Unconfirmed sources have reported that Dick Cheney was bit on the ankles and knees last night during his vacation in Afghanistan. Cheney was staying at the Ritz Carlton Bomb Shelter in Kabul.
Secret Service are baffled how anyone could have entered the secured shelter. Local Afghans claimed to have seen three cats in black trench coats with sunglasses entering the shelter last night. CIA spokesperson said that the translation from Farsi to English must be incorrect and had the locals tested for hummus poisoning.
No suspects have been named. Terrorist Pooses are a possible suspect.
Mr. Cheney is in stable condition and had stitches. He was last seen eating a slab of buffalo. with freedom fries.