Friends and Family Celebrate Ted Kennedy's Life

BOSTON — Hundreds of cats and some dogs, swarmed into Boston yesterday to show their respect for Senator Edward Kennedy. All were wearing the formal dress uniform of the infamous Bite and Run Brigade, commanded by the Pooses for Peace. Marching in a peaceful fashion the animals surrounded the John F Kennedy Presidential Library and saluted as Senator Kennedy's casket was brought in. The cats took shifts in keeping a vigil around the clock.

The Pooses for Peace founders, Zevo Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur all sobbing and wearing simple black Versace dresses without their signature tiaras carried embroidered hankies and flowers to the library.

The cats have been long time friends with Sen. Kennedy. They referred to him as Papa Lion. He has been known to help bail them out of jail, the Gitmo prison, and he has defended them many times from accusations made by George Bush and Homeland Security. When Kennedy became ill the cats stayed at his home in Cape Cod whenever possible to be with him. He enjoyed the stories of their adventures. They loved his wisdom and sense of humor. They were also good friends with his dogs Splash and Sunny. Rumor has it that Miss Boo postponed her Italian wedding to George Clooney to come back to the USA for the funeral.

Friends, relatives and political comrades, including Vice President Biden, are celebrating Sen. Edward Kennedy in an all-star Irish wake tonight. The cats promise to be on their best behavior.

Due to the security issue the cats will not be permitted to go to Washington for the burial. George Bush is terrified the cats will bite him again and he claims to be allergic to cats.

The Pooses for Peace have opted to hold their own tribute to Papa Lion at the Casino Calamari tomorrow night in Salem, just north of Boston.

In other Boston news, the Mayor of Salem was bit in her office today. The Mayor attended a meeting at City hall to discuss taking a parking lot in downtown Salem and turning it into a winter carnival with kiddie rides. The Mayor immediately recognized the pet humans of Zevo Calamari and excused herself from the meeting. Unconfirmed sources said the mayor was terrified that the couple had brought their cats to the meeting. When the Mayor ran back into her office to hide she was surprised by a Bite and Run attack.

Authorities cannot identify the cats as they ran off before cameras could capture their image. Zevo Calamari and her friends were in Boston mourning at the time of the attack. One of the city clerks claims she saw a tiny black cat wearing a witch hat and extra large black mittens on all four paws. Another clerk saw a cat wearing a jedi robe and carrying a light saber.

Mayor Driscoll is in stable condition and took the rest of the day off. Her charcoal grey suit is in critical condition.

In a statement released by the Mayor she said "AAAAchooooo! I just know that those wretched Pooses for Peace are behind this latest attack. And I do not appreciate that crazy acupuncturist who mocked the idea of having a carnival in the winter. The nerve of her demonstrating the sounds that came off a merry go round. Dam...where is my blackberry?"