Tiger Photo Leaked by Zevo Calamari

Madam Zevo Calamari, unconfirmed owner of the Brothel Calamari has released a statement today: "This is the picture of Tiger that i keep in my locket, with a strand of his fur. We spent time together when his mate was not in their den. I did not know he had cubs. I am not a hooker. It was true love. My heart is broken........ and um like.. ...does this lycra tiger print make me look fat?.... Pass me a shot of tequila please......"

Paparazzi Camped Outside Casino Calamari

Associated Press
Salem MA

The paparazzi has been camped outside the infamous Casino Calamari since Friday. Camera crews and news hounds have been hoping to catch a glimpse of Madam Zevo Calamari and her friends, Miss Boo and a Miss Lucy Fur after rumors spread about Tiger Woods leaving their so called house of ill repute known as the Brothel Calamari. The domestic terrorist cats have not been seen since the Zappadan party last Friday night.

Authorities are still searching the entire city of Salem for the brothel and have yet to find its location. Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has called for back up detectives and the FBI to help locate the illegal "cat house". "These cats are a menace to society. This is NOT the kind of tourist attraction we want Salem to be known for! ,.... Um.....Where is my iPhone and what is that smell?"

As of tonight at least 8 possibly 10 women have claimed to have had affairs with Tiger Woods. One can only imagine what the number is if it is true he visited the Brothel Calamari.

Tiger Woods Seen Leaving Brothel Calamari

TMZ
BREAKING NEWS......

Unconfirmed sources claim to have seen Tiger Woods leaving the famed Brothel Calamari on several occasions this year. No photos have surfaced yet of these claims.The infamous brothel is allegedly run by the domestic terrorist feline Zevo hussein Calamari and her cohorts, the Pooses for Peace. Authorities in Salem have not been able to locate the brothel. Salem's mayor, Kim Driscoll has called for undercover police to search for the house of ill repute and arrest those running it. "Those wretched cats will be prosecuted as soon as we have evidence."

Madam Calamari refused to give an interview on Larry King or to make an appearance on The View. She released a statement this morning: "What brothel? What tigers? Do these golf shoes make me look fat? Pass me a martini please."

Merry Zappadan!

Tis the season of
Zappadan December 4th through December 21

We pooses are all way to young to remember Frank Zappa. However, Zappadan is a very important holiday according to our pet human.

Frank Zappa was born in the very same hospital as our pet human ...and passed away on her birthday in 1993. (She took it personal...and needless to say she was very excited to hear that others dedicated a season to him that starts on her birthday)

The festival of Zappadan runs from the date of Frank's death, 12/4, through the date of his birth, 12/21.

We would like to invite everyone to celebrate Zappadan at the Casino Calamari for the entire season.

Bring your own dental floss, and we will provide entertainment, munchies and of course tequila.

Oh... and a happy birthday to our pet human. (We think she would like this quote too!)

“I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.”
Frank Zappa

Happy Birthday Nubi wan Kenobi!

It is Nubi wan Kenobi's birthday. ....Famed Jedi Knight, member of the Pooses for Peace and bodyguard to Meezer Ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli.

A birthday party will be held on the Forest Moon of Endor tonight.
Music by the Cantina Band

Star Wars attire is required.
Bring your own light saber.


Space shuttle leaves from the Salem Ferry lot at noon.

May the Force be with you!

Celebrate the Divine Miss M's Birthday at the Casino Calamari!

You are invited to celebrate Bette Midler's Birthday
Tonight at the Casino Calamari
7:00 pm - whenever the Salem PD gets here

cat-Nip-tinis and all you can eat sea food buffet

Music by the Divine Miss M
with special back up vocals by the Furettes

bring your own mermaid costume

The First Thanksgiving

On the first Thanksgiving, the stow-away cats aboard the Mayflower held a feast with the Indian cats who befriended them when they entered this new land. Together they smoked the peace pipe, drank rum and danced to the beat of the native drums.

Unlike their human counterparts, the English pooses remained friends with their new Indian friends and respected their customs and their land.

Today pooses in America celebrate this day with a feast, rum and an occasional toke on the catnip peace-pipe while watching the Macy's Day parade in hopes of seeing the Cat in the Hat balloon.

We wish you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving!

We apologize for not being able to visit all the wonderful cat blogs and leave comments.
If you are on facebook please let us know so we can comment there!

Miss Lucy Fur on Oprah!

Today on Oprah

Miss Lucy Fur, celebrity cat and BFF with Oprah will share her Thanksgiving recipes for turkey stuffed with tuna, shrimp and ham and her famous tuna flavored nip-tinis

Will Miss Lucy Fur give us the scoop on Miss Boo and George Clooney's pending nuptials?
Is she still taking her medication? And is she romantically involved with the Queen's Royal Corgi again?

Stay tuned .........

Pirate Cats Return Missing Tall Ship

Salem MA


The Friendship, Salem’s beloved tall ship, is finally home. Crowds cheered and waved hankies as the Friendship sailed into Salem's Derby Wharf today. Aboard the ship was Captain Jack Sparrow and the celebrity cats The Pooses for Peace in full pirate regalia and very inebriated.

A modern replica of the 1797 East Indiaman, the ship is normally docked at the Salem Maritime National Historic Site at Derby Wharf, where it’s open for tours throughout the week.

Since May, however, The National Park Service claims that the ship has been in Boothbay Harbor, Maine, for repairs. Unconfirmed sources revealed that the ship was actually hijacked earlier this year by the domestic pirate group known as the Pooses for Peace and Captain Jack Sparrow. To save face the City of Salem agreed to play along with the ship needs repair story. The cats and the Mayor of Salem have had tumultuous relationship the past several years. And it has not improved recently.

Mayor Kimberley Driscoll attended the ceremony wearing ankle guards under her only black drab suit for fear of another Bite and Run attack by the cats. As the ship pulled in, her nemesis, Zevo hussein Calamari waved and called out "Hi Kimmie.... is that a new iPhone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" The mayor, believing Zevo to be in Italy was surprised and reached for her new iPhone to call the Salem PD, ....when it was instantly snatched from her hands by what appeared to be a black cat wearing a Jedi robe. (The Salem PD was too busy guarding the construction near the Tavern on the Square to respond anyway.)

Mayor Drisoll made the statement" We are so happy to have the Friendship back in our city. Those responsible for this travesty will be punished. And where is my iPhone? OH my.....is that Captain Jack Sparrow?"


Zevo Calamari also issued a statement "What iPhone? Does this pirate hat make me look fat? Jack darlin' pass me the rum. "

Zevo Calamari Forced to Go to V-E-T

The nerve of my pet human! Can you believe she had me leave Milan just so she could take me to the V-E-T?

I was having such a lovely time with Donatella and her closet. Miss Boo and Lucy Fur are still in Italy with George Clooney and those Royal Corgies. So unfair... and the V-E-T did not even notice ii was wearing Versace. Really! At least she gave me some good nip. And she said i was quite the beauty for my age. But did she have to poke me and take blood? Am i in some Twilight movie? There were werewolves at the V-E-Ts. I heard them howling in the other room. It did not seem to phase the pet human. Then again she has a thing for wolves.

I am now home and protesting on the pile of laundry that needs to be folded. I think cat hair on all her black clothes is a nice way to show my appreciation. I just peed outside the box again too.

Can someone bring me a magazine and a Nip-tini?

Celebrity Cats Spotted in Milan

Poose-cam live at the House of Versace

Benvenuti cari amici!
Farò un bel vestito per tutti voi. Mi dispiace tanto su quegli elettori stupidi a Salem.
Si prega di portare questi gatti poveri del prosciutto e del vino e Manolos.


translation for the mangia cakes:
Welcome my dear friends!
I make-a a nice pretty dress for all of you....no? I'm-a so sorry about those stupidido voters in Salem. Please bring-a these poor cats some-a ham and-a wine and Manolos

Arrivederci Salem

Andiamo in Italia per riposare. Addio si gente stupida di Salem. Si dovrebbe avere votato per me.

Buona fortuna con la donna in nero

Per la mangia cakes...."We go to italy to rest. Goodbye you stupid people of Salem. You should have voted for me. Good fortune with the woman in black!"

Pooses for Peace Make Guest Appearance at John Prine Concert

Associated Press
Boston MA

John Prine fans were ecstatic this evening when the infamous Pooses for Peace joined him on stage mid-concert to sing back up vocals to Illegal Smile, That's the Way that the World Goes Round and Your Flag Decal Won't Get you into Heaven Anymore. The celebrity cats stayed for the entire concert and back stage party. The audience was filled with cats, dogs and a few raccoons. Prine fans did not seem to care.

Unconfirmed sources report that the cats are on their way to Italy to stay with Miss Boo's fiance, George Clooney. On Tuesday Zevo Calamari lost the Salem election for mayor to her nemesis Kimberly Driscoll. Her efforts for a recount were ignored. Her cohorts decided it was best to wisk her away to Italy for some rest after the trauma.

Scenes from WItch City Halloween NIght!

Hi everyone!
Zevo's pet human here to tell you that Zevo and her friends are on their way to Italy with George Clooney to recover from the halloween madness and of course the election drama. We are sorry we cannot visit many of your blogs since they seem to crash our old iMac.

Here are a few pics from Halloween night. We hope to post more soon when we can figure out how to get them off of this stolen um borrowed blackberry that Zevo "found".

Zevo Calamari Demands Recount!

Associated Press
Salem MA

Zevo hussein Calamari the write in candidate running for Mayor of Salem is demanding a recount of yesterday's vote.
According to Miss Calamari thousands of cats, dogs and skunks came out to vote and were turned away at the polls.

"This is exactly the same thing that happened to presidential candidate Cheysuli . This is discrimination. We are being treated like...like.. animals! The nerve. Oh do i look fat holding this blackberry? Pass me some of that tequila please. "

In other Salem news, Mayor Kimberley Driscoll and her $20,000 raise held a victory party at the Hawthorne Hotel. Extra security was posted around the premises to protect the mayor and her black suit from another Bite & Run attack. Unconfirmed sources claim the mayor wore ankle and knee guards under her suit. Her new blackberry is reported missing.

To Run or Not to Run

Associated Press
Salem MA

Unconfirmed sources believe that Zevo hussein Calamari may be the write in choice for Mayor of Salem this election day. Right now the current mayor, Kimberley Driscoll is running unopposed. The Mayor and the Pooses for Peace have a long history of conflict.

Zevo Calamari is one of the owners of the Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari, Holy Spaghetti House of Salem, Brothel Calamari um Calamari Spa and the Calamari Institute of Professional Biting. Her cohorts the Pooses for Peace have contributed to the revenue of Salem by attracting celebrities and fans.

In a statement given at the Pooses for Peace Witch Ball Zevo Calamari promised the following,
" If elected mayor of Salem i promise the following:
* I will not even think about wearing a black suit unless it is Versace and is accessorized with strappy Jimmy Choos or Manolos.
* I promise free valet parking for all residents of Salem who do not have driveways.
* I will not take the $20,000 raise nor will i ask for a salary.
* All laid off teachers will be rehired. All teachers and firemen will receive a raise.
* NO more tacky carnivals in Salem! Fiesta Shows can set up in Lynn.
* As mayor i will wear a costume at the Haunted Happenings Parade and everyday in October.
* No more tacky fireworks on Halloween night.
* I will replace the trees that were cut down in front of Tavern in the Square aka TITS.
* Scales will be placed in front of all Dunkin Donuts and ice cream parlors.
* The Salem Power Plant will be closed and replaced with a solar power station.
* Tourists who dare to park in the Resident Only Parking zones will be towed, fined and their cars will be donated to charity.
* Those who litter will be chained to trash trucks for a week and forced to pick up trash for free.
* The city of Salem will employ the homeless by giving them paint guns and water balloons. They will be trained to shoot the paint guns at all those who go through the four way stop without following 4 way stop sign ruleson New Congress & Derby Street. Police will be required to ticket all those with paint on their cars.
The homeless will also be posted at every cross-walk and will be paint gunning those who do not stop for pedestrians.
* City Hall will be the new home for the homeless shelter. Since it seems to always be closed there should be no conflict having the homeless sleep there.
* Every restaurant will be required to give free chicken, tuna and tequila shots to all cats."

DOMESTIC TERRORIST SOCIALIST RUNS FOR MAYOR OF SALEM

FOX NEWS .....FAIR AND BALANCED
BREAKING NEWS

This just in from Salem MA! The celebrity cat known as Zevo Hussein Calamari has announced she will run for mayor of Salem tomorrow against Mayor Kimberly Driscoll. Driscoll is running unopposed and Miss Calamari will only win if enough voters write her in on the ballot. Mayor Driscoll and Miss Calamari have had several run ins in the past. (too numerous to name!)

Zevo Hussein Calamari and her cohorts Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur are the liberal founders of the domestic terrorist organization known as the Pooses for Peace. This so called peaceful operation has legions of Bite & Run brigades who have bit several right wing politicians, celebrities who wear fur and political pundints in the past. Among those who have been bit are Dick Cheney, Ann Coulter, Karl Rove, Lindsey Lohan, P.Diddy, most of the Bush administration as well as Sarah Palin. The list of those attacked is too long for our FOX news crew to remember.

The cats also own several businesses that bring revenue into the city of Salem as well as San Diego where Miss Calamari was born. Unconfirmed sources believe they own Brothel Calamari, Casino Calamari, Cinema Calamari and will be opening an all you can eat spaghetti bar soon. They are also devout Pastafarians, heathens who worship the deity know as The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

It is our belief that these terrorist cats are working undercover for the Obama administration. They were part of the grass roots organization to help get him elected. They are also friends with several liberal Hollywood stars such as Oprah, George Clooney, Jon Stewart and David Letterman. The cats were also very close to the late Ted Kennedy who bailed them out of Gitmo a few years ago for partying with Fidel Castro.

We at FOX News will keep you posted as the situation develops.

Next up.... Sarah Palin takes on socialist cats in America!

Feliz Dia de los Muertos!

Salem MA

The ghost of Frida Kahlo and her ghost cat were seen dancing all over Salem MA yesterday. The ghosts visit Salem every year to celebrate the Mexican holiday, the Day of the Dead which is November first and second.

Other ghost sightings have been reported since midnight Halloween night.. The ghost of Lucille Ball's cat resembling the celebrity Miss Lucy Fur was seen running through the streets of Salem. The ghost of Mae West, looking identical to Zevo Calamari was seen dancing with the ghost of Marilynn Monroe, who was the mirror image of Miss Boo.

In other Salem news.... several hung over cats, skunks, dogs and celebrities were seen roaming the streets Sunday morning. The annual Poose Witch Ball ended Saturday night at 2:00 am. Celebrity cats and movie stars attended the ball in costume. The Pooses for Peace and their renegade Bite & Run, Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades attended.

Salem authorities were too busy with the 100,000 rowdy tourists roaming the Witch City to pay much attention to the happenings at the Ball. No cats were arrested.

Unconfirmed sources claim that Mayor Kimberly Driscoll crashed the ball uninvited and wore a red suit instead of her usual black one thinking it would fool the cats. At this time she has reported that her earrings, watch and new blackberry are missing and several holes in the red suit. The mayor was heard screaming "Where are my earrings and Oh my gawd... what is that smell... I hope I have an extra can of Frebreeze in my caaaaawh........"

There will be a Day of the Dead party held at Casino Calamari tonight with a tequila, margarita bar and tuna nachos. Wear your sombreros! Paint on a uni-brow.
OLE!

Salem Invaded by More Celebrities and Cats

AP
Salem, MA
Nubi wan Kenobi pictured above conducting the Great Pumpkin Band.

Thousands of tourists, hordes of cats and celebrities have been flooding into Salem the past few days to celebrate Halloween in the Witch City.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has called for police reinforcements from surrounding cities for Halloween this Saturday night. Extra security has also been brought in for the Annual Poose Witch Ball. This event is invitation only. Invitees are picked by the celebrity cats known as the Gatti della Strega (the Witch Cats).

This year the mayor was said to have fainted at the sight of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and claims her earrings were stolen by the cats. She was not invited to the ball. When asked why the mayor was snubbed, Spokes-poose Zevo Calamari replied "She can go hang out at that tacky carnival with those carnies that she forced on the city of Salem. Afterwards she can watch the fireworks over the wrecking yard." Rumors are flying through the small city of Salem that Zevo Calamari will be running against Driscoll in the upcoming mayoral election as a write in candidate.

Unconfirmed sources have reported seeing George Clooney , Julia Roberts and the cast of the Rocky Horror Show dining at The Lobster Shanty. Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock were spotted shopping at The Cat, The Crow, and The Crown, run by the official witch of Salem, Laurie Cabot . Oprah and her entourage bought several bottles of Castano wine at Pamplemouse. The remaining cast of Bewitched, led by Doctor Bombay was seen in a chartered Salem Red Trolley Tour Bus on the way to the House of Seven Gables.

Poose-cam live from Salem is brought to you by The Planet Calamari on-line store.

The 2009 Pooses for Peace Witch Ball

The 2009 Pooses for Peace Witch Ball

Casino Calamari
Witch City MA

7:00 PM - ?

Spooktacular Buffet!

Nip-tinis

Strega Shots

Music by the Great Pumpkin Orchestra

Costumes required!

B.Y.O.B
bring your own broomstick
RSVP 1-800-Boo-Zevo

The Rocky Horror Show Tonight at Cinema Calamari

You are invited to join us at our sing a long Rocky Horror Picture Show
at
The Cinema Calamari
8:00 pm

Party afterwards at the Casino Calamari
cast of the RHPS will be there

Time Warp Dance lessons start at 7:00pm

Wear Rocky Horror attire!

All you can eat buffett and margaritas
nip-tinis and cat nip

See you ....
at the late night
double feature
picture show
ahhhhohhhhh oh oh

Ghost of Lucile Ball's Cat Spotted

The ghost of Lucille Ball's cat was seen in the backyard of a Salem resident this past week. The ghost makes an appearance every Halloween season, usually only to fans of the I Love Lucy Show.

The Ghost Buster team was called in from Salem MA to investigate this para-normal poose event.

Ghost Cats Spotted in Salem

AP
SALEM, MA

The Ghost Buster team was sent into Salem last evening to investigate ghost cat sightings at the House of the Seven Gables. Details of this para-normal event are still sketchy at this hour.

Madame Zevo Calamari of the Poose Ghost Tours of Salem claim these ghosts seen are the pooses of Nathaniel Hawthorne.

In other Salem news the House of the Seven Gables has reported several antiques and costumes missing from their storage area. Authorities are not sure how thieves were able get into the small unit.

Strega Calamari Reads the Cards

Strega Zevo Calamari will be reading paws and the tarot every night at the Hawthorne Hotel in the haunted room. Please call for reservations. Strega Zevo Calamari is known as the psychic to the stars and has consulted with celebrities, diplomats and royalty. (Unfortunately some of those such as Britney Spears, Kate & Jon plus Wretched 8, the Balloon people, and the mayor of Salem have not heeded her warnings of crash and burn syndrome).

Madam Booooooooooo will be conducted ghost tours through out Salem each evening at 9pm. Only the brave of heart should dare to walk with her as she takes you through the graveyards, haunted houses and the finale.... the House of the Seven Gables to meet the ghost of Nathaniel Hawthorne.

Nubi Wan Kenobi, The official Black Cat of Salem will be signing autographs at the Witch Museum daily. He is also the body guard of ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli. We hope that she makes a guest appearance during this holiday season.

Join The Countess Lucy Fur On the dock of haunted tall ship
The Friendship for an evening of spook-tac-ular ghost stories. The ship is so haunted that it is not even visible to the human eye this Halloween season.

Visit Tao and Sarge's Natty Boh and Tuna cake stand in The Salem Commons for a tasty treat. Luna di Poosalita and Monkay the thumbed cats will be working the beer keg at the Octoberfest.

Other celebrity Pooses for Peace cats will be in Salem the rest of the month. It will be a spooktacular event for all!

The Annual Poose Witch Ball
will be held at The Casino Calamari
on Halloween Night from 10pm- ?
Costumes are mandatory. Call 1-800-boo-zevo for tickets.

Happy Birthday John Prine!

John Prine will be our guest tonight at the Casino Calamari to celebrate his birthday. The founders of Pooses for Peace, Zevo Calamari, Miss Lucy Fur and Miss Boo will be singing back-up vocals. Unconfirmed soures report that Nubi Wan Kenobi will be playing drums and Bubba will be playing bass. (We can only hope that Zevo's pet human does not attempt to play banjo with the group.)

Come join the Pooses for Peace tonight at the Prine Sing-Along.

Illegal smile catnip with an all you can eat tuna & turkey buffet will provided. Tequila for all!

Happy Birthday John Lennon

All we are saying
is give Peace a chance!

The Pooses for Peace will be napping for Peace today.

City of Salem Calls X-Files Agents For Expert Opinion

Associated Press
Salem MA

Less than a week ago the small city of Salem MA experienced what is believed to be a UFO close encounter over the Haunted Happenings Parade. Several witnesses believe it was the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Salem has a few devotees of this so called pasta God. They are known as pastafarians. The infamous Pooses for Peace are believed to be part of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and were in the parade when the FSM appeared.

Mayor Driscoll blames the celebrity cats for inviting the FSM to the event and upsetting the warm fuzzy family atmosphere of the parade. CIA, FBI and NASA agents are still investigating the event. Agents have been seen dining at In A Pig's Eye and the Lobster Shanty all week. Others have been spotted having tarot readings at the Oracle Chamber and Laurie Cabot's shop. Mayor Driscoll has been seen every night at Cafe Verona ordering pasta dishes. We can only hope she has an extra black suit in a larger size if this continues.

The US government has issued a statement. "There is no such thing as UFOs or a Flying Spaghetti Monster. We are certain it was a weather balloon passing over the parade.

Fox Mulder and partner Dana Scully refused to comment on the possibility that Salem has been over run by aliens. Fox was over heard saying "I want to believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Where can we get a good plate of pasta in this town?"

The so called culprits, the Pooses for Peace have not been seen since Thursday night's parade. Several celebrities and other famous cats were also in the parade. All seem to have vanished over the weekend.

Unconfirmed sources believe the cats are searching for a place in Salem to open a Spaghetti Bar. Mayor Driscoll has announced that all food or liquor permits for any establishment run by the cats will be denied.

Salem Mayor Driscoll Calls Emergency Meeting

s
Associated Press
Salem MA

An emergency meeting of the Salem City Council has been called to discuss the possibility that Salem has been invaded by aliens.

Last night at the Haunted Happenings parade, the deity known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared over the parade, mostly hovering over Captain Jack Sparrow and the infamous Pooses for Peace. The crowds watching the parade, thought it was part of the Pooses for Peace display as most were dressed as pirates, (Pastafarians dress as pirates on all Holy Days and parades!)

Mayor Driscoll fainted when the FSM flew above her, touching her with one of his Noodly Appendages and staining her black suit with red pasta sauce. Her earrings and blackberry are still missing.
The Mayor issued a statement " Citizens of Salem... Do not panic! We will protect you and your families from this alien. I blame those wretched celebrity cats who conjured up this monster to appear at our family oriented parade. I also blame them for stealing my blackberry and earrings. Justice will be served."

The FBI, CIA and NASA have been called in to attend this emergency meeting, Cafe Verona has been requested to cater this meeting, by the mayor who has been craving pasta since last night's parade.

Pooses for Peace spokes-poose Zevo Calamari issued a statement this morning "Aarrrrrhhhh oh my poor head...passs me some ginger ale and asprin. Do you think a plate of pasta would absorb a hang over? Hmmm some cool phone numbers in this blackberry. Too bad it is covered in pasta sauce. RAmen. May you be touched by His Noodly Goodness. "

Flying Spaghetti Monster Appears at Salem Parade

BREAKING NEWS
Salem MASS

Captain Jack Sparrow rode into Salem on a jet black Vespa, with the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, aka the celebrity Pooses for Peace on vespas at the Haunted Happenings Parade this evening. Along with Captain Jack Sparrow was his entourage of pirates and pastafarians. His swagger and the glint in his eyes caused women to swoon and faint all over the parade route, creating a stress on Salem's underpaid EMT system.

Other celebrities rode with the the cats known as the Pooses for Peace as a sign of solidarity for their cause. George Clooney rode along side Miss Boo on his Harley hog. Oprah, BFF of Miss Lucy Fur rode on a special orange Vespa with her name etched in gold. Zevo Calamari led the cast from the Rocky Horror Show on her blue Vespa. Brad Pitt sans wretched children and Angelina Jolie was seen on a Harley hog too. Ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli, rode along with her former bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi. The Meezers led the the Whap & Run brigades along with the Poop & Run Patrols. Hundreds of cats dressed in black witch hats and capes or pirate regalia rode Vespas, Scooters and Skateboards too.

The crowds cheered for Al Gore and Bo Obama in the green electric car. Other celebrities who played witches in movies, such as Nicole Kidman, Sandra Bullock, Cher, Bette Midler, rode Vespas and Scooters along with the infamous Bite & Run, Whap and Run Brigades. All wore black witch hats and capes and carried brooms. Cameron Diaz, in town making a movie also rode a vespa with the cats. Tom Cruise costaring with Diaz refused to ride in the parade along with the pastafarians and pirates saying that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a fictional religion, unlike the credible religion of Scientology.

In a repeat of last year Mayor Kimberley Driscoll called for an emergency back-up from the Boston Fire Department to handle the overload. At that very moment the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared over the parade touching all with his Noodly Goodness. The mayor fainted and once again lost a pair of earrings and her blackberry. As predicted, the mayor wore her black suit to march in the parade. The "What Not to Wear" crew were anxiously waiting a chance to surprise the mayor with a make over again. However, since the mayor was rushed to the hospital screaming "Aliens are invading Salem. I blame those wretched cats!" the make over has been postponed until next season. This is the second time this year the What Not to Wear crew were in Salem.


The Poop & Run and Poot & Run Brigades were forced to march after the Boston Police Equestrian Patrol. EMT Units had to be called back in to assist all those who were gagging and puking. The City of Salem sent in a Biohazard team to rid the streets of the stench. Incense has been lit all over Salem.

As of 11:00 pm tonight, all the bars, clubs and restaurants in Salem are filled with drunk cats, dogs, pirates, pastafarians and celebrities.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll is in stable condition and it is rumored she asked for a plate of pasta when she awoke from her incident. Unfortunately her black suit was covered in pasta sauce after being touched by His Noodly Appendage.

Nicole Kidman Seen Riding Vespa in Salem

Unconfirmed sources have seen Nicole Kidman riding a vespa this morning in Salem. Rumors are that she is riding in the parade with the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas (witch cats on vespas) along with a few other Bewitched cast members. Dr Bombay is getting an acupuncture treatment at the Acupuncture Center of Salem this evening.

No sign of Captain Jack Sparrow yet. Word on the street is he is staying at the Casino Calamari, owned by the cats and will be riding in the parade tomorrow night with them.

Paparazzi swarmed the streets of Salem this afternoon in search of George Clooney. Unconfirmed sources have seen him riding up and down Derby Street with two cats wearing tiaras. George outwitted the press with the help of these clever pooses and is now at a secret location,

007 Daniel Craig was seen again having dinner and drinks with Miss LucyFur at the local hang out, The Lobster Shanty, Oprah and BFF Lucy Fur were also spotted shopping at Pamplemouse earlier this afternoon. Each bought several cases of wine and cool kitchen accessories.

Meanwhile hordes of cats wearing pirate outfits or witch hats have been seen roaming the streets of Salem and running up tabs at the local pubs.

The mayor of Salem is concerned that there is not enough law enforcement for the parade tomorrow night. Boston police on horses will be brought in if needed.

Poose-cam live from Salem brought to you by
Visit Planet Calamari

Cats, Celebrities and Vespas Invade Salem Again!

AP
Salem, MA

Cats and celebrities from around the world have been flocking to Salem , MA during the past few days to participate in the annual Haunted Happenings parade this Thursday night. This is the official kick off to the Halloween Season.

Breaking from a Pooses for Peace tradition, the Strega Queen, Zevo Calamari, Miss Boo and Miss Lucy Fur and the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas, (witch cats on vespas) will not be leading the parade. Instead the celebrity cats have decided to ride their vespas along with Captain Jack Sparrow and his entourage of marching pirates and pastafarians. The cats are devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and will be wearing their pirate attire for the event.

Other celebrity cats will be riding vespas along with the Pooses for Peace cats. The Bite & Run, Poop & Run and Whap & Run Brigades will also be riding or marching along this year. Ex-pesidential candidate Cheysuli and her entourage will be riding in a solar powered Smart convertible with her former bodyguard Nubi wan Kenobi. Luna diPoosalita and Monkay the thumbed cats will be riding together on an electric vespa. Other members of the Pooses for Peace too numerous to name will be driven in rickshaws in the parade. The Poop & Run Brigades will be marching at the end of the parade.

Extra security have been brought in to prevent a repeat of past few years of cat fights between Zevo Calamari and Mayor Driscoll and her black suit. At last year's parade, The commotion began when Mayor Kimberly Driscoll tried to upstage the Gatti della Strega sui Vespas by proclaiming she would lead the parade instead of the cats on vespas.

In last year's parade the mayor dressed in her one and only black suit had not bothered to even wear a costume for the kick off parade. Unconfirmed sources report that she was given a choice by Strega Queen Zevo Calamari, of either wearing a costume and riding with the cats on a vespa or walking behind them in her only suit. A cat fight broke out when the mayor refused.

No charges were filed as there were no witnesses. However the mayor's black suit had several tears in it after the parade. This year the mayor and the former Salem police chief will be leading the parade. The cats did not want to piss off show any disrespect to the police department.

Mayor Kimberly Driscoll has issued warnings to the locals of wearing any valuable jewelry to the parade. She still claims that her earrings were stolen by cats at last year's event. An anonymous aid to the mayor said that this year, the mayor will be wearing ankle and knee guards under her black suit at the parade.

Unconfirmed sources report that the cast of the Rocky Horror Show, Bewitched and Practical Magic will also be riding vespas along with the cats. Rumor has it Miss Boo's paramour George Clooney will be riding in the parade this year. Last year Captain Jack Sparrow rode with the cats on a Harley Hog. Al Gore will be riding in his green electric car along with Bo Obama. No word yet if Brad Pitt will ride along with the cats.

A private party for the cats and celebrities will be held after the parade in Salem's famed Casino Calamari.

House Trashing Party at Boo's!

This should teach my pet human to leave me to go watch buffalo roam................

Party is still on until next Thursday.......... more booze, tuna and ham is being delivered!

Pass me a jello shot
ciao ciao

Boo

Happy 60th to the Boss!

Tonight at
Casino Calamari

Birthday Bruce and the E Street Band!

Nip-tini's and all you can eat Thunder Road Buffet

Wear your dancing shoes!

Drunk Cats Cause Trouble in Disneyland

AP NEWS ALERT

This just in from Anaheim, CA...... The celebrity cats known as Pooses for Peace, led by Lucy the cat who is once again off her meds have taken over The Pirates of the Caribbean Ride and have taken the Johnny Depp statue hostage until their demands are met.

Hundreds of cats rode the Pirates of the Caribbean ride yesterday while doing shots of rum. A drinking game called Shot O' Rum was played all day by the cats. The rules of the game required the cats to do a shot of rum every me they rode the Pirate ride.

One demand of these domestic terrorist cats is that the words to the Pirate ride song be changed to the words "Yo ho Yo Ho a Pooses' Life for me" The other demand is that pirate cats must be added to the decor of the ride, since there is a dog in it. Unconfirmed sources believe that the cats plan to take It's A Small World hostage later today.

Swat teams and riot police have been called in... we will keep you posted.

Now back to more propaganda about socialist and communist plots to talk over white America.

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!

It is a Holy Day for all Pastafarians ( devotees of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) today. May you be blessed by his Noodly Appendage. Ramen!

All pooses are invited to our private party at Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Special guest...... Captain Jack Sparrow! Be ready to swoon.

Please wear your patch and pirate attire.

Arrrrrrrrrr Arrrrrrrrrr shiver me timbers.. there will be plenty rum for all.. arrrrrrrrr

Sing along with us!
YO HO (A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME)
Lyrics by Xavier Atencio and music by George Bruns

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot,
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We extort, we pilfer, we filch, and sack,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Maraud and embezzle, and even high-jack,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We burn up the city, we're really a fright,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We kindle and char, inflame and ignite,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We burn up the city, we're really a fright,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We're beggars and blighters, ne'er-do-well cads,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.
Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Feline Pirates Invade Anaheim CA

Associated Press
Anaheim CA

Droves of cats wearing pirate costumes have been seen flocking towards Disneyland today to celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day. Their intention is to take over the famed Pirates of the Caribbean Ride on Saturday..Unconfirmed sources believe that Captain Jack Sparrow is with the cats.

Disney officials are concerned about the safety of the treasure chests filled with fake jewels in the ride, as well as jewelry worn by tourists attempting to get on the ride. Last year the cats took the ride hostage and demanded that Disney officials change the theme song's words to "Yo Ho Yo Ho a Poose's Life for me........"

Countdown to Talk Like A Pirate Day

Ay Matey! It is almost Talk Like A Pirate Day! arrr arrr arrr

To celebrate one of our favorite holidays we invite you to join us this Saturday at the Pirates of the Caribbean Ride in Disneyland...with Captain Jack Sparrow! Ay ....... eye candy..arr arrarrr

Rum and Cat nip from the Caribbean will be served! Pirate attire is mandatory. Be there mateys! Shiver me timbers!

For all those pooses coming from out of town, there is plenty of room for everyone to stay at Boo's house. We will be throwing a house-trashing party all weekend.

yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me!

P.S. For all those Pastafarians who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster this is a Holy day of obligation. May you all be touched by his Noodley Appendage.

Preparing for Talk Like A Pirate Day

This Saturday is "talk like a pirate day"......i must prepare at least a few phrases for the day...... arrr arrrrr... We will all be going to Disneyland for this special holiday and ride the Pirates of the Carribean a few times. I do hope Captain Jack Sparrow will join us again this year.

Now back to my studies. Arrh arrh arrrh

yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me!
shiver me timbers,
love
boo

What Paintings?

CNN

Described by Los Angeles police as one of the city's biggest home robberies in more than a decade, thieves made off with millions of dollars worth of Andy Warhol paintings depicting some of the greatest athletes of the 1970s. The one-of-a-kind paintings included Muhammad Ali, O.J. Simpson and Chris Evert. The thieves also drank every bottle of tequila in the home and raided the refrigerator taking all the tuna and ham.

It's one of the largest residential burglaries that has occurred in L.A.," said Los Angeles Police Department detective Don Hrycyk. "Maybe the biggest one in the last 15 years. We don't have a clue how these paintings disappeared. And the mouse and rat population in the neighborhood has been decreased significantly."

Joe Wilson Ambushed By Terrorist Cats

FOX NEWS
FAIR AND BALANCED

Representative Joe Wilson, the South Carolina Republican who yelled “You lie” to President Obama last night during a joint session of Congress, was ambushed late last night by a horde of cats wearing tiaras and a few dogs wearing Che berets. One cat was wearing a Jedi robe and swinging a light saber.

Joe Wilson was rushed to an undisclosed hospital but was refused treatment as his ID stated his name was Jose El Bigot with a Mexican address. Wilson suffered from bites, scratches and an allergy attack.

Aides to the congressman believe this is the work of the domestic terrorist liberal communist group known as The Pooses for Peace. The celebrity cats were last seen by the FBI hiding out in a casino in Monaco with ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli who seems to be wanted by almost everyone these days.

Stay tuned for more on these dangerous cats and their liberal commie facist antics................

CATS SPOTTED IN MONACO

Poose-cam Live from Monaco....stay tuned.................

FBI SEARCHES FOR WANTED CHEYSULI

Associated Press
Salem MA

FBI agents were called into Salem MA in hopes of finding ex-presidential candidate Cheysuli who is wanted by authorities for a myriad of charges. She has been last seen partying with the domestic terrorist group known as the Pooses for Peace.

The celebrity liberal felines own several businesses in Salem, MA such as Casino Calamari, Hamburger Mary's, Cinema Calamari and the rumored Brothel Calamari. Unfortunately the authorities have not been able to locate any of the so called establishments, nor have they seen any of the cats associated with them in the past week. Unconfirmed sources believe the cats are in Monico.

Zevo hussein Calamari issued a statement via video leaked to the internet "Chey who? What casino? Fetch me a martini, love. Do these dice make me look fat? ......."