Pooses for Peace Blamed for Sarah Palin's Resignation
In a shocking turn of GOP events, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin announced today in a rambling speech believed to be wriiten by one of her kids who quit high school, that she was quitting her job at the end of the month -- unleashing a torrent of speculation about her plans, motivation and the insanity of such a seemingly confounding decision.
Some believe Palin plans to run for president in 2012. Other unconfirmed sources believe that Palin is being forced to step down by her nemisis, the Pooses for Peace. The cats along with David Letterman, John Kerry and the liberal press have been making Palin's life a living hell.
Palin has gained weight from the stress of the surprise Bite & Run attacks that have been happening on a weekly basis. GOP pundits believe the Obama administration has hired the cats as covert agents to drive Palin out of politics as a Fourth of July gift to the USA.
Wearing what seemed to be ankle and knee guards under her Wal-mart suit at her lakefront home in Wasilla, Alaska, Palin suggested that she would remain active in national politics. "We know we can effect positive change outside of government, I will keep my promise to make sure the antics of those wretched liberal cats are stopped for good." she said in making the announcement, flanked by her husband, Todd, and members of their family all sneezing. An odd odor permeated the air during the announcement.
The Pooses for Peace are currently in Salem MA preparing their float for the annual 4th of July Horribles Parade held at the Salem Willows. The parade is a mockery of local and national politics. It is customary for the Mayor of Salem and her black suit to be mocked each year. Mayor Driscoll has yet to attend the parade. Unconfirmed sources claim the mayor is worried the cats will try to force her out of office before the next election too.
Zevo Hussein Calamari issued a statement today "Happy Birthday America... So nice to celebrate this Fourth with an intelligent President in office who can speak in complete sentences. Sarah Who? Where's Wasilla? Does this black suit and wig make me look fat? Bo, pass me that flask please............"