Planet Calamari Zazzle shop


Prince Harry Attempts to Outsmart Pooses for Peace

Prince Harry was seen hiding behind a magnolia tree in hopes of kidnapping the Queen's fugitive corgis.

The corgis were seen with the infamous Pooses for Peace celebrity cats on a shopping spree today in New York. The Queen has accused the cats of enticing her corgis to flee England to live in California. Miss Lucy Fur has been dating one of the corgis on and off for two years.

Under the guise of visiting Hanover Square today, the prince had hoped he could lore the corgis back to merry Ole' as a gift for his Queen grandmother.

Unconfirmed sources report that three cats wearing tiaras offered to take Harry to a pub and later the Prince was seen dancing on table tops along with the cats. The corgis were said to have fled back into hiding.

Her Majesty has not released a statement, however a shrill HARRY IS DOING WHAT AND WHERE ARE MY BLOODY DOGS ???? was heard coming from the palace.


Happy Towel Day

from Wikipedia

"Towel Day is celebrated every May 25 as a tribute by fans of the late author Douglas Adams. The commemoration was first held in 2001, two weeks after his death on May 11, 2001. On this day, fans carry a towel with them during the day to demonstrate their participation and mourning of the author. The towel is a reference to Adams's popular science fiction comedy series The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

In honor of Douglas Adams we will be wearing our towels all day and reciting passages from his books.

Tonight Cinema Calamari will be showing the movie The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. All pooses are invited.
We will be serving Pangalactic Gargleblasters and mice crepes. Please bring your own towel.
So long and thanks for all the fish!


Professor Lucy Fur Dares You!


My BFF Oprah has decided that we should have an advanced certificate program for the Bite & Run program and she will underwrite the first year's expenses.

Any takers? One of our first challenges will be "How to bite & run while carrying a margarita in your paw".

I think we have a winner here!

Kiss Kiss,

Miss Lucy Fur


In loving memory of Georgia

Georgia, sister to Chey and Gemini crossed over the bridge last night. Please say a little prayer for her and her family.

Her spirit lives on. Good Bye dearest poose.

If you would like to send your condolences please visit their site


Professor Monkay

Professor Monkay reminds students to bring their own locks to pick for the first class and don't forget to do the Extra Credit assignment of finding the floor-plan to your nearest animal experiment farm!

Good news for all those pooses who requested continuing education classes! We will be offering accelerated learning seminars for those who want to master the skill of Biting while running, Poop & Run Tactics and the ever popular Poot & Run class. We are hoping to bring in guest professionals such as Cheysuli, The Meezers Miles & Sammy, and Billy. (we are sorry we cannot do html on this gremlin filled ibook today )


Join the Bite & Run Patrol

Graduates of the Calamari Institute for Professional Biting

Looking for a a new career? The Calamari Institute for Professional Biting is now accepting applications for the Summer semester. Learn how to bite ankles, knees and other fun human parts. Study the art of covert biting. Our graduates have gone on to bite celebrities and many politicians, such as Ann Coulter, Dick Cheney, Nicole Richie, P Diddy, Karl Rove, Paris Hilton and others we are not permitted to mention (or admit to)

Be a part of the prestigious Bite & Run Patrol which has been making headline news. This summer our list of professors include Covert Operations Biter, Lucy Fur, best known for her biting debut with Dick Cheney and Dr Phil.

Also teaching celebrity biting will be Zevo Calamari and Miss Boo. Both are famous for biting Paris Hilton, Vanessa Paradis (wife of Johnny Depp), and Toby Keith and the whiney country chick with the red hair.

Other professors include Martial arts instructor Tao and her sidekick Sarge. Nubi wan Kenobi will be teaching Jedi theory on how to use the force during a bite attack.

Our guest professor for this semester, Monkay the thumbed cat will be teaching the fine art of picking locks and opening doors for speedy get-aways.

Hurry... operators are standing by. Call now to sign up before classes are filled. In a few months you to will be a part of THE BITE & RUN PATROL!

1-800-CAT-BITE hablamos espanol


In Memory of Douglas Adams

Douglas Noel Adams
11 March 1952 – 11 May 2001

In honor of Douglas Adams we will be reciting Volgon poetry and watching
The HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy tonight at the Cinema Calamari.
Everyone is invited.
Bring your own towel.
Don't panic!


Happy Wesak

Happy Wesak!

Today is a Buddhist holy day. We will be napping and meditating all day.

the pooses for peace


Sicko de Mayo

shhhh.... please turn out that light and stop making all that noise.......

ouch... my head...... ohhhhhhhhhhhhh could you get us some ginger ale?

great party............ did i look fat?



Suarez Family Arrives at Casino Calamari

Associated Press
Salem MA

The Suarez family arrived at the Casino Calamari today to begin preparations for the Cinco de Mayo Fiesta.

Ignacio Suarez aka Poppy, father of Betty and Hilda will be cooking for the fiesta. (Ham enchiladas were requested by Cheysuli and her Meezer friends). Other Mexican entrees such as tuna-dillas, flan con nip de gato and pollo tacos will be served at the party.

A margarita fountain has been donated by Jimmy Buffett for the event. Salma Hayek will be loaning costumes from the movie Frida to celebrity cats Zevo Calamari, Boo, Miss Lucy Fur and several of their close friends. Ugly Betty ponchos will also be available for cats to wear to the fiesta.

Salem Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has called in for extra police units for back up on Tuesday's event. The cats and the mayor have a long history of not seeing eye to eye on holiday festivities. The mayor has been invited to the fiesta on the condition that she dress in traditional Mexican attire and ditch the black suit. No response has been given by the mayor's office as of today on her plans.


You are invited......

Hola Gatos!

Estamos teniendo una gran fiesta Cinco de Mayo. Habrá mucho tequila y la comida para todos. Música Mariachi. Por favor, únase a nosotros!

For all you gringo cats here is the translation! We are having a big party Cinco de Mayo. There will be lots of tequila and food for all. Mariachi Music too. Please join us!

Casino Calamari
Tuesday 5/5/09
5:00 pm -?
special musical guest: Jimmy Buffett
Salma Hayek
Ugly Betty & her familia
and the ghost of Frida Kahlo!

Boys, bring your own sombreros. Uni-brows, red lipstick and traditional Mexican costumes are a must for all girls. Ugly Betty ponchos and blue braces are also acceptable to wear!

The Pooses for Peace


Uno de Mayo

Hola..... i am just practicing drinking tequila for our big party on Tuesday... Cinco de Mayo! This party will be the best we have ever had. It will even be announced on Facebook.

And it is also ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli's wedding anniversary - so please bring a gift. OK.. gotta go back to practicing my shots.