Planet Calamari Zazzle shop

2010-10-05

City of Salem Issues Warning
For Haunted Happenings Parade



Salem MA

The City of Salem just put out a red alert warning for Thursday night's Haunted Happenings Parade. Authorities are concerned that the city has been unusually quite this week. The so called domestic terrorist group (named by authorities) known as the Pooses for Peace are nowhere to be seen in Salem. In fact since the Friendship disappeared - then mysteriously reappeared with a note and a bottle of rum- nobody has since seen the cats. Unconfirmed sources believe the cats are on a tropical island with Captain Jack Sparrow along with the missing Miss Boo, who is wanted by the FBI, CIA, Homeland Security and Interpol.

In the past years celebrities and hordes of cats poured into Salem the week of the parade to march with the celebrity cats known as The Pooses for Peace. This boosted business for every cafe, bar and restaurant in the area and Salem's economy. Celebrities such as Nicole Kidman, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Oprah, Cher and countless others marched in the parade with the cats and their BFF Captain Jack Sparrow. Later paparazzi and celebrities were seen at local hotspots, shops and having their palms read.

However, every year the cats have been accused of causing a disturbance. mayhem and unpredictable chaos. Reports of missing watches, earrings and iPods increased during each parade. The cats have been a thorn in Mayor Kim Driscoll's side ever since she tried to upstage the cats at the parade. (However she has yet to succeed.)
If you don't remember here are the links!
parade 2007 click here for memories of 2007 parade!
parade 2008 click here if you forgot about 2008's parade!
parade 2009 click here if you forget 2009

Authorities are worried the cats and their legions of Bite & Run, Poot & Run, Whap & Run and Poop & Run Patrols may make a surprise appearance at the parade on Thursday and cause a rukus. Unconfirmed sources believe that Mayor Driscoll is afraid that the deity known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster will appear at the parade again thus causing her ill fitting black suit to once again be covered in red sauce.

Mayor Driscoll issued a statement: "These cats are a menace to society. They will not rain on my parade. Oh...and I am BFF with Captain Jack Sparrow- he will be with ME this Friday night as I lead the wretched children of Salem around town for free candy. I am craving pasta can someone deliver a plate of spaghetti to City Hall for lunch?"

A video of spokespoose Zevo hussein Calamari was broadcast today with her statement. "Kim who? Jack darlin' could you pour us more rum dear? Does this pirate hat make me look fat?"

Boston Police and Top Secret Air Force officials have been called in case they are needed. Still- nobody seems to know if the cats and their cohorts will even show up.

2 comments:

Cheysuli and gemini said...

What can we do this year?

The Meezers or Billy said...

hmmmmmm young Nicholas is anxious to start something he calls the "whirling dervish spin and puke brigade" for all pooses with vestibular issues like his. a parade is a good place for a debut