, could you pass me that flask please."

Beta-chic was over heard saying "Do we have anymore band aids in the house?"

2010-11-05

Keith Olbermann Spotted
At Salem's Casino Calamari

Associated Press
Salem MA
BREAKING NEWS

Unconfirmed sources report that Keith Olbermann is hiding out at the Casino Calamari in Wee Salem drowning his sorrows camped out near the famed margarita fountain. Rumors are flying that his stick insect girlfriend dumped him now that he does not have a job and that he has sought the comfort of his old flame Zevo Calamari, of the Pooses for Peace.

No comment or statement has been made by Miss Calamari or the Pooses for Peace as of yet. Paparazzi are flooding the city of Salem and the new territory of Wee Salem (which declared its independence from the city of Salem early this year) in hopes of catching a picture of Keith O and the famed celebrity domestic feline terrorist.

Nubi wan Kenobi, Jedi cat and bouncer for the Casino Calamari was heard saying "Could somebody call Mexico for more tequila STAT. Does this Jedi robe make me look fat?"

2010-11-01

Dia de Los Muertos

Salem MA

The Ghost of Frida Kahlo made her traditional appearance today in Salem. As expected, the late artist appeared at the Casino Calamari on first day of Dia de Los Muertos.

Nubi wan Kenobi the Jedi poose helps to channel the messages from Frida to the Pooses for Peace. "Bring more tequila please... and a few more bottles of paint. Throw in some new brushes por favor!"

All are invited to the Dia De Los Muertos Fiesta
at the Casino Calamari tonight and tomorrow night.
Bring your own sombreros an unibrows.
A margarita fountain will be flowing the entire evening with
an all you can eat Tuna Taco and Ham enchilada buffet!

2010-10-31

Happy Halloween To All

Wishing you a happy Halloween and Blessed Samhain!

You are invited to the Pooses for Peace Halloween Ball
Casino Calamari
8:00 pm- ?
All you can eat spookilee-delicious buffet
Spooktini Fountin
Nip Brownies

Special Guests
The Rocky Horror Show Cast
Dr Bombay from Bewitched

2010-10-30

The Poose Vampire Ball Tonight!

Salem MA

Hordes of cats, dogs and celebrities have been seen wandering through Salem, MA in anticipation of the annual Poose Vampire Ball held at the haunted Hawthorne Hotel tonight. (not to be confused with The Annual Pooses for Peace Halloween Ball which is held on Halloween Night at the Casino Calamari) All those who attending tonight's gala must wear a vampire costume. Many cats have had their teeth sharpened for the event.

This event is invitation only. Invitees are picked by the celebrity cats known as the Gatti della Strega (the Witch Cats). A few years ago the mayor of Salem was said to have fainted while at the ball, at the sight of Captain Jack Sparrow and claims her earrings were stolen by the cats. The cats and the mayor have been feuding since that event.

Rumors that the cast of Dark Shadows, the cast from Twilight will attend, as well as Anne Rice, Stephen King, the cast of the old BEWITCHED TV series and the new movie. Brad Pitt with-out scary Angelina & the wretched kids.

Rumors are flying that George Clooney will attend in hopes to find the missing Miss Boo and apologize. Clooney dumped Miss Boo for a stick insect underwear model. Boo fled the country and is now MIA. Unconfirmed sources believe Miss Boo is in Salem and has been wearing a disguise and is now dating Captain Jack Sparrow.

Once again, this year the mayor of Salem Kim Driscoll was not invited to the ball. When asked why the mayor was snubbed, Spokes-poose Zevo Hussein Calamari replied "She can go hang out at that tacky carnival in her black suit with those carnies that she forced on the city of Salem. Tomorrow evening she can watch the$20,000 light show over the wrecking yard."

The mayor of Salem has brought in extra security for this event and has issued a warning to all residents to keep all valuable jewelry in a safe deposit box for the weekend. "Those cats are a menace to society. My carnival provides family friendly entertainment and the Fiesta Show people are just the salt of the earth. Not to mention they contribute to my campaign fund It really does take that much away from the other local businesses and food vendors who work so hard all year round. We all need more fried dough in our diet."

Samantha's Costume shop in Salem and the new Calamari Costume Shop of Wee Salem has reported that the top selling costume for female cats is the Miss Boo ensemble along with the Cheysuli Presidential costume. For younger male cats, the "Nubi wan Kenobi Jedi "costume has been flying off the racks. Other costumes such as Bite & Run jackets, Poop & Run jackets and Poot & Run jackets seem to be very popular this year with many of the cat tourists.

More security will be brought into Salem tomorrow night where 100,000 cats, dogs and skunks are expected to roam the city. The Pooses for Peace will hold their annual Halloween Ball tomorrow evening at the famed Casino Calamari located in Wee Salem.

2010-10-28

Strega Zevo Calamari Reads the Cards


Wee Salem Haunted Happenings Event

Strega cat Zevo Calamari will be doing tarot readings all week at the Casino Calamari.

Nubi wan Kenobi will be giving Ghost Tours all week through out Salem.

Luna Miso Poosie and Che Nikki will be telling Ghost stories at the House of Seven Gables.

Miss Lucy Fur and Miss Boo um a few unknown cats will be performing the Pirates of Pennzance on the tallship the Friendship on Friday and Saturday evening.

Monkay the thumbed poose with be performing Houdini's tricks at the Casino Calamari at the Pooses for Peace Halloween Ball.

Saturday evening:
The Vampire Poose Ball
Hawthorne Hotel Salem MA
8pm-?
Wear and sharpen your own fangs
Formal vamp attire please

Sunday Halloween:
The Pooses for Peace Halloween Ball
By invite only
Casino Calamari
Special guests :
Dr Bombay
The Rocky Horror Show folks

2010-10-22

New Costume Shop Opens in Wee Salem



Wee Salem MA

Another new business has sprung up in the Wee Salem District owned and run by the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace. The cats known for their entrepreneurial talents had the grand opening of The Calamari Costume Shop, right in time for the Halloween season this evening. A party will be held at the Casino Calamari tonight to jump start the Halloween week. Scores of celebrities and hordes of cats have been seen strolling through Salem into Wee Salem all day.

Mayor Zevo hussein Calamari along with friends Miss Lucy Fur, Nubi wan Kenobi, Che Nikki, Monkay and Luna Miso Poosie and an unknown cat in costume celebrated their new enterprise by drinking shots of Strega while cutting the ribbon. Rumors are circulating that the unknown cat is the missing Miss Boo.

Unlike normal costume shops, this unique store offers costumes for cats, dogs, skunks and even humans. This year's best seller is the Miss Boo costume which comes with a Miss Boo Mask, an emerald tiara, Jimmy Choo shoes and Versace strapless gown. Another popular Miss Boo costume include a Miss Boo mask, a pirate hat, wench dress, and bottle of rum. Unconfirmed sources believe many cats will dress as Miss Boo this Halloween so that the real Miss Boo can go undetected in Salem. Boo is currently wanted by the FBI, CIA and Homeland Security. Authorities have not been able to pinpoint her where abouts but believe she marched in the Haunted Happenings Parade with her cohorts and her new lover, Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Costumes of celebrity cats such as Cheysuli, The Meezer Boys, Jedi Nubi wan kenobi have been very popular as well." said Luna Miso Poosie, who has been promoted to sales manager of the shop. "Our least popular is the Mayor Kim Driscoll costume which includes an ill fitting black suit, black wig, black clunky shoes, a clipboard and a chainsaw."

No tax will be charged on goods sold since the store resides in the Wee Salem, (which has been declared the 51 state by the cats after seceding from the city of Salem and the Commonwealth of MA.) The cats also own Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari, The Holy Spaghetti Factory and a sushi bar. All are located in the Wee Salem borders.

2010-10-11

X-Files Agnets Mulder & Scully
Spotted in Salem MA


Associated Press
Salem MA

Less than a week ago the small city of Salem MA experienced what is believed to be a UFO close encounter over the Haunted Happenings Parade. Several witnesses believe it was the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Salem has a few devotees of this so called pasta God. They are known as pastafarians. The infamous Pooses for Peace are believed to be part of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and were in the parade when the FSM appeared.

Mayor Driscoll blames the celebrity cats for inviting the FSM to the event and upsetting the warm fuzzy family atmosphere of the parade. CIA, FBI and NASA agents are still investigating the event. Agents have been seen dining at In A Pig's Eye and the Lobster Shanty all week. Others have been spotted having tarot readings at the Oracle Chamber and Laurie Cabot's shop. Mayor Driscoll has been seen every night at Cafe Verona ordering pasta dishes. We can only hope she has an extra black suit in a larger size if this continues.

The US government has issued a statement. "There is no such thing as UFOs or a Flying Spaghetti Monster. We are certain it was a weather balloon passing over the parade.

Fox Mulder and partner Dana Scully refused to comment on the possibility that Salem has been over run by aliens. Fox was over heard saying "I want to believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Where can we get a good plate of pasta in this town?"

No word if the wanted feline Miss Boo was in the parade along with the celebrity cats and Jack Sparrow. A familiar looking cat wearing a blonde wig, sunglasses and an emerald tiara was seen cuddling with Capt Jack Sparrow. When spokes-poose Zevo Calamari was asked if Boo was in Salem for the holiday her response was "Boo who? Does this pirate hat make me look fat. Check out these phone numbers in this iphone i found......... pass me a shot of Strega darlin'...."

2010-10-07

BREAKING NEWS FROM SALEM MA.....ALERT......

BREAKING NEWS LIVE FROM SALEM MA ....... This just in.... Commotion and chaos in progress at the Haunted Happenings Parade. Reports of a UFO hovering over the parade dripping spaghetti sauce. Authorities are now at the scene.

Unconfirmed sources believe it is the Flying Spaghetti Monster and was invited by its devotees, the Pooses for Peace who appeared in tonight's parade mysteriously along with several celebrities and Captain Jack Sparrow.

A Press Conference will be held as soon as order has been restored and the crowds dispersed. Mayor Kim Driscoll has reportedly been touched by the Noodley being and her suit is in stable condition with sauce stains.

Stay tune for updates live from Salem. This portion of your local news has been brought to you by Ragu Sauce.

2010-10-05

City of Salem Issues Warning
For Haunted Happenings Parade



Salem MA

The City of Salem just put out a red alert warning for Thursday night's Haunted Happenings Parade. Authorities are concerned that the city has been unusually quite this week. The so called domestic terrorist group (named by authorities) known as the Pooses for Peace are nowhere to be seen in Salem. In fact since the Friendship disappeared - then mysteriously reappeared with a note and a bottle of rum- nobody has since seen the cats. Unconfirmed sources believe the cats are on a tropical island with Captain Jack Sparrow along with the missing Miss Boo, who is wanted by the FBI, CIA, Homeland Security and Interpol.

In the past years celebrities and hordes of cats poured into Salem the week of the parade to march with the celebrity cats known as The Pooses for Peace. This boosted business for every cafe, bar and restaurant in the area and Salem's economy. Celebrities such as Nicole Kidman, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Oprah, Cher and countless others marched in the parade with the cats and their BFF Captain Jack Sparrow. Later paparazzi and celebrities were seen at local hotspots, shops and having their palms read.

However, every year the cats have been accused of causing a disturbance. mayhem and unpredictable chaos. Reports of missing watches, earrings and iPods increased during each parade. The cats have been a thorn in Mayor Kim Driscoll's side ever since she tried to upstage the cats at the parade. (However she has yet to succeed.)
If you don't remember here are the links!
parade 2007 click here for memories of 2007 parade!
parade 2008 click here if you forgot about 2008's parade!
parade 2009 click here if you forget 2009

Authorities are worried the cats and their legions of Bite & Run, Poot & Run, Whap & Run and Poop & Run Patrols may make a surprise appearance at the parade on Thursday and cause a rukus. Unconfirmed sources believe that Mayor Driscoll is afraid that the deity known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster will appear at the parade again thus causing her ill fitting black suit to once again be covered in red sauce.

Mayor Driscoll issued a statement: "These cats are a menace to society. They will not rain on my parade. Oh...and I am BFF with Captain Jack Sparrow- he will be with ME this Friday night as I lead the wretched children of Salem around town for free candy. I am craving pasta can someone deliver a plate of spaghetti to City Hall for lunch?"

A video of spokespoose Zevo hussein Calamari was broadcast today with her statement. "Kim who? Jack darlin' could you pour us more rum dear? Does this pirate hat make me look fat?"

Boston Police and Top Secret Air Force officials have been called in case they are needed. Still- nobody seems to know if the cats and their cohorts will even show up.

2010-09-27

Celebrity Cats Spotted On Tortuga Island

Associated Press
Costa Rica

Unconfirmed sources have reported seeing the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace and Captain Jack Sparrow on Tortuga Island over the weekend. It is believed that the missing feline Miss Boo was seen dancing on the beach with Sparrow wearing a coconut bra, a sequined bikini bottom and an emerald tiara.

The cats and Sparrow are suspects in the latest commandeering of Salem's tall ship The Friendship. However in a mysterious turn of events over the weekend, the Friendship is now back at Derby Wharf unharmed. Authorities have no explaination on how the ship appeared with no passengers aboard.

As Halloween approaches, Salem's mayor Kim Driscoll is holding her breath waiting to hear if the cats will march in the Haunted Happenings Parade. Extra security and police have been requested for this years event.

In the past few years the cats have been accused of disturbing the peace at the event. Last year it is rumored that the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared at the parade and touched Dricoll with his Noodley Appendage, thus causing her to crave pasta. (Later in the year she also sponsered a Spaghetti Dinner.) The celebrity cats are devotees of the flying deity. (Driscoll is not.)

2010-09-19

THE FRIENDSHIP MISSING!!!!!!!


Associated Press
Salem MA

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Salem's tall ship known as The Friendship vanished sometime last night. Baffled authorities found a small boat docked on the beach of Derby Wharf with a note which read "Yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me!" An empty bottle of rum was also found in the boat.

Homeland security, The FBI and CIA have been brought in to investigate the whereabouts of the missing ship. The Salem Police are still on manhole duty on Bridge Street and Highland Ave.

Meanwhile the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace were nowhere to be found in Salem or Wee Salem today. Unconfirmed sources believe the cats have once again commandeered the Friendship with pirate Captain Jack Sparrow. It is believed Sparrow is having an affair with celebrity cat Miss Boo who has been missing for several weeks. Rumors are flying that Boo and Capt Jack have been staying on a tropical island hiding from authorities and paparazzi.

2010-09-18

Security Beefed Up In Salem
Protecting The Friendship




Associated Press
Salem MA

On the eve of Talk Like A Pirate Day , Salem's Mayor Kim Driscoll has requested the city of Boston for extra police coverage for the tall ship known as The Friendship. (Salem police were too busy guarding manholes on Highland Ave this weekend to protect the ship.)

Driscoll and city officials are worried that the domestic terrorist cats known as the Pooses for Peace may commandeer the ship (again) along with their BFF, Captain Jack Sparrow. The shipped disappeared last year and the pirate cats were blamed, although no proof was found.

The cats are Pastafarians, devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster . Talk Like A Pirate Day is a Pastafarian Holy day and all those who worship the Noodley deity must wear pirate regalia, eat pasta and drink rum or red wine.

Last year the cats and Captain Jack Sparrow walked in the Haunted Happenings Parade causing an uproar and much needed excitement during the boring parade. Driscoll has declared that this year she will not be upstaged (again) by the cats. No word if they have decided to be in this year's parade.

Zevo hussein Calamari, mayor of Wee Salem issued a statement " Um... like... Kim who? What ship? Does this pirate hat make me look fat? Pass the rum... arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh"