AP
Associated Pres
Washington DC
THIS JUST IN........ HORDES OF CATS... DOGS... SKUNKS .... A LONE WOLF INVOLVED IN A BITE & RUN ATTACK ON CAPITOL HILL...
Unconfirmed sources say the attack began as Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio and the GOP threatened to shut down the government while holding the hostage the Arts, Women's Rights, Healthcare, National Parks and Zoos during the latest meeting on Capitol Hill.
It is reported that cats wearing berets and bedazzled Planned Poosehood t-shirts, dogs in berets donning Pooses for PBS tees and a lone wolf wearing a Yellowstone baseball hat sprang from the rafters, windows, and heating ducts. Sources believe the skunks were naked. As the attack ensued, screams, sneezes and gags were heard all over Washington DC in the early morning waking the Obama children, the homeless of DC and hung over pundits.
Not one republican ankle, knee or private area was spared. A few spineless democrats were also nipped and scratched. All victims have been transported to an undisclosed hospital and are said to be in stable condition. However an unidentified nurse at the hospital claims to have seen a cat wearing a tiara and designer scrubs switch the injured senators' pain meds with Flintstone vitamins. The nurse was given the day off with no pay.
A biohazard team has been brought in to the Capitol building to remove the stench. An order to burn all shoes and stogy suits from the Mens Warehouse has been given since most were covered in an eco friendly gift that keeps on giving. Senators have reported their iPads, iPhones, blackberrys, wallets and rolex watches are missing.
A press conference will be held today at noon. There are no suspects as there is no evidence available. All security cameras at the Capitol building were mysteriously turned off.
Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous liberal feline domestic group, the Pooses for Peace. Known for their legions of Bite & Run brigades as well as the Poop & Run Patrol and lest anyone forget the Poot & Run covert forces.
The cats have been inactive in the past few months, confusing authorities and their fans. Some believe they have been planning a surprise attack for this week to start off the holiday season of Zevomas. It was perfect timing that the GOP decided to hold the government hostage.
Leader of the pack, Zevo hussein Calamari's birthday is next Thursday and is usually celebrated in Paris, France. Her cohorts and entourage are said to be planning a party at the Moulin Rouge.
Miss Calamari released a statement early this morning from what appeared to a dressing room at a Paris boutique.
"Ackkkkk the taste of greed and stupidity. Tell me who is the terrorist? That pack of greedy bastards who are holding the government hostage over womens' rights, arts and national parks should be sent to Gitmo with no pay! Pass that Pastis please... accckkk.... Does this tiara make me look fat? More pastis now........Oh yes- i will take this pair of shoes and that rack of Versace. You can use this credit card... Socre blu"
Rumors are flying that the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace were not invited to the Royal Wedding. The cats have been a thorn in Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth's side for encouraging her royal corgis to run off to San Diego with them.
