Planet Calamari Zazzle shop



Associated Press
Washington, DC

The National Gallery of Art in Washington, DC has reported two Monet paintings missing. The original Banks of the Seine and The Houses of Parliament were replaced by paint by number versions. The switch went undetected until last night when a bored security guard examined the paintings close up. Authorities are baffled on how this heist was pulled off. Security cameras had been shut off and appear to have paw prints on the lenses.

Museum custodians were questioned and only reported they noticed a decrease in mice in the past few days.




During yesterdays FISA debate, hundreds of cats wearing black leather jackets appeared and began nipping, biting and scratching those Senators who favored immunity for the telecom companies who are accused of illegally spying on US citizens. No mercy was shown on those Democrats who sided with GW Bush on this issue.

In the end, four Dems crossed over to vote with the Republicans: Sens. Mark Pryor (D-AR), Ben Nelson (D-NE), Blanche Lincoln (D-AR) and Mary Landrieu (D-LA). These Senators were rushed to a nearby hospital and are in stable condition. Mary Landrieu who flopped her vote in the end had to have stitches.

Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) was the lone Republican to vote with the Dems. He was spared from attack.

Spookes -Poose of Pooses for Peace, Zevo Calamari issued this statement after the debate "Thanks to these brave cats and their pet humans calling their Senators, we've been successful in preventing the Senate from passing a wiretapping bill that grants retroactive immunity to AT&T and Verizon.

We at FOX NEWS believe that Zevo and her cohorts are Anti-American and are helping the terrorists with their actions. OUCH what the #!*K! Was I just bit? Someone get me a band aide...............

Last night's State of the Union was disrupted with hundreds of screams and sneezing through out the night. Though, no one was able to see what was actually biting them or causing allergic reactions through the Senate, authorities believe it was the work of the Special Forces Division of the Bite Patrol. Several Senators were covered in cat fur following the speech. No reports as of yet whether President Bush or Dick Cheney have been bit. However both were sneezing while being whisked away immediately after the speech to a secure location.

Secret Service is looking into this biological warfare incident.

In other DC news there are unconfirmed rumors of a secret party at the National Gallery of Art.


Sharpen Your Teeth!

Fellow Bite Patrol is the day. Will we permit this chimp to take away our freedoms? Sharpen your teeth.... Soon we go into battle. ...........

Thanks to those who nagged urged Senators Clinton and Obama to come back to work and vote against McConnell's cloture vote on the Intelligence Committee's pro-telco amnesty FISA bill, they will make a guest appearance and should be spared from being bit today.

However... our work is cut out for us. Here is the list of Senators who think it is ok for the Chimp to illegally spy on you and your pet humans... and they are willing to give immunity to those telecom companies for helping. Have your pet humans call these folks and demand they vote NO for on McConnell's cloture vote and NO more spying !
These Senators should be warned to wear armor if they do not comply!
  • Bayh (202) 224-5623
  • Carper (202) 224-2441
  • Inouye (202) 224-3934
  • Johnson (202) 224-5842
  • Landrieu (202)224-5824 BIT EXTRA HARD! SOLD OUT TO THE TELECOMS
  • McCaskill (202) 224-6154
  • Mikulski (202) 224-4654
  • Nelson (FL) (202) 224-5274
  • Nelson (NE) (202) 224-6551 BIT! SOLD OUT TO THE TELECOMS
  • Pryor (202) 224-2353 BIT! SOLD OUT TO THE TELECOMS
  • Salazar (202) 224-5852
For up to date info on the battle go to

Tonight Special Bite and Run Forces will be covering the State of the Union. There will be a party afterwards at the National Gallery of Art with plenty of nip-tinis, tequila and ham!

May the Force be with you!


Nubi wan Kenobi, Chosen Bodyguard for Chey!

Honored i am, chosen i have been. Protect Cheysuli i shall. New Ray-Bans will me she give? The ham enjoy you did?

May the Force with you!
general nubi wan kenobi
jedi poose
New Body Guard to Presidential Candidate Cheysuli

Thanks for taking hiring him Chey! The ham is in the mail. I never thought just offering a ham would be the easiest way to ship him off somewhere else!

Just a reminder to all pooses who have recently volunteered for The Bite Patrol Brigade:
Monday we will need reinforcements.
We have the FISA bill debate and later we will be sending in special forces for the last State of the Union address by the Decider Chimp.

Please be in full uniform. Sharpen your claws and teeth.
Plenty of tequila and Listerine will be provided for that nasty taste!
Party afterwards at the National Gallery of Art.
ciao ciao
zevo calamari

p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Boo's pet human!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and Happy Birthday to Keith Olbermann ! xoxoxoxo



Yesterday during the FISA debate in the Senate, hundreds of cats along with a black lab and one shepherd puppy ran through the aisles biting and scratching Senators Harry Reid, Diane Feinstein and numerous other senators who voted to let the government snoop on Americans illegally. (To see if your senator was bit click on

Also bit by another patrol of cats in South Carolina were Senators Clinton, Obama and McCain. These cats were hissing "Shame on all of you for not showing up to defend our rights! None of you deserve to be the elected." CNN believes these cats are supporters of Presidential Candidate Cheysuli.

Some of the cats were wearing tiaras, all were wearing black leather jackets with a Bite Patrol logo on the back. Unconfirmed sources saw one cat wearing a jedi robe and swinging a light saber. Others reported seeing Dude the Bird Dog, ex-dog of Mike Huckabee in fishnets and a sequined IMPEACH t-shirt. One aide claims to have seen a black shepherd puppy running with the cats.

All Senators were rushed to an undisclosed hospital and are in stable condition. Several senators are missing earrings, watches and blackberries. Capitol Hill authorities believe this attack was led by the Pooses for Peace, friends of Senators Chris Dodd and Russ Feingold.

Spokes-poose Zevo Calamari released a statement after the attack,"Give us liberty...or you get bit! Don't tread on my tiara!..... What earrings? What is this entry "For a good time call...." in this blackberry?"

Security will be tightened for Mondays'showdown in the Senate over the FISA debate.

The Pooses for Peace are urging everyone to please call their congressmen if they care about this important issue.


Calling ALL Pooses!


We need your help. Chris Dodd needs your help. America needs your help!

We need reinforcements for the Bite & Run Patrol for Friday's showdown in Congress. There are way too many ankles and knees of Senators who want to actually grant immunity to telephone companies for us to bite. (So many ankles.. so little time!)

Facts for you to know!
A Senate filibuster led by Senator Chris Dodd is promised against a bill that would grant immunity from lawsuits against telecommunication companies that participated in the Bush administration's warrantless wiretapping of U.S. citizens. Sen. Christopher Dodd, D-Conn., reiterated his intent to block the Intelligence Committee's version of a renewed surveillance law known as FISA (Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act) if it includes immunity.

The bill is S.2248. There is a competing FISA bill from the Judiciary Committee which does not grant immunity.
An amendment by Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., which would have stripped immunity from the Judiciary Committee version, was tabled this afternoon, by a vote of 60-34.

The Pooses for Peace will be helping Chris Dodd once again with Bite & Run patrols roaming the aisles of Congress, reminding all those voting to do the right thing... or should we say the bite thing? We invite any poose who would like to be a part of the Bite & Run Brigade to join us in our quest for restoring our liberties. (In the future we will invite other critters to join as suggested by Presidential Candidate Cheysuli. Due to the urgency we do not have time to train them in proper biting techniques.)

If there is a filibuster we will also be helping Senator Dodd field questions and turn pages as he reads from the constitution or George Orwell's 1984.

What can your pet humans do? Well.. they can bug their Senators, pester Harry Reid and ask Hillary and Obama why they are not in DC voting for this important matter. All talk.. no action!

Do you want George Bush and Darth Cheney listening to your phone calls.... reading your emails? If the answer is no.... we need you!

The Pooses for Peace Bite Patrol
Be all that you can bite! We are looking for a few good pooses.



Hell hath no fury like a bunch of cats relaxing in George Clooney's Swiss Villa who are called back to the US for an emergency session.

Once again Harry Reid is ready to give immunity to those pesky corporate telecom companies that are illegally spying on US citizens. Seems Harry wants to get out of town for the weekend instead of defending our rights. "We have to finish FISA this week. Everyone should be aware of that point. We have to finish it this week. I know there are important trips people want to take. We have the very important economic conference in Davos that Democrats and Republicans alike would like to go to."

So once again the Pooses for Peace have been called in to help Senator Chris Dodd and Russ Feingold, a few Senators with balls backbone to stand up for what is right. You would think that Harry Reid and Diane Feinstein would remember the last time they tried this stunt.

How can you help? Well in the next few days we will be announcing a plan to expand the Bite Patrol. Thanks to Presidential Candidate Cheysuli , who had an excellent idea concerning this matter. If you are interested please start preparing your resumes.

However immediate action is needed to prevent the illegal spying on US citizens by your phone companies who will be granted immunity if Harry gets his way. Please have your pet humans call their congressmen as well as Harry Reid. "No immunity for telecom companies spying !!"

It is important to be nice, do not threaten with bites... we will take care of that on the floor of Congress!

Harry Reid
Phone: 202-224-3542
Fax: 202-224-7327
Toll Free for Nevadans:
1-866-SEN-REID (736-7343)

viva la revolucion'
Pooses for Peace
So many ankles, so little time!

UPDATE! As of Thursday 1-24-08....... to keep tabs on the latest development of the FISA debate and who is who visit


Safe in Switzerland

Thanks to George Clooney we are resting comfortably and in luxury at his Swiss chalet. The cheese is divine here. George has excellent taste in wine. What a guy. He even ordered special beer for Bubba, Nubi and Sarge. Tonight he will be having a small gathering in our honor. Just a few old friends, Johnny D, Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt without the wretched children or scary wife.

We need to rest and recoup after all that biting in the past few weeks. Rumor has it that Tom Brady is limping, Gisele is missing her diamond earrings and those cheerleaders have been complaining about losing stuff too. What a bunch of babies! Belichick's camera is coming in so handy here.

Not sure how long we can stay with George. We must recover in time to help Senator Chris Dodd again in his fight with Congress against the illegal spying mess. And with the elections, we must continue to be on call for a Bite & Run attack at a moments notice. Miss Lucy Fur will be suing Dr Phil soon and will be on Larry King to tell all.

So many little time. It is so hard to be us.
ciao ciao for now


Bite & Run at Gillette Stadium

ESPN BREAKING NEWS: Bite and Run Attack at Gillette Stadium
Foxborough, MA

In the last few minutes of the New England Patriots vs. San Diego Chargers game, hordes of cats wearing tiaras, one swinging a light saber and a black lab wearing fishnets with a sequined Bridget Moynahan t-shirt ran out onto the field of Gillette Stadium hoping to save the day for the San Diego Chargers. Unfortunately the Chargers still lost.

The victims of this latest Bite & Run attack were Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. In the owner's box, Gisele Bundchen, Brady's stick insect supermodel girlfriend and owner Robert Kraft were also bit. Other bite victims included the Patriot Cheerleaders. All were rushed to the Patriot Medical Center and are being treated for bites and scratches. Patriot fans have been assured that Tom Brady will be healed in time to play in the SuperBowl.

Unconfirmed sources claimed to have seen the cats race out of the stadium to a parked private jet, belonging to George Clooney. However since the witnesses were quite inebriated and had strong Boston accents, ("Dar is a jet paaaked ober da lot wit lots of cats wunning ta it") authorities could not get any useful leads.

Authorities report that several earrings belonging to Gisele and the cheerleaders, as well as a few SuperBowl rings, and Bill Belichick's spying camera are reported missing.

In other breaking news, Dr Phil was also a victim of a Bite & Run attack. Authorities believe it may be the work of Britney Spears.


Miss Lucy Fur's Statement

Thank you all for your cards, flowers and messages of support. I called George Clooney and he got me out of that horrible snake pit of a hospital. He just smiled at the Wardenlike Charge Nurse and she dreamily opened the locked ward.

Dr Phil is a hack and I need to go to Switzerland to George's chateau to recover. I'm thinking of joining Britney with a law suit against the Philster. Anyone have Gloria Allred's cell phone number??

Judd HAS TO GO! He's already playing with my toys and acting cuddly with everyone. It's disgusting.

Miss Lucy Fur



Join us today on Dr Phil with special guests Miss Lucy Fur and her new roomie Judd the German Shepherd puppy.

Dr Phil has offered to help Miss Lucy Fur get past this most trying time without medication or another stint in rehab. Lucy Fur had a breakdown last night at Hillcrest's famous Mo's. While swilling margaritas and dancing on table tops with BFF Miss Boo, Lucy started a cat fight with a few of the locals. Screaming "JUDD JUDD JUDD you ruined my life!" She began throwing nachos and taking off her panties. Police were called in and Miss Lucy Fur was taken to the nearest hospital. Her pet humans called Dr Phil for help.

Miss Lucy Fur will talk about how her pet humans betrayed her by allowing Judd to move in without her permission. How the annoying screams of the neighbors "Ohhhhhhhh he is sooooooooooo cute!" disturbs her napping.

Is Lucy heartbroken that Bubba refused to move to San Diego with her? Or is she still in love with the Queen's corgie?

And finally Dr Phil will explore the possibility that Lucy Fur was poisoned in the latest Bite & Run attack on Mitt Romney, thus the real cause of this erratic behavior.

Stay tuned for more............




Moments after Mitt Romney was declared the winner of the Republican primary in Michigan last night, hordes of cats wearing Seamus the dog t-shirts, tiaras and one with a light saber descending upon the ex governor of MA. Unconfirmed sources claim to have seen Dude the Bird dog, former dog of Mike Huckabee wearing fishnets, a tiara and a boa running with the cats.

Mr Romney was rushed to an undisclosed hospital and was being treated for bites and scratches. He was released this morning. At his press conference today he claimed that the cats were unusually large and most probably illegal alien cats or terrorists. He had no comment about the cats wearing t-shirts with his dead dog's photo.

There has been no comment from the Huckabee camp on Dude the Bird Dog's adoption to Liza Minnelli or the rumors of his cross dressing.

No suspects have been named for this latest Bite & Run incident. We at Fox News are positive it is the work of those liberal, heathen cats known as the Pooses for Peace.

Stay tuned.... Next up.... latest photos of Britney Spears in Mexico with a Frida Kahlo uni-brow..................

We would like to thank the Academy......

Wow.... this is our very first award. Thank you Karen Jo at Kitty Limericks for presenting it to us. We would like to thank the Academy, our producers, directors, staff, pet humans, Donatella Versace, Jimmy Choo, Al Gore, and all those pooses who are members of the Pooses for Peace and the Bite and Run Brigade... without you, none of this would have been possible.

Miss Karen Jo said these are the rules to accept this award:

1. You must write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.

2. Acknowledge this post.

3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote.

4. Go tell your humans to fork over the treats!

So..... we are going to make all those rules optional since some of you have pet humans that work.... and most of you have probably received this award! (also we have an old mac and doing this is hard and time consuming!)

And the blogs that make us think are ... drum roll please.............

Miss Karen Jo Kitty Limericks because we love her limericks and she makes us think!

To Cheysuli for making us think and keeping us informed on kitty politics and her campaign.

To Daisy the Curly Cat because she makes us laugh and keeps us informed on lizards and fashion!

To Mr Chen and Ollie because they think like us!

To the The Meezers for keeping us informed on all the Meezer news.

We would also like to thank the Crooks and Liars blog for keeping us informed on REAL news!

Time for treats! All are invited to the Casino Calamari for a party! Nip-tinis and tuna rolls for all.


Seance Tonight!

Join Madame Calamari and Lord Kenobi at midnight tonight for an spooktacular event. Tonight we will contact and invite to our seance the ghost of Mitt Romney's dog, Seamus.

What happened to Seamus you ask? In 1983, Romney's dog made a 12-hour trip from Boston to Ontario in a kennel lashed to the top of the family station wagon.

The Associated Press described it this way: "Seamus expressed his discomfort with a diarrhea attack. When Romney's eldest son, Tagg, and his four brothers complained about the brown runoff down the back windshield, their father quietly pulled the car over, borrowed a gas station hose and sprayed down both the dog and the kennel before returning to the road."

For the record, Romney said Thursday that his dog liked being on the roof. "He scrambled up there every time we went on trips," he said at a campaign stop in Pittsburgh, the AP reported.

We invite Seamus to tell his side of this tail tonight.

Tomorrow night we shall invite the ghost of the poor dog that Mike Huckabee's son murdered while at Boy Scout camp.

Yes, sad but true and you can read about it at



Pooses..... are your pet humans registered to vote in the primaries? Help make a difference and urge them to register!

You can check to see if you are or register at this site

Of course we are supporting Cheysuli! However humans may have to choose between the lesser qualified candidates.

Rock on......
Pooses for Peace


Tonight on The Daily Show

Join Jon tonight with his special guests, The Pooses for Peace with Musical guest Neil Young.

It is sure to be a lively conversation with Spokes-poose Zevo Calamari who will talk about the infamous Bite & Run Brigade, the NH primaries, Dude the Bird Dog's coming out and celebrity stick insects who wear fur.

Miss Lucy Fur and Miss Boo will also appear on The Colbert Report after The Daily Show. Nubi wan Kenobi and Bubba will be David Letterman's guest on the Late Show tomorrow night.


News Flash

Hilary Clinton loses earrings in NH
Mitt Romney loses Rolex watch

What earrings?
What watch?


It's Little Christmas Eve!

Today is Little Christmas Eve. It is an Italian tradition that children (and pooses) put their shoes or socks out tonight, in hopes that La Befana, a good witch will fill them with treats and gifts. Read more about La Befana at

We have been extra good pooses (well Bite and Run Patrol runs are good for the country aren't they?) so we will be putting out our Manolos, Choos and Jedi Sandals tonight.

Wishing every one a Happy Little Christmas! Buon Natale!
Gatti per laPace
(cats for peace)


Today on Oprah

Today on Oprah!

Miss Lucy Fur visits her gal pal Oprah and tells all!

Find out who wore what at the Pooses for Peace New Year's Eve Gala!

Is it true that Bubba and Lucy Fur kissed at midnight?

Get the real scoop on Dude the Bird dog's adoption to Liza Minnelli.

And will Lucy Fur pick a cat fight with Oprah who is supporting Obama and not the Pooses for Peace candidate Cheysuli?

Stay tuned!!!!!!!!!


Huckabee Declares War on Show Tunes

Breaking Entertainment News!

After giving a stellar performance at the Pooses for Peace New Years Eve Gala, Liza Minelli announced that she was adopting Dude the Bird Dog, the former dog of presidential candidate Mike Huckabee.

Ms Minelli promised that Dude would be much happier in an environment that supported alternative lifestyles and he would be free to wear a tiara, fishnets and sing show tunes.

When asked to comment on his adoption Dude the Bird Dog belted out in song
" Start spreading the news.........."

There has been no comment from the Huckabee camp, however unconfirmed sources report that he is furious and vowed to make singing show tunes illegal once he is president.

After the break on Entertainment Tonight a look at celebrity pooses in red versace at the Pooses for Peace Gala. And was Al Gore really there? Stay tuned!


Happy 2008!

Wishing you and your love ones a happy and peaceful 2008.

Please give peace a chance!
the pooses for peace