Security Beefed Up In Salem Protecting the Friendship

Associated Press
Salem MA

On the eve of Talk Like A Pirate Day , Salem's Mayor Kim Driscoll has requested the city of Boston for extra police coverage for the tall ship known as The Friendship. (Salem police were too busy guarding manholes on Bridge Street this weekend to protect the ship.)

Driscoll along with her ill fitting black suit and city officials are worried that the domestic terrorist cats known as the Pooses for Peace may commandeer the ship (again) along with their BFF, Captain Jack Sparrow. The shipped disappeared last year and the pirate cats were blamed, although no proof was found.

The cats are Pastafarians, devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster . Talk Like A Pirate Day is a Pastafarian Holy day and all those who worship the Noodley deity must wear pirate regalia, eat pasta and drink rum or red wine.

In past years the cats and Captain Jack Sparrow walked in the Haunted Happenings Parade causing an uproar and much needed excitement during the boring parade. Driscoll has declared that this year she will not be upstaged (again) by the cats. The word on the street is that the cats will be boycotting this year's parade and are moving to the DC area in order to be closer to the shady politics and lack of action by those pretending to be a part of the weanie congress (both sides!).

Zevo hussein Calamari, mayor of Wee Salem issued a statement " Um... like... Kim who, Where is DC? ? What ship? Does this pirate hat make me look fat? Pass the rum... arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh"