Congress.. don't make us bite you... again!

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Its the Zevo Calamari New Years Eve Gala!

Yes... YOU....You Are Invited!

The New Years Eve Extravaganza
at the
Casino Calamari
(our new DC location)
Saturday 12/31/11

7:00 pm - ?

Music by Jimmy Buffet and the Coral Reefer Band
with back up vocals by
Zevo hussein Calamari and the Pooses for Peace

Niptini Fountain
All you can eat buffet... tuna, ham, cheese, chicken and turkey
birdie toys
mouse souffle

Parrothead attire requested

Wishing you the happiest of New Years

Free Parking at our new DC location!
And
No worries about any mayors in ill fitting black suits calling the police this year!

Surprise Bite & Run Attack on Capitol Hill Today

WASHINGTON—Congressional leaders reached an agreement Thursday to temporarily extend a payroll-tax cut by two months and begin negotiations on a yearlong extension, aides said. Congress has been deadlocked all week after greedy bastard House Republicans insisted on a one-year extension.

Aides said House Speaker John Boehner (R, Ohio) agreed to hold a new vote Friday on extending the tax cut to end an impasse that threatened to leave workers with a tax increase next year. Sources report the decision came immediately after a horde of cats wearing tiaras and Occupy Wall Street bedazzled shirts attacked many members of Congress in a surprise Bite & Run Attack.

Screams of agony, sneezing and gagging filled the room along with an unknown odor thought to be biological warfare. All injured congressmen were taken to the hospital where it is reported a cat in scrubs and a tiara administered Flintstone vitamins instead of pain medication. Many congressman are reporting that their watches, iPhones and wallets are now missing. A Biohazard unit has been sent into the congressional chambers to eliminate the odor.

Authorities believe this is the work of the infamous domestic tearist group known as the Pooses for Peace. The celebrity cats have been laying low since they moved their headquarters from Salem MA to the DC area. Their legions of the Bite & Run Patrols and Poot & Run have been known to attack dimwitted greedy congressmen in the past. It was reported that the special op forces known as the Poop & Run were also involved in this attack. No proof or evidence was found at the crime scene. All security cameras were taped off with duck tape and toy mice sprinkled with cat nip. A few bottles of tequila and one Manolo shoe were also found at the scene.

Pooses for Peace Spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement which seemed to be filmed on a pirate ship. "What out for the 99% you bumbling idiots! And what is with John Boehner's hair and fake tan? Ack ack the taste of greed and bad cologne! Pass me that tequila Captain Jack. Does this iPhone make me look fat.... like Dah!... where is my other shoe?"

Merry Zappadan

Tis the season of
Zappadan December 4th through December 21

We pooses are all way to young to remember Frank Zappa. However, Zappadan is a very important holiday according to our pet human.

Frank Zappa was born in the very same hospital as our pet human ...and passed away on her birthday in 1993. (She took it personal...and needless to say she was very excited to hear that others dedicated a season to him that starts on her birthday)

The festival of Zappadan runs from the date of Frank's death, 12/4, through the date of his birth, 12/21. We did not make this up!

We would like to invite everyone to celebrate Zappadan at the Casino Calamari for the entire season.

Bring your own dental floss, and we will provide entertainment, munchies and of course tequila.

Oh... and a happy birthday to our pet human. (We think she would like this quote too!)

“I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.”
Frank Zappa

Happy Birthday Nubi wan Kenobi!

It is Nubi wan Kenobi's birthday. ....Famed Jedi Knight,
member of the Pooses for Peace
and bodyguard to Meezer Ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli.

A birthday party will be held on the Forest Moon of Endor tonight.
Music by the Cantina Band

Star Wars attire is required.
Bring your own light saber.

Space shuttle leaves from Dulles Airport at noon.

Countdown to Zappadan

Zappadan

If you are wondering what Zappadan is click here to read about the very first Zappadan of 2008

Celebrate Cyber Monday on Planet Calamari!

On Planet Calamari there are no long lines, snarky sales clerks snapping their gum while texting, and absolutely no threat of being pepper sprayed! Shop in your pjs while sipping a glass of wine. Your cats will be happy you stayed home with them!

Free shipping on Cyber Monday. Use code CYBERMONDAY11 when checking out.
Click here to visit the Planet Calamari Etsy Shoppe

Happy Thanksgiving !

On the first Thanksgiving, the stow-away cats aboard the Mayflower held a feast with the Indian cats who befriended them when they entered this new land. Together they smoked the peace pipe, drank rum and danced to the beat of the native drums.

Unlike their human counterparts, the English pooses remained friends with their new Indian friends and respected their customs and their land.

Today pooses in America celebrate this day with a feast, rum and an occasional toke on the catnip peace-pipe while watching the Macy's Day parade in hopes of seeing the Cat in the Hat balloon.

We wish you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Pooses for Peace Yacht Spotted in DC

Associated Press
Washington DC

Unconfirmed sources have reported seeing a yacht commandeered by the infamous Pooses for Peace docked in the DC waters near Alexandria Virginia over the weekend. Rumors are flying that the feline celebrities have moved their headquarters from Salem MA to the DC to monitor upcoming elections and to keep close tabs on the dim-witted congress now in session.

DC Authorities and Homeland Security have been alerted. No one has spotted the cats since they left Salem over a month ago. It has been reported that Mayor Kim Driscoll and her ill fitting black suit threw a party at City Hall when hearing the cats had vacated Salem for good. The mayor's iPhone and watch have been missing since the event. However Salem police believe the goods were stolen by the carnies who worked the tacky Halloween carnival.

Spokes-poose Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement from what appeared to be a cabin down below in a yacht: "Kim who? What iPhone? Does this watch make me look fat? Pass me the wine please. Oh and could someone get Bo Obama on this iphone for me? "

Happy Blog Blast for Peace Day!

Tarot Readings by Madam Zevo Calamari

Grand Opening of Madam Zevo Calamari's Psychic Center of DC

Tarot Readings
Palm and Paw Readings
Magic Spells and Potions

Party with the Mistress of Magic & the Pooses for Peace
to celebrate their new headquarters!

Halloween Night
7:00 pm - ?

The Casino Calamari of DC
(we moved out of salem for good!)

Costumes mandatory
Margarita Fountain
All you can eat tuna, chicken and ham buffett
cat nip brownies

Music Guest
Jimmy Buffet and the Coral Poose Reefer Band

Adios Salem Fiesta

You are invited to the party of the decade!

Say Good Bye to Salem
with the Pooses for Peace

Adios Salem Fiesta
Casino Calamari
wee Salem
Friday 9/23- Friday 9/30

Special Guests
Jimmy Buffett and the Coral Reefer Band

Margarita Fountain
All you can eat chicken, tuna and ham buffet
Nip brownies

Dress code:
Parrothead attire
Bring your own coconut bra & grass skirt
no black suits allowed!

We are going to party like its 1999!

Arrrgh It's Talk Like A Pirate Day!

It is a Holy Day for all Pastafarians ( devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) today. May you be blessed by his Noodly Appendage. Ramen!

All pooses are invited to our private party at Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Special guest...... Captain Jack Sparrow! Be ready to swoon.

Please wear your patch and pirate attire.

Arrrrrrrrrr Arrrrrrrrrr shiver me timbers.. there will be plenty rum for all.. arrrrrrrrr

Sing along with us!
YO HO (A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME)
Lyrics by Xavier Atencio and music by George Bruns

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot,
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We extort, we pilfer, we filch, and sack,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Maraud and embezzle, and even high-jack,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We burn up the city, we're really a fright,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We burn up the city, we're really a fright,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We're beggars and blighters, ne'er-do-well cads,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Security Beefed Up In Salem Protecting the Friendship

Associated Press
Salem MA

On the eve of Talk Like A Pirate Day , Salem's Mayor Kim Driscoll has requested the city of Boston for extra police coverage for the tall ship known as The Friendship. (Salem police were too busy guarding manholes on Bridge Street this weekend to protect the ship.)

Driscoll along with her ill fitting black suit and city officials are worried that the domestic terrorist cats known as the Pooses for Peace may commandeer the ship (again) along with their BFF, Captain Jack Sparrow. The shipped disappeared last year and the pirate cats were blamed, although no proof was found.

The cats are Pastafarians, devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster . Talk Like A Pirate Day is a Pastafarian Holy day and all those who worship the Noodley deity must wear pirate regalia, eat pasta and drink rum or red wine.

In past years the cats and Captain Jack Sparrow walked in the Haunted Happenings Parade causing an uproar and much needed excitement during the boring parade. Driscoll has declared that this year she will not be upstaged (again) by the cats. The word on the street is that the cats will be boycotting this year's parade and are moving to the DC area in order to be closer to the shady politics and lack of action by those pretending to be a part of the weanie congress (both sides!).

Zevo hussein Calamari, mayor of Wee Salem issued a statement " Um... like... Kim who, Where is DC? ? What ship? Does this pirate hat make me look fat? Pass the rum... arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh"

Pooses for Peace Moving Headquarters to.... DC area?

BREAKING NEWS!

Unconfirmed sources report that the celebrity feline group known as the Pooses for Peace will be moving their headquarters close to the DC area at the end of this month.

Known as a domestic liberal terrorist group the cats have been laying low for the past year since one of their leaders Miss Boo went into hiding from Homeland Security. Authorities believe she is living on a private island with her lover Captain Jack Sparrow. Their only activities lately seem to be commandeering the tall ship in Salem known as the Friendship and tormenting Mayor Kim Driscoll and her ill fitting black suit whenever possible.

With the 2012 election approaching and the useless members of Congress (greedy bastards and morons on both sides) the cats feel it is necessary to step up Bite & Run activities and play an active role in getting things done.

Moving boxes, vans and limos have been seen frequenting the Casino Calamari this past week located in wee Salem. The cats claimed this territory a self proclaimed country which seceded from the city of Salem and Commonwealth of MA over a dispute during the last mayorial election when Zevo hussein Calamari won over Mayor Kim Driscoll. However the city did not recognize the votes by the animal citizens of Salem and Driscoll declared herself a victorious winner. (Even though the only other candidate was a homeless man who recieved 20% of the votes!)

The citizens of Salem are distraught that the celebrity cats are not only leaving, but will be closing many of their businesses in the area such as the Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari, The Holy Spaghetti Factory, The church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, A Costume shop, Ice rink , Tarot & Paw reading place and a few other questionable operations such as the rumored Brothel Calamari.

In the past years celebrities and hordes of cats poured into Salem the first week of October for the Haunted Happenings parade to march along side the celebrity cats. This boosted business for every cafe, bar and restaurant in the area and Salem's economy. Celebrities such as Nicole Kidman, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Oprah, Cher and countless others marched in the parade with the cats and their BFF Captain Jack Sparrow. Later paparazzi and celebrities were seen at local hotspots, shops and having their palms read.

This year there will be no celebrities or Pooses for Peace fans to contribute to the newly raised hotel and restaurant taxes along with the hiked parking rates thus adding more stress to the City of Salem's debt.



The cats were also blamed for the appearance of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the past few parades and the mayor's craving for pasta since... click here if you don't remember!



Mayor Kim Driscoll and her black suit released a statement this morning: "These cats and their cohorts are a menace to society. The city of Salem will survive without the millions of dollars they bring in each year. I have hired a consultant to research the impact of this situation and taxes will only need to be raised a little bit (50%) more to compensate for this loss. We will be putting an Uber Walmart with a Fiesta Show Carnival in the so called wee Salem territory which will attract the type of citizens we really want living here in this maritime tourist destination. And as I have said in the past, I can only hope that it starts to rain around 8:30 pm on Halloween night. These damn witches are a pain in the ....Ouch....... oh MY gawd what is that smell? OOOOOOOOOO my ankles, my new black suit.. aaaaaah...."

Pooses for Peace Stowaways on Friendship Bound to NY?

Associate Press
Salem MA

BREAKING NEWS...DOMESTIC TERRORIST CATS BELIEVED TO BE STOWAWAYS ON THE TALL SHIP FRIENDSHIP BOUND FOR NYC

The domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace are believed to be stowaways on the tall ship known as the Friendship this evening. It's destination is NYC where the famed cat burglars may be planning one more heist at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.



Mayor Kimberly Driscoll attended the ceremony in her predictable ill fitting black suit. Being caught off guard she was not wearing ankle (or shall we say cankle) or knee guards and is said to be nursing an ankle bite by a mysterious cat wearing a tiara that ran onto the ship. Other cats wearing tiaras, pirate hats and a dog wearing a Che Guevara beret were also spotted running up the ramp unto the shp.

The mayor is in stable condition. Her suit however is covered in grey fur and has several tears. No witnesses were available to identify the so called cat. The mayor has lost credibility with many of the locals of Salem except for the ones who unfortunately drank the dreaded Driscoll- laced coffee served at the Chamber of Commerce meetings.

Unconfirmed sources report that the celebrity cats have been laying low for several months planning for this opportunity. The cats are said to be moving their Bite & Run headquarters out of Salem MA soon to an undisclosed area in the Baltimore/DC area. It is said the cats are tired of the shenanigans happening in Congress and on Capitol Hill and plan to have a presence in when congress returns from their vacation. And they are totally bored with the petty small politics of Salem.



Captain Jack Sparrow, friend and accomplis to the celebrity cats was seen walking through Salem yesterday at the Maritime festival. Authorities believe he is also aboard the Friendship this evening. Homeland security and the FBI have been alerted.

Zevo hussein Calamari, spokespoose for the renegade operation issued a press statement from what appeared to be a bunk in a ship: " It was like totally so cool that everyone was waving white hankies today. Kimmie who? I have a foul taste of politiican in my mouth. Please pass that rum, Jack. Thanks hon."

In Memory of Boudreaux the Magi

We are heartbroken to bring you this sad news of our dear friend and comrade, Boudreax the Magi who passed away a few weeks ago while Planet Calamari was in retrograde. We were unable to post on this blog.

A memorial service and wake was held at the Casino Calamari in honor of this Magi and brave member of the Pooses for Peace. He was the Magi who predicted the birth of the komodo dragons to a virgin dragon on St Stephen's Day.

Boudreaux had special psychic abilities, spoke 4 languages ( one of them being the very difficult Giant Pink Snail language) and was also a great dancer. He was employed as a full time greeter at his pet human's acupuncture office. Loved by all, He is survived by his pet human, Padre Don who is also psychic, speaks several languages and also dances. Padre Don will be holding a formal Jazz wake and ceremony in the fall.

Meanwhile Boudreaux is now up to be cannonized as a saint. He has already performed several miracles that the Pope and Vatican refuse to recognize. However we believe that any Pope that wears red Prada shoes is a fake.

Pope Nubius the Jedi of Our Lady of Perpetual Squids will be performing the cannonization this fall. Holy cards, relics and candles will be available to devotees.

St Boudreaux is the patron of compassion, humor and self employed acupuncturists. May he rest in peace. We love you dear boy and may your spirit be with us always. Love to your sweet human, Don.
xoxoxo
love
The Pooses for Peace

Happy Towel Day!

from Wikipedia
towelday

"Towel Day is celebrated every May 25 as a tribute by fans of the late author Douglas Adams. The commemoration was first held in 2001, two weeks after his death on May 11, 2001. On this day, fans carry a towel with them during the day to demonstrate their participation and mourning of the author. The towel is a reference to Adams's popular science fiction comedy series The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."

In honor of Douglas Adams we will be wearing our towels all day and reciting passages from his books.

A Vogon Poetry reading will begin in a sound proof room at 8:00 pm.

Tonight Cinema Calamari will be showing the movie The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. All pooses are invited.

We will be serving Pangalactic Gargleblasters and mice crepes. Please bring your own towel.
So long Douglas and thanks for all the fish!
xoxoxo

Feliz Cinco de Mayo

musica!
tacos!

tequila!!!!!!!!

Fiesta de esta noche con los Gatos de la Paz!
(party tonight with the pooses for peace!)

Suarez Family Arrives at the Casino Calamari

Associated Press
wee Salem MA

The Suarez family arrived at the Casino Calamari today to begin preparations for the Cinco de Mayo Fiesta. The family had so much fun at last year's event they decided to cook for it again.

Ignacio Suarez aka Poppy, father of Betty and Hilda will be cooking for the fiesta. (Ham enchiladas were requested by Cheysuli and her Meezer friends). Other Mexican entrees such as tuna-dillas, flan con nip de gato and pollo tacos will be served at the party.

A margarita fountain has been donated by Jimmy Buffett for the event. Salma Hayek will be loaning costumes from the movie Frida to celebrity cats Zevo Calamari, Smudge and Miss Lucy Fur and several of their close friends.

Che Nikki, Luna Miso Poosie, Monkay Hussein and Nubi wan Kenobi will be singing back up vocals with Jimmy Buffett.

Ugly Betty ponchos will also be available for cats and dogs to wear to the fiesta.

Salem Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has called in for extra police units for back up on Thursday's event. The cats and the mayor have a long history of not seeing eye to eye on holiday festivities. The mayor has been invited to the fiesta on the condition that she dress in traditional Mexican attire, with red lipstick, a uni-brow and she must ditch the black suit. No response has been given by the mayor's office as of today on her plans. Parking is free for all Pooses for Peace members in the underground parking facility at the Casino. ( The mayor will have to find her own parking!)