Salem Invaded by More Celebrities and Cats

AP
Salem, MA
Nubi wan Kenobi pictured above conducting the Great Pumpkin Band.

Thousands of tourists, hordes of cats and celebrities have been flooding into Salem the past few days to celebrate Halloween in the Witch City.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has called for police reinforcements from surrounding cities for Halloween this Saturday night. Extra security has also been brought in for the Annual Poose Witch Ball. This event is invitation only. Invitees are picked by the celebrity cats known as the Gatti della Strega (the Witch Cats).

This year the mayor was said to have fainted at the sight of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and claims her earrings were stolen by the cats. She was not invited to the ball. When asked why the mayor was snubbed, Spokes-poose Zevo Calamari replied "She can go hang out at that tacky carnival with those carnies that she forced on the city of Salem. Afterwards she can watch the fireworks over the wrecking yard." Rumors are flying through the small city of Salem that Zevo Calamari will be running against Driscoll in the upcoming mayoral election as a write in candidate.

Unconfirmed sources have reported seeing George Clooney , Julia Roberts and the cast of the Rocky Horror Show dining at The Lobster Shanty. Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock were spotted shopping at The Cat, The Crow, and The Crown, run by the official witch of Salem, Laurie Cabot . Oprah and her entourage bought several bottles of Castano wine at Pamplemouse. The remaining cast of Bewitched, led by Doctor Bombay was seen in a chartered Salem Red Trolley Tour Bus on the way to the House of Seven Gables.

Poose-cam live from Salem is brought to you by The Planet Calamari on-line store.

The 2009 Pooses for Peace Witch Ball

The 2009 Pooses for Peace Witch Ball

Casino Calamari
Witch City MA

7:00 PM - ?

Spooktacular Buffet!

Nip-tinis

Strega Shots

Music by the Great Pumpkin Orchestra

Costumes required!

B.Y.O.B
bring your own broomstick
RSVP 1-800-Boo-Zevo

The Rocky Horror Show Tonight at Cinema Calamari

You are invited to join us at our sing a long Rocky Horror Picture Show
at
The Cinema Calamari
8:00 pm

Party afterwards at the Casino Calamari
cast of the RHPS will be there

Time Warp Dance lessons start at 7:00pm

Wear Rocky Horror attire!

All you can eat buffett and margaritas
nip-tinis and cat nip

See you ....
at the late night
double feature
picture show
ahhhhohhhhh oh oh

Ghost of Lucile Ball's Cat Spotted

The ghost of Lucille Ball's cat was seen in the backyard of a Salem resident this past week. The ghost makes an appearance every Halloween season, usually only to fans of the I Love Lucy Show.

The Ghost Buster team was called in from Salem MA to investigate this para-normal poose event.

Ghost Cats Spotted in Salem

AP
SALEM, MA

The Ghost Buster team was sent into Salem last evening to investigate ghost cat sightings at the House of the Seven Gables. Details of this para-normal event are still sketchy at this hour.

Madame Zevo Calamari of the Poose Ghost Tours of Salem claim these ghosts seen are the pooses of Nathaniel Hawthorne.

In other Salem news the House of the Seven Gables has reported several antiques and costumes missing from their storage area. Authorities are not sure how thieves were able get into the small unit.

Strega Calamari Reads the Cards

Strega Zevo Calamari will be reading paws and the tarot every night at the Hawthorne Hotel in the haunted room. Please call for reservations. Strega Zevo Calamari is known as the psychic to the stars and has consulted with celebrities, diplomats and royalty. (Unfortunately some of those such as Britney Spears, Kate & Jon plus Wretched 8, the Balloon people, and the mayor of Salem have not heeded her warnings of crash and burn syndrome).

Madam Booooooooooo will be conducted ghost tours through out Salem each evening at 9pm. Only the brave of heart should dare to walk with her as she takes you through the graveyards, haunted houses and the finale.... the House of the Seven Gables to meet the ghost of Nathaniel Hawthorne.

Nubi Wan Kenobi, The official Black Cat of Salem will be signing autographs at the Witch Museum daily. He is also the body guard of ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli. We hope that she makes a guest appearance during this holiday season.

Join The Countess Lucy Fur On the dock of haunted tall ship
The Friendship for an evening of spook-tac-ular ghost stories. The ship is so haunted that it is not even visible to the human eye this Halloween season.

Visit Tao and Sarge's Natty Boh and Tuna cake stand in The Salem Commons for a tasty treat. Luna di Poosalita and Monkay the thumbed cats will be working the beer keg at the Octoberfest.

Other celebrity Pooses for Peace cats will be in Salem the rest of the month. It will be a spooktacular event for all!

The Annual Poose Witch Ball
will be held at The Casino Calamari
on Halloween Night from 10pm- ?
Costumes are mandatory. Call 1-800-boo-zevo for tickets.

Happy Birthday John Prine!

John Prine will be our guest tonight at the Casino Calamari to celebrate his birthday. The founders of Pooses for Peace, Zevo Calamari, Miss Lucy Fur and Miss Boo will be singing back-up vocals. Unconfirmed soures report that Nubi Wan Kenobi will be playing drums and Bubba will be playing bass. (We can only hope that Zevo's pet human does not attempt to play banjo with the group.)

Come join the Pooses for Peace tonight at the Prine Sing-Along.

Illegal smile catnip with an all you can eat tuna & turkey buffet will provided. Tequila for all!

Happy Birthday John Lennon

All we are saying
is give Peace a chance!

The Pooses for Peace will be napping for Peace today.

City of Salem Calls X-Files Agents For Expert Opinion

Associated Press
Salem MA

Less than a week ago the small city of Salem MA experienced what is believed to be a UFO close encounter over the Haunted Happenings Parade. Several witnesses believe it was the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Salem has a few devotees of this so called pasta God. They are known as pastafarians. The infamous Pooses for Peace are believed to be part of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and were in the parade when the FSM appeared.

Mayor Driscoll blames the celebrity cats for inviting the FSM to the event and upsetting the warm fuzzy family atmosphere of the parade. CIA, FBI and NASA agents are still investigating the event. Agents have been seen dining at In A Pig's Eye and the Lobster Shanty all week. Others have been spotted having tarot readings at the Oracle Chamber and Laurie Cabot's shop. Mayor Driscoll has been seen every night at Cafe Verona ordering pasta dishes. We can only hope she has an extra black suit in a larger size if this continues.

The US government has issued a statement. "There is no such thing as UFOs or a Flying Spaghetti Monster. We are certain it was a weather balloon passing over the parade.

Fox Mulder and partner Dana Scully refused to comment on the possibility that Salem has been over run by aliens. Fox was over heard saying "I want to believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Where can we get a good plate of pasta in this town?"

The so called culprits, the Pooses for Peace have not been seen since Thursday night's parade. Several celebrities and other famous cats were also in the parade. All seem to have vanished over the weekend.

Unconfirmed sources believe the cats are searching for a place in Salem to open a Spaghetti Bar. Mayor Driscoll has announced that all food or liquor permits for any establishment run by the cats will be denied.

Salem Mayor Driscoll Calls Emergency Meeting

s
Associated Press
Salem MA

An emergency meeting of the Salem City Council has been called to discuss the possibility that Salem has been invaded by aliens.

Last night at the Haunted Happenings parade, the deity known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared over the parade, mostly hovering over Captain Jack Sparrow and the infamous Pooses for Peace. The crowds watching the parade, thought it was part of the Pooses for Peace display as most were dressed as pirates, (Pastafarians dress as pirates on all Holy Days and parades!)

Mayor Driscoll fainted when the FSM flew above her, touching her with one of his Noodly Appendages and staining her black suit with red pasta sauce. Her earrings and blackberry are still missing.
The Mayor issued a statement " Citizens of Salem... Do not panic! We will protect you and your families from this alien. I blame those wretched celebrity cats who conjured up this monster to appear at our family oriented parade. I also blame them for stealing my blackberry and earrings. Justice will be served."

The FBI, CIA and NASA have been called in to attend this emergency meeting, Cafe Verona has been requested to cater this meeting, by the mayor who has been craving pasta since last night's parade.

Pooses for Peace spokes-poose Zevo Calamari issued a statement this morning "Aarrrrrhhhh oh my poor head...passs me some ginger ale and asprin. Do you think a plate of pasta would absorb a hang over? Hmmm some cool phone numbers in this blackberry. Too bad it is covered in pasta sauce. RAmen. May you be touched by His Noodly Goodness. "

Flying Spaghetti Monster Appears at Salem Parade

BREAKING NEWS
Salem MASS

Captain Jack Sparrow rode into Salem on a jet black Vespa, with the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, aka the celebrity Pooses for Peace on vespas at the Haunted Happenings Parade this evening. Along with Captain Jack Sparrow was his entourage of pirates and pastafarians. His swagger and the glint in his eyes caused women to swoon and faint all over the parade route, creating a stress on Salem's underpaid EMT system.

Other celebrities rode with the the cats known as the Pooses for Peace as a sign of solidarity for their cause. George Clooney rode along side Miss Boo on his Harley hog. Oprah, BFF of Miss Lucy Fur rode on a special orange Vespa with her name etched in gold. Zevo Calamari led the cast from the Rocky Horror Show on her blue Vespa. Brad Pitt sans wretched children and Angelina Jolie was seen on a Harley hog too. Ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli, rode along with her former bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi. The Meezers led the the Whap & Run brigades along with the Poop & Run Patrols. Hundreds of cats dressed in black witch hats and capes or pirate regalia rode Vespas, Scooters and Skateboards too.

The crowds cheered for Al Gore and Bo Obama in the green electric car. Other celebrities who played witches in movies, such as Nicole Kidman, Sandra Bullock, Cher, Bette Midler, rode Vespas and Scooters along with the infamous Bite & Run, Whap and Run Brigades. All wore black witch hats and capes and carried brooms. Cameron Diaz, in town making a movie also rode a vespa with the cats. Tom Cruise costaring with Diaz refused to ride in the parade along with the pastafarians and pirates saying that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a fictional religion, unlike the credible religion of Scientology.

In a repeat of last year Mayor Kimberley Driscoll called for an emergency back-up from the Boston Fire Department to handle the overload. At that very moment the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared over the parade touching all with his Noodly Goodness. The mayor fainted and once again lost a pair of earrings and her blackberry. As predicted, the mayor wore her black suit to march in the parade. The "What Not to Wear" crew were anxiously waiting a chance to surprise the mayor with a make over again. However, since the mayor was rushed to the hospital screaming "Aliens are invading Salem. I blame those wretched cats!" the make over has been postponed until next season. This is the second time this year the What Not to Wear crew were in Salem.


The Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades were forced to march after the Boston Police Equestrian Patrol. EMT Units had to be called back in to assist all those who were gagging and puking. The City of Salem sent in a Biohazard team to rid the streets of the stench. Incense has been lit all over Salem.

As of 11:00 pm tonight, all the bars, clubs and restaurants in Salem are filled with drunk cats, dogs, pirates, pastafarians and celebrities.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll is in stable condition and it is rumored she asked for a plate of pasta when she awoke from her incident. Unfortunately her black suit was covered in pasta sauce after being touched by His Noodly Appendage.