Mitt Romney suspended his presidential campaign Thursday, telling a stunned conservative group that continuing his uphill battle against John McCain would hurt the Republican Party and make it more likely that the Pooses for Peace candidate would win the general election in November.
“If I fight on in my campaign, all the way to the convention … I’d forestall the launch of a national campaign and, frankly, I’d be making it easier for Cheysuli to win. Frankly, in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to
Unconfirmed staff members report that Romney was terrified that he would be bit again by the infamous Bite & Run Brigade and wore ankle guards at all times. Another source claims that Romney was also haunted by a ghost dog. Apparently Zevo Calamari, one of the founders of Pooses for Peace had conjured up the ghost of his dead dog Seamus at a seance. Since then Romney has not been able to sleep for fear the ghost dog would bite him. Romney's physician has confirmed that he is allergic to cats and must now take antihistamines as a preventative against the biological dander warfare.
Presidential Candidate Mike Huckabee has confirmed that Zevo Calamari is a witch and practices her magic in Salem. Earlier this year Huckabee's dog, Dude ran off with The Pooses for Peace and was later adopted by Liza Minelli. Huckabee states that Dude was seduced by a cult of heathen cats led by Miss Calamari and her friends.
Miss Zevo Calamari dressed in a red versace dress with matching Jimmy Choo ruby slippers appeared to make a brief statement. "I am very busy and important and have no time for such trivial accusations. Mitt who? How do you like this dress? Have a Happy Year of the Rat! I am late for my party.. Gung Hay Fat Choy!"