Keith Olbermann Spotted At Salem's Casino Calamari

Associated Press
Salem MA
BREAKING NEWS

Unconfirmed sources report that Keith Olbermann is hiding out at the Casino Calamari in Wee Salem drowning his sorrows camped out near the famed margarita fountain. Rumors are flying that his stick insect girlfriend dumped him now that he does not have a job and that he has sought the comfort of his old flame Zevo Calamari, of the Pooses for Peace.

No comment or statement has been made by Miss Calamari or the Pooses for Peace as of yet. Paparazzi are flooding the city of Salem and the new territory of Wee Salem (which declared its independence from the city of Salem early this year) in hopes of catching a picture of Keith O and the famed celebrity domestic feline terrorist.

Nubi wan Kenobi, Jedi cat and bouncer for the Casino Calamari was heard saying "Could somebody call Mexico for more tequila STAT. Does this Jedi robe make me look fat?"