Professor Monkay

Professor Monkay reminds students to bring their own locks to pick for the first class and don't forget to do the Extra Credit assignment of finding the floor-plan to your nearest animal experiment farm!

Good news for all those pooses who requested continuing education classes! We will be offering accelerated learning seminars for those who want to master the skill of Biting while running, Poop & Run Tactics and the ever popular Poot & Run class. We are hoping to bring in guest professionals such as Cheysuli, The Meezers Miles & Sammy, and Billy. (we are sorry we cannot do html on this gremlin filled ibook today )

Join the Bite & Run Patrol

Graduates of the Calamari Institute for Professional Biting

Looking for a a new career? The Calamari Institute for Professional Biting is now accepting applications for the Summer semester. Learn how to bite ankles, knees and other fun human parts. Study the art of covert biting. Our graduates have gone on to bite celebrities and many politicians, such as Ann Coulter, Dick Cheney, Nicole Richie, P Diddy, Karl Rove, Paris Hilton and others we are not permitted to mention (or admit to)

Be a part of the prestigious Bite & Run Patrol which has been making headline news. This summer our list of professors include Covert Operations Biter, Lucy Fur, best known for her biting debut with Dick Cheney and Dr Phil.

Also teaching celebrity biting will be Zevo Calamari and Miss Boo. Both are famous for biting Paris Hilton, Vanessa Paradis (wife of Johnny Depp), and Toby Keith and the whiney country chick with the red hair.

Other professors include Martial arts instructor Tao and her sidekick Sarge. Nubi wan Kenobi will be teaching Jedi theory on how to use the force during a bite attack.

Our guest professor for this semester, Monkay the thumbed cat will be teaching the fine art of picking locks and opening doors for speedy get-aways.

Hurry... operators are standing by. Call now to sign up before classes are filled. In a few months you to will be a part of THE BITE & RUN PATROL!

1-800-CAT-BITE hablamos espanol

In Memory of Douglas Adams

Douglas Noel Adams
11 March 1952 – 11 May 2001

In honor of Douglas Adams we will be reciting Volgon poetry and watching
The HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy tonight at the Cinema Calamari.
Everyone is invited.
Bring your own towel.
Don't panic!

Happy Wesak

Happy Wesak!

Today is a Buddhist holy day. We will be napping and meditating all day.

namaste!
the pooses for peace

Sicko de Mayo

shhhh.... please turn out that light and stop making all that noise.......

ouch... my head...... ohhhhhhhhhhhhh could you get us some ginger ale?

great party............ did i look fat?
love
zevo

Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

musica!
tacos!

tequila!!!!!!!!

Fiesta de esta noche con los Gatos de la Paz!

Suarez Family Arrives at Casino Calamari

Associated Press
Salem MA

The Suarez family arrived at the Casino Calamari today to begin preparations for the Cinco de Mayo Fiesta.

Ignacio Suarez aka Poppy, father of Betty and Hilda will be cooking for the fiesta. (Ham enchiladas were requested by Cheysuli and her Meezer friends). Other Mexican entrees such as tuna-dillas, flan con nip de gato and pollo tacos will be served at the party.

A margarita fountain has been donated by Jimmy Buffett for the event. Salma Hayek will be loaning costumes from the movie Frida to celebrity cats Zevo Calamari, Boo, Miss Lucy Fur and several of their close friends. Ugly Betty ponchos will also be available for cats to wear to the fiesta.

Salem Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has called in for extra police units for back up on Tuesday's event. The cats and the mayor have a long history of not seeing eye to eye on holiday festivities. The mayor has been invited to the fiesta on the condition that she dress in traditional Mexican attire and ditch the black suit. No response has been given by the mayor's office as of today on her plans.

You are invited......

Hola Gatos!

Estamos teniendo una gran fiesta Cinco de Mayo. Habrá mucho tequila y la comida para todos. Música Mariachi. Por favor, únase a nosotros!

For all you gringo cats here is the translation! We are having a big party Cinco de Mayo. There will be lots of tequila and food for all. Mariachi Music too. Please join us!

Casino Calamari
Tuesday 5/5/09
5:00 pm -?
special musical guest: Jimmy Buffett
Salma Hayek
Ugly Betty & her familia
and the ghost of Frida Kahlo!

Boys, bring your own sombreros. Uni-brows, red lipstick and traditional Mexican costumes are a must for all girls. Ugly Betty ponchos and blue braces are also acceptable to wear!

Ole!
The Pooses for Peace

Uno de Mayo

Hola..... i am just practicing drinking tequila for our big party on Tuesday... Cinco de Mayo! This party will be the best we have ever had. It will even be announced on Facebook.

And it is also ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli's wedding anniversary - so please bring a gift. OK.. gotta go back to practicing my shots.

OLE'
zevo

BREAKING NEWS........

MISS CALIFORNIA VICTIM OF BITE & RUN ATTACK...

THIS JUST IN..... Miss California, the spokes stick insect person for anti-gay rights is recovering at an undisclosed hospital tonight after a surprise Bite & Run attack. Witnesses report seeing a horde of cats wearing rainbow attire, tiaras and one cat seen wearing a jedi costume running from the screaming diva. Unconfirmed sources report seeing Dude, the ex-bird dog of Mike Huckabee also who was wearing fish-net stockings and a sequined rainbow t-shrt running from the scene.

Authorities are now looking at the evidence before announcing the culprits. Some suspect this is the work of the infamous Pooses for Peace. Others claim it is the work of an unknown gang of illegal Mexican cats known as La Mala Gatos.

Miss California is also missing her diamond tennis bracelet and matching earrings.

Stay tuned for more news............

Sarge Prepares for Cinco de Mayo Party

Hola!

I am stealing one Corona at a time for our Cinco de Mayo party.....They will never notice.. .the baby has helping us distract the pet humans by eating ibuprofen.......Wonder where they are hiding the tequila?

See you all at the Casino Calamari for the Pooses for Peace Cinco de Mayo party.......


Sarge

Nubi catches up on reading....

Today is JJ Audubon's birthday. I thought i would catch up on my reading to celebrate all the birds in our yard today...............hmmmmmmmmm that red one looks delicious.........

happy earth day

"The earth does not belong to us. We belong to the earth." - Chief Seattle ...

RU-RO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you !

I would like to thank everyone who made my birthday celebration special! Thank you for the lovely gifts, parties, parades and all the fun we had. You are all such good friends.

love
zevo

Is Bo Obama a Covert Bite & Run Agent?

THIS JUST IN FROM THE FOX NEWS..... FAIR AND BALANCED UNBIASED
(OH YES WE ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH) NETWORK

Unconfirmed sources are reporting that Bo Obama, the new dog given to the Obamas by liberal lion Ted Kennedy is really an undercover agent working for the Pooses for Peace.

Senator Kennedy and the infamous celebrity cats have been friends for years. He has bailed them out of jail on several occasions and once had them released from Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp after they were arrested by Homeland Security in 2007. The cats visit Kennedy at his home on Cape Cod and in Florida on a regular basis. It is no secret the cats helped President Obama in his election campaign with their Bite & Run attacks aimed at John McCain, Sarah Palin, Karl Rove and several other republican dignitaries and even our own news anchor team at FOX NEWS.

Our sources have information that Kennedy and the cats planted one of their covert agents, Bo the Portuguese Water Dog in the White House for easy access to Republican ankles. Bo is an illegal alien from Portugual. a socialist country. Once again... proof that Obama's secret plan is to turn the good ole' USA into a Socialist country. We blame those wretched liberal cats and hope that they are deported back to Gitmo where they belong.

Rush Limbaugh released a statment this morning: "It is no coincidence that this black dog was given to the Obamas on the same day as terrorist cat Zevo HUSSEIN Calamari's birthday. This was a present from Ted Kennedy to Zevo, not the Obamas. It is only a matter of time that this country will be taken over by illegal alien pets and turned into a Socialist country. OUCH what the F#@K!!!!!!!!!! What the achooooooooooooooo achooooooooooooooooooooooo peeeuuuuuuuuuuuuu."


In other news
France.... (another socialist country) has reported art and jewelry from the Medici collection missing from the Louvre. No details of the theft have been released as of this hour.

In Britian HRM Queen Elizabeth's corgis are still missing. The Queen blames the Pooses for Peace for flirting with her dogs.

THIS JUST IN: Statement from Zevo hussein Calamari: "Ugh.. I am so hung over.. hand me that basket... ackkkkkk oh so sorry about your shoes..... ....Um... ok.... Oh... yeah... It is total fabrication that Bo Obama is one of our covert agents. If your ankles get in his way of his mouth, then it is your own fault. Portuguese Water dogs are very mouthy. Um...Does this Medici necklace make me look fat? aaaaack ginger ale please... turn those camera lights off paaalease! "

Happy Birthday Dear Queen of Snark!

Associated Press
Montemarte, France

French police were called in to subdue a large crowd of drunken cats claiming to be friends of Nicole Kidman, wearing tiaras and top hats this evening at the Moulin Rouge. Authorities said the cats continued to sing "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" over and over until patrons of the Moulin Rouge handed over their jewelry.

Many cats were arrested, but all escaped in the middle of the night. No one is sure how they pulled off such a stunt. Authorities are certain that there must be a cat with thumbs involved. None of the jewelry has been recovered.

les chats ont défilé pour la paix

Associated Press
Paris France

Les Chats ont Défilé Pour la Paix
(The Pooses for Peace Parade)

Countless cats wearing Easter bonnets, tiaras and berets paraded down the Avenue des Champs Elysee at dusk today. The eco-friendly parade was hosted by the Pooses for Peace to celebrate Zevomas. Carla Bruni led the parade along with the celebrity cats on solar powered Vespas.

The Pooses for Peace have led other parades on Vespas. In Salem MA it is tradition that the cats lead the Haunted Happenings Parade to kick off the Halloween Season. In Salem they are known as the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas,

Celebrities, George Clooney, Audrey Tautou, Nicole Kidman, Bette Midler were seen riding in hybrid cars in the parade. Johnny Depp made a grand appearance on a pirate themed float along with Pastafarians (devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster ) dressed in pirate attire.

Ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli along with Al Gore waved from a solor powered Smart. The Bite & Run Brigades, (to numerous to name) marched in the parade wearing their formal uniforms. Unconfirmed sources reported seeing 2 corgis on the Give Ireland Back to the Irish float. Paul Mcarthey was also spotted on the float.

Thousands of Parisians watched the parade screaming "Vive les chats!" and throwing biodegradable confetti. The parade ended with a fireworks display over the famed La Grande Roue (Ferris Wheel).

Donatella !

Ciao bella gatti!

Potrai così guardare piuttosto indossando Versace couture.
You will look so pretty wearing Versace couture.

A te darò e tutti i tuoi amici vestiti per la festa di compleanno
I will give you and all your friends clothes for the birthday party.

Si prega di portare questi alcuni gatti dolce prosciutto e del vino
Please bring these sweet cats some ham and wine.

Baci per tutti !
Ciao ciao
Donatella