Deja Vu.... Supreme Court Attacked Again!

CNN..... BREAKING NEWS.............. BITE & RUN ATTACK......... SUPREME COURT

The U.S. Supreme Court dealt animals a serious blow in upholding a court decision that invalidated the federal law banning the commercial sale of videos showing illegal and extreme acts of animal cruelty.


Only one justice, Samuel Alito dissented, noting that the majority has struck down "a valuable statute that was enacted not to suppress speech, but to prevent horrific acts of animal cruelty—in particular, the creation and commercial exploitation of crush videos, a form of depraved entertainment that has no social value."

Justice Alito explained that "the animals used in crush videos are living creatures that experience excruciating pain. Our society has long banned such cruelty, which is illegal throughout the country." Alito was out numbered and the Supreme Court once again showed that its members have no compassion, common sense or even the ability to judge.

After the vote, Alito was said to go home to his cat and pet rat. The rest of the judges had a secret party in the back chambers to celebrate and began singing We Have the Power.

In an unexpected turn of events, a horde of cats , dogs, skunks, polar bears and a lone wolf all wearing Che hats, appeared out of nowhere and proceeded to attack every judge in the room. A monkey filmed the entire bite attack.

Security officers in the building heard screams coming from the room but thought the judges had hired hookers again to celebrate. By the time security guards decided to check on the judges, the animals had already disappeared from the building.

All justices suffered severe bite injuries. and scratches. A few had allergy attacks. One fainted at the sight of the polar bears while another screamed "Where is Sarah Palin and her rifle?... There is a wolf in here!" All were taken to an undisclosed hospital and given pain medication and antihistamines and are in stable condition. However later it was discovered that their medication had been replaced by Flintstone Vitamins. There are reports of a cat wearing scrubs and a tiara running down the halls of the hospital. All who attended the party are missing their iphones and watches.

A biohazard unit was brought in to remove the peculiar odor and puddles on the floor. Most o f the robes were burned as no stain remover on the planet could possible save them.

The video of the judges being attacked is now being sold and there are rumors that it will be posted on youtube soon.

Authorities have not named any suspects however it is believed this is the work of the liberal terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace and their loyal legions of Bite & Run patrols. This is not the first time that the Supreme Court has been attacked by animals. The last attack took place when US Supreme Court justices who ruled that there would not be any campaign finance limits so that big corporations can take over the planet. A press conference will be held later tonight when more information is gathered.

Miss Zevo hussein Calamari, spokes-poose for the Pooses for Peace released a statement "Well who wants to buy this lovely new film we made? What iphones? Does this robe make me look fat? Ack pass the tequila.. the after -taste of stupidity, hatred and greed is so hard to get out of my mouth...ack ack............."

Boston Tea Party Bite & Run Attack

BREAKING NEWS

Boston MA..............Home of the Original Tea Party!

Former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and wolf murderer criticized the Obama administration and the liberal Snootie pants Congress today at a Tea Party rally on Boston Common, saying the government had been on a "spending spree" and warning of future tax increases.

During Palin's 21-minute you betcha ramblings about the facist, marxist take over by the communist liberals and their muslim leader President Obama, patriotic music played in the background. SUVs with yellow Support our Troops magnets surrounded the area. Flag pins were worn by all in a sea of those wearing red, white and blue.

As Palin was giving her final remarks, a horde of cats, dogs, skunks and possibly a wolf dressed in pirate regalia jumped on stage and into the crowd. Palin was heard screaming as far as the North End of Boston. "What the F*@K? Get off me you varmits. AHhhhhhhhh OUCH that hurts.. you betcha... TODD where the hell ar' ya?
AAAAAAAAAAAchoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....Oh Lordy is that a wolf there yonder? Where the hell is my rifle?????? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Boston Police rushed to the scene but were not able to capture any of the so called perpetrators. Palin and several of her Tea Party devotees were rushed to a nearby hospital for bites, cuts, scratches and alleries. All are in stable condition but a few cats wearing nurses uniforms were seen running off with the patients' pain medication. Several of those at the rally have made reports about missing watches, iPhones and credit cards. Sarah Palin's glasses are also reported missing.

Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous liberal domestic terrorist known as the Pooses for Peace. Their headquarters are north of Boston in Salem, MA.

It is not the first time the cats and Sarah Palin have violent encounters. The cats have been accused of attacking Palin a few times while she was on the campaign with John McCain. The Pooses for Peace are also involved in protecting the wolves and keeping Palin off the Discovery Channel. (The cats also have an on going feud with Mayor Kim Driscoll of Salem.)

As of this time the Boston PD has not named the celebrity cats as suspects. Interpol claims that the cats are still in Paris, France celebrating Zevo hussein Calamari's birthday today at a party in the Louvre Museum.

There is speculation the cats involved in today's event could have been those who did not attend the party - or perhaps even a fringe group hired by the Pooses for Peace. Several people attending the event also claim to have seen a wolf roaming through the Boston Commons, however police believe it was possibly just a lost husky.

In other Boston and local news the wolf known as Osa a resident of the Ipswich Wolf Hollow reserve has been reported missing since this morning.

Happy Birthday Zevo hussein Calamari!

Happy 17th birthday to our dear Queen of Snark.
We love you!
Thank you for being you.

There was a cat.....

Associated Press
Montemarte, France

French police were called in to subdue a large crowd of drunken cats claiming to be friends of Nicole Kidman, wearing tiaras and top hats this evening at the Moulin Rouge. Authorities said the cats continued to sing "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" over and over until patrons of the Moulin Rouge handed over their jewelry.

Many cats were arrested, but all escaped in the middle of the night. No one is sure how they pulled off such a stunt. Authorities are certain that there must be a few cats with thumbs involved. None of the jewelry has been recovered.

Donatella Versace Dresses Celebrity Cats

Ciao bella gatti!

Potrai così guardare piuttosto indossando Versace couture.
You will look so pretty wearing Versace couture.

A te darò e tutti i tuoi amici vestiti per la festa di compleanno
I will give you and all your friends clothes for the birthday party.

Si prega di portare questi alcuni gatti dolce prosciutto e del vino
Please bring these sweet cats some ham and wine.

Baci per tutti !
Ciao ciao
Donatella

Les Chats ont Défilé Pour la Paix The Pooses for Peace Parade

Countless cats wearing top hats, tiaras and berets paraded down the Avenue des Champs Elysee at dusk today. The eco-friendly parade was hosted by the Pooses for Peace to celebrate Zevomas. Carla Bruni led the parade along with the celebrity cats on solar powered Vespas.

The Pooses for Peace have led other parades on Vespas. In Salem MA it is tradition that the cats lead the Haunted Happenings Parade to kick off the Halloween Season. In Salem they are known as the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas,

Celebrities, Bono, Audrey Tautou, Nicole Kidman, Bette Midler were seen riding in hybrid cars in the parade. Johnny Depp made a grand appearance on a pirate themed float along with Pastafarians (devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster ) dressed in pirate attire.

Ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli along with Al Gore waved from a solor powered Smart. The Bite & Run Brigades, (to numerous to name) marched in the parade wearing their formal uniforms. Unconfirmed sources reported seeing 2 corgis on the Give Ireland Back to the Irish float. Paul McCartney was also spotted on the float.

Thousands of Parisians watched the parade screaming "Vive les chats!" and throwing biodegradable confetti. The parade ended with a fireworks display over the famed La Grande Roue (Ferris Wheel).

Carla Bruni sends Fire Truck to Save Cheysuli

Associated Press
Paris France

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Carla Bruni has just sent a legion of French fire trucks to rescue former US presidential candidate, professional napper Cheysuli from the top of the Arc de Triomphe in Paris. No one is quite sure how she got on top of the monument or why. There is some speculation she is proving that she can do anything and would be the best choice for the next Supreme Court justice appointment by the Obama administration.

Cheysuli and her entourage are in Paris to celebrate Zevomas. She regrets that she cannot be home with her pet human for her birthday- the same day as celebrity cat Zevo hussein Calamari.
Chey was overheard saying: "I must maintain my public image and celebrity status. There is another Supreme Court opening soon. One never knows if this could be it for me!"

Celebrities Arrive in Paris for Zevomas

Hordes of cats, dogs, skunks and celebrities have been pouring into Paris over the past few days to celebrate Zevomas. Most of the guest are staying at the Ritz Carlton.

Paparazzi have been hoping for glimpses of Sandra Bullock who is rumored to be staying with the celebrity cats. Johnny Depp sans wife Vanessa Paradis has also been seen drinking wine at a local cafe near the Louvre. Mrs Depp refused to be a part of the celebration. She claims the cats bit her again while they were staying with the Depps in their French villa.

Other celebrities seen walking the streets of Paris today were Donatella Versace and Gwyenth Paltrow. Versace will be providing the cats with couture to wear at both the Moulin Rouge and Louvre parties.

Feline celebrities have been seen shopping and dining on cheese and tuna pate. Cheysuli and Gemini, The infamous Meezers and Daisy the Curly cat are just a few. (please forgive us for not html-ing tonight)

Today at a Zevomas Press conference Bono issued this statement: "I am honored to be invited to Zevo's birthday gala. I had so much fun at the Casino Calamari last year. (Though I still cannot find my favorite pair of sunglasses I wore that night.)

It will be a pleasure to be with all her friends, too numerous to name and to once again be with those who support the Pooses for Peace Foundation. I have chosen a very special gift for Zevo. The Edge and our band will be playing at the party. "

A Zevomas Tradition

Ciao Bella!

It's Friday and here we are at the Ritz Carlton! We are still waiting for more of our guests to arrive all week The real fun happens next week. I am sure we will find plenty to occupy our time for the next seven days. So many tourist attractions, shows and ankles to bite.

Since this is the second day of Zevomas i thought i would share how Zevo and i became best friends. I am sure many of you have heard this story... but it is tradition to tell it every year while sipping on expensive Champagne.

Zevo and her sister the Baby Pig were born in Escondido CA, under the bed of their pet human's dear friend Edie who was very ill. Their mother and aunt both gave birth the same night about 10 days before Edie passed away. The pet human already had 3 German Shepherds and 2 birds but decided to adopt Zevo (more like Zevo decided to adopt her!) and the Baby Pig walked up and sat on her lap- so she took both home with her.

A year later they left Escondido and moved to Hillcrest which is where my pet human and i live. (Her pet human and mine are friends. They met in acupuncture school... anyway that is beside the point! Ha! No pun intended!)

Zevo and her sister Baby Pig were working at The Bread & Cie Bakery. They were driving the truck and delivering bread. They hired a big white dog to help push the pedals on the truck. The bread was never delivered. They were all fired the first week. They went on to try other retail jobs. The Pig worked at a Cheese Shop and was fired for eating the profits. Zevo worked at Starbucks in Hillcrest and was accused of stealing tips and was "let go". She tried cutting hair for awhile but it was not a smart career choice for someone with paws. I am not sure what ever happened to the white dog.

One night they went to Hamburger Mary's for a few margaritas. I was there drowning my sorrows over losing my sequined flip flops at the beach that day. It was a warm summer night. Its a gay bar, so cats wearing tiaras drink for free. As fate would have it the magic of the margaritas took effect and by midnight we were all dancing on table tops and the bar. Of course, we immediately bonded under the influence of the Agave God and became the best of friends.

We also discovered that we were very good at "finding" expensive jewelry and other fine items that we were able to sell on the black market um, give away to charity. Thus began our reputation as cat burglars. Such an ugly phrase. We prefer to think of ourselves as modern day Robin Hoods... with tiaras.

I won't bore you with how we became celebrities and friends with Miss Lucy Fur, Madonna, Donatella, Johnny Depp, (bit his nasty French wife), arrested at the Vatican, dated George Clooney, met with Fidel Castro.... ... well i really don't want to brag so i will stop there.

Zevo and Baby Pig were forced moved to New England. Baby Pig who was the original founder for Pigs for Peace (now known as The Pooses for Peace) passed away a few years ago. We miss her dearly and her birthday would also be on Wednesday too. Before her passing they opened Brothel Calamari , Casino Calamari and Cinema Calamari. All successful businesses!

Zevo's pet humans thought she would be lonely so they adopted Nubi wan Kenobi. For the record she was not lonely and is still miffed they did not ask her permission. She tolerates him. They have since tricked Zevo and Nubi and adopted a kitty with thumbs and seven toes whose name is constantly changing. This week her name is Luna miso Poosie.. but we can't promise that it will stay that way.

This week will be the best birthday celebration ever. All pooses are welcome to stay with us at the Ritz. We have the entire hotel to ourselves and a few celebrities. We have invited Nicole Kidman, Ewin McGregor, Audrey Tautou, Gwyneth Paltrow, Johnny Depp and Oprah. (Unfortunately George Clooney is not invited since he has dumped me for a stink insect.) But ce la vie! His loss.

A pre-party will be held at our favorite Paris spot, the Moulin Rouge on Tuesday night. Nicole Kidman and Ewin McGregor will perform a bit from the movie Moulin Rouge. (and i am sure they will ask us to sing along!)

For all you who are attending the Birthday Gala at the The Louvre on Wednesday evening, Donatella Versace will be providing outfits for all. Shoes will be provided by Jimmy Choo, Prada and Manolo. You must bring your own tiaras and top hats.

Room service is here. Champagne anyone?
ciao for now
Miss Boo

It's Zevomas!

The season of Zevomas starts today Thursday April 8, 2010 and ends with Zevo Calamari's birthday on Wednesday, April 14, 2010. This is a very big birthday for Zevo. (She will be seventeen ... um 10 so we like to keep her age a secret from the paparazzi.)

Once again, Zevo has requested to return to Paris for her birthday. Paris in the springtime is such a lovely way to celebrate with close friends.

The Pooses for Peace have planned a very special week for her and her friends in Paris. Miss Boo has booked the entire Ritz Carlton in Paris. Nubi wan Kenobi is in the process of planning an eco-friendly ticker tape parade. Miss Lucy Fur and i are planning parties at the Louvre and the Moulin Rouge

Parties and activities will be announced during the week.

All pooses are invited to this once in a life time extravaganza. Travel provided by the Pooses for Peace luxury airlines. ... for free!

Bring your own tiaras and top hats. Plenty of organic ham, tuna and chicken for all. Not to mention champagne fountains, Tequila, Strega and Pastis!

Donatella Versace will provide attire for all those who attend. A Nip-tini fountain has been placed in the Ritz Carlton for the entire week.

See you in Paris
Happy Zevomas!

love and kiss kiss,
miss boo
and the The Pooses for Peace

Does the Discovery Channel Need a Bite & Run Reminder?

It is hard to believe that the Discovery Channel, those folks who bring us Animal Planet would consider giving Sarah Palin her own reality show about Alaska. This woman is responsible for the hunting of wolves and making it a sport. Killing wolves via helicopter. Maybe Animal Planet should show that!

We are not fans of Sarah Palin. No shock there... but politics aside, this woman should not be allowed on the Discovery Channel. She belongs on the FOX news network making up stories about communists being facists, etc....! (wink wink you betcha!)

We know that wolves would eat us if we were roaming the streets of Alaska. But this is not the point. We would eat mice if we saw them roaming! Help us keep Sarah Palin off of the Discovery Channel.

Here is a petition to the Discovery Channel for all those who are shocked by this news.

From the Defenders of Wildlife:

" This is unbelievable.

Discovery Communications has just announced that they’ll be producing a “reality TV” series starring Sarah Palin.

Yes — the same Sarah Palin who escalated Alaska’s war on wolves and offered a $150 bounty for the severed front-forelegs of dead wolves. The same Sarah Palin who fought against increased protections for America’s struggling polar bear populations. And the same Palin who fought against the increased protections for the dwindling Cook Inlet beluga whales.

I’m troubled that Discovery Communications — known for their stunning wildlife-focused productions — would choose to embrace such a controversial and anti-wildlife person as Sarah Palin to represent Alaska and the wildlife that lives there.

That’s why I’ve joined Defenders of Wildlife’s fight to get Discovery Communications to drop Sarah Palin’s new show, and I am hoping you will too.

Please sign the petition online at CLICK here!

Thanks for helping…

Pooses for Peace Issue Warning to US Idiots

Associated Press
Pooses for Peace Secret Headquarters

Unconfirmed sources believe that the infamous domestic terrorist liberal feline group known as the Pooses for Peace have put their legions of Bite & Run Brigades on RED ALERT.

Spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari along with Miss Boo, Miss Lucy Fur and their entourage, legions of Bite & Run Brigades held a press conference from their undisclosed Pooses for Peace Headquarters. The cats have issued a terse warning today to those who have been fueling the fire of anger and violence since the signing of the Health Reform bill this week.

"KNOCK it off you idiots! Where were all of you when an illegal war was started 8 years ago by a chimp that put this country in debt? We are talking about health care here. ... keeping people healthy. Not weapons of mass destruction. Not tapping your phone lines, emails, and torture camps. Not running the national debt up every day to pay for Iraq, bailing out corrupt bankers, big business, tax breaks for those who don't pay taxes cause they are so rich they can afford teams of accountants! Breaks for BIG OIL........

Do you tea party people even know the difference between Marxist and Facist? Do you understand that they are not the same thing? Like dah! Even cats know the difference. Can you really be a communist and a facist at the same time? (Would Che Guevara be caught dead hanging out with Hitler or Mussolini?)

This is 2010 people. Grow up. Treat others as you would want to be treated- with respect. You can agree to disagree. Sit down and discuss it. But lying, name calling, spitting, shooting out windows, death threats and violence will only lead to more. Please Act like civilized humans. Even we animals know better.

DON'T MAKE US COME TO WASHINGTON!!!!!!!
The Pooses for Peace
Bite & Run Brigades
Poop & Run Brigades
Poot & Run Brigades
Whap & Run Brigades
Scratch & Run Brigades

Party O'Pooses

Come join us at Hamburger O' Marys (located inside Casino O'Calamari's)
in Salem for a St Patty's Day party.
5:00 pm-?
wear green

Tickets are still available for this event.

Call 1-800-Boo-Zevo. Have your credit card ready!

May the Tuna dish rise up to meet you,
Zevo O' Calamari and the Pooses O'Peace

Salem Welcomes the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Associated Press

Salem MA

Salem residents woke up to a visit from the Flying Spaghetti Monster this morning. The infamous domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace unveiled the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster along with its restaurant The Holy Spaghetti Factory and its famed Volcanic Beer Bar. A pirate themed boutique along with free underground parking for patrons is also one of the luxuries of this latest establishment.

Jimmy Buffett and the Coral Reefers joined the celebrity cats in the Grand Opening of the Volcanic Beer Bar.

The cats are devout Pastafarians who believe in the deity the Flying Spaghetti Monster . Pastafarians dress as pirates on Holy Days and quote from the Gospel of the Holy Spaghetti Monster. Friday is a Holy Day.

Because the celebrity cats have the business listed as a nonprofit religious organization there will be no tax on the meals, drinks, nor will they be paying any taxes to the city of Salem.

The cats have been a thorn in the mayor of Salem's side ever since she was elected. .. and the last election results are still being questioned by

Zevo hussein Calamari who claims she won.

The cats have been blamed on several occasions for crimes such as stealing the tall ship known as the Friendship . It is rumored that the cats also own several other businesses in Salem such as the Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari and a so called Brothel Calamari

Not to be undone by her nemisis, Salem Mayor Kimberley Driscoll had a Spaghetti dinner in her honor at the Moose Lodge today. As advertised on facebook- anyone who showed up and mentioned they saw it on the social networking site could eat for free. Unconfirmed authorities are not sure how hundreds of homeless vagrants showed up for the feast.

Driscoll, fearing the cats would attempt another Bite and Run wore ankle and knee guards under her predictable black suit. Although she will not admit it- Kimberley Driscoll was touched by the Flying Spaghetti Monster at the Haunted Happenings Parade this past October. Click here if you don't remember that!

Extra security was called in as well, however no cats were seen at the Mayor's Spaghetti dinner. However the Mayor reports that her iphone and earrings are once again missing and blames the cats. "Those cats are a menace to Salem. I cannot tell you how many iPhones and earrings i have lost due to them. I will fight to charge tax on their meals and beverages. How dare they put an underground parking facility in without my permission. Now I will have to hire a consultant, lay off more teachers and firemen and raise taxes. Why is there red sauce on my suit and oh my gawd....what is that smell? Anyone have a can of Frebreeze? ack. .. ack...."

Spokes-poose Zevo Calamari issued a statment: " Salem residents.... May the Flying Spaghetti Monster touch you with his Noodly Goodness! RAmen!"

Cat Fight at the Oscars?

Associated Press

Hollywood CA

Unconfirmed rumors are circulating through Tinsel Town today on why George Clooney looked so angry last night at the Oscars. Is George Clooney feuding with Alec Baldwin or did something else take place before the show began?

Clooney was thought to be engaged to celebrity feline Miss Boo, of the Pooses for Peace last year, however no one has confirmed if the couple had a tiff or separated. Last night Clooney showed up at the Oscars with Elilsabetta Canalis.

The Pooses for Peace Celebrity cats co-hosted the event along with Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. Sources to terrified to be identified claim that when the cats realized Clooney was shunning Miss Boo by bringing a stink insect as a date, a cat fight ensued between Canalis and the Miss Lucy Fur, BFF to Miss Boo and Zevo Calamari. (Miss Lucy Fur is infamous for her temper. In the past restraining orders were filed against her by Dr Phil and a few republican pundits. She is said to be taking medication that is not effective when mixed with alcohol.)

Fortunately for Canalis, security (accustomed to celebrity fighting on the red carpet) broke up the fight and she had a spare gown in Clooney's limo. Her make up and hair was redone before the show. Her earrings are reported to be missing. Reports are being filed that celebrities who wore fur to the show were bit or scratched last night. No charges have been filed.

Last night Sandra Bullock lost her earrings. Other starlets are reporting lost bracelets, earrings and watches. Authorities are not concerned as most of the celebrities were drunk and dancing the night away. Anyone could have lost what they were wearing reported a security guard wearing what seemed to be a Jedi robe.

Pooses for Peace spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari was overheard this morning saying "Ooh my head..... ack ack the taste of stick insect is still in my mouth. um like.... What earrings? Pass that ginger ale please......... oh and watch where you step......... turn out the light too. Does this bracelet make me look fat?"

Pooses for Peace Co-Host Oscars

Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin will be hosting the Oscars Sunday night

with their friends the Pooses for Peace

Don't miss the Barbara Walters last interview with celebrity cats Zevo hussein Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur on the Red Carpet. It is going to be an exciting night for all.

Join guest pooses, Tao and Sarge, Luna miso Poosie and M hussein Monkay, and Che Nikki for the Pre-Oscar Fashion show on the Red Carpet.

What will fashionista Daisy the CurlyCat wear? Will Cheysuli and Gemini attend? Will George Clooney dare to show up with his new girlfriend and risk the wrath of Miss Boo? And will Steve Martin play the banjo.......

Warning: Attendees have been warned not to wear fur. All violators will be bit.

The Bite Patrol tonight will be led by Nubi Wan Kenobi and the Jedi Poose Force, along with the infamous Meezer Whap & Run, Poot and Run patrols.

Join the Pooses for Peace at their party right after the Oscars. Nip-tinis, Champagne fountain, ham and tuna buffet and a night of dancing. Bring your own tiara and top hat!

BREAKING NEWS..... BITE & RUN BREAKS BUNNINGS FILIBUSTER

BREAKING NEWS...... Sen Bunning latest victim of a Bite & Run as he blocked a measure that would extend cash and health insurance benefits for the unemployed.

Throughout the day Tuesday, Democrats had been threatening to keep the Senate open all night, a move that would have forced Bunning to remain on the floor if he wanted to continue to block the measure.

With hundreds of thousands of people expected to lose benefits this week, Democrats have spent the past several days holding up the impasse as an example of Republican attempts to block Democratic legislation. The Democratic National Committee blasted 16 e-mails to reporters on Tuesday decrying Bunning's blockade.

In an unexpected turn of events, a horde of cats wearing tiaras, one donning a Jedi robe and swinging a light saber and a dog wearing a Che beret rushed on to the Senate floor. Screams and sneezes filled the room. Hair pieces flew through the air. Within minutes the cats had vanished without a trace and Senator Bunning and a few other senators were immediately rushed to an undisclosed hospital. All remain in stable condition. However it is reported that a cat wearing scrubs ran off with their pain medication. Many senators are now reporting that their iPhones, credit cards and watches are missing.

Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous domestic liberal terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace.

No charges have been filed as of this time. There will be a press conference at 11:00 pm.

New at the GAP....Distressed Jeans by zevo calamari!

The Gap welcomes fashionista Zevo hussein Calamari and her line of distressed jeans.

Zevo personally scratches each pair of jeans, then naps on them to insure a fresh coat of fur. Only $500 a pair while supplies last!

Mardi Gras!

Associated Press
New Orleans

Hordes of cats from all over the country are pouring into New Orleans today in hopes of catching a glimpse of the Pooses for Peace Float and their marching Bite & Run bands in the Bacchus Parade on Fat Tuesday.

Extra security has been brought in from around the state. The celebrity cats have a cult following and have been blamed for several Bite & Run attacks on republican officials and celebrity stick insects in the past. Authorities have warned tourists not to wear expensive jewelry or bring valuables to the events.

The Pooses for Peace will hold a Mardi Gras Party on Tuesday 2/16/10 along with Harry Connick Jr and other musicians. Details of the party will be announced shortly.

Miss Zevo Calamari spokes-poose for the cats issued a statement today. " We are so excited about riding in this years parade. Do you think these beads make me look fat? Oh and i encourage everyone to wear their very best jewelry.. after all you want to look good for the party. Could you pass me a hit off that flask ... thanks.

Happy Year of the Tiger!

Gung Hay Fat Choy

Wishing you love, peace, prosperity and all the tuna, ham and cat nip you desire!

The Pooses for Peace

Year of the Tiger Celebration!

Come celebrate the Chinese New Year of the Tiger with us.

Confucius say "It is good fortune to dance with cat"

Casino Calamari

Sunday February 14

3:00 pm- 3:00 am

Open bar includes Ginseng Nip-tini's, Mai Tais, Corona and Jose Cuervo Red.

Cat nip fortune cookies! Plenty of good take out Chinese Food!

The Lion Dance will be performed by The Kung Poose Dancing Troupe, mostly made up of Pooses for Peace members.

Special Guest

Toni the Tiger

Please wear red for good fortune! Bring your own chop sticks.


Gung Hay Fat Choy

Pooses for Peace to Buy Salem Church

SALEM — The former St. Mary's Italian Church is for sale.

The executive director of the Salem Mission, now known as Lifebridge, made the surprise announcement yesterday, saying the nonprofit organization has hired commercial real estate appraisers to set a price on the 1925 church building. The property will go on the market "as soon as we determine a value," Cote said.

Unconfirmed sources report that the infamous group of cats known as the Pooses for Peace have already made an offer and are in negotiations to buy the church. The members of the so called liberal domestic terrorist organization are devout Pastafarians, (followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster ). The celebrity cats plan to refurbish the building into the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Rumors are also flying that the cats intend to also add a restaurant adjacent to the building and call it The Holy Spaghetti Factory. The facility will include underground parking for its patrons, a beer volcano and a pirate theme boutique.

This is not the first appearance of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in Salem. Unconfirmed sources say that the FSM appeared at the Haunted Happenings parade last October causing chaos in the small city. click here if you forgot!

Mayor Kimberley Driscoll is opposed to her nemesis's plan. She released the following statement: "We will need to hire a consultant and hold meetings to discuss the impact of this. That could take years and several thousands of dollars. Then we will have to lay off more teachers and firemen. Those cats are a menace to society. The city of Salem has had enough of this Flying Pasta nonsense ........ could you have my secretary make a reservation at Bella Verona for tonight? I lost my iPhone again."

Spokes-poose, Zevo Hussein Calamari issued a statement this morning as well: "For all those concerned about where the homeless shelter will be placed, we have decided to use City Hall since nobody ever seems to be there anyway. May the Flying Spaghetti Monster touch the city of Salem with his Noodly goodness. RAmen! ... does this iPhone make me look fat? ..........."

Quick....hide the evidence!

Ohhhhhhhhhhh my head..... turn that light off.........ack anyone have some ginger ale?

That was some house trashing party last night. We just inducted our new friends and downstair neighbors Oliver and Jake into the Pooses for Peace. One of the requirements for all inductees is to throw a house trashing party.... and those boys really know how to throw one!

um like please pass the aspirin and you guys have fun cleaning this mess........ i need to go lay down

ciao ciao

zevo

Oh waiter ... this is Not what i ordered

The service here at Rancho Calamari has been pretty bad lately. The pet humans are working a lot and none of us are happy about it. Why just today i was served this measly bowl of crunchies instead of the tuna souffle with mouse sauce that i ordered.

I am not leaving a tip. And later someone may get bit.

i am Luna hear me roar!

xoxoxo

luna diPoosalita

Happy GroundHog Day!

We will be showing the movie GroundHog Day today at the Cinema Calamari

over and over and over.

All are invited!

Join the Bite & Run Patrol!

Graduates of the Calamari Institute for Professional Biting

Looking for a a new career? The Calamari Institute for Professional Biting is now accepting applications for the Winter 2010 semester.

Learn how to bite ankles, knees and other fun human parts. Study the art of covert biting. Our graduates have gone on to bite celebrities and many politicians, such as Ann Coulter, Dick Cheney, Nicole Richie, P Diddy, Karl Rove, Paris Hilton and others we are not permitted to mention (or admit to, such as the Supreme Court!)

Be a part of the prestigious Bite & Run Patrol which has been making headline news. This winter semester our list of professors include Covert Operations Biter, Lucy Fur, best known for her biting debut with Dick Cheney and Dr Phil.

Also teaching celebrity biting will be Zevo Calamari and Miss Boo. Both are famous for biting Paris Hilton, Vanessa Paradis (wife of Johnny Depp), Toby Keith and that whiney country chick with the red hair.

Other professors include Martial arts instructor Tao and her sidekick Sarge. Nubi wan Kenobi will be teaching Jedi theory on how to use the force during a bite attack.

Our guest professors for this semester, Monkay and Luna diPoosalita, the thumbed cat duo will be teaching the fine art of picking locks and opening doors for speedy get-aways.

Earn your required Continuing Education Units by attending the Poot & Run Intensive taught by Billy Sweetfeets or the ever popular Whap & Run technique by his brothers, the Meezers .

The art of negotiation will be offered by the esteemed ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli along with fashion advice from Daisy the Curlycat and how to wear a proper Che beret by Miss Nikki.

Hurry... operators are standing by. Call now to sign up before classes are filled.

In a few short months you too will be a part of THE BITE & RUN PATROL!

1-800-CAT-BITE

se hablamos espanol

BREAKING NEWS..... BITE & RUN SUPREME COURT HOUSE

THIS JUST IN.......

During a top secret party held by the US Supreme Court justices who ruled that there would not be any campaign finance limits so that big corporations can take over the planet, a horde of cats , dogs, skunks, polar bears and a lone wolf all wearing Che hats, appeared out of nowhere and proceeded to attack all those who voted for this far-ranging decision that insures the already broken and corrupt American political system will become even more so almost immediately, barring the unlikely passage of new laws by the current spineless Congress.

Security officers in the building heard screams coming from the room but thought the judges had hired hookers to celebrate. By the time security guards decided to check on the judges, the animals had already disappeared from the building.

All justices suffered severe bite injuries. and scratches. A few had allergy attacks. One fainted at the sight of the polar bears while another screamed "Where is Sarah Palin and her rifle?... There is a wolf in here!" All were taken to an undisclosed hospital and given pain medication and antihistamines and are in stable condition. All who attended the party are missing their iphones and watches.

A biohazard unit was brought in to remove the peculiar odor and puddles on the floor. All robes were burned as no stain remover on the planet could possible save them.

Authorities have not named any suspects however it is believed this is the work of the liberal terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace and their loyal legions of Bite & Run patrols.

Miss Zevo hussein Calamari, spokes-poose for the Pooses for Peace releases a statement" Well that is justice for you and instant karma! What iphones. Does this robe make me look fat? Ack pas the tequila.. the after -taste of greed is so hard to get out of my mouth...ack ack............."

Stay tuned to CNN for more news .....

Pooses for Peace Join Telethon For Haiti

NEW YORK TIMES

The celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace are among the latest stars to take part in George Clooney's “Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief,” a two-hour telethon on Friday night to be broadcast around the world on television and online. The show, which in the United States will begin at 8 p.m.

Clooney begged the infamous cats and their entourage to leave Salem MA and join him in LA so they can be on stage beside him. However, the cats will be performing live at their Casino Calamari along with Jimmy Buffett and Capt Jack Sparrow instead.

Rumors are still flying that Clooney's fiance Miss Boo is more than just miffed that he was seen snogging with a stick insect underwear model. Miss Boo has not been wearing the so called engagement ring either. No word if the couple have split or if this is just a lover's tiff. Unconfirmed sources believe this is the real reason the cats will not be in LA.

TMZ claims it is because the cats have several restraining orders against them. In the past they were known to bite any celebrity seen wearing fur such as Beyonce, P.Diddy, Lindsay Lohan, JLo and the Olsen twins. Bono has lost several pairs of glasses whenever he performed with the cats. A few pair were illegally sold on eBay.

We Tried and Lost

Dear Papa Lion,

We tried to keep your legacy going. Unfortunately the people of Massachusetts have become complacent, greedy and have been listening to way too much rabid talk radio. We now have a Ken doll as our new senator. Perhaps some just took it for granted that a democrat would win... how could they lose in a secure blue state? The lesson- never take anything for granted.

We the Pooses for Peace promise to be the pooses for the people. Our Bite and Run brigades will once again return to Washington and remind those who have been elected that they were elected for the people. Look out Wall Street...if this administration does not take you on...we will.

Never underestimate the wrath of pack of angry cats.

Viva La Revolucion

The Pooses for Peace

Bite & Run Patrols on Red Alert in MA

Associated Press

Commonwealth of Massachusetts 

Unconfirmed sources believe that the liberal domestic feline terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace has returned to Massachusetts. 

The celebrity founders of the organization were in France staying with Johnny Depp and his family. Rumors are flying that the cats bit Vanessa Paradis, wife of the famed star who then threw the cats out (literally). This may have been what prompted the cats to return back to the USA to help elect a democrat to fill the late Ted Kennedy's place. The cats were friends with Kennedy and his dogs and promised to do whatever they could to make sure his legacy lived on in Congress. Right wing conspiracy pundits such as nutjob Glen Beck, believe that the cats are responsible for Obama's victory in the presidential election. "These heathen liberal cats are a menace to society and should be put in Gitmo for life."

Hordes of cats, dogs, skunks and a peacock have been pouring into MA to stand guard at the polls tomorrow.  Bite and Run Brigades are on red alert. 

Unfortunately the Commonwealth does not recognize an animal's right to vote. (evidence of this was seen in Salem's mayoral election when Zevo hussein Calamari had a sweeping victory over Kimberly Driscoll and yet Driscoll is now the current mayor.)

A statement was released today by spokes-poose Zevo Calamari: "People of the Commonwealth.. do you really want to repeat the GW Chimp years by allowing Brown to win? Have you lost your memory? Would a good bite on the ankle restore it? Like DAH!..... Do you remember how we got in this mess?  Iraq, Election Fraud, Iran,  Plame-gate, Blackwater, Haliburton, Bank Bailouts, Recession, Depression, Obsessions, Torture, Wiretaps, Corruption, Wars for OIL, Rush, O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, Hate, Discrimination, Lies, FOX NEWS, Katrina and a trillion dollar debt, .......

We want YOU to get your lazy butts out there tomorrow and vote like your life depends on it. ..... or else.....Vote for Martha Coakley!"

This message has been approved by Pooses for Coakley

French Press Quotes Depp's Wife

"J'ai fait ces chats méchants partir de ce matin. Mes chevilles saignent. Les enfants pleurent. Ils ne sont plus bienvenus ici. "Vanessa Paradise

Translation: I made those nasty cats leave this morning. My ankles are bleeding. The children are crying. They are no longer welcome here.

NBC Execs Latest Targets of Bite & Run

Associated Press

NBC Studios

An  NBC  secret meeting for   greedy bastards  executives only, was interrupted unexpectedly today.  Hordes of cats, dogs, a few skunks and a peacock wearing SAVE COCO  shirts stormed into  the room from the windows, beneath tables and out of ceiling ducts to launch the first  Bite & Run attack of 2010. 

NBC executive Dick Ebersol, who trashed Conan O'Brien in an interview with the New York Times, calling Conan an "astounding failure" was heard screaming WHAT THE F&%K is on my leg.... Aaaaaachooooooooooooo.... HELP! Ouch........ 

While Jeff Tucker who threatened Conan "I will keep you off the air for 3.5 years" was bit, scratched by cats, pecked by the peacock and sprayed by a skunk for 3.5 minutes. 

Both men were taken to an undisclosed hospital and reported in stable condition. Unconfirmed sources report that a cat wearing scrubs ran off with their pain medication and antihistamines. All executives in the room have reported missing iPhones, Rolexes, credit cards. A biohazard team was called in to rid the room of the noxious odor left.

Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace. The group, is led by celebrity cats Zevo hussein Calamari, Boo and Miss Lucy Fur along with their cohorts, too numerous to name. Calamari and her best friends were seen yesterday sipping Pastis with Johnny Depp in the south of France. However the cats command legions of Bite & Run brigades and could have easily ordered an attack from anywhere in the world.

Miss Zevo Calamari released a statement:"Bon Jour! NB see ya!  Do you think these scrubs make me look fat? Could we have another bottle of Pastis... see if this credit cards works....."

Wine and Cheese with Johnny Depp

The photo shoot went well with Donatella. We were able to shoot Boo for the Italian Vogue, Miss Lucy Fur for the British Vogue and myself for the French Vogue. Those issues do not come out until September. I do hope they air brush those extra pounds we put on over the holidays.

We are now staying with Johnny in Southern France. Such a lovely man...but alas

 his cranky wife and horrid children are also here so it will be a short visit. His wife does not like us. I have no idea why. Um like i  didn't mean to um bite her ankle at the Oscars a few years back...... Those French can not take a joke. Dah! 

Oh...Johnny be a dear and pour us all more wine... and that cheese is to die for!

Meanwhile at the Casino Calamari

Zevo left me and Luna in charge of running Casino Calamari while she is in Europe with her BFFs Boo and Miss Lucy Fur. 

Kind of rude of her to leave Luna and i behind. Though- who cares about fashion? As a Jedi, i only need a few good robes and a working light saber. And Donatella Versace scares me. 

I think it is time to shake things up a bit. We need a few new acts at the Casino, so i called my friend Charo and invited her to perform for a week.  By the time Zevo finds out Charo will be gone. (Luna does not care what i do... all she cares about is her mousie laser and her ballet lessons.) 

So join us this week at the Casino Calamari for a Cuchi Chuchi time with Charo! Our margarita fountain will be overflowing with  Jose Cuervo and there will be an all you can eat tuna taco buffet, along with some great catnip brownies!

May the Force be with you

nubi wan kenobi, jedi poose

p.s. please don't tell Zevo