City of Salem Issues Warning For Haunted Happenings Parade

Salem MA

The City of Salem just put out a red alert warning for Thursday night's Haunted Happenings Parade. Authorities are concerned that the city has been unusually quite this week. The so called domestic terrorist group (named by authorities) known as the Pooses for Peace are nowhere to be seen in Salem. In fact since the Friendship disappeared - then mysteriously reappeared with a note and a bottle of rum- nobody has since seen the cats. Unconfirmed sources believe the cats are on a tropical island with Captain Jack Sparrow along with the missing Miss Boo, who is wanted by the FBI, CIA, Homeland Security and Interpol.

In the past years celebrities and hordes of cats poured into Salem the week of the parade to march with the celebrity cats known as The Pooses for Peace. This boosted business for every cafe, bar and restaurant in the area and Salem's economy. Celebrities such as Nicole Kidman, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Oprah, Cher and countless others marched in the parade with the cats and their BFF Captain Jack Sparrow. Later paparazzi and celebrities were seen at local hotspots, shops and having their palms read.

However, every year the cats have been accused of causing a disturbance. mayhem and unpredictable chaos. Reports of missing watches, earrings and iPods increased during each parade. The cats have been a thorn in Mayor Kim Driscoll's side ever since she tried to upstage the cats at the parade. (However she has yet to succeed.)
If you don't remember here are the links!
parade 2007 click here for memories of 2007 parade!
parade 2008 click here if you forgot about 2008's parade!
parade 2009 click here if you forget 2009

Authorities are worried the cats and their legions of Bite & Run, Poot & Run, Whap & Run and Poop & Run Patrols may make a surprise appearance at the parade on Thursday and cause a rukus. Unconfirmed sources believe that Mayor Driscoll is afraid that the deity known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster will appear at the parade again thus causing her ill fitting black suit to once again be covered in red sauce.

Mayor Driscoll issued a statement: "These cats are a menace to society. They will not rain on my parade. Oh...and I am BFF with Captain Jack Sparrow- he will be with ME this Friday night as I lead the wretched children of Salem around town for free candy. I am craving pasta can someone deliver a plate of spaghetti to City Hall for lunch?"

A video of spokespoose Zevo hussein Calamari was broadcast today with her statement. "Kim who? Jack darlin' could you pour us more rum dear? Does this pirate hat make me look fat?"

Boston Police and Top Secret Air Force officials have been called in case they are needed. Still- nobody seems to know if the cats and their cohorts will even show up.

Celebrity Cats Spotted On Tortuga Island

Associated Press
Costa Rica

Unconfirmed sources have reported seeing the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace and Captain Jack Sparrow on Tortuga Island over the weekend. It is believed that the missing feline Miss Boo was seen dancing on the beach with Sparrow wearing a coconut bra, a sequined bikini bottom and an emerald tiara.

The cats and Sparrow are suspects in the latest commandeering of Salem's tall ship The Friendship. However in a mysterious turn of events over the weekend, the Friendship is now back at Derby Wharf unharmed. Authorities have no explaination on how the ship appeared with no passengers aboard.

As Halloween approaches, Salem's mayor Kim Driscoll is holding her breath waiting to hear if the cats will march in the Haunted Happenings Parade. Extra security and police have been requested for this years event.

In the past few years the cats have been accused of disturbing the peace at the event. Last year it is rumored that the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared at the parade and touched Dricoll with his Noodley Appendage, thus causing her to crave pasta. (Later in the year she also sponsered a Spaghetti Dinner.) The celebrity cats are devotees of the flying deity. (Driscoll is not.)

THE FRIENDSHIP MISSING!!!!!!!

Associated Press
Salem MA

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Salem's tall ship known as The Friendship vanished sometime last night. Baffled authorities found a small boat docked on the beach of Derby Wharf with a note which read "Yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me!" An empty bottle of rum was also found in the boat.

Homeland security, The FBI and CIA have been brought in to investigate the whereabouts of the missing ship. The Salem Police are still on manhole duty on Bridge Street and Highland Ave.

Meanwhile the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace were nowhere to be found in Salem or Wee Salem today. Unconfirmed sources believe the cats have once again commandeered the Friendship with pirate Captain Jack Sparrow. It is believed Sparrow is having an affair with celebrity cat Miss Boo who has been missing for several weeks. Rumors are flying that Boo and Capt Jack have been staying on a tropical island hiding from authorities and paparazzi.

Security Beefed Up In SalemProtecting The Friendship

Associated Press
Salem MA

On the eve of Talk Like A Pirate Day , Salem's Mayor Kim Driscoll has requested the city of Boston for extra police coverage for the tall ship known as The Friendship. (Salem police were too busy guarding manholes on Highland Ave this weekend to protect the ship.)

Driscoll and city officials are worried that the domestic terrorist cats known as the Pooses for Peace may commandeer the ship (again) along with their BFF, Captain Jack Sparrow. The shipped disappeared last year and the pirate cats were blamed, although no proof was found.

The cats are Pastafarians, devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster . Talk Like A Pirate Day is a Pastafarian Holy day and all those who worship the Noodley deity must wear pirate regalia, eat pasta and drink rum or red wine.

Last year the cats and Captain Jack Sparrow walked in the Haunted Happenings Parade causing an uproar and much needed excitement during the boring parade. Driscoll has declared that this year she will not be upstaged (again) by the cats. No word if they have decided to be in this year's parade.

Zevo hussein Calamari, mayor of Wee Salem issued a statement " Um... like... Kim who? What ship? Does this pirate hat make me look fat? Pass the rum... arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh"

A Message from Miss Lucy Fur

Hello All,

Tomorrow night we're planning our second Purr Vigil at Urban Mo's in Hillcrest. You are all invited. I am hoping Miss Boo tweets her location soon so the Queen's Corgis and I can fly out to meet her.

The old 'hood just isn't the same without her. Besides, she never returned my tiara and I think she took my new fall leopard skin Choos with the platform heels with her and I need them!

Boo....call home NOW!!

Kiss Kiss,

Miss Lucy Fur

Consulting the Oracle in Search of Miss Boo

It has been almost two weeks since anyone has seen Miss Boo. I have decided to do a tarot reading on her safety and whereabouts.

The cards seem promising. The Lovers card turned up which may portend a good union, perhaps a secret lover? Which would explain why she is hiding from the paparazzi. (but why us?) The Chariot card - means movement and travel. My guess is she is hiding somewhere in Europe or a tropical island with her secret lover. And the last card is the Sun which means the tropical island is most likely and that Boo and her lover are basking in the light of their new found love.

Or perhaps she is hiding with that stolen Van Gogh sunflower picture......So there is hope.

Please continue to pray and purr that Miss Boo returns home safely. Boo if you are reading this - take a moment and call, email, or tweet that you are OK. We love and miss you.

zevo and the pooses for peace

Sunday Update

Thank you all for your kind words, prayers, purrs and love. So far no word about Miss Boo. Her pet human has posted her pic all over Hillcrest San Diego, called neighbors and roamed the area calling her name. She may be trapped in someone's garage or perhaps someone found her and took her. We are all hoping for a miracle.

Will continue to keep you posted. It is easier via facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/PoosesForPeace?ref=ts

I am sorry my pet human cannot respond to every comment. We are still working on an antique mac which does not do well when opening up cool blogs.

love
zevo & the pooses for peace

Miss Boo Please Come Home NOW

My BFF, Miss Boo has been missing since Tuesday according to her pet human. We are having a nonstop purr-a-thon and lighting candles in hopes our prayers will be answered soon that Boo will return home safe and healthy ASAP.

Boo... if you are reading this get your cute furry butt home now so we can plan our next party. We love you. Hurry home.. there is fresh nip, tequila and a new tiara waiting.

We will keep you posted. Thank you for all your purrs and prayers.

zevo and the pooses for peace

What Painting?

Van Gogh 'Poppy Flowers' painting valued at $50 million stolen in Egypt still missing

Happy Birthday Boo!

Today is Miss Boo. my BFF's birthday! Please celebrate with us tonight at the Moulin Rouge. We have rented the entire Ritz Carlton in Paris for all of our friends and members of the Pooses for Peace. Miss Boo, Miss Lucy Fur and i will be staying in Paris for the rest of the week and perhaps a bit longer depending on how we feel. Life at home has been a bore here in Salem with the new d-o-g and now that there is a c-o-y-o-t-e in Miss Lucy Fur and Boo's backyard we need a vacation!

Please bring your own tiaras and top hats.
ciao ciao
zevo

Ding Dong the Gay Marriage Ban is Dead!

"

SAN FRANCISCO — A federal judge overturned California's gay-marriage ban Wednesday in a landmark case that could eventually force the U.S. Supreme Court to confront the question of whether same-sex couples have a constitutional right to wed.

Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker made his ruling in a lawsuit filed by two gay couples who claimed the voter-approved ban violated their civil rights.

Gay couples and gay pooses waving rainbow and American flags outside the courthouse cheered, hugged and kissed as word of the ruling spread. Cats and dogs wearing tiaras and rainbow glitter t shirts danced in the streets.

"This is a victory for the American people and their pooses. It's a victory for our justice system," said former U.S. Solicitor General Theodore Olson, who delivered the closing argument at trial for opponents of the ban.

Zevo hussein Calamari, spokespoose for the Pooses for Peace issued a statement from Wee Salem's Casino Calamari" Then this is a day of independence for all the gay folk and their descendants. Infamy! Let the joyous news be spread. ...the Wicked bigoted law now is dead! A party to celebrate will be hosted by the Pooses for Peace this weekend at Mo's in Hillcrest San Diego! Bring your own tiara.... do these ruby slippers make me look fat? Pass the tequila please."

Sushi Bar Opens in Wee Salem

Associated Press
Salem MA

The celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace opened another restaurant at the famed Casino Calamari in Wee Salem over the weekend. Their latest enterprise is a revolving state of the art sushi bar called Ika Sush. Jedi Nubi wan Kenobi is the head Itamae (sushi chef). Celebrities and hordes of cats have been flocking to Salem over the weekend just to be seen dining at Ika Sushi.

At the ribbon cutting ceremony Mayor Zevo, Miss Boo, and Miss Lucy Fur wore black Versace couture, Jimmy Choo shoes and tiaras to match their eyes. Luna miso Poosie donned a pair of Monolos especially made for her 8 toed paws. Other members of the Pooses for Peace present at the ceremony. A few were inebriated but all were well dressed.

Casino Calamari is located in the 51st state of the USA, known as Wee Salem. Once a part of Salem, MA, the cats decided that being taxed to the hilt in the Commonwealth along combined with the city of Salem's latest tax hike on dining and entertainment to fund the mayor's whims was no longer acceptable. So they seceded and formed their own state. The mayor of Wee Salem is Zevo hussein Calamari, a thorn in the side of Salem's mayor Kimberley Driscoll. The city of Salem has not issued a comment about the latest restaurant opening. Unconfirmed sources have reported that the mayor has hired another consultant to review the impact of the cats' businesses on traffic.

Mayor Calamari issued a statement" Arigato! Welcome to Ika Sushi. Eat, drink and be merry... all tax free. Parking is free in our underground garage. Pass me another sake please."

Paul the Psychic Octopus invited to Wee Salem!

Associated Press
Salem MA


Paul the psychic octopus who predicted the winner of every game in the World Cup has been invited to stay at the Casino Calamari in Wee Salem MA. The mystic mollusk confirmed his flawless accuracy after Spain lifted the trophy, beating Holland 1-0.

The celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace asked their new friend the clairvoyant cephalopod to come to Wee Salem MA and perform psychic readings at their famed casino. Salem is known for its witches, psychics and anything that has to do with the occult. (Wee Salem is now its own state and has seceded from the state of MA and city of Salem, MA.)

The celebrity cats and their entourage were invited to watch the final match between Spain and the Netherlands by Shakira. Several other cats, dogs, skunks and various animals were spotted sitting in the stadium watching the game. Many were inebriated. Several of the leather bracelets worn by Shakira are now reported to be missing.

Unconfirmed sources report that Mayor Kimberley Driscoll is quite miffed the cats secured the psychic octopus before her. None of the income made by the casino can be taxed since Wee Salem has declared its independence.

Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement from the Soccer City Stadium in Johannesburg , South Africa: " Viva Espana! We are pleased that Paul the octopus has agreed to join the Pooses for Peace and live with us at our casino. We are hoping to engage him in his psychic abilities to raise more money for us to spend ...um good causes. Do these leather bracelets make me look fat? Pass me some of that sangria por favore."

Our Newest Member of the Poop & Run Brigade!

The Pooses for Peace are happy to announce our latest inductee of the infamous Poop & Run Brigade, Miss Quan Yin Wu who will go by her chosen covert name, Poopalina when on duty.

Miss Poopalina through rigorous training at Poop Boot Camp, proved her ability to poop nonstop all week, and performed explosive displays several nights. Unfortunately her pet humans took her to the V-E-T for flagyl after trying every holistic remedy possible to stop it. (Incense is still burning through out the house and yard in hopes of masking the stench!)

The Poop & Run Brigade is famous for its sneak attacks on politicians, annoying celebrities and greedy corporate wall street thugs, (not to mention a few attacks on the Supreme Court and the White House during the W era. A biohazard team must be brought in after an attack. The Bush administration declared the Pooses for Peace a domestic terrorist group with Weapons of Mass Destruction. The Obama administration has cleared the group of all charges and issued a statement. " Cats poop. Dogs poop. Bo poops all the time- does that him a terrorist? Don't ask about the poop. We will not tell you about the poop."

Miss Wu will be under the command of senior Poop & Run generals. She is now living with celebrity cats Zevo hussein Calamari, Nubi wan Kenobi and the 8 toed wonder Luna miso Poosie.

All are invited to the Casino Calamari to celebrate
8:00 pm
All you can eat buffet
Margarita fountain
Cat nip brownies
Bean & Cabbage Dog Treats!

Music by the B52s

Happy Birthday Frida Kahlo

I hope the leaving is joyful; and I hope never to return.
Frida Kahlo

The movie Frida will be featured tonight at the Cinema Calamari.

Frida attire is requested, unibrow and red lipstick for females.
Males... sombreros and Diego attire will do!
Featuring an all you can eat Mexican buffett with a margarita bar!
Ole'

Peace Love Pooses

Associated Press
Salem MA

The celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace and their friend Captain Jack Sparrow joined Salem's favorite local band Britannica on Derby Wharf last night for the 4th of July festivities. Zevo hussien Calamari, Miss Boo, Miss Lucy Fur, Che Nikki, Nubi wan Kenobi, Luna miso Poosie and numerous other cats danced and sang back up vocals on stage while Britannica played.

Mayor Kimberley Driscoll beefed up security in anticipation that the cats and their pirate friend, Sparrow would commandeer the tall ship known as the Friendship. Unconfirmed sources also claim that Driscoll wore ankle and knee guards under her signature ill fitting black suit for fear of another Bite & Run.

The celebrity cats and the mayor have had several run ins in the past and have been blamed for stealing the Friendship along with another tall ship in the past. Zevo hussein Calamari is still very miffed that she lost the mayoral election to Driscoll because the City of Salem refused to count the thousands of votes cast by cats, dogs, squirrels and people in the election.

Earlier in the day the cats and Capt Jack Sparrow were seen dancing on their own float at the Salem Willows parade. They followed the float mocking the Dominion Coal Plant and Mayor Driscoll.

The cats, Britannica and Sparrow were said to stumble out of The Witches Brew late last night and then partied the night away at the famed Casino Calamari.

Various claims of earrings, watches and diamonds have been reported missing from those attending the parade and concert according to the Salem Police log. No suspects have been named.

Miss Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement. "What earrings? Does this pirate hat make me look fat? Please pass me another margarita! arrrrrrgh"

Captain Jack Sparrow Seen in Salem?

Associated Press
Salem MA

Unconfirmed sources report that Captain Jack Sparrow has been seen staggering around Salem today with several inebriated cats. Rumors are flying that his friends, the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace have flown back from France along with him to attend the Fourth of July festivities on Derby Wharf this weekend.

The cats have been vacationing at the Ritz Carlton in Paris to get away from the stresses of their daily lives. Zevo hussein Calamari has recently been subjected to live with a ... d-o-g. Miss Boo, who was engaged to George Clooney last year is still depressed that he dumped her for a stick insect underwear model. Miss Lucy Fur is now off her medication and is quite unpredictable when provoked.

Salem Mayor, Kimberley Driscoll has called for extra security to be placed on Derby Wharf and around the tall ship the Friendship. Last May the ship "disappeared" and did not return to Salem until November. The National Park Service claimed that the ship had been in Boothbay Harbor, Maine, for repairs. Unconfirmed sources revealed that the ship was actually hijacked earlier last year by the cats and Captain Jack Sparrow. To save face the City of Salem agreed to play along with the ship needs repair story. The cats and the Mayor of Salem have had tumultuous relationship the past several years. Recently the cats declared their independence from the City of Salem by calling their property Wee Salem.

Locals are hoping the celebrity cats and Capt Jack Sparrow will have a float in the Horribles Parade on Sunday at the Salem Willows. This parade makes a mockery of local politics and news.. and especially is fond of mocking the mayor and her signature black suit.

Rumors are circulating that the celebrity cats and Sparrow will be performing back up vocals for one their favorite local Salem bands, Britannica on Sunday at 5pm on Derby Wharf. You can become a fan at Britannica

Fireworks and a party will follow at Wee Salem's Casino Calamari.

Meanwhile in Salem .....

It is time to train my dog, Quan Yin how to to sit, stay and do stuff i want to do, so i am studying the Monks of New Skete book- How To Be Your Dog's Best Friend. Zevo is going to be sooooo put out about this!

Celebrity Cats Seen in Paris

Associated Press
Paris, France

The celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace and their entourage were seen arriving in Paris last night on their private solar powered jet.

Unconfirmed sources report that spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari decided to go to Europe for the summer to get away from her pet humans and their new rescue d-o-g. Close friends of Zevo believe that she is quite miffed that they did not consult her about the adoption.

Zevo is even more put out that roomie Nubi wan Kenobi is now BFF with the d-o-g. Nubi wan was not invited on this summer vacation. Luna miso Poosie also chose to stay in Salem instead of going to Paris with the girls and released a statement: "They mock my feet in Paris. I rather be with the freaks and witches of Salem....and i really do not trust that large beast roaming in my home. Someone needs to monitor this situation."

Miss Boo, BFF to Zevo and Miss Lucy Fur is still recovering from her break up with George Clooney who dumped her for a stick insect underwear model. Miss Lucy Fur is hoping to reunite with her true love, Her Majesty's corgie while in Europe. Miss Boo was heard saying "This summer vacation is our time to heal, play, shop and um like score some cool stuff at the Louvre. um...take in fine art.

The cats and their friends are staying at the Ritz Carlton in Paris. No word of how long their stay will be in their favorite city. Security at the Louvre has been beefed up since their arrival.

Happy Birthday Che

You are invited to:
A Grande Fiesta at the Casino Calamari
in honor of Che Guevara's birthday!
Monday June 14
7:00 pm- ?

Mojitos, Cigars and Music by The Buena Vista Social Club
Special guests Benicio del Toro and Fidel Castro
Wear your own beret and combat fatigues
Please bring your own asthma inhaler

"If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine."

- Ernesto Che Guevara

Nubi's BFF

She's here... and she is MY dog. Her name is Quan Yin and we are totally BFFs. She lets me nap near her. I use her dog bed. I love her crate- even though she has never been in it.... and she has black fur like me.
Luna is still hissing obscenities at her and Zevo just ignores her. So Quan Yin is mine.. all mine. I am so happy the pet humans finally got me a dog to play with.

I am a very happy poose!
Nubi wan Kenobi

Who Said D-O-G?

So sorry we have not been around- the pet human has been busy and having lots of iBook problems. The rumor around here is that we are finally getting a D-O-G... shhhhhhhh we can't let Zevo know or she will flip! Luna is not sure what a D-O-G is yet.

I personally love d-o-gs. I believe i was a black lab in a past life or perhaps a d-o-g in a cat's body this lifetime. I want a d-o-g. After all- my real name is Anibus, the d-o-g god of the dead. (pet humans now refer to me as Nubi, Nubi wan Kenobi, Mr Nubi, Senor Poosehead, NUBI GET DOWN FROM THERE NOW and other various names depending on what i am doing. Some i shall not repeat.)

So as we prepare the house for the arrival of my d-o-g, Kuan Yin a rescue from TN i shall read all i can about d-o-gs in my favorite magazines, BARK and Whole D-O-G Journal.

Time to go pour Zevo another margarita....
xooxox
nubi wan kenobi

Happy Towel Day!

from Wikipedia
towelday

"Towel Day is celebrated every May 25 as a tribute by fans of the late author Douglas Adams. The commemoration was first held in 2001, two weeks after his death on May 11, 2001. On this day, fans carry a towel with them during the day to demonstrate their participation and mourning of the author. The towel is a reference to Adams's popular science fiction comedy series The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

In honor of Douglas Adams we will be wearing our towels all day and reciting passages from his books.

A Vogon Poetry reading will begin in a sound proof room at 8:00 pm.

Tonight Cinema Calamari will be showing the movie The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. All pooses are invited.

We will be serving Pangalactic Gargleblasters and mice crepes. Please bring your own towel.
So long Douglas and thanks for all the fish!
xoxoxo

Wee Salem Secedes from City of Salem

Associated Press
Salem MA

A new state on the North Shore of MA?

Authorities of the city of Salem and the Common Wealth of Massachusetts have been hit with disturbing news. A small portion of Salem, MA has seceded from the city and state and declared itself the 51st state of the United States of America. (However sources claim this is depending on the next election in which the rebel state may then secede altogether and form its own country!)

Wee Salem, the name of this new state is located very close to the historical House of the Seven Gables. Authorities are not quite sure how many homes in the neighborhood have seceded.
The new mayor, Zevo hussein Calamari and her advisors, all members of the infamous Pooses for Peace declared their independence on Cinco de Mayo.

Mayor Zevo Calamari issued a statement: "We the citizens of Wee Salem are tired of the greed, back room politics and stupidity of Mayor Kimberley Driscoll and her troupe of minons. We have decided to secede. No more taxes on food, entertainment and cupcakes! We will not cut down a forest for an Uber Wal-Mart-Lowes in Wee Salem. We promise not to hire over priced consultants and fake traffic studies. No more tacky carnivals! Come to Wee Salem and stay at the Casino Calamari. Enjoy a tax free meal at the Holy Spaghetti Factory! Witches, pirates and pastafarians are welcome! Free parking.. and um .. like there is plenty of parking too! ....and um... i promise never ever to wear an ill fitting black suit."

There has been no response yet from Mayor Driscoll or the Common Wealth of MA. Governor Patrick Deval claims to have never heard of the Pooses for Peace.

Feliz Cinco De Mayo!

musica!
tacos!

tequila!!!!!!!!

Fiesta de esta noche con los Gatos de la Paz!
(party tonight with the pooses for peace!)

Suarez Family Arrives at the Casino Calamari

Associated Press
Salem MA

The Suarez family arrived at the Casino Calamari today to begin preparations for the Cinco de Mayo Fiesta. The family had so much fun at last year's event they decided to cook for it again.

Ignacio Suarez aka Poppy, father of Betty and Hilda will be cooking for the fiesta. (Ham enchiladas were requested by Cheysuli and her Meezer friends). Other Mexican entrees such as tuna-dillas, flan con nip de gato and pollo tacos will be served at the party.

A margarita fountain has been donated by Jimmy Buffett for the event. Salma Hayek will be loaning costumes from the movie Frida to celebrity cats Zevo Calamari, Boo, Miss Lucy Fur and several of their close friends. Ugly Betty ponchos will also be available for cats and dogs to wear to the fiesta.

Salem Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has called in for extra police units for back up on Wednesday's event. The cats and the mayor have a long history of not seeing eye to eye on holiday festivities. The mayor has been invited to the fiesta on the condition that she dress in traditional Mexican attire, with red lipstick, a unibrow and she must ditch the black suit. No response has been given by the mayor's office as of today on her plans.

Cinco de Mayo Fiesta

Hola Gatos!

Estamos teniendo una gran fiesta Cinco de Mayo. Habrá mucho tequila y la comida para todos. Música Mariachi. Por favor, únase a nosotros!

For all you gringo cats here is the translation! We are having a big party Cinco de Mayo. There will be lots of tequila and food for all. Mariachi Music too. Please join us!

Casino Calamari
Wednesday 5/5/10
5:05pm -5:05am
special musical guest: Jimmy Buffett
Salma Hayek
Ugly Betty & her familia
and the ghost of Frida Kahlo!

Boys, bring your own sombreros. Uni-brows, red lipstick and traditional Mexican costumes are a must for all girls. Ugly Betty ponchos and blue braces are also acceptable to wear!

Ole!
The Pooses for Peace

Happy Earth Day!

"The earth does not belong to man; man belongs to the earth...
We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children." - Chief Seattle

Dear Humans.... wake up and start taking care of this planet!
xoxoxo
The Pooses for Peace

Deja Vu.... Supreme Court Attacked Again!

CNN..... BREAKING NEWS.............. BITE & RUN ATTACK......... SUPREME COURT

The U.S. Supreme Court dealt animals a serious blow in upholding a court decision that invalidated the federal law banning the commercial sale of videos showing illegal and extreme acts of animal cruelty.


Only one justice, Samuel Alito dissented, noting that the majority has struck down "a valuable statute that was enacted not to suppress speech, but to prevent horrific acts of animal cruelty—in particular, the creation and commercial exploitation of crush videos, a form of depraved entertainment that has no social value."

Justice Alito explained that "the animals used in crush videos are living creatures that experience excruciating pain. Our society has long banned such cruelty, which is illegal throughout the country." Alito was out numbered and the Supreme Court once again showed that its members have no compassion, common sense or even the ability to judge.

After the vote, Alito was said to go home to his cat and pet rat. The rest of the judges had a secret party in the back chambers to celebrate and began singing We Have the Power.

In an unexpected turn of events, a horde of cats , dogs, skunks, polar bears and a lone wolf all wearing Che hats, appeared out of nowhere and proceeded to attack every judge in the room. A monkey filmed the entire bite attack.

Security officers in the building heard screams coming from the room but thought the judges had hired hookers again to celebrate. By the time security guards decided to check on the judges, the animals had already disappeared from the building.

All justices suffered severe bite injuries. and scratches. A few had allergy attacks. One fainted at the sight of the polar bears while another screamed "Where is Sarah Palin and her rifle?... There is a wolf in here!" All were taken to an undisclosed hospital and given pain medication and antihistamines and are in stable condition. However later it was discovered that their medication had been replaced by Flintstone Vitamins. There are reports of a cat wearing scrubs and a tiara running down the halls of the hospital. All who attended the party are missing their iphones and watches.

A biohazard unit was brought in to remove the peculiar odor and puddles on the floor. Most o f the robes were burned as no stain remover on the planet could possible save them.

The video of the judges being attacked is now being sold and there are rumors that it will be posted on youtube soon.

Authorities have not named any suspects however it is believed this is the work of the liberal terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace and their loyal legions of Bite & Run patrols. This is not the first time that the Supreme Court has been attacked by animals. The last attack took place when US Supreme Court justices who ruled that there would not be any campaign finance limits so that big corporations can take over the planet. A press conference will be held later tonight when more information is gathered.

Miss Zevo hussein Calamari, spokes-poose for the Pooses for Peace released a statement "Well who wants to buy this lovely new film we made? What iphones? Does this robe make me look fat? Ack pass the tequila.. the after -taste of stupidity, hatred and greed is so hard to get out of my mouth...ack ack............."

Boston Tea Party Bite & Run Attack

BREAKING NEWS

Boston MA..............Home of the Original Tea Party!

Former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and wolf murderer criticized the Obama administration and the liberal Snootie pants Congress today at a Tea Party rally on Boston Common, saying the government had been on a "spending spree" and warning of future tax increases.

During Palin's 21-minute you betcha ramblings about the facist, marxist take over by the communist liberals and their muslim leader President Obama, patriotic music played in the background. SUVs with yellow Support our Troops magnets surrounded the area. Flag pins were worn by all in a sea of those wearing red, white and blue.

As Palin was giving her final remarks, a horde of cats, dogs, skunks and possibly a wolf dressed in pirate regalia jumped on stage and into the crowd. Palin was heard screaming as far as the North End of Boston. "What the F*@K? Get off me you varmits. AHhhhhhhhh OUCH that hurts.. you betcha... TODD where the hell ar' ya?
AAAAAAAAAAAchoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....Oh Lordy is that a wolf there yonder? Where the hell is my rifle?????? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Boston Police rushed to the scene but were not able to capture any of the so called perpetrators. Palin and several of her Tea Party devotees were rushed to a nearby hospital for bites, cuts, scratches and alleries. All are in stable condition but a few cats wearing nurses uniforms were seen running off with the patients' pain medication. Several of those at the rally have made reports about missing watches, iPhones and credit cards. Sarah Palin's glasses are also reported missing.

Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous liberal domestic terrorist known as the Pooses for Peace. Their headquarters are north of Boston in Salem, MA.

It is not the first time the cats and Sarah Palin have violent encounters. The cats have been accused of attacking Palin a few times while she was on the campaign with John McCain. The Pooses for Peace are also involved in protecting the wolves and keeping Palin off the Discovery Channel. (The cats also have an on going feud with Mayor Kim Driscoll of Salem.)

As of this time the Boston PD has not named the celebrity cats as suspects. Interpol claims that the cats are still in Paris, France celebrating Zevo hussein Calamari's birthday today at a party in the Louvre Museum.

There is speculation the cats involved in today's event could have been those who did not attend the party - or perhaps even a fringe group hired by the Pooses for Peace. Several people attending the event also claim to have seen a wolf roaming through the Boston Commons, however police believe it was possibly just a lost husky.

In other Boston and local news the wolf known as Osa a resident of the Ipswich Wolf Hollow reserve has been reported missing since this morning.

Happy Birthday Zevo hussein Calamari!

Happy 17th birthday to our dear Queen of Snark.
We love you!
Thank you for being you.

There was a cat.....

Associated Press
Montemarte, France

French police were called in to subdue a large crowd of drunken cats claiming to be friends of Nicole Kidman, wearing tiaras and top hats this evening at the Moulin Rouge. Authorities said the cats continued to sing "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" over and over until patrons of the Moulin Rouge handed over their jewelry.

Many cats were arrested, but all escaped in the middle of the night. No one is sure how they pulled off such a stunt. Authorities are certain that there must be a few cats with thumbs involved. None of the jewelry has been recovered.

Donatella Versace Dresses Celebrity Cats

Ciao bella gatti!

Potrai così guardare piuttosto indossando Versace couture.
You will look so pretty wearing Versace couture.

A te darò e tutti i tuoi amici vestiti per la festa di compleanno
I will give you and all your friends clothes for the birthday party.

Si prega di portare questi alcuni gatti dolce prosciutto e del vino
Please bring these sweet cats some ham and wine.

Baci per tutti !
Ciao ciao
Donatella

Les Chats ont Défilé Pour la Paix The Pooses for Peace Parade

Countless cats wearing top hats, tiaras and berets paraded down the Avenue des Champs Elysee at dusk today. The eco-friendly parade was hosted by the Pooses for Peace to celebrate Zevomas. Carla Bruni led the parade along with the celebrity cats on solar powered Vespas.

The Pooses for Peace have led other parades on Vespas. In Salem MA it is tradition that the cats lead the Haunted Happenings Parade to kick off the Halloween Season. In Salem they are known as the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas,

Celebrities, Bono, Audrey Tautou, Nicole Kidman, Bette Midler were seen riding in hybrid cars in the parade. Johnny Depp made a grand appearance on a pirate themed float along with Pastafarians (devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster ) dressed in pirate attire.

Ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli along with Al Gore waved from a solor powered Smart. The Bite & Run Brigades, (to numerous to name) marched in the parade wearing their formal uniforms. Unconfirmed sources reported seeing 2 corgis on the Give Ireland Back to the Irish float. Paul McCartney was also spotted on the float.

Thousands of Parisians watched the parade screaming "Vive les chats!" and throwing biodegradable confetti. The parade ended with a fireworks display over the famed La Grande Roue (Ferris Wheel).

Carla Bruni sends Fire Truck to Save Cheysuli

Associated Press
Paris France

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Carla Bruni has just sent a legion of French fire trucks to rescue former US presidential candidate, professional napper Cheysuli from the top of the Arc de Triomphe in Paris. No one is quite sure how she got on top of the monument or why. There is some speculation she is proving that she can do anything and would be the best choice for the next Supreme Court justice appointment by the Obama administration.

Cheysuli and her entourage are in Paris to celebrate Zevomas. She regrets that she cannot be home with her pet human for her birthday- the same day as celebrity cat Zevo hussein Calamari.
Chey was overheard saying: "I must maintain my public image and celebrity status. There is another Supreme Court opening soon. One never knows if this could be it for me!"

Celebrities Arrive in Paris for Zevomas

Hordes of cats, dogs, skunks and celebrities have been pouring into Paris over the past few days to celebrate Zevomas. Most of the guest are staying at the Ritz Carlton.

Paparazzi have been hoping for glimpses of Sandra Bullock who is rumored to be staying with the celebrity cats. Johnny Depp sans wife Vanessa Paradis has also been seen drinking wine at a local cafe near the Louvre. Mrs Depp refused to be a part of the celebration. She claims the cats bit her again while they were staying with the Depps in their French villa.

Other celebrities seen walking the streets of Paris today were Donatella Versace and Gwyenth Paltrow. Versace will be providing the cats with couture to wear at both the Moulin Rouge and Louvre parties.

Feline celebrities have been seen shopping and dining on cheese and tuna pate. Cheysuli and Gemini, The infamous Meezers and Daisy the Curly cat are just a few. (please forgive us for not html-ing tonight)

Today at a Zevomas Press conference Bono issued this statement: "I am honored to be invited to Zevo's birthday gala. I had so much fun at the Casino Calamari last year. (Though I still cannot find my favorite pair of sunglasses I wore that night.)

It will be a pleasure to be with all her friends, too numerous to name and to once again be with those who support the Pooses for Peace Foundation. I have chosen a very special gift for Zevo. The Edge and our band will be playing at the party. "

A Zevomas Tradition

Ciao Bella!

It's Friday and here we are at the Ritz Carlton! We are still waiting for more of our guests to arrive all week The real fun happens next week. I am sure we will find plenty to occupy our time for the next seven days. So many tourist attractions, shows and ankles to bite.

Since this is the second day of Zevomas i thought i would share how Zevo and i became best friends. I am sure many of you have heard this story... but it is tradition to tell it every year while sipping on expensive Champagne.

Zevo and her sister the Baby Pig were born in Escondido CA, under the bed of their pet human's dear friend Edie who was very ill. Their mother and aunt both gave birth the same night about 10 days before Edie passed away. The pet human already had 3 German Shepherds and 2 birds but decided to adopt Zevo (more like Zevo decided to adopt her!) and the Baby Pig walked up and sat on her lap- so she took both home with her.

A year later they left Escondido and moved to Hillcrest which is where my pet human and i live. (Her pet human and mine are friends. They met in acupuncture school... anyway that is beside the point! Ha! No pun intended!)

Zevo and her sister Baby Pig were working at The Bread & Cie Bakery. They were driving the truck and delivering bread. They hired a big white dog to help push the pedals on the truck. The bread was never delivered. They were all fired the first week. They went on to try other retail jobs. The Pig worked at a Cheese Shop and was fired for eating the profits. Zevo worked at Starbucks in Hillcrest and was accused of stealing tips and was "let go". She tried cutting hair for awhile but it was not a smart career choice for someone with paws. I am not sure what ever happened to the white dog.

One night they went to Hamburger Mary's for a few margaritas. I was there drowning my sorrows over losing my sequined flip flops at the beach that day. It was a warm summer night. Its a gay bar, so cats wearing tiaras drink for free. As fate would have it the magic of the margaritas took effect and by midnight we were all dancing on table tops and the bar. Of course, we immediately bonded under the influence of the Agave God and became the best of friends.

We also discovered that we were very good at "finding" expensive jewelry and other fine items that we were able to sell on the black market um, give away to charity. Thus began our reputation as cat burglars. Such an ugly phrase. We prefer to think of ourselves as modern day Robin Hoods... with tiaras.

I won't bore you with how we became celebrities and friends with Miss Lucy Fur, Madonna, Donatella, Johnny Depp, (bit his nasty French wife), arrested at the Vatican, dated George Clooney, met with Fidel Castro.... ... well i really don't want to brag so i will stop there.

Zevo and Baby Pig were forced moved to New England. Baby Pig who was the original founder for Pigs for Peace (now known as The Pooses for Peace) passed away a few years ago. We miss her dearly and her birthday would also be on Wednesday too. Before her passing they opened Brothel Calamari , Casino Calamari and Cinema Calamari. All successful businesses!

Zevo's pet humans thought she would be lonely so they adopted Nubi wan Kenobi. For the record she was not lonely and is still miffed they did not ask her permission. She tolerates him. They have since tricked Zevo and Nubi and adopted a kitty with thumbs and seven toes whose name is constantly changing. This week her name is Luna miso Poosie.. but we can't promise that it will stay that way.

This week will be the best birthday celebration ever. All pooses are welcome to stay with us at the Ritz. We have the entire hotel to ourselves and a few celebrities. We have invited Nicole Kidman, Ewin McGregor, Audrey Tautou, Gwyneth Paltrow, Johnny Depp and Oprah. (Unfortunately George Clooney is not invited since he has dumped me for a stink insect.) But ce la vie! His loss.

A pre-party will be held at our favorite Paris spot, the Moulin Rouge on Tuesday night. Nicole Kidman and Ewin McGregor will perform a bit from the movie Moulin Rouge. (and i am sure they will ask us to sing along!)

For all you who are attending the Birthday Gala at the The Louvre on Wednesday evening, Donatella Versace will be providing outfits for all. Shoes will be provided by Jimmy Choo, Prada and Manolo. You must bring your own tiaras and top hats.

Room service is here. Champagne anyone?
ciao for now
Miss Boo

It's Zevomas!

The season of Zevomas starts today Thursday April 8, 2010 and ends with Zevo Calamari's birthday on Wednesday, April 14, 2010. This is a very big birthday for Zevo. (She will be seventeen ... um 10 so we like to keep her age a secret from the paparazzi.)

Once again, Zevo has requested to return to Paris for her birthday. Paris in the springtime is such a lovely way to celebrate with close friends.

The Pooses for Peace have planned a very special week for her and her friends in Paris. Miss Boo has booked the entire Ritz Carlton in Paris. Nubi wan Kenobi is in the process of planning an eco-friendly ticker tape parade. Miss Lucy Fur and i are planning parties at the Louvre and the Moulin Rouge

Parties and activities will be announced during the week.

All pooses are invited to this once in a life time extravaganza. Travel provided by the Pooses for Peace luxury airlines. ... for free!

Bring your own tiaras and top hats. Plenty of organic ham, tuna and chicken for all. Not to mention champagne fountains, Tequila, Strega and Pastis!

Donatella Versace will provide attire for all those who attend. A Nip-tini fountain has been placed in the Ritz Carlton for the entire week.

See you in Paris
Happy Zevomas!

love and kiss kiss,
miss boo
and the The Pooses for Peace

Does the Discovery Channel Need a Bite & Run Reminder?

It is hard to believe that the Discovery Channel, those folks who bring us Animal Planet would consider giving Sarah Palin her own reality show about Alaska. This woman is responsible for the hunting of wolves and making it a sport. Killing wolves via helicopter. Maybe Animal Planet should show that!

We are not fans of Sarah Palin. No shock there... but politics aside, this woman should not be allowed on the Discovery Channel. She belongs on the FOX news network making up stories about communists being facists, etc....! (wink wink you betcha!)

We know that wolves would eat us if we were roaming the streets of Alaska. But this is not the point. We would eat mice if we saw them roaming! Help us keep Sarah Palin off of the Discovery Channel.

Here is a petition to the Discovery Channel for all those who are shocked by this news.

From the Defenders of Wildlife:

" This is unbelievable.

Discovery Communications has just announced that they’ll be producing a “reality TV” series starring Sarah Palin.

Yes — the same Sarah Palin who escalated Alaska’s war on wolves and offered a $150 bounty for the severed front-forelegs of dead wolves. The same Sarah Palin who fought against increased protections for America’s struggling polar bear populations. And the same Palin who fought against the increased protections for the dwindling Cook Inlet beluga whales.

I’m troubled that Discovery Communications — known for their stunning wildlife-focused productions — would choose to embrace such a controversial and anti-wildlife person as Sarah Palin to represent Alaska and the wildlife that lives there.

That’s why I’ve joined Defenders of Wildlife’s fight to get Discovery Communications to drop Sarah Palin’s new show, and I am hoping you will too.

Please sign the petition online at CLICK here!

Thanks for helping…

Pooses for Peace Issue Warning to US Idiots

Associated Press
Pooses for Peace Secret Headquarters

Unconfirmed sources believe that the infamous domestic terrorist liberal feline group known as the Pooses for Peace have put their legions of Bite & Run Brigades on RED ALERT.

Spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari along with Miss Boo, Miss Lucy Fur and their entourage, legions of Bite & Run Brigades held a press conference from their undisclosed Pooses for Peace Headquarters. The cats have issued a terse warning today to those who have been fueling the fire of anger and violence since the signing of the Health Reform bill this week.

"KNOCK it off you idiots! Where were all of you when an illegal war was started 8 years ago by a chimp that put this country in debt? We are talking about health care here. ... keeping people healthy. Not weapons of mass destruction. Not tapping your phone lines, emails, and torture camps. Not running the national debt up every day to pay for Iraq, bailing out corrupt bankers, big business, tax breaks for those who don't pay taxes cause they are so rich they can afford teams of accountants! Breaks for BIG OIL........

Do you tea party people even know the difference between Marxist and Facist? Do you understand that they are not the same thing? Like dah! Even cats know the difference. Can you really be a communist and a facist at the same time? (Would Che Guevara be caught dead hanging out with Hitler or Mussolini?)

This is 2010 people. Grow up. Treat others as you would want to be treated- with respect. You can agree to disagree. Sit down and discuss it. But lying, name calling, spitting, shooting out windows, death threats and violence will only lead to more. Please Act like civilized humans. Even we animals know better.

DON'T MAKE US COME TO WASHINGTON!!!!!!!
The Pooses for Peace
Bite & Run Brigades
Poop & Run Brigades
Poot & Run Brigades
Whap & Run Brigades
Scratch & Run Brigades

Party O'Pooses

Come join us at Hamburger O' Marys (located inside Casino O'Calamari's)
in Salem for a St Patty's Day party.
5:00 pm-?
wear green

Tickets are still available for this event.

Call 1-800-Boo-Zevo. Have your credit card ready!

May the Tuna dish rise up to meet you,
Zevo O' Calamari and the Pooses O'Peace

Salem Welcomes the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Associated Press

Salem MA

Salem residents woke up to a visit from the Flying Spaghetti Monster this morning. The infamous domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace unveiled the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster along with its restaurant The Holy Spaghetti Factory and its famed Volcanic Beer Bar. A pirate themed boutique along with free underground parking for patrons is also one of the luxuries of this latest establishment.

Jimmy Buffett and the Coral Reefers joined the celebrity cats in the Grand Opening of the Volcanic Beer Bar.

The cats are devout Pastafarians who believe in the deity the Flying Spaghetti Monster . Pastafarians dress as pirates on Holy Days and quote from the Gospel of the Holy Spaghetti Monster. Friday is a Holy Day.

Because the celebrity cats have the business listed as a nonprofit religious organization there will be no tax on the meals, drinks, nor will they be paying any taxes to the city of Salem.

The cats have been a thorn in the mayor of Salem's side ever since she was elected. .. and the last election results are still being questioned by

Zevo hussein Calamari who claims she won.

The cats have been blamed on several occasions for crimes such as stealing the tall ship known as the Friendship . It is rumored that the cats also own several other businesses in Salem such as the Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari and a so called Brothel Calamari

Not to be undone by her nemisis, Salem Mayor Kimberley Driscoll had a Spaghetti dinner in her honor at the Moose Lodge today. As advertised on facebook- anyone who showed up and mentioned they saw it on the social networking site could eat for free. Unconfirmed authorities are not sure how hundreds of homeless vagrants showed up for the feast.

Driscoll, fearing the cats would attempt another Bite and Run wore ankle and knee guards under her predictable black suit. Although she will not admit it- Kimberley Driscoll was touched by the Flying Spaghetti Monster at the Haunted Happenings Parade this past October. Click here if you don't remember that!

Extra security was called in as well, however no cats were seen at the Mayor's Spaghetti dinner. However the Mayor reports that her iphone and earrings are once again missing and blames the cats. "Those cats are a menace to Salem. I cannot tell you how many iPhones and earrings i have lost due to them. I will fight to charge tax on their meals and beverages. How dare they put an underground parking facility in without my permission. Now I will have to hire a consultant, lay off more teachers and firemen and raise taxes. Why is there red sauce on my suit and oh my gawd....what is that smell? Anyone have a can of Frebreeze? ack. .. ack...."

Spokes-poose Zevo Calamari issued a statment: " Salem residents.... May the Flying Spaghetti Monster touch you with his Noodly Goodness! RAmen!"

Cat Fight at the Oscars?

Associated Press

Hollywood CA

Unconfirmed rumors are circulating through Tinsel Town today on why George Clooney looked so angry last night at the Oscars. Is George Clooney feuding with Alec Baldwin or did something else take place before the show began?

Clooney was thought to be engaged to celebrity feline Miss Boo, of the Pooses for Peace last year, however no one has confirmed if the couple had a tiff or separated. Last night Clooney showed up at the Oscars with Elilsabetta Canalis.

The Pooses for Peace Celebrity cats co-hosted the event along with Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. Sources to terrified to be identified claim that when the cats realized Clooney was shunning Miss Boo by bringing a stink insect as a date, a cat fight ensued between Canalis and the Miss Lucy Fur, BFF to Miss Boo and Zevo Calamari. (Miss Lucy Fur is infamous for her temper. In the past restraining orders were filed against her by Dr Phil and a few republican pundits. She is said to be taking medication that is not effective when mixed with alcohol.)

Fortunately for Canalis, security (accustomed to celebrity fighting on the red carpet) broke up the fight and she had a spare gown in Clooney's limo. Her make up and hair was redone before the show. Her earrings are reported to be missing. Reports are being filed that celebrities who wore fur to the show were bit or scratched last night. No charges have been filed.

Last night Sandra Bullock lost her earrings. Other starlets are reporting lost bracelets, earrings and watches. Authorities are not concerned as most of the celebrities were drunk and dancing the night away. Anyone could have lost what they were wearing reported a security guard wearing what seemed to be a Jedi robe.

Pooses for Peace spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari was overheard this morning saying "Ooh my head..... ack ack the taste of stick insect is still in my mouth. um like.... What earrings? Pass that ginger ale please......... oh and watch where you step......... turn out the light too. Does this bracelet make me look fat?"

Pooses for Peace Co-Host Oscars

Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin will be hosting the Oscars Sunday night

with their friends the Pooses for Peace

Don't miss the Barbara Walters last interview with celebrity cats Zevo hussein Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur on the Red Carpet. It is going to be an exciting night for all.

Join guest pooses, Tao and Sarge, Luna miso Poosie and M hussein Monkay, and Che Nikki for the Pre-Oscar Fashion show on the Red Carpet.

What will fashionista Daisy the CurlyCat wear? Will Cheysuli and Gemini attend? Will George Clooney dare to show up with his new girlfriend and risk the wrath of Miss Boo? And will Steve Martin play the banjo.......

Warning: Attendees have been warned not to wear fur. All violators will be bit.

The Bite Patrol tonight will be led by Nubi Wan Kenobi and the Jedi Poose Force, along with the infamous Meezer Whap & Run, Poot and Run patrols.

Join the Pooses for Peace at their party right after the Oscars. Nip-tinis, Champagne fountain, ham and tuna buffet and a night of dancing. Bring your own tiara and top hat!