Cats and Vespas Invade Salem MA

Associated Press
Salem, MA

Cats and celebrities from around the world have been flocking to Salem , MA during the past few days to participate in the annual Haunted Happenings parade. It is the official kick off to the Halloween Season.

Keeping with tradition, the Strega Queens, Zevo Calamari, Miss Boo and Lucy Fur will be leading the parade with the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, ( witch cats on vespas). Other celebrity cats will be riding vespas along with the Pooses for Peace cats. The Bite & Run, Poop & Run and Whap & Run Brigades will also be riding along this year. Presidential candidate Cheysuli will be riding in a solar powered Smart convertible with her bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi.

A party after the parade will be held in Salem's famed Casino Calamari.

Unconfirmed sources report that the cast of the Rocky Horror Show, Bewitched and Practical Magic will also be riding vespas along with the cats. No word if Miss Boo's paramour George Clooney will be riding in the parade this year. Last year Captain Jack Sparrow rode with the cats on a Harley Hog.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has issued warnings to the locals of wearing any valuable jewelry to the parade. She still claims that her earrings were stolen by pooses at a past parade.

Extra security have been brought in to prevent a repeat of last years cat fight between Zevo Calamari and Mayor Driscoll. At last year's parade, The commotion began when Mayor Kimberly Driscoll tried to upstage the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas by proclaiming she would lead the parade instead of the cats on vespas.

The mayor dressed in her one and only black suit had not bothered to even wear a costume for the kick off parade. Unconfirmed sources report that she was given a choice by Strega Queen Zevo Calamari, of either wearing a costume and riding with the cats on a vespa or walking behind them in her only suit. A cat fight broke out when the mayor refused.

No charges were filed as there were no witnesses. However the mayor's black suit had several tears in it after the parade.

Mayor Driscoll issued a statement this morning: "These cats are a menace to society. I have asked for backup Police from Boston and surrounding towns for this years parade. The only reason i tolerate these cats is that they bring in celebrities to our small city to spend money. .. which can then be taxed and pay for my $20,000 raise. Then maybe I can buy another black suit."

An anonymous aid to the mayor said that this year, the mayor will be wearing ankle and knee guards under her black suit at the parade.


Rumors that Brad Pitt will attend on a hog are rampant through out Salem.