Celebrity Cats Celebrate Grand re-Opening of Pamplemouse!

Associated Press
Salem MA

Hordes of cats wearing tiaras, top hats and one dressed as a Jedi with robe and light saber were seen running through the Salem Farmers Market tonight and through the Essex Street Mall. It is no secret that the celebrity cats known as the Pooses for Peace and their entourage have just returned from hiding from Homeland Security um ..a vacation in Switzerland.

Zevo Calamari, Miss Lucy Fur and Miss Boo all donning their trademark tiaras mingled with the Salem locals tasting cheese and wine. As always they were the life of the party with their celebrity gossip and tidbits on fashion.

Miss Lucy Fur ordered several cases of the Home Grown Red wine for her BFF Oprah. Miss Boo who is rumored to be dating George Clooney was seen buying plates, glasses and cool kitchen gadgets for his villa in Italy. Zevo Calamari, now a Salem resident and owner of Brothel Calamari Casino Calamari plans to hire the Pamplemouse staff to cater all events taking place in the future. (Rachel Ray was fired recently by the cats for undisclosed reasons.)

The infamous Pooses for Peace are known for their Bite & Run attacks on celebrities that wear fur and most of the GW Bush administration in the past 8 years. They have also had several run in with Salem's Mayor Kimberly Driscoll and her black suit. A few nights ago the cats were blamed for the disturbance at Tavern in the Square, aka TITS. No charges were filed as the security cameras were all mysteriously turned off during the incident.

No complaints were reported about the cats tonight. Authorities believe the cats are still at Pamplemouse drinking wine and eating what is left of the cheese. Mayor Driscoll has asked the Salem Police to monitor the Essex Street Mall and arrest any drunk cats seen disturbing the peace.