Pooper-Gate Trial Continues

Associated Press
Salem MA

Denny Crane and Alan Shore showed up in suits and not flamingo costumes, at the Salem Courthouse today to avoid a contempt charge. The Boston legal firm is representing the Pooses for Peace in the Pooper-Gate Scandal. The infamous duo plan to show that Pooping and Running is protected by the Constitution and is a form of freedom of speech.

Miss Zevo Hussein Calamari was called to the witness stand by prosecutors. Miss Calamari took an oath to tell the truth with her paw on the Holy Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster instead of the Bible. Miss Calamari is a pastafarian.

Special Prosecutor:"Do you solemnly swear the tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you The Flying Spaghetti Monster?"

Zevo Calamari :"I do. RAmen"

Special Prosecutor: "Are you responsible for the commotion caused at the Haunted Happenings Parade this year?"

Zevo Calamari : " Hmmm? What parade? What do you think about this tiara? Does it make me look fat?"

Special Prosecutor: "Answer the question Miss Calamari."

Zevo Calamari:" I did. You didn't answer mine."

Special Prosecutor: Your Honor, I have no more questions at this time. The witness keeps throwing kisses at the jury and I believe this cat has tequila breath."

Zevo Calamari: "What tequila? Do you have any? Can i have a shot?"

Later today the prosecutors plan to call The Meezers to the stand. Unconfirmed sources believe that The Meezer gang leads the Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades responsible for the incident at the Haunted Happenings Parade.

The defense will call Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur to the stand along with Ted Kennedy who has come to the defense of the cats in the past.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll and her black suit will be called by the prosecutors later this week. The What Not to Wear crew has been banned from the courthouse.