Graduates of the Calamari Institute for Professional Biting
Looking for a a new career? The Calamari Institute for Professional Biting is now accepting applications for the Winter 2010 semester.
Learn how to bite ankles, knees and other fun human parts. Study the art of covert biting. Our graduates have gone on to bite celebrities and many politicians, such as Ann Coulter, Dick Cheney, Nicole Richie, P Diddy, Karl Rove, Paris Hilton and others we are not permitted to mention (or admit to, such as the Supreme Court!)
Be a part of the prestigious Bite & Run Patrol which has been making headline news. This winter semester our list of professors include Covert Operations Biter, Lucy Fur, best known for her biting debut with Dick Cheney and Dr Phil.
Also teaching celebrity biting will be Zevo Calamari and Miss Boo. Both are famous for biting Paris Hilton, Vanessa Paradis (wife of Johnny Depp), Toby Keith and that whiney country chick with the red hair.
Other professors include Martial arts instructor Tao and her sidekick Sarge. Nubi wan Kenobi will be teaching Jedi theory on how to use the force during a bite attack.
Our guest professors for this semester, Monkay and Luna diPoosalita, the thumbed cat duo will be teaching the fine art of picking locks and opening doors for speedy get-aways.
Earn your required Continuing Education Units by attending the Poot & Run Intensive taught by Billy Sweetfeets or the ever popular Whap & Run technique by his brothers, the Meezers .
The art of negotiation will be offered by the esteemed ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli along with fashion advice from Daisy the Curlycat and how to wear a proper Che beret by Miss Nikki.
Hurry... operators are standing by. Call now to sign up before classes are filled.
In a few short months you too will be a part of THE BITE & RUN PATROL!
1-800-CAT-BITE
se hablamos espanol
4 comments:
Negotiate? I'm a cat. Cats don't negotiate. We're always right...err unless I'm teaching a class in how to always be right?
It is important to be fashionable while you bite and run!
There will be a charge for any new beret issued although the price may be negotiable in top shelf tequila, a fine appletini or several cans of Evo chicken!!
Nikki
May I please join the bite and run patrol? I has very sharp pointy teeths and very sharp pointy clawrs! - Nicholas FuzzyPants Meezer
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