Planet Calamari Zazzle shop


The First Thanksgiving

On the first Thanksgiving, the stow-away cats aboard the Mayflower held a feast with the Indian cats who befriended them when they entered this new land. Together they smoked the peace pipe, drank rum and danced to the beat of the native drums.

Unlike their human counterparts, the English pooses remained friends with their new Indian friends and respected their customs and their land.

Today pooses in America celebrate this day with a feast, rum and an occasional toke on the catnip peace-pipe while watching the Macy's Day parade in hopes of seeing the Cat in the Hat balloon.

We wish you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving!

We apologize for not being able to visit all the wonderful cat blogs and leave comments.
If you are on facebook please let us know so we can comment there!


Miss Lucy Fur on Oprah!

Today on Oprah

Miss Lucy Fur, celebrity cat and BFF with Oprah will share her Thanksgiving recipes for turkey stuffed with tuna, shrimp and ham and her famous tuna flavored nip-tinis

Will Miss Lucy Fur give us the scoop on Miss Boo and George Clooney's pending nuptials?
Is she still taking her medication? And is she romantically involved with the Queen's Royal Corgi again?

Stay tuned .........


Pirate Cats Return Missing Tall Ship

Salem MA

The Friendship, Salem’s beloved tall ship, is finally home. Crowds cheered and waved hankies as the Friendship sailed into Salem's Derby Wharf today. Aboard the ship was Captain Jack Sparrow and the celebrity cats The Pooses for Peace in full pirate regalia and very inebriated.

A modern replica of the 1797 East Indiaman, the ship is normally docked at the Salem Maritime National Historic Site at Derby Wharf, where it’s open for tours throughout the week.

Since May, however, The National Park Service claims that the ship has been in Boothbay Harbor, Maine, for repairs. Unconfirmed sources revealed that the ship was actually hijacked earlier this year by the domestic pirate group known as the Pooses for Peace and Captain Jack Sparrow. To save face the City of Salem agreed to play along with the ship needs repair story. The cats and the Mayor of Salem have had tumultuous relationship the past several years. And it has not improved recently.

Mayor Kimberley Driscoll attended the ceremony wearing ankle guards under her only black drab suit for fear of another Bite and Run attack by the cats. As the ship pulled in, her nemesis, Zevo hussein Calamari waved and called out "Hi Kimmie.... is that a new iPhone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" The mayor, believing Zevo to be in Italy was surprised and reached for her new iPhone to call the Salem PD, ....when it was instantly snatched from her hands by what appeared to be a black cat wearing a Jedi robe. (The Salem PD was too busy guarding the construction near the Tavern on the Square to respond anyway.)

Mayor Drisoll made the statement" We are so happy to have the Friendship back in our city. Those responsible for this travesty will be punished. And where is my iPhone? OH that Captain Jack Sparrow?"

Zevo Calamari also issued a statement "What iPhone? Does this pirate hat make me look fat? Jack darlin' pass me the rum. "


Zevo Calamari Forced to Go to V-E-T

The nerve of my pet human! Can you believe she had me leave Milan just so she could take me to the V-E-T?

I was having such a lovely time with Donatella and her closet. Miss Boo and Lucy Fur are still in Italy with George Clooney and those Royal Corgies. So unfair... and the V-E-T did not even notice ii was wearing Versace. Really! At least she gave me some good nip. And she said i was quite the beauty for my age. But did she have to poke me and take blood? Am i in some Twilight movie? There were werewolves at the V-E-Ts. I heard them howling in the other room. It did not seem to phase the pet human. Then again she has a thing for wolves.

I am now home and protesting on the pile of laundry that needs to be folded. I think cat hair on all her black clothes is a nice way to show my appreciation. I just peed outside the box again too.

Can someone bring me a magazine and a Nip-tini?


Celebrity Cats Spotted in Milan

Poose-cam live at the House of Versace

Benvenuti cari amici!
Farò un bel vestito per tutti voi. Mi dispiace tanto su quegli elettori stupidi a Salem.
Si prega di portare questi gatti poveri del prosciutto e del vino e Manolos.

translation for the mangia cakes:
Welcome my dear friends!
I make-a a nice pretty dress for all of I'm-a so sorry about those stupidido voters in Salem. Please bring-a these poor cats some-a ham and-a wine and Manolos


Arrivederci Salem

Andiamo in Italia per riposare. Addio si gente stupida di Salem. Si dovrebbe avere votato per me.
Buona fortuna con la donna in nero

Per la mangia cakes...."We go to italy to rest. Goodbye you stupid people of Salem. You should have voted for me. Good fortune with the woman in black!"


Pooses for Peace Make Guest Appearance
at John Prine Concert

Associated Press
Boston MA

John Prine fans were ecstatic this evening when the infamous Pooses for Peace joined him on stage mid-concert to sing back up vocals to Illegal Smile, That's the Way that the World Goes Round and Your Flag Decal Won't Get you into Heaven Anymore. The celebrity cats stayed for the entire concert and back stage party. The audience was filled with cats, dogs and a few raccoons. Prine fans did not seem to care.

Unconfirmed sources report that the cats are on their way to Italy to stay with Miss Boo's fiance, George Clooney. On Tuesday Zevo Calamari lost the Salem election for mayor to her nemesis Kimberly Driscoll. Her efforts for a recount were ignored. Her cohorts decided it was best to wisk her away to Italy for some rest after the trauma.

Scenes from WItch City Halloween NIght!

Hi everyone!
Zevo's pet human here to tell you that Zevo and her friends are on their way to Italy with George Clooney to recover from the halloween madness and of course the election drama. We are sorry we cannot visit many of your blogs since they seem to crash our old iMac.

Here are a few pics from Halloween night. We hope to post more soon when we can figure out how to get them off of this stolen um borrowed blackberry that Zevo "found".


Zevo Calamari Demands Recount!

Associated Press
Salem MA

Zevo hussein Calamari the write in candidate running for Mayor of Salem is demanding a recount of yesterday's vote.
According to Miss Calamari thousands of cats, dogs and skunks came out to vote and were turned away at the polls.

"This is exactly the same thing that happened to presidential candidate Cheysuli . This is discrimination. We are being treated animals! The nerve. Oh do i look fat holding this blackberry? Pass me some of that tequila please. "

In other Salem news, Mayor Kimberley Driscoll and her $20,000 raise held a victory party at the Hawthorne Hotel. Extra security was posted around the premises to protect the mayor and her black suit from another Bite & Run attack. Unconfirmed sources claim the mayor wore ankle and knee guards under her suit. Her new blackberry is reported missing.


To Run or Not to Run

Associated Press
Salem MA

Unconfirmed sources believe that Zevo hussein Calamari may be the write in choice for Mayor of Salem this election day. Right now the current mayor, Kimberley Driscoll is running unopposed. The Mayor and the Pooses for Peace have a long history of conflict.

Zevo Calamari is one of the owners of the Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari, Holy Spaghetti House of Salem, Brothel Calamari um Calamari Spa and the Calamari Institute of Professional Biting. Her cohorts the Pooses for Peace have contributed to the revenue of Salem by attracting celebrities and fans.

In a statement given at the Pooses for Peace Witch Ball Zevo Calamari promised the following,
" If elected mayor of Salem i promise the following:
* I will not even think about wearing a black suit unless it is Versace and is accessorized with strappy Jimmy Choos or Manolos.
* I promise free valet parking for all residents of Salem who do not have driveways.
* I will not take the $20,000 raise nor will i ask for a salary.
* All laid off teachers will be rehired. All teachers and firemen will receive a raise.
* NO more tacky carnivals in Salem! Fiesta Shows can set up in Lynn.
* As mayor i will wear a costume at the Haunted Happenings Parade and everyday in October.
* No more tacky fireworks on Halloween night.
* I will replace the trees that were cut down in front of Tavern in the Square aka TITS.
* Scales will be placed in front of all Dunkin Donuts and ice cream parlors.
* The Salem Power Plant will be closed and replaced with a solar power station.
* Tourists who dare to park in the Resident Only Parking zones will be towed, fined and their cars will be donated to charity.
* Those who litter will be chained to trash trucks for a week and forced to pick up trash for free.
* The city of Salem will employ the homeless by giving them paint guns and water balloons. They will be trained to shoot the paint guns at all those who go through the four way stop without following 4 way stop sign ruleson New Congress & Derby Street. Police will be required to ticket all those with paint on their cars.
The homeless will also be posted at every cross-walk and will be paint gunning those who do not stop for pedestrians.
* City Hall will be the new home for the homeless shelter. Since it seems to always be closed there should be no conflict having the homeless sleep there.
* Every restaurant will be required to give free chicken, tuna and tequila shots to all cats."




This just in from Salem MA! The celebrity cat known as Zevo Hussein Calamari has announced she will run for mayor of Salem tomorrow against Mayor Kimberly Driscoll. Driscoll is running unopposed and Miss Calamari will only win if enough voters write her in on the ballot. Mayor Driscoll and Miss Calamari have had several run ins in the past. (too numerous to name!)

Zevo Hussein Calamari and her cohorts Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur are the liberal founders of the domestic terrorist organization known as the Pooses for Peace. This so called peaceful operation has legions of Bite & Run brigades who have bit several right wing politicians, celebrities who wear fur and political pundints in the past. Among those who have been bit are Dick Cheney, Ann Coulter, Karl Rove, Lindsey Lohan, P.Diddy, most of the Bush administration as well as Sarah Palin. The list of those attacked is too long for our FOX news crew to remember.

The cats also own several businesses that bring revenue into the city of Salem as well as San Diego where Miss Calamari was born. Unconfirmed sources believe they own Brothel Calamari, Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari and will be opening an all you can eat spaghetti bar soon. They are also devout Pastafarians, heathens who worship the deity know as The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

It is our belief that these terrorist cats are working undercover for the Obama administration. They were part of the grass roots organization to help get him elected. They are also friends with several liberal Hollywood stars such as Oprah, George Clooney, Jon Stewart and David Letterman. The cats were also very close to the late Ted Kennedy who bailed them out of Gitmo a few years ago for partying with Fidel Castro.

We at FOX News will keep you posted as the situation develops.

Next up.... Sarah Palin takes on socialist cats in America!

Feliz Dia de los Muertos!

Salem MA

The ghost of Frida Kahlo and her ghost cat were seen dancing all over Salem MA yesterday. The ghosts visit Salem every year to celebrate the Mexican holiday, the Day of the Dead which is November first and second.

Other ghost sightings have been reported since midnight Halloween night.. The ghost of Lucille Ball's cat resembling the celebrity Miss Lucy Fur was seen running through the streets of Salem. The ghost of Mae West, looking identical to Zevo Calamari was seen dancing with the ghost of Marilynn Monroe, who was the mirror image of Miss Boo.

In other Salem news.... several hung over cats, skunks, dogs and celebrities were seen roaming the streets Sunday morning. The annual Poose Witch Ball ended Saturday night at 2:00 am. Celebrity cats and movie stars attended the ball in costume. The Pooses for Peace and their renegade Bite & Run, Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades attended.

Salem authorities were too busy with the 100,000 rowdy tourists roaming the Witch City to pay much attention to the happenings at the Ball. No cats were arrested.

Unconfirmed sources claim that Mayor Kimberly Driscoll crashed the ball uninvited and wore a red suit instead of her usual black one thinking it would fool the cats. At this time she has reported that her earrings, watch and new blackberry are missing and several holes in the red suit. The mayor was heard screaming "Where are my earrings and Oh my gawd... what is that smell... I hope I have an extra can of Frebreeze in my caaaaawh........"

There will be a Day of the Dead party held at Casino Calamari tonight with a tequila, margarita bar and tuna nachos. Wear your sombreros! Paint on a uni-brow.