Planet Calamari Zazzle shop

2008-01-29

FOX NEWS UPDATE


FOX
FAIR AND BALANCED NEWS

During yesterdays FISA debate, hundreds of cats wearing black leather jackets appeared and began nipping, biting and scratching those Senators who favored immunity for the telecom companies who are accused of illegally spying on US citizens. No mercy was shown on those Democrats who sided with GW Bush on this issue.

In the end, four Dems crossed over to vote with the Republicans: Sens. Mark Pryor (D-AR), Ben Nelson (D-NE), Blanche Lincoln (D-AR) and Mary Landrieu (D-LA). These Senators were rushed to a nearby hospital and are in stable condition. Mary Landrieu who flopped her vote in the end had to have stitches.

Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) was the lone Republican to vote with the Dems. He was spared from attack.

Spookes -Poose of Pooses for Peace, Zevo Calamari issued this statement after the debate "Thanks to these brave cats and their pet humans calling their Senators, we've been successful in preventing the Senate from passing a wiretapping bill that grants retroactive immunity to AT&T and Verizon.

We at FOX NEWS believe that Zevo and her cohorts are Anti-American and are helping the terrorists with their actions. OUCH what the #!*K! Was I just bit? Someone get me a band aide...............

Last night's State of the Union was disrupted with hundreds of screams and sneezing through out the night. Though, no one was able to see what was actually biting them or causing allergic reactions through the Senate, authorities believe it was the work of the Special Forces Division of the Bite Patrol. Several Senators were covered in cat fur following the speech. No reports as of yet whether President Bush or Dick Cheney have been bit. However both were sneezing while being whisked away immediately after the speech to a secure location.

Secret Service is looking into this biological warfare incident.

In other DC news there are unconfirmed rumors of a secret party at the National Gallery of Art.

5 comments:

zevo calamari said...

yeeeeUuuuuckoooooooo..pass the tequila... that was the worst taste ever.....
i think i will need chelation therapy to clean my blood.

Thank you all for your bravery and good work. Now let's go party at the art gallery!

The Meezers said...

who knew that a vice president could taste so vile. I think I need some southern comfort to take the taste out of my mouth - Miles

Cheysuli and gemini said...

I'm sorry I wasn't more help, but I was enjoying getting an ear rub from Chris Dodd and Russ Feingold. Patty Murray was commenting on how wonderful I looked. Ted Kennedy tried to cozy up as well, but seeing he's supporting Obama, I was cool (at least it is not my arch enemy Hillary)

Daisy said...

Haha! I think we really made a difference!

Maggy & Zoey said...

Tho uninvited, we have joined the SFD. As anyone can plainly see my special tooth delivers quite a bite. It shall be used without discretion at 1600 PA Ave.