News Flash....Rumsfeld bit.... again

President Bush, right, and outgoing Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld (giving the Hail Hitler salute) took part in an Armed Forces Full Honor Review in Honor of Rumsfeld, Friday, Dec. 15, 2006, at the Pentagon.

During President Bush's speech, Mr. Rumsfeld was heard yelling "What the #$&*" and began chasing a cat wearing an emerald tiara. Unconfirmed sources claim that Rumsfelf was once again bit by a Miss Lucy Fur.

Rumors flying around say that Miss Lucy is on a rampage since her favorite chef Wolfgang Puck is losing the Chef-off contest for the new Hamburger Mary's in Salem. She felt this was the best way to let off some steam.

It was later reported that Mr. Rumsfeld was flown into Camp David for stitches and was given pain killers. No word on the where abouts of Miss Lucy Fur have been reported.

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Barney Bush accused of biting Rummy

CNN NEWS ALERT

Barney Bush will hold a press conference today at noon EST to explain the allegations that he was the one who bit Donald Rumsfeld (the second biting).

Miss Lucy Fur was cleared of all charges after her lawyer showed that she was shopping at Tiffanys with Oprah the day of the second biting. Tiffany's provided the security video as proof.

Miss Lucy is still in Switzerland opening a chocolate mouse candy factory with the help of Wolfgang Puck. She will be returning to the US before the holidays.

A civilian has volunteered footage shot on his video camera of Barney Bush in drag biting Mr Rumsfeld to the FBI. George Bush has denied that Barney dresses in drag and claims that Rummy and Barney have a wonderful friendship.

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The Best of the Bite & Runs: Part Three

Welcome to part Three of the Best of he Bite & Runs. Today we will feature a few of the Chimp's evil cronies and how they were forced to quit!


















November 12, 2006
Democrats award Lucy Fur Purple Heart
AP
Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi have awarded Miss Lucy Fur the Purple Heart medal for her courageous act of bravery challenging Donald Rumsfeld to step down. Unconfirmed sources claim that Rumsfeld had to have 10 stitches in an undisclosed area of his body and is taking pain medication. Karl Rove and Darth Cheney have been in protective custody since the incident.

Meanwhile Senator Boo is in Vietnam negotiating the release of Poose POWs, (and searching for cool jewelry)


















Novmeber 13, 2006
Senator Lucy Fur was on Countdown last night promoting her new book, "Biting the Enemy: The Truth behind Rummy's Demise" click here to read more






August 27. 2007

click here to read more about Gonzo's troubles.

Anderson Cooper Live from Switzerland

CNN
Tonight on Anderson Cooper

Celebrity Cat, Miss Lucy Fur has fled to Switzerland with the help of her friend Wolfgang Puck. Miss Fur is a suspect in the biting of Donald Rumsfeld during yesterdays ceremony.

Miss Fur claims she has been framed by Mr Barney Bush, dog of W, who was in drag, and also wearing a cat costume with a tiara. According to poose informants, Barney is said to have been quite put out that Rumsfeld called him a mangey mutt and kicked him when W was napping.

Wolfgang Puck has hired the best lawyers to have Lucy cleared by the opening of the Hamburger Mary's in Salem on New Years Eve. There has been no comment from the White House about Barney Bush.

Meanwhile Rachel Ray has won the chef-off but has agreed to work along side Mr Puck at the new restuarant in order to keep everyone happy.

This CNN report has been brought to you by The Planet Calamari Shop and Tiaras R Us.

Democrats award Lucy Fur Purple Heart

AP
Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi have awarded Miss Lucy Fur the Purple Heart medal for her courageous act of bravery challenging Donald Rumsfeld to step down. Unconfirmed sources claim that Rumsfeld had to have 10 stitches in an undisclosed area of his body and is taking pain medication. Karl Rove and Darth Cheney have been in protective custody since the incident.

Meanwhile Senator Boo is in Vietnam negotiating the release of Poose POWs, (and searching for cool jewelry)

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BREAKING NEWS FROM FOX

FOX NEWS
SALEM MA



This just in from our sources in Salem MA....... The Pooses for Peace have been found guilty in the Pooper-Gate investigations.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll announced that the city of Salem will press charges against the Pooses for Peace for their participation in organizing Poop and Run Brigades at the Haunted Happenings Parade.

Celebrity cats, Zevo Hussein Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur head the liberal organization known as the Pooses for Peace. In the past the cats have led Bite & Run attacks against Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney and other fine upholding US citizens.

The cats led the Haunted Happenings parade in Salem, MA two weeks ago and invited hundreds of cats and several liberal communist celebrities to ride along with them on Vespas, Harleys and in solar powered cars. Their cohorts known as The Meezers led the Whap & Run, Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades causing a strain on Salem's sanitary units.

Zevo Hussein Calamari's roommate, Nubi wan Hussein Kenobi, (a black cat and possibly a Muslim) is the body guard to renegade presidential candidate Cheysuli. ...once again proof that Cheysuli is befriending dangerous friends and hanging out with terrorists. The cats are also friends with weatherman Al Roker.

Mayor Driscoll in her one and only black suit issued a statement this morning. "Pooper-Gate is a far more serious issue than the so called scandal Trooper-Gate that poor innocent VP candidate Sarah Palin has been accused of. We hope to have these cats convicted as soon as possible and sent to Guantanamo Bay."

No comment has been issued by the Pooses for Peace. At this time they have retained the legal services of one of Boston's most scandalous law firms, Crane, Poole and Schmidt.

Stay tuned to Fox News... A Fair and Balanced Source. Coming up next Sarah Palin's newest fashion line... white robes with hoods!

Lucy Fur on MSNBC COUNTDOWN

Senator Lucy Fur was on Countdown last night promoting her new book, "Biting the Enemy: The Truth behind Rummy's Demise"
Asked about the law suit she is facing, Lucy replied she is not worried about it at all and is more concerned about what she will wear to Tom and Katie's wedding this weekend in Italy.
Later on the show Lucy flirted and invited Keith to the grand opening of Hamburger Mary's in Salem, MA on New Year's eve (without his girlfriend)
His reply was Good Night and Good Luck.

Olbermann also declared Rumsfeld the Worst Person in the World as well as K-Fed the most pathetic person on the planet.

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Pooses for Peace Party win control!

AP
It's official. The Pooses for Peace party have won control over both the House and the Senate in sweeping victory over the Republicans. Speaker of the House Zevo Calamari has promised better wages for poose substitutes, healthcare and a home for all homeless pooses. Senator Lucy Fur took responsiblity for biting Donald Rumsfeld on the ankles and other undisclosed areas of his body until he conceded to step down. Senator Boo from CA is working on a law that would give illegal poose aliens amnesty after 5 years of working. Senator Tao along with CongressPooses Nubi Wan Kenobi and Paris have promised to mend the bad reputation of this country with the rest of the world.
All agree that the chimp look alike in the White House should be replaced with a real chimp.

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