Planet Calamari Zazzle shop

2010-05-08

Wee Salem Secedes from City of Salem



Associated Press
Salem MA

A new state on the North Shore of MA?

Authorities of the city of Salem and the Common Wealth of Massachusetts have been hit with disturbing news. A small portion of Salem, MA has seceded from the city and state and declared itself the 51st state of the United States of America. (However sources claim this is depending on the next election in which the rebel state may then secede altogether and form its own country!)

Wee Salem, the name of this new state is located very close to the historical House of the Seven Gables. Authorities are not quite sure how many homes in the neighborhood have seceded.
The new mayor, Zevo hussein Calamari and her advisors, all members of the infamous Pooses for Peace declared their independence on Cinco de Mayo.

Mayor Zevo Calamari issued a statement: "We the citizens of Wee Salem are tired of the greed, back room politics and stupidity of Mayor Kimberley Driscoll and her troupe of minons. We have decided to secede. No more taxes on food, entertainment and cupcakes! We will not cut down a forest for an Uber Wal-Mart-Lowes in Wee Salem. We promise not to hire over priced consultants and fake traffic studies. No more tacky carnivals! Come to Wee Salem and stay at the Casino Calamari. Enjoy a tax free meal at the Holy Spaghetti Factory! Witches, pirates and pastafarians are welcome! Free parking.. and um .. like there is plenty of parking too! ....and um... i promise never ever to wear an ill fitting black suit."

There has been no response yet from Mayor Driscoll or the Common Wealth of MA. Governor Patrick Deval claims to have never heard of the Pooses for Peace.

2 comments:

zevo hussein calamari said...

OH...no tax on tequila or booze in this state
xxoxoxo
mayor calamari

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Are you sure you want to be part of the US and not your own country? I mean if you are your own country, I could run it for you...

Chey