Planet Calamari Zazzle shop

2008-12-13

Laura Bush Latest Victim of Bite & Run Ambush



Laura Bush Tells Obamas...No Room at The Inn.

The Bush administration has denied President-elect Barack Obama's request to move early into an official guest house across from the White House, claiming previously scheduled commitments

The Obamas wanted to move into Blair House before Jan. 5, so that daughters Malia and Sasha could start classes on time at their new school in Washington, trying to keep with the Bush administrations "No Child Left Behind" act.

"But there were previously scheduled events and guests that couldn't be displaced, such as Karl Rove's surprise birthday party, a Haliburton Gala and the Bush twins' holiday drinking festival." said an underpaid spokesperson, who agreed to be quoted only on condition of anonymity for fear that Laura Bush would retaliate.

Sally McDonough, a spokeswoman for first lady Laura Bush, said in a statement that Blair House will be "available to President-elect Obama and his family starting January 15, as is historically the case." Prior to that, McDonough said, "There is no room at the Inn. If Mr Obama should need to use it for a meeting that benefits the Bush family or its agenda, then he can use it. Perhaps there is a stable with some cows and sheep and a drummer boy, somewhere in DC they can stay." Thinking the microphone was off she added "Laura thinks those (deleted F-word) Hussein kids are a bunch of elitist liberals and terrorists should stay in Chicago as long as possible where they belong. How dare they come to our pristine white house."

During one of her walks with Barney and the other dog (the one nobody seems to know the name of) this afternoon, Mrs Bush was ambushed by a horde of cats wearing tiaras, black leather jackets and one wearing a Jedi robe swinging a light saber.

Secret Service arrived too late to prevent the bites and scratches on her knees and ankles. Mrs Bush was immediately given an antihistamine and rushed to an undisclosed hospital. She is in stable condition. Her earrings, watch and blackberry are missing at this time. Her polyester designer suit from Walmart was completely shredded.

Barney and the other dog seemed to be amused by the cats, as if they recognized them and did nothing to defend their owner. An unconfirmed source claims the dogs were clapping.

As of yet no suspects are in custody. Authorities are reluctant to blame the infamous celebrity cat Bite & Run group commanded by the Pooses for Peace, however it does fit their M.O. The cats were in Washington this weekend with BFF Oprah to help plan their inauguration gala.

When asked about the attack on Laura Bush today, Miss Lucy Fur of the Pooses for Peace said, "Ack ...cough.. gag... give me a hit of whatever is in that flask. I have a cheap perfume and polyester taste in my mouth....... gulp.... um... Laura Who? ..... Did Barney ask about me? Were the Queen's corgies there?,,,,,, Do you think this blackberry matches my tiara? "

The Pooses for Peace offered the Obama family a place to stay at their top secret Hotel Calamari for as long as they need it. No word yet from the Obama camp if they will accept the offer.

2 comments:

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Here--have a swig of tequila it will get the taste out...

Boy n Beethoven said...

Come to mine purrthday on 17 dec! I is going to become a BIG MAN CAT then!

'Oven