Sushi Bar Opens in Wee Salem

Associated Press
Salem MA

The celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace opened another restaurant at the famed Casino Calamari in Wee Salem over the weekend. Their latest enterprise is a revolving state of the art sushi bar called Ika Sush. Jedi Nubi wan Kenobi is the head Itamae (sushi chef). Celebrities and hordes of cats have been flocking to Salem over the weekend just to be seen dining at Ika Sushi.

At the ribbon cutting ceremony Mayor Zevo, Miss Boo, and Miss Lucy Fur wore black Versace couture, Jimmy Choo shoes and tiaras to match their eyes. Luna miso Poosie donned a pair of Monolos especially made for her 8 toed paws. Other members of the Pooses for Peace present at the ceremony. A few were inebriated but all were well dressed.

Casino Calamari is located in the 51st state of the USA, known as Wee Salem. Once a part of Salem, MA, the cats decided that being taxed to the hilt in the Commonwealth along combined with the city of Salem's latest tax hike on dining and entertainment to fund the mayor's whims was no longer acceptable. So they seceded and formed their own state. The mayor of Wee Salem is Zevo hussein Calamari, a thorn in the side of Salem's mayor Kimberley Driscoll. The city of Salem has not issued a comment about the latest restaurant opening. Unconfirmed sources have reported that the mayor has hired another consultant to review the impact of the cats' businesses on traffic.

Mayor Calamari issued a statement" Arigato! Welcome to Ika Sushi. Eat, drink and be merry... all tax free. Parking is free in our underground garage. Pass me another sake please."

Paul the Psychic Octopus invited to Wee Salem!

Associated Press
Salem MA


Paul the psychic octopus who predicted the winner of every game in the World Cup has been invited to stay at the Casino Calamari in Wee Salem MA. The mystic mollusk confirmed his flawless accuracy after Spain lifted the trophy, beating Holland 1-0.

The celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace asked their new friend the clairvoyant cephalopod to come to Wee Salem MA and perform psychic readings at their famed casino. Salem is known for its witches, psychics and anything that has to do with the occult. (Wee Salem is now its own state and has seceded from the state of MA and city of Salem, MA.)

The celebrity cats and their entourage were invited to watch the final match between Spain and the Netherlands by Shakira. Several other cats, dogs, skunks and various animals were spotted sitting in the stadium watching the game. Many were inebriated. Several of the leather bracelets worn by Shakira are now reported to be missing.

Unconfirmed sources report that Mayor Kimberley Driscoll is quite miffed the cats secured the psychic octopus before her. None of the income made by the casino can be taxed since Wee Salem has declared its independence.

Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement from the Soccer City Stadium in Johannesburg , South Africa: " Viva Espana! We are pleased that Paul the octopus has agreed to join the Pooses for Peace and live with us at our casino. We are hoping to engage him in his psychic abilities to raise more money for us to spend ...um good causes. Do these leather bracelets make me look fat? Pass me some of that sangria por favore."

Our Newest Member of the Poop & Run Brigade!

The Pooses for Peace are happy to announce our latest inductee of the infamous Poop & Run Brigade, Miss Quan Yin Wu who will go by her chosen covert name, Poopalina when on duty.

Miss Poopalina through rigorous training at Poop Boot Camp, proved her ability to poop nonstop all week, and performed explosive displays several nights. Unfortunately her pet humans took her to the V-E-T for flagyl after trying every holistic remedy possible to stop it. (Incense is still burning through out the house and yard in hopes of masking the stench!)

The Poop & Run Brigade is famous for its sneak attacks on politicians, annoying celebrities and greedy corporate wall street thugs, (not to mention a few attacks on the Supreme Court and the White House during the W era. A biohazard team must be brought in after an attack. The Bush administration declared the Pooses for Peace a domestic terrorist group with Weapons of Mass Destruction. The Obama administration has cleared the group of all charges and issued a statement. " Cats poop. Dogs poop. Bo poops all the time- does that him a terrorist? Don't ask about the poop. We will not tell you about the poop."

Miss Wu will be under the command of senior Poop & Run generals. She is now living with celebrity cats Zevo hussein Calamari, Nubi wan Kenobi and the 8 toed wonder Luna miso Poosie.

All are invited to the Casino Calamari to celebrate
8:00 pm
All you can eat buffet
Margarita fountain
Cat nip brownies
Bean & Cabbage Dog Treats!

Music by the B52s

Happy Birthday Frida Kahlo

I hope the leaving is joyful; and I hope never to return.
Frida Kahlo

The movie Frida will be featured tonight at the Cinema Calamari.

Frida attire is requested, unibrow and red lipstick for females.
Males... sombreros and Diego attire will do!
Featuring an all you can eat Mexican buffett with a margarita bar!
Ole'

Peace Love Pooses

Associated Press
Salem MA

The celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace and their friend Captain Jack Sparrow joined Salem's favorite local band Britannica on Derby Wharf last night for the 4th of July festivities. Zevo hussien Calamari, Miss Boo, Miss Lucy Fur, Che Nikki, Nubi wan Kenobi, Luna miso Poosie and numerous other cats danced and sang back up vocals on stage while Britannica played.

Mayor Kimberley Driscoll beefed up security in anticipation that the cats and their pirate friend, Sparrow would commandeer the tall ship known as the Friendship. Unconfirmed sources also claim that Driscoll wore ankle and knee guards under her signature ill fitting black suit for fear of another Bite & Run.

The celebrity cats and the mayor have had several run ins in the past and have been blamed for stealing the Friendship along with another tall ship in the past. Zevo hussein Calamari is still very miffed that she lost the mayoral election to Driscoll because the City of Salem refused to count the thousands of votes cast by cats, dogs, squirrels and people in the election.

Earlier in the day the cats and Capt Jack Sparrow were seen dancing on their own float at the Salem Willows parade. They followed the float mocking the Dominion Coal Plant and Mayor Driscoll.

The cats, Britannica and Sparrow were said to stumble out of The Witches Brew late last night and then partied the night away at the famed Casino Calamari.

Various claims of earrings, watches and diamonds have been reported missing from those attending the parade and concert according to the Salem Police log. No suspects have been named.

Miss Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement. "What earrings? Does this pirate hat make me look fat? Please pass me another margarita! arrrrrrgh"