WASHINGTON—Congressional leaders reached an agreement Thursday to temporarily extend a payroll-tax cut by two months and begin negotiations on a yearlong extension, aides said. Congress has been deadlocked all week after
Aides said House Speaker John Boehner (R, Ohio) agreed to hold a new vote Friday on extending the tax cut to end an impasse that threatened to leave workers with a tax increase next year. Sources report the decision came immediately after a horde of cats wearing tiaras and Occupy Wall Street bedazzled shirts attacked many members of Congress in a surprise Bite & Run Attack.
Screams of agony, sneezing and gagging filled the room along with an unknown odor thought to be biological warfare. All injured congressmen were taken to the hospital where it is reported a cat in scrubs and a tiara administered Flintstone vitamins instead of pain medication. Many congressman are reporting that their watches, iPhones and wallets are now missing. A Biohazard unit has been sent into the congressional chambers to eliminate the odor.
Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous domestic tearist group known as the Pooses for Peace. The celebrity cats have been laying low since they moved their headquarters from Salem MA to the DC area. Their legions of the Bite & Run Patrols and Poot & Run have been known to attack dimwitted greedy congressmen in the past. It was reported that the special op forces known as the Poop & Run were also involved in this attack. No proof or evidence was found at the crime scene. All security cameras were taped off with duck tape and toy mice sprinkled with cat nip. A few bottles of tequila and one Manolo shoe were also found at the scene.
Pooses for Peace Spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement which seemed to be filmed on a pirate ship. "What out for the 99% you bumbling idiots! And what is with John Boehner's hair and fake tan? Ack ack the taste of greed and bad cologne! Pass me that tequila Captain Jack. Does this iPhone make me look fat.... like Dah!... where is my other shoe?"