Captain Jack Sparrow Seen in Salem?

Associated Press
Salem MA

Unconfirmed sources report that Captain Jack Sparrow has been seen staggering around Salem today with several inebriated cats. Rumors are flying that his friends, the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace have flown back from France along with him to attend the Fourth of July festivities on Derby Wharf this weekend.

The cats have been vacationing at the Ritz Carlton in Paris to get away from the stresses of their daily lives. Zevo hussein Calamari has recently been subjected to live with a ... d-o-g. Miss Boo, who was engaged to George Clooney last year is still depressed that he dumped her for a stick insect underwear model. Miss Lucy Fur is now off her medication and is quite unpredictable when provoked.

Salem Mayor, Kimberley Driscoll has called for extra security to be placed on Derby Wharf and around the tall ship the Friendship. Last May the ship "disappeared" and did not return to Salem until November. The National Park Service claimed that the ship had been in Boothbay Harbor, Maine, for repairs. Unconfirmed sources revealed that the ship was actually hijacked earlier last year by the cats and Captain Jack Sparrow. To save face the City of Salem agreed to play along with the ship needs repair story. The cats and the Mayor of Salem have had tumultuous relationship the past several years. Recently the cats declared their independence from the City of Salem by calling their property Wee Salem.

Locals are hoping the celebrity cats and Capt Jack Sparrow will have a float in the Horribles Parade on Sunday at the Salem Willows. This parade makes a mockery of local politics and news.. and especially is fond of mocking the mayor and her signature black suit.

Rumors are circulating that the celebrity cats and Sparrow will be performing back up vocals for one their favorite local Salem bands, Britannica on Sunday at 5pm on Derby Wharf. You can become a fan at Britannica

Fireworks and a party will follow at Wee Salem's Casino Calamari.