Associate Press
Salem MA
BREAKING NEWS...DOMESTIC TERRORIST CATS BELIEVED TO BE STOWAWAYS ON THE TALL SHIP FRIENDSHIP BOUND FOR NYC
The domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace are believed to be stowaways on the tall ship known as the Friendship this evening. It's destination is NYC where the famed cat burglars may be planning one more heist at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
Mayor Kimberly Driscoll attended the ceremony in her predictable ill fitting black suit. Being caught off guard she was not wearing ankle (or shall we say cankle) or knee guards and is said to be nursing an ankle bite by a mysterious cat wearing a tiara that ran onto the ship. Other cats wearing tiaras, pirate hats and a dog wearing a Che Guevara beret were also spotted running up the ramp unto the shp.
The mayor is in stable condition. Her suit however is covered in grey fur and has several tears. No witnesses were available to identify the so called cat. The mayor has lost credibility with many of the locals of Salem except for the ones who unfortunately drank the dreaded Driscoll- laced coffee served at the Chamber of Commerce meetings.
Unconfirmed sources report that the celebrity cats have been laying low for several months planning for this opportunity. The cats are said to be moving their Bite & Run headquarters out of Salem MA soon to an undisclosed area in the Baltimore/DC area. It is said the cats are tired of the shenanigans happening in Congress and on Capitol Hill and plan to have a presence in when congress returns from their vacation. And they are totally bored with the petty small politics of Salem.
Captain Jack Sparrow, friend and accomplis to the celebrity cats was seen walking through Salem yesterday at the Maritime festival. Authorities believe he is also aboard the Friendship this evening. Homeland security and the FBI have been alerted.
Zevo hussein Calamari, spokespoose for the renegade operation issued a press statement from what appeared to be a bunk in a ship: " It was like totally so cool that everyone was waving white hankies today. Kimmie who? I have a foul taste of politiican in my mouth. Please pass that rum, Jack. Thanks hon."
