Planet Calamari Zazzle shop

2008-12-10

Bite & Run Sting Operation


CHICAGO -- Federal agents arrested Illinois Gov. Blagojevich and a senior aide Tuesday for what prosecutors described as a political-corruption crime spree, including allegations they tried to sell the Senate seat of President-elect Barack Obama and blame it on the celebrity cats known as The Pooses for Peace.

Miss Lucy Fur, one of the leaders of the organization is best friends with Oprah and the cats visit Chicago on a regular basis to stay with her.

Unveiling the federal criminal complaint at a news conference, U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald said Mr. Blagojevich had "taken the state to a new low. Fortunately we enlisted the Pooses for Peace and their covert Bite & Run patrol to assist in this arrest."

Special Op forces of the Bite & Run along with the FBI were able to arrest Blagojevich in a surprise attack. Blogojevich is said to have several bite and scratch marks on his knees and ankles. FBI agents were able to ambush the governor unexpectedly while he was sneezing from all the cat hair. The Governor lost his watch and blackberry in the ambush. His wife reports losing a pair of earrings and a matching bracelet.

The arrests came five years after federal authorities began investigating Mr. Blagojevich's alleged fund-raising and influence-peddling schemes. For the past two months, investigators have been listening on wiretaps to profanity-laced conversations about the governor's alleged plans to profit from his authority. "I want to make money," he said in one conversation, according to a 76-page federal affidavit. "I want to make as much money as those damn (*#!@ing deleted expletive) celebrity cats do! Somebody get some (deleted expletive) dirt on them. Then we will blackmail them and blame them for trying to sell this (once again deleted f word) Senate seat. Those cats are always selling stuff on Ebay"

Pooses for Peace spokes-poose Zevo Calamari issued a statement : First let me say we never sold anything like Bono's sunglasses on Ebay. We were proud to be a part of this sting operation. Patrick Fitzgerald is kind of cute in a penal code kind of way....um.... but he is not my type. And what kind of name is Blagojevich? And um like...what is with the Elvis hair?
Happy Zappadan .... Pass the champagne please.
"

10 comments:

zevo hussein calamari said...

How much do you think we can get for his blackberry on Ebay>

Boo said...

I can't believe the (expletive deleted) taste in my mouth! Pass the champagne!!!

meemsnyc said...

Shame on them!

Mickey said...

Hurray for the Pooses for Peace!!!!!!
BOO!!!! To the stupid Governor of Chicago!!! What a dweeb!!!!
Zevo,I hope you get a lot!!!!
Boo,I hope your shots are up to date!!
Purrs Mickey

Miss Lucy Fur said...

That guy is a total jerk! Oprah and I saw him skulking around her penthouse suite the other day when we went out shopping. We had to set the goons on him to get him to back off. I wouldn't waste any saliva on that dude!

By the way, Boo...when am I getting my tiara back??!

Smooches,

Miss Lucy Fur

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Man if only I had know that wa show to raise funds for my campaign... Chey shakes head.

The Meezers said...

we think that each individual message on the blackberry should be put up for auction.

pass the tequila.

Daisy said...

Bite and Run! Bite and Run! Hahahahahaha! He deserved it.

Lux said...

That is the strangest story. What's with this guy???

Black Cat said...

I heard of this even here in li'l ol' England! What they didn't publicise was the Bite & Run involvement. I'm very proud of you guys! Pass the (very dry) martini! :) xxx