Planet Calamari Zazzle shop


Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween or Samhain as we say in Salem, MA ...the black cat capital of the world!

Here is Salem, cats are known as familars when they live with a witch, so we are very popular bunch of pooses!

Tonight is the Halloween Poose Ball. Hoping to see YOU and all our celebrity friends Johnny, George, Nicole,Tim, Oprah, The Dixie Chicks, etc..... (and looking forward to scoring some cool earrings!)

Blessed Be!


Halloween Week Events

Salem MA

Hordes of pooses and celebrities have been seen wandering through Salem, MA in anticipation of the annual Poose Vampire Ball held at the haunted Hawthorne Hotel this Thursday night. (not to be confused with The Annual Poose Witch Ball is held on Halloween Night at the Casino Calamari)

This event is invitation only. Invitees are picked by the celebrity cats known as the Gatti della Strega (the Witch Cats).
A few years the mayor of Salem was said to have fainted while at the ball, at the sight of Captain Jack Sparrow and claims her earrings were stolen by the cats. The cats and the mayor have been feuding since that event.

Rumors that the cast of Dark Shadows, the original cast from The Rocky Horror Show will attend, as well as Anne Rice, Stephen King, George Clooney, the cast of the old BEWITCHED TV series and the new movie. Brad Pitt with-out scary Angelina & the wretched kids. (It is hoped that Captain Jack Sparrow will come to one of the balls this year given by the celebrity cats.)

This year the mayor was not invited . When asked why the mayor was snubbed, Spokes-poose Zevo Hussein Calamari replied "She can go hang out at that tacky carnival in her black suit with those carnies that she forced on the city of Salem. Afterwards she can watch the$20,000 light show over the wrecking yard."

The mayor of Salem has brought in extra security for this event and has issued a warning to all residents to keep all valuable jewelry in a safe deposit box for the weekend.

Samantha's Costume shop in Salem has reported that the top selling costume for female cats is the "Cheysuli Presidential" costume. For younger male cats, the "Nubi wan Kenobi Jedi "costume has been flying off the racks. Other costumes such as Bite & Run jackets, Poop & Run jackets and Poot & Run jackets seem to be very popular this year with many of the cat tourists.


Strega Zevo Calamari will be reading paws and the tarot every night at the Hawthorne Hotel in the haunted room. Please call for reservations. Strega Zevo Calamari is known as the psychic to the stars and has consulted with celebrities, diplomats and royalty. (Unfortunately some of those such as Britney Spears, John McCain and the mayor of Salem have not heeded her warnings of crash and burn syndrome.)

Madam Booooooooooo will be conducted ghost tours through out Salem each evening at 9pm. Only the brave of heart should dare to walk with her as she takes you through the graveyards, haunted houses and the finale.... the House of the Seven Gables to meet the ghost of Nathaniel Hawthorne.

Nubi Wan Kenobi, The official Black Cat of Salem will be signing autographs at the Witch Museum daily. Bubba the cat will be performing magic tricks also.

Join The Countess Lucy Fur On the haunted tall ship
The Friendship for an evening of spook-tac-ular ghost stories.

Visit Tao and Sarge's Natty Boh and Tuna cake stand in The Salem Commons for a tasty treat.

Don't Forget!
The Annual Poose Witch Ball

will be held at The Casino Calamari
on Halloween Night from 10pm- ?
open nip-tini bar
all you can eat buffet!
Costumes are mandatory.
Call 1-800-boo-zevo for tickets.


Madame Calamari Reads Tarot

Madam Zevo Calamari will be reading tarot cards all week in Salem
for all pooses who are visiting the Witch City.

We would like to thank everyone who danced in the Thriller Parade and the Time Warp Dance this past weekend. Festivities will continue all week!

We would like to wish our male pet human a happy happy birthday today. So the pet humans will not be around to help us blog today or tomorrow.

Now... The cards are telling me something ... hmmm...i see lots of stinky goodness in this reading.... a bottle of tequila earrings for Boo.......a new TV show for Miss Lucy....... and the election..... hmmm hard to see the dark side is?


Halloween Week With The Pooses!

To celebrate our victory um ...mistrial of the Pooper-Gate trial we are inviting all of our friends to come to Salem, MA.. the Halloween capital of the planet for the entire week. All will be welcome to stay at the Hotel Calamari.

We will begin the festivities with the Thriller Parade. (Please practice the thriller dance before the parade!) The Parade will start this Saturday night at 8:00 pm in downtown Salem. Wear your costumes! (Don't worry Michael Jackson was not invited....he scares us)

After the parade at Midnight there will be a special showing of the Rocky Horror Show for all pooses. Bring your time warp costumes!

See you there! We will keep you posted on the activities all week. So many parties.. so little time.
It will be Spook-tacular!





The Pooper-Gate Trial has just been declared a mistrial. Judge Bigbroom has ordered the evacuation of all in in attendance at the trial today after a strong and deadly odor filled the court room. People began gagging, choking and fainting from the stench. Salem's under-staffed EMT units were sent in along with a Bio-hazard team to clear the building.

The scent seemed to start in the direction where several cats in the Poot and Run Brigade were seated. However unconfirmed sources believe the smell actually started near the judge who was rumored to have dined on cabbage, beans and brussel sprout omelets at the local cafe known as The Witch's Brew.

Authorities are ruling out a terrorist plot as of now. However, we are FOX NEWS are certain those liberal Pooses for Peace had something to do with this latest commotion in the city of Salem.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll in her black suit was over heard saying " Cough, ackkk gag .. ack.. oh my gawd that smell.. ack... Do you think Febreeze will get the smell out of my suit? Gag... now....whaare did I pawk my cah? I am late for my lobstaah lunch."

Boston legal duo Denny Crane and Alan Shore issued this statement:" We are very proud to have been defending The Pooses for Peace. We know that they would have been found innocent........ Now where can we get a few decent martinis?"


Pooper-Gate Trial Continues

Associated Press
Salem MA

Denny Crane and Alan Shore showed up in suits and not flamingo costumes, at the Salem Courthouse today to avoid a contempt charge. The Boston legal firm is representing the Pooses for Peace in the Pooper-Gate Scandal. The infamous duo plan to show that Pooping and Running is protected by the Constitution and is a form of freedom of speech.

Miss Zevo Hussein Calamari was called to the witness stand by prosecutors. Miss Calamari took an oath to tell the truth with her paw on the Holy Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster instead of the Bible. Miss Calamari is a pastafarian.

Special Prosecutor:"Do you solemnly swear the tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you The Flying Spaghetti Monster?"

Zevo Calamari :"I do. RAmen"

Special Prosecutor: "Are you responsible for the commotion caused at the Haunted Happenings Parade this year?"

Zevo Calamari : " Hmmm? What parade? What do you think about this tiara? Does it make me look fat?"

Special Prosecutor: "Answer the question Miss Calamari."

Zevo Calamari:" I did. You didn't answer mine."

Special Prosecutor: Your Honor, I have no more questions at this time. The witness keeps throwing kisses at the jury and I believe this cat has tequila breath."

Zevo Calamari: "What tequila? Do you have any? Can i have a shot?"

Later today the prosecutors plan to call The Meezers to the stand. Unconfirmed sources believe that The Meezer gang leads the Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades responsible for the incident at the Haunted Happenings Parade.

The defense will call Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur to the stand along with Ted Kennedy who has come to the defense of the cats in the past.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll and her black suit will be called by the prosecutors later this week. The What Not to Wear crew has been banned from the courthouse.



Associated Press
Salem MA

The infamous Boston legal duo Denny Crane and Alan Shore arrived today at the Salem Courthouse dressed in flamingo costumes. Their clients, The Pooses for Peace are charged in the latest Pooper-Gate scandal.

When asked by the judge why they were in costume, Denny Crane responded "It's Halloween in Salem. Denny Crane. Denny Crane."

The Salem Courthouse was packed with celebrities and hundreds of cats, dogs and skunks. George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Nicole Kidman, and Bette Midler all wore Free the Pooses t-shirts.

Leaders of the Bite & Run, Whap & Run, Poop & Run and Poot & Run all wore black leather jackets. Leaders of the Pooses for Peace, celebrity cats Zevo Hussein Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur wore tiaras and Versace couture.

Nubi wan Kenobi and presidential candidate Cheysuli were not present. However, all the cats had on Vote Cheysuli buttons. Cheysuli is at an undisclosed location for her own safety.

Mayor Driscoll was also there in her only black suit sans jewelry. The What Not to Wear crew were expelled from the courthouse by the Judge for disturbing the proceedings. The crew kept chanting "CHANGE THE BLACK SUIT ...CHANGE THE BLACK SUIT " at the Mayor.

Prosecutors will be calling weatherman Al Roker to the stand later today to prove that the cats have terrorist links.


Clooney Saves the Day!

Associated Press
Salem MA

George Clooney rode into Salem MA early this morning and put up the $1 million dollar bail to free The Pooses for Peace from jail. The celebrity cats have been charged with illegal activities in the Pooper-Gate investigation. Rumors have been spreading that Miss Boo and Clooney are a couple.

Unconfirmed sources report that Clooney will be paying the legal expenses of the Boston legal firm, Crane Pool and Schmidt. The trial begins later this week.

Celebrities are said to be pouring into Salem in support of the cats. All were invited to watch the presidental debates at The Casino Calamari tonight and participate in the drinking game called "Do a shot of tequila every time John Mccain seys "My Friends" .

The Pooses for Peace support presidential candidate Cheysuli who was not invited to be in the debates.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll in her only black suit issued a statement this morning. " Curses! Somebody always helps those cats. Oh... am I invited tonight too?"




This just in from our sources in Salem MA....... The Pooses for Peace have been found guilty in the Pooper-Gate investigations.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll announced that the city of Salem will press charges against the Pooses for Peace for their participation in organizing Poop and Run Brigades at the Haunted Happenings Parade.

Celebrity cats, Zevo Hussein Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur head the liberal organization known as the Pooses for Peace. In the past the cats have led Bite & Run attacks against Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney and other fine upholding US citizens.

The cats led the Haunted Happenings parade in Salem, MA two weeks ago and invited hundreds of cats and several liberal communist celebrities to ride along with them on Vespas, Harleys and in solar powered cars. Their cohorts known as The Meezers led the Whap & Run, Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades causing a strain on Salem's sanitary units.

Zevo Hussein Calamari's roommate, Nubi wan Hussein Kenobi, (a black cat and possibly a Muslim) is the body guard to renegade presidential candidate Cheysuli. ...once again proof that Cheysuli is befriending dangerous friends and hanging out with terrorists. The cats are also friends with weatherman Al Roker.

Mayor Driscoll in her one and only black suit issued a statement this morning. "Pooper-Gate is a far more serious issue than the so called scandal Trooper-Gate that poor innocent VP candidate Sarah Palin has been accused of. We hope to have these cats convicted as soon as possible and sent to Guantanamo Bay."

No comment has been issued by the Pooses for Peace. At this time they have retained the legal services of one of Boston's most scandalous law firms, Crane, Poole and Schmidt.

Stay tuned to Fox News... A Fair and Balanced Source. Coming up next Sarah Palin's newest fashion line... white robes with hoods!


Happy Birthday John Prine!

Casino Calamari invites you to join us to celebrate
John Prine's Birthday tonight!

Illegal Smiles for all.
Niptinis and tequila

Sing along with John.........

That's the Way that the World Goes 'Round
© John Prine

I know a guy that's got a lot to lose.
He's a pretty nice fellow but he's kind of confused.
He's got muscles in his head that ain't never been used.
Thinks he own half of this town.

Starts drinking heavy, gets a big red nose.
Beats his old lady with a rubber hose,
then he takes her out to dinner and buys her new clothes.
That's the way that the world goes 'round.

That's the way that the world goes 'round.
You're up one day and the next you're down.
It's half an inch of water and you think you're gonna drown.
That's the way that the world goes 'round.

I was sitting in the bathtub counting my toes,
when the radiator broke, water all froze.
I got stuck in the ice without my clothes,
naked as the eyes of a clown.
I was crying ice cubes hoping I'd croak,
when the sun come through the window, the ice all broke.
I stood up and laughed thought it was a joke
That's the way that the world goes 'round.

Hot Dog Fun ...My Sister's a Nun!!!!




Unconfirmed sources have reported that The Pooses for Peace celebrity cats are friends with Al Roker, the weatherman..... more proof that these cats are terrorists.

Homeland Security taped a three way conversation with the leaders of The Pooses for Peace. Zevo Hussein Calamari said" We are having lovely fall weather here in Salem." Miss Boo replied , " I wish we had fall weather here in San Diego." Miss Lucy Fur added " Well at least we don't get snow in San Diego!"

We at FOX NEWS are certain that these are secret messages to terrorist cats.

Stay tuned for more fair and balanced news. Coming up next.....Sarah Palin shows us how to shoot a wolf from a helicopter.


Salem Mayor Calls Emergency Meeting

Associated Press
Salem, MA

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll called an emergency city council meeting today.

Wearing her predictable black suit, Ms Driscoll said: " It is urgent that the city of Salem puts a stop to those menacing cats called The Pooses for Peace, who have cause nothing but trouble since they moved here. Their antics at the last parade were appalling. I call for a vote to evict these cats and their businesses from Salem now. And I want my earrings and Blackberry back now or else!"

Zevo Calamari, spokespoose for The Pooses for Peace and owner of Brothel Calamari Casino Calamari and Cinema Calamari issued a statement as well. " What earrings? What Blackberry? And by the way what we pay in taxes from our businesses, more than covers your raise and your salary. We are not going anywhere. Oh.. pass me a shot of Strega ... thanks...."


Jack Sparrow Appears at Salem Parade Tonight

Salem MASS

Captain Jack Sparrow rode into Salem on a jet black Vespa, with the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, leading the Haunted Happenings Parade this evening. His swagger and the glint in his eyes caused women to swoon and faint all over the parade route, creating a stress on Salem's underpaid EMT system.

Before she fainted, Mayor Kimberly Driscoll called for an emergency back-up from the Boston Fire Department to handle the overload. The mayor lost a pair of earrings and her blackberry when she fainted. As predicted, the mayor wore her black suit to march in the parade. The "What Not to Wear" crew were anxiously waiting a chance to surprise the mayor with a make over. However, since the mayor was rushed to the hospital for a swooning incident the make over has been postponed until next season.

Other celebrities rode with the Pooses for Peace as a sign of solidarity for their cause. George Clooney rode along side Miss Boo on his Harley hog. Oprah, BFF of Miss Lucy Fur rode on a special orange Vespa with her name etched in gold. Zevo Calamari led the cast from the Rocky Horror Show on her blue Vespa. Brad Pitt sans wretched children and Angelina Jolie was seen on a Harley hog too. Hundreds of cats dressed in black witch hats and capes rode Vespas, Scooters and Skateboards too.

Boycotting the presidential debates, David Letterman, Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert in rickshaws peddled by local Salem witches, followed Presidential candidate Cheysuli and her body guard Nubi wan Kenobi in her electric Smart.

Other celebrities who played witches in movies, such as Nicole Kidman, Sandra Bullock, Cher, Bette Midler, rode Vespas and Scooters along with the infamous Bite & Run, Whap and Run Brigades. All wore black witch hats and capes and carried brooms.

The Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades were forced to march after the Boston Police Equestrian Patrol. EMT Units had to be called back in to assist all those who were gagging and puking. The City of Salem sent in a Biohazard team to rid the streets of the stench. Incense has been lit all over Salem.

As of 11:00 pm tonight, all the bars, clubs and restaurants in Salem are filled with drunk cats, dogs, skunks and celebrities.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll was not available to comment on the commotion tonight. We expect a press conference tomorrow morning.


Cats and Vespas Invade Salem MA

Associated Press
Salem, MA

Cats and celebrities from around the world have been flocking to Salem , MA during the past few days to participate in the annual Haunted Happenings parade. It is the official kick off to the Halloween Season.

Keeping with tradition, the Strega Queens, Zevo Calamari, Miss Boo and Lucy Fur will be leading the parade with the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, ( witch cats on vespas). Other celebrity cats will be riding vespas along with the Pooses for Peace cats. The Bite & Run, Poop & Run and Whap & Run Brigades will also be riding along this year. Presidential candidate Cheysuli will be riding in a solar powered Smart convertible with her bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi.

A party after the parade will be held in Salem's famed Casino Calamari.

Unconfirmed sources report that the cast of the Rocky Horror Show, Bewitched and Practical Magic will also be riding vespas along with the cats. No word if Miss Boo's paramour George Clooney will be riding in the parade this year. Last year Captain Jack Sparrow rode with the cats on a Harley Hog.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has issued warnings to the locals of wearing any valuable jewelry to the parade. She still claims that her earrings were stolen by pooses at a past parade.

Extra security have been brought in to prevent a repeat of last years cat fight between Zevo Calamari and Mayor Driscoll. At last year's parade, The commotion began when Mayor Kimberly Driscoll tried to upstage the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas by proclaiming she would lead the parade instead of the cats on vespas.

The mayor dressed in her one and only black suit had not bothered to even wear a costume for the kick off parade. Unconfirmed sources report that she was given a choice by Strega Queen Zevo Calamari, of either wearing a costume and riding with the cats on a vespa or walking behind them in her only suit. A cat fight broke out when the mayor refused.

No charges were filed as there were no witnesses. However the mayor's black suit had several tears in it after the parade.

Mayor Driscoll issued a statement this morning: "These cats are a menace to society. I have asked for backup Police from Boston and surrounding towns for this years parade. The only reason i tolerate these cats is that they bring in celebrities to our small city to spend money. .. which can then be taxed and pay for my $20,000 raise. Then maybe I can buy another black suit."

An anonymous aid to the mayor said that this year, the mayor will be wearing ankle and knee guards under her black suit at the parade.

Rumors that Brad Pitt will attend on a hog are rampant through out Salem.