Planet Calamari Zazzle shop


Captain Jack Sparrow Seen in Salem?

Associated Press
Salem MA

Unconfirmed sources report that Captain Jack Sparrow has been seen staggering around Salem today with several inebriated cats. Rumors are flying that his friends, the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace have flown back from France along with him to attend the Fourth of July festivities on Derby Wharf this weekend.

The cats have been vacationing at the Ritz Carlton in Paris to get away from the stresses of their daily lives. Zevo hussein Calamari has recently been subjected to live with a ... d-o-g. Miss Boo, who was engaged to George Clooney last year is still depressed that he dumped her for a stick insect underwear model. Miss Lucy Fur is now off her medication and is quite unpredictable when provoked.

Salem Mayor, Kimberley Driscoll has called for extra security to be placed on Derby Wharf and around the tall ship the Friendship. Last May the ship "disappeared" and did not return to Salem until November. The National Park Service claimed that the ship had been in Boothbay Harbor, Maine, for repairs. Unconfirmed sources revealed that the ship was actually hijacked earlier last year by the cats and Captain Jack Sparrow. To save face the City of Salem agreed to play along with the ship needs repair story. The cats and the Mayor of Salem have had tumultuous relationship the past several years. Recently the cats declared their independence from the City of Salem by calling their property Wee Salem.

Locals are hoping the celebrity cats and Capt Jack Sparrow will have a float in the Horribles Parade on Sunday at the Salem Willows. This parade makes a mockery of local politics and news.. and especially is fond of mocking the mayor and her signature black suit.

Rumors are circulating that the celebrity cats and Sparrow will be performing back up vocals for one their favorite local Salem bands, Britannica on Sunday at 5pm on Derby Wharf. You can become a fan at Britannica

Fireworks and a party will follow at Wee Salem's Casino Calamari.


Meanwhile in Salem .....

It is time to train my dog, Quan Yin how to to sit, stay and do stuff i want to do, so i am studying the Monks of New Skete book- How To Be Your Dog's Best Friend. Zevo is going to be sooooo put out about this!


Celebrity Cats Seen in Paris

Associated Press
Paris, France

The celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace and their entourage were seen arriving in Paris last night on their private solar powered jet.

Unconfirmed sources report that spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari decided to go to Europe for the summer to get away from her pet humans and their new rescue d-o-g. Close friends of Zevo believe that she is quite miffed that they did not consult her about the adoption.

Zevo is even more put out that roomie Nubi wan Kenobi is now BFF with the d-o-g. Nubi wan was not invited on this summer vacation. Luna miso Poosie also chose to stay in Salem instead of going to Paris with the girls and released a statement: "They mock my feet in Paris. I rather be with the freaks and witches of Salem....and i really do not trust that large beast roaming in my home. Someone needs to monitor this situation."

Miss Boo, BFF to Zevo and Miss Lucy Fur is still recovering from her break up with George Clooney who dumped her for a stick insect underwear model. Miss Lucy Fur is hoping to reunite with her true love, Her Majesty's corgie while in Europe. Miss Boo was heard saying "This summer vacation is our time to heal, play, shop and um like score some cool stuff at the Louvre. um...take in fine art.

The cats and their friends are staying at the Ritz Carlton in Paris. No word of how long their stay will be in their favorite city. Security at the Louvre has been beefed up since their arrival.


Happy Birthday Che

You are invited to:
A Grande Fiesta at the Casino Calamari
in honor of Che Guevara's birthday!
Monday June 14
7:00 pm- ?

Mojitos, Cigars and Music by The Buena Vista Social Club
Special guests Benicio del Toro and Fidel Castro
Wear your own beret and combat fatigues
Please bring your own asthma inhaler

"If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine."

- Ernesto Che Guevara


Nubi's BFF

She's here... and she is MY dog. Her name is Quan Yin and we are totally BFFs. She lets me nap near her. I use her dog bed. I love her crate- even though she has never been in it.... and she has black fur like me.
Luna is still hissing obscenities at her and Zevo just ignores her. So Quan Yin is mine.. all mine. I am so happy the pet humans finally got me a dog to play with.

I am a very happy poose!
Nubi wan Kenobi


Who Said D-O-G?

So sorry we have not been around- the pet human has been busy and having lots of iBook problems. The rumor around here is that we are finally getting a D-O-G... shhhhhhhh we can't let Zevo know or she will flip! Luna is not sure what a D-O-G is yet.

I personally love d-o-gs. I believe i was a black lab in a past life or perhaps a d-o-g in a cat's body this lifetime. I want a d-o-g. After all- my real name is Anibus, the d-o-g god of the dead. (pet humans now refer to me as Nubi, Nubi wan Kenobi, Mr Nubi, Senor Poosehead, NUBI GET DOWN FROM THERE NOW and other various names depending on what i am doing. Some i shall not repeat.)

So as we prepare the house for the arrival of my d-o-g, Kuan Yin a rescue from TN i shall read all i can about d-o-gs in my favorite magazines, BARK and Whole D-O-G Journal.

Time to go pour Zevo another margarita....
nubi wan kenobi