Planet Calamari Zazzle shop

2010-12-13


BREAKING NEWS...... BITE & RUN ATTACK ON SENATE FLOOR... POSSIBLE DOMESTIC TERRORIST... SWAT TEAMS AND BIOHAZARD UNITS ON THE SCENE.......

WASHINGTON --

Chaos and disruption occurred today during the Senate's vote to move forward on a a two-year extension of the Bush tax cuts for the we can only live with 5 houses, 2 yachts, 3 lear jets and 10 designer cars greedy bastard rich wealthiest Americans who are so rich they can afford a team of lawyers to make sure they don't pay any taxes.

During the vote, jumping from out of the rafters of the Senate chamber, crawling out from underneath chairs and tables, appeared hordes of cats, dogs, skunks and a few wolves all wearing Che Guevara berets that immediately on command by a cat wearing a tiara, launched into a Bite & Run Attack as well as a Poop & Run Attack followed by the ever popular Poot & Run Attack.

The only ones spared from the attack were the eight senators stood against the deal: Republican John Ensign (R-Nev.); Democrats Jeff Bingaman (N.M.), Sherrod Brown (Ohio), Russ Feingold Gillibrand (N.Y.), Pat Leahy (Vt.) and Mark Udall (Colo.); and Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.), who spoke for hours against the bill on Friday. Unconfirmed sources saw a cat wearing a tiara laying in Bernie Sanders lap and purring during the entire escapade.

All senators who were bit are in stable condition in an undisclosed hospital. Some are suffering from bites to the knee, ankle and private parts and severe scratches while others are having allergic reactions to the fur and dander. Unconfirmed sources report that many of the Senators who were to receive pain medication or allergy meds were handed Flintstones Vitamins instead by what appeared to be cats wearing scrubs. However a nurse at the hospital has confirmed that there were no cats allowed in the hospital and the medication had probably taken effect. She was seen later wearing a new diamond watch with matching earrings.

Many of the senators have reported missing their iPhones, iPods, watches, keys to their Escalades, Mercedes and lear jets. Others are missing earrings, bracelets and credit cards.

A biohazard team has been brought in to fumigate the room.

Authorities were unable to capture any of the animals at the scene nor were any of the security cameras working inside the Senate chambers today. It is believed this is the work of the domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace. This group is led by celebrity cats who are known for their liberal stance and their distaste for greed and anyone who wears fur. The cats have been supportive to President Obama up until this recent incident. No suspects have been named yet. A press conference will be held shortly.

No comment from the White House has been made.

Zevo hussein Calamari, founder of the Pooses for Peace released a statement today "What Senate? What taxes? I don't ever pay taxes. Does this watch make me look fat?" Ack ... pass me that flask of tequila.. the taste of greed is disgusting.....

2 comments:

Cheysuli and gemini said...

I can't believe they voted out Russ... I shall have to subject Wisconsin to my own bite and run patrol.

Anonymous said...

Evidently, Che Nikki caught a sale on berets.Why do you need more than 1 house!
Well Done.