Hordes of cats wearing tiaras, top hats and leather jackets swarmed into The Big Apple to celebrate the first day of Zevomas which began Tuesday.
City officials reported a boost in ham and tuna sandwich sales. Liquor stores reported running out of tequila early in the day. All hotels and motels are filled for the entire week. Rumor has it the Motel 6 has one extra room available but those interested should be warned of a stench coming from the other rooms.
To start off the festivities a firework display was held at the Statue of Liberty. The Pooses for Peace and friends arrived in a solar powered motorcade of green limos. Some of the celebrities sighted at the display were Presidentail Candidate Cheysuli, George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Donnatella Versace, Yoko Ono, Sara Jessica Parker, Liza Minnelli and David Letterman. (Later this week Pooses for Peace spokes-poose Zevo Calamari will be on David Letterman.)
Authorities report it was a peaceful event. However park officials noted that the poem inscribed on the Statue of Liberty was changed to read:
Your huddled pooses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched pooses of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, the flea ridden to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
In other NY news, Paris Hilton claims to have been bitten by a beast dressed in black leather. She cannot recall any other details as she was on "medication". Her Prada sunglasses and Versace watch are now missing.
Donald Trump was seen without his wig for a brief moment today. Unconfirmed sources claim that it was stolen. Mr Trump denies wearing a wig or having it stolen.
An increase in petty theft was reported on Tuesday. There was a sudden decrease in rats and mice seen as well.